1999-2000 BVDH3 Hash Trash

HASH DISCLAIMER: IT ONLY HAS TO BE 10% TRUE TO BE TRASH!


#1 – BVD First EVER Hash

18 Dec 99

The BVD Hash House Harriers were born at a party at Mullet and Hoosierdaddy’s house with many hashers in attendance. Kojak, Lollipop, Yanksit, Fireindahole, Mullet and Hoosierdaddy, founding members dreamed of a day when hashing would once again return to the Space Coast. Not limiting themselves to the Coast they decided to go with an idea inspired by the BVD radio station, "serving Brevard County." Hence, the name BVD Hash House Harriers was born, "Hashing Brevard County, Florida." The first hash was laid by Yanksit and virgin layer, Crotchduster. A once around the block after midnight brought the hounds safely, unfortunately, back to Mullet and Hossierdaddy’s house. Eager to get the chugging underway, Yanksit had fellow R.A. from Daytona make the hares drink the first down-downs of the newly, somewhat formed hash. After the initial hare down-downs Yanksit assumed the down-down circle making the make-shift Santa (Kojak) drink a down-down. After the Santa down-down visitors and bikers where brought forward for some nectar. Mullet and Hossierdaddy found out sooner than later that the neighbors where not happy with the festivities of BVD Hash number One, butt, a great beginning was born.

BVD HASH HOUSE HARRIERS MISMANAGEMENT 1999-2000
GRAND MASTER KOJAK
BEER MEISTER   ASSBACKWARDS
RELIGIOUS ADVISOR        YANKSIT
HASH CASH         LOLLIPOP
ON-SEC                FIREINDAHOLE
HASH FLASH       HOOSIERDADDY
HASH HARLOT    PARTY HATS
SONG MEISTER  MULLET
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#2

08 Jan 00

Hares: Yanksit & Assbackwards
Location: Coconuts, Cocoa Beach

The second hash for some, and the first BVD Hash for a lot of neighboring hashes saw 35 hounds flock to Coconuts Bar on the beach for the second live hash in the short BVD H3 history. Fireindahole (sub- Hash cash) was frantically signing people in and gladly taking in cash. Members arrived from the local bike hash, Daytona H3, and Orlando Hashes. A massive turn out and outstanding weather (thanks to the BVD R.A.) got the pack of hounds ready for an old fashion hare and the hound chase. After a brief chalk talk from the hares to the virgins in the crowd, the hares took off. Kojak, the BVD GM, valiantly held off the pack for the requested time of 15 minutes to enable the hares to get some much-needed trail laying distance. The trail weaved its way up along the inner island side up to I Dream of Jeannie Blvd and took the hounds over a fence and through a bird sanctuary and out on to the beach for some visual stimulation on the awesome winter day. The hounds cruised there way into Coconuts for some cold beer and great company thanks to Chris, manager of Coconuts. Down-downs where given to just about everyone with a touch of Europe "ICE." The BVD H3 Hash H.U.Y.A. (Head Up Your Ass) Award was given to Kojak to start off the HUYA’s existance. Kojak set it down it was stolen. Until Kojak locates the beloved HUYA he must drink. Please help your vigilant R.A. in maintaining a down-down at all hashes until Kojak brings the HUYA back to the BVD H3 down-down circle.
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#3

17 Jan 00
Hares: Kojak and Lollipop
Location: Eau Gallie High School
Weather: 69 F
Although this was the third BVD H3 hound gathering, it was the first BVD Full Moon Hash. A pack of about 18 hounds met at the Eau Gallie High School in anticipation of this hare-raising experience. With flashlights in hand (for most), the hounds took off into the woods, through mounds of sand and more woods for a couple of YBFs (you’ve been fucked/backtracks). The trail eventually led everyone back to the road for awhile and then on up the railroad tracks. While the FRBs (front running bastards) headed up the tracks, a couple of the SRBs (slow running bastards, or bitches in this case) came up on our hare Lollipop who was frantically searching for something in the dark with her flashlight. It turns out she was trying to find the trail she had laid during the daylight hours. Needless to say, the SRBs quickly became the FRBs. The packed weaved through more woods and a housing area and somewhere in there, a few "real" hashers crossed through a baby dyke. Other "runners" were afraid to get their feet wet and went around (shame on you). Little did they know that everyone was destined to be wet—who said wet, I’ll take some of that! After a mile or so of road hashing, the pack was held up for a "H.H." (hash hold). The FRBs held up for awhile but just couldn’t wait to get to the beer, so they took off. Hoots and hollers rang out into the night when the "beer near" came into sight. Everyone had to cross a rather large dyke first, but it was well worth it because our other hare Kojak was patiently waiting with beer in tow. The half keg, donated by Neutered, was quickly tapped. Soon, the whole pack was there and circled up for the down-downs. Kojak "surprised" the pack with a lovely ice block for our butts. A bunch of hashers sat on ice and drank for various reasons—FRB, SRB (Mullet, where the hell were you anyway?!), Miami football fan, visitors, no flash lights, and probably some others I can’t remember. After the circle, the thirsty hashers polished off the keg and headed out for the on-after.
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#4

22 Jan 00
Hares: Yanksit
Location: Pineda Plaza
Weather: 69 F
Before this on-sec says a word about BVD hash #4, it must be mentioned that we have a hashing God among us, better known as Crotch Duster. At our very first hash, Crotch Duster was honored several times with down-downs. After the third (or was it the fourth?) beer, he graciously stepped out of the circle and hurled buckets. What makes him a hashing God is that he continued to sing down-down songs to other people in the circle--in between breaths of his projectile vomiting! We bow to you oh Godly one. Okay, enough ass-kissin--on to BVD hash #4. A gaggle of about 30 hashers and virgins met at the Pineda Plaza. After on-on was called, our slow-moving pack found the true trail about 15 minutes later and headed north on Wickham Rd. After weaving back forth across Wickham a couple of times, and missing a photo op, we came up on Yanksit enjoying a brew at the beer stop. Then we were on-out to the railroad tracks and made our way toward HW U.S. 1. A small group of hashers paused for the second photo op at the Pineda Crossing Bar and Grill and stopped in for a beer or two—of course! Happy as can be and full of beer, they headed out to join the rest of the pack. They stumbled across a couple of hashers (to include Kojak) trying to find the true trail. Somehow they found the sparsely -laid flour and headed up US 1. Meanwhile the FRBs who passed up the 2nd photo op and the unplanned beer stop, couldn’t find the end of the trail, so they went back to the start. One of these lost souls (K-9, was that you?) came by vehicle to find the rest of the drunken hashers staggering up US 1. With a tip from the hare’s better half, the pack found the beer near and were on-in to a wooded area with lots of beer and a block of ice waiting. Many hashers drank heavily in the circle and sat their bare asses on ice! We drank, we sang, we drank, we sat on ice, we drank and finally headed out to the on-on-on at the Pineda Crossing. The BVD Hashers virtually took over the bar--dancing, drinking, singing, Cockpit flashing her tits, hasher women giving each other the tongue…on-on to BVD Hash #5!!
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#5

05 Feb 00
Co-Hares: Crotch Duster & Cockpit
Location: Winn Dixie in Port St. Johns
Weather: 69F – 10F
What does Chinese New Year mean to hashers? Well, after BVD Hash #5, I can honestly say it stands for drunken orgy. A large group of about 30 hashers gathered behind Winn Dixie. A couple of adventurous souls were dressed up in Chinese or Year of the Dragon attire. Deep Stick added some extra excitement when she showed up in a short, sexy little thing with stockings. The weather was a bit chilly considering this is Florida, so the pack was ready to find trail. The FRBs took off with great speed and eventually lost the trail, coming in 30 minutes late to the first beer stop at a local tavern—it was actually a very short distance from the start. For once, all the SRBs were waiting around for all those fast bastards. Everyone was on-out, across and down US 1, just a hop, skip and a drunken fall to the next bar. Twenty minutes later, we were on-out and headed South on US 1 and on-in AGAIN to another beer heaven. We were pleasantly surprised to find Mullet and Hoosierdaddy waiting there for the pack. Missing the beginning of the hash, they had stumbled onto the trail and followed it to the bar as good hashers should. After the third beer stop, everyone was feeling pretty damn good. Did you ever notice how easy it is to cross a busy highway during a pub-crawl hash? Cars? What cars? The pack weaved it’s way through a housing development and on-across the railroad tracks to yet another beer stop from the back of Crotch’s hashmobile. Just Brian and Just Ted braved it across the tracks in front of a moving locomotive—what can you say…BEER WAS NEAR!! Finally the pack made their way down the tracks and off through the woods and into another housing development with a final BN to Crotch Duster and Cockpit’s love pad. Everyone gathered in the garage for the circle. Interesting trying to get a bunch of already drunken hashers to sing and drink at the same time. We made the hares drink, then the virgins, the HUYA (Head Up Your Ass) award went to your on-sec Fireindahole for her Chinese attire. With the circle over, the pack polished off the keg and rumor has it that one of our virgins was baring it all by night’s end…hmmm…future hash harlot?
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#6 - President’s Day—Red, White & Blue

19 Feb 00
Hares: Surf, Cum Chum & Just Fiona
Hares & Hounds: 30
Weather: 69F + 10F
BVD hashers were welcomed on hash #6 with plenty of sun, beer, and a visit from slick Willy himself! Yes, we were really impressed by Surf’s impersonation skills, but more importantly, he had all our harrierettes wishing they were interns! Thirty hashers, to include four virgins, were prepared to chase down our two live hares, Surf and Cum Chum. They laid a rather earthy trail through woods, parks, and streams. About 1.5 miles into the trail, we spotted the hashmobile at the half-way beer stop (along with the hares), across a murky, thigh high water drainage ditch, complete with algae. A choice had to be made. Do we follow the true trail, possibly remaining dry, or do we make a beeline to the beer? Not a difficult choice when beer is involved! Though I do have to mention that a few hashers used a baseball bench to cross over the ditch rather than to brave the elements. Repeat after me….shiggy is good! After the beer-stop, we were on-out again through a neighborhood, and more off-road trail through a palmetto forest. (Cum Chum told us later that he had carved some of the trail with a good pair of shears) We ended outside in a clearing with a keg and tons of munchies—hot wings, fresh fruit, and chips—BVD hashers never had it so good! We circled up for the down-down awards, starting with the hares, then the newbys. The HUYA was awarded to Yanksit for over-achieving as a movie extra in an upcumming Walt-Disney flick. Just Wayne was named Cum Chum because he survived three shark attacks during his military days (Sir Flatulot wanted me to mention that the name Cum Chum was his idea—he said all the other names were lame). I think we had some accusation down-downs, but by the end of the keg, who can remember. The keg was polished off, and a few die-hards were on-out to the on-after—Mullet and Hoosierdaddy’s house. We drank some more and finished off what snacks they had in the house before we all headed out to Long Doggers. With a little pre-warning (phone call), they had tables set up just for us. We downed some more grubbage and definitely more beer. Some of the other patrons with children in tow didn’t appreciate our loud, obnoxious songs. What a surprise! Just Scott got into a pissing contest with a rather feisty lady-wanna-be, but her husband calmed her down in no time. As far as I know, all the hashers left peacefully without being thrown out—damn the misfortune!
Until next hash………….On-out and beer be with you!
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#7 – Bike Week

3-5 Mar 00
Hares: Thor the Wanker
Location: Daytona
Hares & Hounds: 220
Weather: 69F + 5F
Well, the hasher bike weekend in Daytona was everything I’d heard it to be—lots of beer, bikes, and wild parties! It all started out with hashers gathering at the Best Western Mayan Hotel, to register and meet at poolside with the first tapped keg. About 150 people were there for the first night’s pub-crawl which included two of Daytona’s finest bars—"finest" cause they tolerate hashers and their wild antics! We eventually stumbled back to the Mayan for more beer and a little shuteye (very little---this weekend wasn’t about getting a good night’s sleep). Saturday proved to be even more exciting with the famous hash trail through Daytona. A pack of 220 hashers, with whistles blowing, hashed down the middle of main street with hundreds of bikers watching. Seeing the bikers’ faces with that expression of "What the hell are they doing?" was definitely the highlight of the weekend. The hash turned out to be a long pub-crawl with three beer stops—one bar and two hotels. The first hotel proved to be an exciting time with pole climbing, a D-J, pole dances, bikini-clad women, and lots of beer. We ended our pub-crawl a short walk down the beach to the Berncastle (or something like that) Pub. Little by little, the hashers stumbled back to the Mayan—another short walk down the beach. All the hashers did their own thing for the evening—some ventured downtown—some passed out in their rooms. One of our very own, Deep Stick, spent the night in the hospital. By morning, she made her way back to the Mayan to share stories of hospital torture. The pack had thinned out a little for the hangover hash on Sunday. Those remaining lounged around the pool in the hot sun for a couple of hours before heading out on our final hash. We were on-out and down the beach, back to the Berncastle. We drank, ate, and drank some more until our tab ran out. We circled up for some ritual down-downs, hash songs, and then we were on-back home. We survived Bike Week 2000!
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#8 - Shamerock Hash

18 Mar 00
Hares: Yanksit & Red Hot Anal Pepper
Location: Meg O’ Malleys, Melbourne, FL
Hares & Hounds: 35 (approx.)
Weather: 69F + 10F
Our 8th BVD hash turned out to be a fabulous day for the gathering of our lads and beautiful lassies. The on-before took place at Meg O’ Malleys new Irish Pub in historic downtown Melbourne. Thirty or so hashers, decked out in green, took over half of the bar for the on-before hash celebration. Our live hares, Yanksit and Red Hot Anal Pepper, took off to lay the trail—not an easy thing to do considering Red Hot’s incapacitated state (of mind). After a quick chalk talk, starring a local elderly drunken woman, the pack was on-out. Immediately, the pack split apart into two groups—the FRBs (front running bastards) and the SWBs (slow walking bastards). We made our way through the streets, weaving in and out, back and forth, deeper, deeper—no wait, that’s not till later. The trail led us out of town, through a park and up to US 1. Déjà vu of Yanksit’s long-ass Hash #3 on US 1 lingered in our minds. But all was okay. We turned left into a park and down to the river. The trail headed back up to US 1, heading back toward downtown Melbourne. What’s this?! BN (beer near) so soon? It can’t be –not Yanksit who’s earned himself a name (Bastard) for long trails. Heaven was in sight. The hash ended at the Indian River Brewery. We were pleasantly surprised by the short trail (1.5 miles) and to find a cold, tapped keg awaiting us. Our circle of down-downs was held amongst the monstrous beer fermentation tanks. Yanksit sat on ice while our GM, Kojak, introduced our virgins in the circle. More down-downs for the HUYA (given to Red Hot for his fucked up leg), Deep Stick because she DIDN’T survive Daytona, and visiting GM from Oralando. We also had 5 namings: Just Rob was named Rod Pumper; Just Nate was named Boulder Holder; Just Brian was named Turd Burglar; Just Karen was named Air Bush; and Just Jeff was named Ass Tickler. With the circle closed, we polished off the keg. Hashers slowly trickled back to Meg O’ Malleys for an on-after. Our already drunken group enjoyed more beer and loud songs, but was asked to quiet down. Kicked out & so soon?! Good job hashers! So, we were on-on to Hoosierdaddy and Mullet’s house and we car pooled to the on-on-on house party with wankers anxiously awaiting our arrival. About a dozen of our drunken lads and lassies mingled among the well-dressed hasher wanna-bees. After a couple hours of food and drink, we headed back to Mullet & Hoosier’s house and "got down" to the sounds of the Grease Soundtrack. The lassies sang and our lads looked on and eventually had some "tits out for the boys." BVD hash #9, here we cum!
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#9 - April Fool’s Red Dress Hash

01 April 00
Hares: Yanksit & Ass Backwards
Location: Crackers, Cocoa, FL
Weather: 69F + 15F
Whhhaaaattttssss Uuuuupppppp!!!! (How’s that Turd Burglar?) We had an awesome time at BVD H3’s first Red Dress Hash! I’ve never seen so many sexy BVDers in one place! Tourists and locals couldn’t help but stare and point, especially when seeing all our burly, muscle-bound hashers in high heels and dresses. Crackers Pub was the site for the on-before. It’s a well-known biker bar…perfect for a bunch of crazy, loud-mouthed cross dressers! One of the pub’s regular clients prepared a huge welcome sign for us. Before long, we filled the pub with over 40 hashers—a BVD record! A Space Coast Paper reporter mingled among us, trying to get the full scoop on our twisted group—compliments of our GM. Our co-hares, Yanksit and Ass Backwards, got a heads start to lay their live trail. Soon after, the hounds took off after them, weaving their way through a less than desirable part of Cocoa Village. The trail led us up a busy street and we were greeted with honks and hoots from passer-bys. The trail made a huge loop around Cocoa Village. No more than 3 miles and we were BEER NEAR and on-back to Crackers. The owner of Crackers allowed us to party on the back porch of the pub with our own keg! Is this heaven? To our surprise, Channel 13 News was located right across the street (spittin distance) from our porch party . A curious reporter came over and filmed us. It’s only our 9th hash and already we’ve made it in the paper and on T.V.!!!! Everyone circled up for down-downs. Five BVD virgins were blessed with interhash condoms. Next, the hares experienced butt’s on ice while they downed their beers. Yanksit called our best red-dressed hashers to the circle: Ball Breaker, Mullet, Pussy Galore, Cum Chum and Just Howie. They were rewarded with down-downs. Our FRBs were Just Tom, Cum Chum and Serf. Red Hot Anal Pepper gave the HUYA to K9 Cum Shot for fuckin up his knee on trail. We had three namings: Just Scott was named Butt Wrangler, Just Tom is Edgar Allan Ho, and Just Fiona is Cum Chomper. Yanksit called all the visitors in the circle to drink (whole shit load of people…too many to name). We sang to the owner of Cracker’s Pub and one of the bartenders bellowed out a poem about "How pussy’s were made." Once the keg was gone, we moved the party inside the bar. They hooked up karoake (misspelled no doubt, bit I don't give a shit) and before you know it, we were all singing, dancing, and doing the train around the bar. We discovered that our very own Da Shit is Da Dance Queen! Some of the hasher die-hards closed down the bar and crashed at a local motel. On-out until BVD Hash #10!
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#10 - Easter Hash

15 April 00
Hares: Ball Breaker & K9 Cum Shot
Location: Fred Lee Park, Palm Bay, Fl
69F + 11, Stormy, turned Sunny
BVD Hash #10 started out with one helluva storm, but we still had a great turn out! For those of you who aren’t aware, our Religious Advisor is responsible for the weather, good or bad. And for hash #10, our very own RA, Yanksit, ordered sunshine! And so it was. The on-before party took place in Yanksit’s love mobile. Hmmm….how many hashers can you fit in a van? Sounds like a fun experiment. Before long, our live hares, Ball Breaker and K9 Cum Shot, were off. Soon after, our hounds were in hot pursuit. The trail led us out of the park and down a trail. Under the interstate, and through the woods, to Gispert’s hash house we go. The trail was very back woodsy--the kind of terrain that hashers love. We emerged from the woods and made our way through a housing area. We soon found Red Hot Anal Pepper anxiously awaiting the hounds at the halfway beer stop. Of course, to get to the beer, we had to cross a small water ditch. What’s a hash without squishy feet? After the beer stop, we were on-back the way we came, except the hare cut out most of the woods and led us under the interstate and BEER NEAR to the park. It’s important to mention that the SW Bs crossed paths with the FRBs on their way to the BEER NEAR. So the SWBs followed the FRBs to the end, cutting out half of the trail—lucky bastards! The hares had a keg waiting for the thirsty hounds. In line with the hash theme, the hares hid plastic Easter eggs filled with candy in the park. The hounds grabbed up the eggs and were instructed to look for various letters marked on the inside. Some hounds received gift certificates, and chocolate, while a couple of "fortunate" hashers (Surf & Blowfish) were rewarded with "butt’s on ice." We circled up for the down-downs. First were the hares on ice. A BVD virgin, Just Thomas was welcomed to the group and drank out of his lovely, new, running shoes. FRBs, Cum Chum and Ass Backwards, sat on ice and did down-downs. Cum Chum caused quite a stir in the group—something about his hairy ass. K9 Cum Shot rewarded the HUYA to Cum Chum to slow down this FRB at the next hash. Just Scott was named Sissy Bitch. Rumor has it he took off his shoes and socks to cross the waterway at the half-way beer stop. Shame on you, Sissy Bitch! Don’t fret…before long, you’ll be the first one in the river and bragging to friends about it. Kojak, our GM, sat on ice for instigating the Space Coast article covering our red dress hash. Kojak read the article in storybook style, with the exception of a brief moment when our hare’s dog took a liking to Kojak’s bare butt on ice…nuf said. All the SWBs did down-downs for short-cutting the trail. And finally, Da Shit was invited to sit on ice for washing up during a hash. What can you say? She looked great and the dog wasn’t the least bit interested in her bottom. The hashers polished off the keg and some headed to the on-after party at some wanker’s house. Of course, we crashed the party, but we were the party! Oh yeah, Edgar Allan Ho is not allowed to wear the button "I have not done it with Moaner Boner." That about does it for BVD hash #10!
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#11 - Mud N’ Blood

29 Apr 00
Hares: Sir Flatulot, Cum Chum, & Cum Chomper
Location: Malabar, Florida
Hare & Hounds: 34
Weather: 69°F + 13°F, Sunny
The beginning of BVD H3 #11 had an interesting twist. The meeting point was the Malabar Post Office parking lot, but I guess we were told to move our asses elsewhere…and we did…one block west…and we liked it…and there was much rejoicing. After a very long, long, long, detailed, did I say long, chalk talk, compliments of Sir Flatulot, the pack was off! We immediately dashed off into the thicket and there we stayed for the next couple of hours. The trail consisted of paths through palmettos, and trees. We did the duck, weave and hop-over method of running trail. Before long (2 or 3 miles, but who’s counting), we stumbled into the half-way beer stop. Mullet came bounding in with blood oozing down both legs. Known for short-cutting, he decided to do the same on this trail but ran into some pretty mean palmettos. We all had a good laugh, finished a cold one and were on-out again, but the laughs were on us. This time, we ran into some thick, over-grown trail. You know it’s gonna be challenging when the hares use toilet paper to mark the trail! The FRBs (front running bastards) were long gone when about 8 or so SRBs (slow running bastards) experienced a scene from the Blair Witch Project. Somehow, this small pack got turned around and ran part of the trail twice. The second time around, we (yes, I hate to admit that I was part of this gaggle of misfits) still couldn’t find the trail. Then, Tumbalina pops out of the trees (cumming from who knows where) and says, "Here’s the trail," without a pause in her stride. We were on down the road, through a neighborhood, and back into the woods and down more trails. About two miles later (again, who’s counting, not me), with muddy, bloody legs, we saw BEER NEAR and were on-back to where we started. We circled up for the traditional down-downs. First we sang to 6 virgins, then two visitors (Pussy Gourmet & Without Socks), the hares sat on ice, Mullet drank for turning his legs into hamburger, Butt Wrangler drank for shaving his head, Da-Shit sat on ice because Sir Flatulot wanted to sit on ice with someone who didn’t have a hairy butt, Just Thomas drank for wearing a marathon T-shirt, Hoosier was honored for cumming in DFL (dead fucking last), Tumbalina sat on ice…just because, Sir Flatulot sat on ice with a virgin who wore a water pack (did anyone notice that Sir Flat sat on ice A LOT), Yanksit sat on ice for farting on trail, Sissy Bitch drank for peeing on someone’s tires, Edgar Allen Ho was honored for doing Moaner (doing what, you might ask), Without Socks and his newly wed wife sat on ice for competing on trail, AND Blowfish came in the circle because he has a big mouth (?). We named Just Heidi "Blow Job Lips." Cum Chum gave the HUYA (head up your ass) award to Tumbalina for putting up with everyone’s crap. With the circle done, we continued our celebration, only to be interrupted by a curious police officer (called in by a friendly neighbor). Once he discovered that we were "runners" and not a bunch of crazy kids (he don’t know us do he?), he was on-out. That about does it for BVD H3 hash #11.
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#12

13 May 00
Hares: Mystery Hares (Yanksit & Fireindahole)
Location: R.J. Gators, N. Wickham Rd, Melbourne
Hare & Hounds: 29
Weather: 69°F + 21°F, Sunny & Hot
To the surprise of R.J Gator’s management, a loud, beer-drinking group took over the bar during Happy Hour for hash #12’s on-before. Soon, though, the group was on-out for a quick chalk talk. Being a dead hare trail, the hounds headed out immediately, on across busy Wickham Rd. They followed a path along a dyke, jumped across it and took a short jaunt through a housing area and the Brevard Community College campus (Yanksit ran into a curious campus security guard earlier that day when laying trail and told him the group would be cumming through around 2:00—HEE HEE! We don’t start till 4:00ish for those who don’t get it or weren’t there.) The trail went off-road into Wickham Park where the group ran/walked a couple of miles before cumming up on the beer stop. Because it was such a hot day, the FRBs were more than happy to lounge around, and drink a beer or two while waiting on the SWBs. The hounds headed out through more nature trails, the park’s recreation area, and finally another woodsy/sandy trail to find the BEER NEAR and the hares in a secluded part of the park. Hoosier Daddy and Party Hats short-cutted part of the trail and found their way to the end before most of the FRBs! Unfortunately, three of our hashers (Red Hot Anal Pepper, Just Hana, and a female virgin) got lost on trail, finding us much later—accident? Cum on now, Red Hot with two young females in the woods—lost my ass! The down-downs were next and we had a lot of people to honor. They included: Assbackwards for a zit on his nose, the hares, Pocket Rocket for his blue jean sweaty groin area, Party Hats for too long between hashes (our hash harlot rubbed her "cooter" on ice!), Sperm Burp & Mullet on ice for various reasons (my notes don’t make sense), newlyweds Without Socks and Just Katie, Spermaid on ice for a special-made hat, Assbackwards on ice for his private party with Itchy Cajons, Moaner Boner on ice for worrying the BVD H3 hash #12 would be cancelled, Butt Wrangler for whining, Kojak & Butt Wrangler for their bald heads, 10 virgins and 5 visitors (this is when Red Hot & females friends found the circle). Tumbalina gave the HUYA to Blowfish for being a pain in her ass (I think that’s my interpretation). Our two Swedish girls, Hana & her virgin, did down-downs for cumming in late with Red Hot. Finally, Turd Burglar and Edgar Allen Ho sat on ice for yaeger meister (??) and I have no clue what that means! The on-after for some was back to R.J. Gators for food and beverage and others headed to Mullet and Hoosier Daddy’s love palace. That’s it for now. May beer be with you!
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#13 - Tacky Tourist Hash

27 May 00
Hares: Red Hot Anal Pepper & Moaner Boner
Location: Long Doggers, Indianlantic
Hare & Hounds: 28
Weather: 69°F + 21°F, Sunny & Hot
BVD H3 hash #13 started out the Memorial Day weekend in the proper fashion…dressed as tacky tourists. We filtered into Long Doggers with our Hawaiian shirts, white socks with sandals, cameras and Mickey attire, virtually taking over Long Doggers’ circular porch. A bitchy, claustrophobic waitress kept telling us to clear the entrance for customers (Who the hell do we think we are anyway? Certainly not paying customers!) We had a quick chalk talk and headed out, rather slowly, on our dead hare trail. Our first beer stop was at Mullet & Hoosier Daddy’s house. We were there only long enough to irritate the neighbors ever so slightly. We were on-out again, weaving in and out of housing areas and found a second beer stop behind a strip mall. We headed out for the final leg of the trail and soon found BEER NEAR at Kojak’s gutted house. Though his home is currently under construction, the pool was sparkling clean and warm…very enticing to 28 sweaty hashers. We gathered round for the down-downs. First, we drank to the hares and then the virgins. Next, a whole bunch of other lucky bastards drank down-downs (I stopped taking notes about this time since I was spending time on the ice myself for various infractions). I do know that Blowfish gave the HUYA to Assbackwards to slow him down on the next hash. We also named Just Hana "Cop Cum" since she’s a 911 Operator in Melbourne. Once the circle ended, we indulged in food, drink, and FUN!! The BBQ feast was awesome with our very own GM, Kojak, behind the grill, wearing nutting but an apron. Harriettes in bikinis popped out from everywhere and the pool instantly became the happenin place to be. A couple of our men hashers amused themselves with a pool fart game. As darkness fell, so did the bathing suits…and the rest I’ll leave for yawl to brag, gossip, rumor, or whatever trips your trigger. For those who missed BVD H3 hash #13… bummer! Not to worry though…this hash won’t be fizzling out anytime soon. On-Out!
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#14 - Jungle Boogie Hash

10 Jun 00
Hares: Bitch Be Gone and Sky Box
Location: SW Melbourne, South Dr.
Hare & Hounds: 35
Weather: 69°F + 16°F, Rainy
BVD H3 hash #14 began with clouds overhead, threatening rain at any moment. No matter—weather, good or bad, makes no difference to a pack of beer-thirsty hounds. Dressed in an array of jungle boogie outfits, the pack was off in a not so timely manner, as usual. Instead of heading toward the wooded area as we all expected, the trail took us back up South Dr. toward Wickham Rd. As soon as the FRBs yelled on-on, the rain came down in buckets. There’s nothing better than hashing in the rain! The trail headed across Wickham Rd and after a short jaunt through a housing area, we ducked into the woods and found an awesome trail. By this time, the pack had split up into the FRBs and SWBs. Another couple of miles and the FRBs found themselves…what’s this…back where we started??!! We found out later from the hare that we ran the trail backwards—not a big deal in the world of hashing—except that we missed the beer stop!!! Now, the SWBs on the other hand, had no trouble at all finding the beer stop. Meanwhile, the FRBs stood around scratching their, umm, heads, who said head, I’ll take some of that! Anyway, someone remembered hearing our hare Bitch Be Gone mention something about directions left on our cars, which is what they did. We were happy as could be since the end was approximately one mile up the road at Bitch Be Gone’s love palace and of course, there would be beer. But NO, it wasn’t going to be that easy. The hares were still at the beer stop with the SWBs and ALL the beer (keg & cans). Bitch’s house was open (??) so we all went in and made ourselves at home to include drinking all the beer we could find (unfortunately, only a couple of cans). Strangely enough, the pizzas that Sky Box ordered arrived before the hares, but we were more than happy to accept them. About 20 or so minutes later, the rest of the pack, along with the hares, began to arrive. With the keg flowing, we circled up for the down-downs. First were four virgins, then the hares (except for Sky Box who disappeared). More down-downs for the FRBs, Surf, Assbackwards, Thor the Wanker, and Otis. Our very own hash doctor, Golden Shower, did a down-down, then all the visitors from Orlando, Daytona, California, and finally two original Spaced Coast Hashers visited the circle. Nabob and Kojak did the circle because they hashed together years ago in some unknown country (it really is known, I just don’t know where they hashed). Assbackwards awarded the HUYA to our hare, Bitch Be Gone, I believe for messing up the trail. Finally, we had accusations where a whole mess of people did down-downs for various reasons and of course, the group was totally out of control at this point. With the circle closed, the group devoured the pizzas, and in no time, finished the keg. So, a very sober Pussy Gourmet and I volunteered to be the beer fairies. The local Stop N’ Go clerk was quite surprised when two ladies carried 10 cases of beer (or so, I can’t remember how many) to the register. We were on-back to Bitch’s house where the party continued with music, dancing, and the occasional hasher being thrown in the pool. I heard that Red Hot Anal Pepper wrapped Edgar Allan Ho in toilet paper (voluntarily) and then he was thrown in the pool (involuntarily). What fun we have! If you get a chance, ask Party Hats about her testicular weight experiment. Hats off (or tops off) to Bitch Be Gone for opening up his pad to a bunch of drunks!
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#15 - Full Moon Pub Crawl

16 Jun 00
Hare: Cockpit
Location: Merritt Island
Hare & Hounds: 7
Well, your On-sec was outa town for this Full Moon Hash so there’s not a lot of trash to spread. All that can be said is hearsay. So, I heard that even with a very small group of 7 hashers, they had a great time (no, not the BVD H3!). I heard that a lot of drinking took place…again, what a surprise! And, I heard they sat on ice behind a bar, or something like that, and I heard they howled at the moon. And that’s all I heard.
For those of you who may be aspiring (hmmm) to be an On-sec someday, an Outlaw Hash Trash is the perfect way to get your foot in the door. Okay, so what is it? It’s a hash trash written by someone other than the Hash On-sec. The perfect time to draft up one of these Outlaw Hash Trashes is when the On-sec misses a hash (though very abnormal for this On-sec).
Some of you unfamiliar to hashing may be wondering where the tradition of the Trash came from. Well, don’t ask me, because I don’t know. (I’m sure someone way smarter than me will let me know—go ahead smarty pants, I dare ya). I do know that most hash groups love to boast about the longevity of their existence. For this purpose, Hash Trashes make great historical documents. And, people love to read about themselves, and about smut…the raunchier the better. Anyway, I’ve Bsed enough. On-Out until the next BVD H3 Hash!
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#16 - TOGA Hash

24 Jun 00
Hares: Assbackwards, Butt Wrangler, & Turd Burglar
Location: The Crazy Parrot/Cocoa Beach
Hare & Hounds: 15
Weather: 69F + 16, T-storms, rainy
TOGA, TOGA, TOGA!!! In my not so professional hasher opinion, I’d swear that we get more attention in Togas than we do on a red dress hash! Though the day started out wet, our Religious Advisor, Yanksit, promptly called for a dry hash, and so it was. A rather small, but rowdy bunch of BVDers flowed into the Crazy Parrot, sporting Togas. The owner of the Crazy Parrot welcomed us and said that we reminded him of his college days. After an hour or so at the Parrot, we headed out to find trail on this live hare hash. As we expected, the trail led us on a pub crawl through Cocoa Beach. Our first stop was Johnathon’s Pub and then the Fun Time Bar. Our third stop was at the Inner Room "Titty" Bar where Yanksit was asked to leave. Yes, I must explain. You see, generally speaking, one does not wear undergarments with a Toga, at least not Yanksit. Red Hot Anal Pepper decided to spice things up a bit for our topless dancers by lifting Yanksit’s Toga, exposing his buttocks. "The Management" (bouncer) didn’t like that so much and said he couldn’t be in the bar without any shorts or "something" on. I guess it’s okay for the employees to be naked, but not the paying customer. Anyway, when Yanksit left, most of us followed him out (some stayed to finish their beer—right!). Our next and last stop was a BEER NEAR at the beach. We circled up for the traditional down-downs. The first went to our Grand Master, Kojak, for not wearing a toga. Next, a new BVDer named Roadmap took a seat on the ice and drank. Dick Long & Perspire and Just Laura did down-downs for something I can’t recall. Next were the hares. Assbackwards was given special attention since this was his last hash—he’s moving to Georgia. Ass was given a beer mug and a framed picture of two moons (his and Yanksit’s in red dresses!). We’re really going to miss our first BVD H3 Beermeister! Next, we named Just Katie "I’d Fuck Her." I don’t think I need to say anything else bout that. Red Hot did a down down for taking on Beermeister duties. FRBs (no kidding) Kojak and Red Hot drank, then Yanksit and Red Hot for getting kicked out of the titty bar. Just Ted sat upon the ice form sumthin and finally, Butt Wrangler and Turd Burglar sat on ice for using their wanker names. As a final note, I’d like to mention that our HUYA owner, Bitch Be Gone, failed to show up at this toga hash…hmmm…I wonder who’ll be nominated for the HUYA next?
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#17 – Red Hot Hash

8 Jul 00
Hares: Cum Chum, Edgar Allan Ho, & Cum Chomper
Hare & Hounds: 28
Weather: 69F + 21, cloudy/rainy
A few dark and dreary clouds hanging overhead (HEAD, WHO SAID HEAD) didn’t discourage this entourage of die-hard BVD H3 hashers! Although hash #17 was designated as the "Red Hot Hash" in honor of our new Beer Meister, Red Hot Anal Pepper, I’d like to propose a theme change to the Wet N’ Wild Hash! We were pre-warned at the chalk talk about leaving behind valuables that could be damaged by water. Cum Chum and his virgin (hare), Edgar Allan Ho, set off in a furry to set the live trail. True to Cum Chum’s style, the trail they’d chosen led us deep into the palmettos. They baffled us right away with a count back to keep us off their heels. After a mile or so, we came upon a deep water-filled dyke. I have to admit, this is the first chest-level water crossing I’ve experienced! Fortunately, no one reported seeing (or feeling) water critters. Our petite hasher, I’d Fuck Her, even had to swim across this particular dyke. After the FIRST water crossing, we were back into the woods. Another two miles or so through swampy paths, swarms of knats, and another shallow dyke crossing, and we were on-in to the beer stop. The second half of the trail was just as adventuresome as the first. More wet off road trails, one last dyke crossing, a mile or so of paths through palmettos and we were BEER NEAR! After this 5-6 mile hash, the hounds and hares alike were ready to unwind. We gathered up for the down-down circle, honoring our one and only virgin hasher, Just Mark or AKA Bob. MoanerBoner, who made Just Mark cum, sat on ice for her good deed. Hoosier Daddy’s comment was, "God Moaner, you shaved!" Next, our hares took to the ice. Somehow, accusations started flying and Surf ended up in the circle for throwing his shoes across the dyke and Moaner did a down-down for stepping in the circle without being asked. Three new BVDers, Ram It Home, Rug Burn and Screwy Rabbit, were recognized with down-downs. Fireindahole and Sperm Burp ended up on the ice. Bitch Be Gone presented the HUYA (Head up your ass) award to Edgar Allan Ho for allowing himself to be wrapped in toilet paper and thrown into Bitch’s pool during hash #14. Red Hot Anal Pepper did a down-down for taking over the most important duty as the BVD H3 Beer Meister. Finally, the 50% rule came into play—over half of those present had down-downs, so the final few lost souls were brought into the circle for a down-down. Somewhere among all this, the rain poured on the circle, washing out the chalk where we all stood, but no one budged. Our very own RA, Yanksit, continued on with his duties without missing a beat. Yanksit was impressed how everyone stood their ground. He did notice that Pussy Gourmet and Kojak put on their condom style rain ponchos (they drank, of course). Hoosier Daddy was spotted sitting in the hashmobile, dodging the rain. She was promptly removed from her cocoon and she sat upon our lovely block of ice. With the circle closed, we sang, ate, drank, socialized…basically, we had a damn good time!
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#18 - Beers Around the World Hash

22 Jul 00
Hares: Red Hot Anal Pepper & Yanksit
Location: Sarno/Appollo, Melbourne, FL
Hare & Hounds: 26
Weather: 69°F + 16°F, rainy
I’m starting to believe there’s a connection between hash days and the rain. I’m definitely not whining, just stating a fact. Besides, it’s actually much cooler to hash in the rain than on a bright, sunny, Florida summer day. At the start of this particular BVD H3 hash, #18 to be exact, the hounds turned out slowly at first. Butt before long, we had twenty-some hounds raring to go. Our live hares, Yanksit and Red Hot, were appropriately baptized with a sprinkling of beer before they took off to lay the trail. The antsy hounds gave them a whole 15 minutes of lead time before they were hot on the trail. The pack weaved through some urban trail for the first couple of miles. After crossing a very busy US Hwy 1, we headed south…some hounds more slowly than others (including me). This fact was observed by a friendly Melbourne police officer in his patrol car. He announced over his speaker as we passed by, "You’re supposed to run, not walk." Well, it turns out this "helpful" officer is a hasher and joined us later at the end of his shift. Back to the trail. We headed on-in to a wooded area, then on-across the railroad tracks for more woodsy trail. After about a mile or so of this scenic trail, we heard the FRBs celebrating at the end of the trail. We hurried out of the woods to find the BN (beer near) and everyone gathered on a clearing in the woods, next to a dyke. Just as we formed the circle for our traditional down-downs, we heard some late cummers yelling "ON-ON." It turned out to be two Orlando hashers, Skin a Max & Lick Her Kick Her. These two DFL (dead fuckin last) hashers started out the circle on the ice. Next, the hares sat on ice. Pocket Rocket’s birthday was honored with his ass on ice and a lovely verse of "Happy Birthday, Fuck You." We recognized three new BVD H3 virgins, Just Jen, Just Will and Hose Drip. Moaner Boner and Yanksit ended up sharing the ice for awhile. Yanksit then called Sky Box and Surf to the circle to recognize this hash as their hash-aversay. From what we understand, one year ago, on this same trail, they consummated their hash life. Edgar Allen Ho gave the HUYA to I’d Fuck Her. Rationale: He’d fuck her (now really, who wouldn’t??). Accusations flew and all those who were without beer attire in support of this hash's theme, Beers Around the World, did down-downs. By this time, the 50% rule applied and everyone who hadn’t been in the circle was called in. Oddly enough, with only 26 hounds and hares present, we floated the keg shortly after the end of the circle. With the night still young, we headed for the All American Bar on US 1. For those of us who had never visited this fine establishment, it turned out to be a hasher paradise…cheap, cold beer by the pitcher, a pool table, and a juke box full of rock n’ roll . We mixed right in with the locals, and had one helluva good time!
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#19

5 Aug 00
Hares: MoanerBoner, Hoosier Daddy & Mullet
Location: Eau Gallie & US 1
Hare & Hounds: 23
Weather: 69°F + 19°F, hot & sticky
Here’s to our hares, they’re true blue. They are hashers through and through. They are piss pots so they say. Tried to go to heaven but they went the other way….thank Gispert for Hoosier, Moaner and Mullet who stepped up to hare BVD H3 #19 at the last minute. You can blame your hare raiser (me!) for that and then do me…..a favor and volunteer to be the hare raiser cum January when we elect a new mismanagement. So, we started out #19 in the sweltering sun in a vacant bank parking lot. Our hares pulled a "gotcha" when they took off to lay the trail live. That lasted for about 50 feet and then they were on-back, yelling "On-Out!" It was the hounds’ turn to find this dead urbanized trail. We found the true trail through several alleys for about a mile when we came upon a fine drinking establishment…the Backroad Bar. The place was packed with a crowd of "biker dudes." We, of course, fit right in. Five dollar pitchers and we were as happy as a harriette’s hand in a harrier’s pocket. We stayed as long as the hares would allow us, but they eventually shooed us back out on trail. The pack had split in two or three small packs by this point. I joined the rather slow moving, beer-belly pack. The only competition here was to keep from being the FRB. After walking a half mile or so, we spotted some hashers on the top floor of Dr. Joe’s Intercoastal Bar. They tried to hide from us, but it was too late. We became the SCBs (short-cutting bastards) and headed up to join the others. Evidently, we cut out one or two other beer stops, but we were content with Dr. Joe’s. Before long, we were joined with the entire pack. As is the BVD H3 tradition, a block of ice was positioned for the down-down circle. We began with Kojak on ice because he missed a hash and couldn’t remember this was BVD’s 19th hash. Then Red Hot Anal Pepper took to the ice for producing our new BVD Hash Shirts!!!! (For only $10.00, you can purchase a t-shirt or tank top—they’re going fast, so bring extra money if you want a BVD H3 hash shirt!) Hares were honored with down-downs, followed by a virgin to BVD, just Blake. The HUYA was passed on from I’d Fuck Her to Sky Box because she occasionally wears flip flops on trail and always leaves the hash early. Next was a down-down for our FRB, Cum Chum. Kojak and Itchy Cajones drank--too long between hashes, Mullet’s Sperm (Mullet’s dad’s hash name) sat on ice with Mullet belting out a hash tune in honor of his father, visitors from Orlando were up next, and finally the 50% rule. The group applied some peer pressure and Chaz the bartender did a down-down. We finished with the beer prayer just as Rod Pumper and Just Theresa found us. They sat on ice for sex on trail. A rendition of Swing Low and the circle was closed. By night fall, the pack was on-out. A small group of us did an on-on-on at Matt’s Tropical Grill and Cigar Bar. This fine establishment is owned and operated by Kojak’s son. We were treated like the hashing Gods we are with fine food, beer, and live music. Stop by sometime and tell him Kojak sent ya (next to Dos Amigos in Indianlantic). Hope to see everyone at #20!
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#20

19 Aug 00
Hares: Mullet & Red Hot Anal Pepper
Location: Eau Gallie & US 1
Hare & Hounds: 25
Weather: 69°F + 26°F, hot & sunny
Well, before i begin, let me apologize for any error i might made in the hash trash. After all, almost three weeks have past since are last romp in the palmettos! In my previous hash trash, i falsely accused two hashers for having sex on trail. Yes, it’s true. In fact, it were Pocket Shuttle and UPS that screwed on trail! Now, for the detail of hash #20. Maggot and Red Hot Anus Popper laid a fabulous trail, primarily off-road. We thoroughly enjoyed the water crossings (five of them) and even walked through a slippery-when-wet tunnel. Climbing out of the tunnel, and up a hill, proved to be quite a challenge. Some of us managed to slide down a couple of times before making it up. Our hares treated us with two refreshing water stops along the way. Now, imagine me sitting at my computer, trying to remember where we ended up for the down-down circle. i’ll be damned if i can’t remember. No matter. i do remember who blesses us with their presence in the circle, though. We had two virgins, Just Mach (Mark with a Bostonian accent), and Just Tom. Next it was the hares on ice, followed by the FRBs, Mentral Pad and Cum Dumb. Yanker took advantage of our newby, Just Mach, and put him promptly on the ice for that lovely accent of him. Our only visitor, Thorn, from Daytona, was honored with a down-down. The following people did down-downs for "too long between hashes": Cooter Kitten, Scrubbed, Crum Chomper, Bitch Come Here, Cockpity, Butt Jeep, and Poop Burgler. Somehow, Thorn got smooshed between two harriettes on the ice and rather than drink their beers, they gave him a beer bath. Our GM, Kotex, announced that all hashers must worn shirts in the circle. After two of our harriettes removed their shirts (tits out for the boys), Kotex clarified that everyone needs to wear a "HASH" shirt. Kotex’s Secret Service boys, Ass Wrangler and Turd Booger, sat on ice next. This was followed by accusations. Bloody Pad was accused of taking off her shoes for the first water crossing. Two sinners were among us and had to do down-downs. Your very own On-Sec, Fireindahole, had to do a down-down for inaccuracies in the last hash trash—can you imagine that?! The next sinner was Yankhim who failed to hash with the New Orleans HHH while visiting the area. The 50% rule applied and you know what that means. The last four down-downs were Loaner Boner, Robert Frost, Thorn, and Come Cum. We polished off the keg soon after the circle closed. The on-after took place at some Mexican Restaurant off of Babcock—amazing how i can remember all that other stuff and not the name of the restaurant! Oh well, we had one helluva great time!
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#21 - Millionaire’s Hash

9 Sep 00
Hares: Cum Chum & Cum Chomper
Location: Babcock & Eber/Melbourne
Hare & Hounds: 18
Weather: 69F + 20, hot & stormy
Although we had a rather small gathering of hashers for BVD H3’s 21st hash, we were nothing less than eager to hit the trail to find out what our cunning hares, Cum Chum and Chomper, had in store for us. During the chalk talk, we were told to look for million dollar bills hanging on trail and to snag them up for a prize raffle at the end. Since this was Cum Chomper’s virgin "live" lay, we gave the hares a good HEAD start. They lived up to their reputation for laying primarily off-road, wet trails. We began from the same abandoned Wal-Mart parking lot that we used several hashes ago, but took a different turn into the palmettos. We enjoyed the trails as well as two water crossings. The half-way point brought us to the Cums’ middle-class yacht. Cum Chomper sat perched on top, handing out thirst quenchers (beer and "champagne"). We headed back out on trail through more palmetto fields, baseball fields and ended with the 2nd water crossing. After approximately four miles, the Beer Near took us back to the Wal-Mart parking lot. While we were out on trail, Cum Comper, MoanerBoner, and Hoosier Daddy sat in the Wal-Mart parking lot waiting for our return. A tow truck arrived and the driver confronted our harriettes and said that we were on private property and the owners had instructed him to tow all the cars away. With beer in hand (CC) and cigarette in mouth (Moaner/Hoosier) our harriettes proceeded to explain that they belonged to a local running group. Needless to say, the driver wasn’t impressed with their "story" and proceeded to hook up Turd Burglar’s car. He explained that he had a job to do unless the owners told him differently. Our quick thinking harriettes dug out a cell phone and called the owners who promptly told the tow truck driver to get lost for awhile and if we weren’t gone soon, to start towing the cars. That’s about when everyone came in from trail and we proceeded to an alternate ending spot a few miles away. When all this excitement fizzled out, we circled up and did our down-downs. I was the first person called into the circle for screwing with the hash names in the last "trash." Jeez…some people can be so sensitive. I’ll try not to hurt your feelings next time…RIGHT! Then the Cums’ gave away "gifts" by drawing numbers from the millionaire bills found on trail. Yanksit won just about everything…a trip to the Bahamas (no shit), a stuffed animal, and a bottle of champagne. Next, we did down-downs for the hares, Pocket Rocket for using wanker names in the circle, Yanksit & Red Hot Anal Pepper for "best dressed", FRB hat to Screwy Rabbit, DFL to Harry Cheeseballs and Mullet for first in at the beer stop, Bitch Be Gone for third in (?), Just Ted for cumming late to the hash, Hoosier from saving the day with the Tow Truck adventure, "matching clothes" down-downs, no hash shirt, 50% rule, and a whole bunch of accusations. And that about wraps up BVD H3 #21!
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#22 - Margaritaville Hash/Mullet’s Birthday

23 Sep 00
Hares: Moaner Boner & Hoosier Daddy
Location: Ruffner Park, Melbourne
Hare & Hounds: 31
Weather: 69F + 25, Sunny & Hot
I tried something new for the hash trash, or rather, incorporated something we did at my mother hash, Pikes Peak H4. Rather than reading about one person’s opinion (mine), everyone had an opportunity to write down their thoughts, feelings, yearnings, drunken cumments, and so forth. Before I share this with you, I’ll give you a run-down of the down-downs. Virgins: Just Susan, Just Peter, and Just Colin. Mullet sat on ice for his Birthday. Sperm Burp endured ice for becoming engaged to Chip and Dale. Hares on ice. Lick Her Kick Her for doing a "George of the Jungle" across a water-filled ditch. Just Mark for wading in water (?). Too long between hashes: Gilligan, Mt. Dora, Sperm Burp, Party Hats, I’d Fuck Her, Without Socks, Bubaloo, Herectorpad, Just Mark, and Latrine. More down-downs for Sept birthdays, then a shit-load of visitors. Best Margaritaville outfit: Fireindahole (guess everyone appreciated the grass skirt and coconut bra). Just Mark was named Ham Bone because he’s Jewish. The most memorable accusation went to Just Tom who bragged to Turd Burglar that he could do down-downs all day long. Sitting on ice and drinking from a pitcher, we proved him wrong—maybe next time.
Now the cumments: (typed as written!!)
Love y’all Pete
Gillen was Here!
When does the drunk part happen??-SpermBurp
I’m so happy happy happy -Mullet
Great Hash.-Rides
"I can do down-downs all day long" Just Slim
Fucking Turd Burg abandoned me in the woods-and took off after Red Hot-yelled something about getting some ass. Cop Cum
Hoosier Daddy loves You!
Just Jen has nice boobies! Cockpit-(What up HamBone?!?!?)
I don’t care how small Cockpit’s tits are…they still taste good! No Blow
Its all good!! Bubbaloo
No shit there I was…-Licker Kicker
I’d Fuck Her! Hey, that’s me! I’d Fuck Her
I’d Fuck Her had sex with Without Socks in Mulletts house. Without Socks
I thought Mullet smelled bad until you. Now I know you stink! Just Tom
Just Jen, Has…An awesome support tank with no BRA!! W/O Socks
Kojak’s nuts are hot & nasty! (but tasty too!) -Cockpit
I lost my watch on trail—probably when my fat ass slipped in mud…awesome hash! Fire P.S. my grass is sticking to my ass.
Just Jen, I’d Fuck her in her Fireindahole ann make her Cop Cum and then give her some Red hot Anal pepper with my Cockpit make her yell hoosier Daddy and keep her going until my sperm berp and she screamed and moaner boner! If that don’t work I’ll just Yanks it all night until I wear out my Ham Bone and it looks like an old Mullet and Kojak will investigate the situation. –Turd Burglar
Just Tom said "Doing Down-Down’s isn’t the only thing I can do all night long" Hmmmmm? Masturbation?
Hash virgin had a great time being deflowered! Just Susan
Latrine’s tits are not small or big, but they taste great! -No Blow
Mt. Dora’s tits aren’t tiny, but they taste good. –No Blow
If you spill beer on Herectorpad tits, they taste good. Ask her. She’ll show you. She’ll pay to show you. –No Blow
I agree. Wet Dream "Chunks"
Herectorpad has a clean shaven tatoo. Rumor has it, it tastes good. –No Blow
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#23 - Red Hot Anal Pepper’s Birthday Hash

7 Oct 00
Hares: Red Hot Anal Pepper
Location: Hw 192 & 1, Melbourne
Hare & Hounds: 26
Weather: 69F + 21, Sunny & Hot
Well, we’re back to the old style of the hash trash, at least for BVD H3’s 23rd hash. I meant to ask for cumments again since everyone seemed to enjoy the change of pace, but I got so caught up in the ambience at the end…but wait I’m getting aHEAD of myself! What a glorious hash day and it was Red Hot Anal Pepper’s birthday to boot! "Happy Birthday, Fuck You!" Crotch Duster popped in from Texas and blessed us with his presence—we’ve missed you man! It was his 34th birthday, along with 40Wanks. Ironically, Red Hot turned 43. During the chalk talk, our hare, Red Hot, explained that a circle with an "XC" in the middle marked various Extra Credit "watering holes" along the trail, should the pack decide to stop in to wet their whistles. Well, we were on-out and it didn’t take us long to find the first stop, even though it wasn’t marked XC or otherwise (this was extra, extra credit). So, we were on-in to Big Al’s bar, on-out and on-in to another bar that looked like someone’s renovated Victorian-style home. Next, we headed out through the streets of Old Melbourne, and once again took an extra credit stop at a dockside bar. We entertained the locals for awhile and then we made our way up to US 1. Low and behold…could we be heading toward the Indian River Brewery? You bet your ass we were! For the second time, the BVD H3 ended our hash is this sacred place—and they gave us the key to lock it up when we were through…they don’t know us too well, do they? We had the circle among the monstrous vats filled to the brim with hash nectar. The down-downs started out with our hare, Red Hot, then the virgins, Just Louis, Just Chris, and Just Lisa. Crotch Duster was next for too long between hashes and 40 Wanks joined Crotch and Red Hot in the circle for a birthday song. Next we sang to the October birthdays—Herectorpad and Just Lisa. We named Just Tom, Just Puke. Rumor has it he attended a posh museum toga party, got trashed, and proceeded to puke on everything in sight. Down-downs continued with Just Tom and Just Louis competing for the speediest gulp…twice. I don’t remember who "won." Then we honored our visitors, 40 Wanks and Gilligan, Mullet for recommending the third extra credit stop and then hurrying us out because he didn’t want to be late for the show "Grease" he was attending later that evening. More D-D’s for Bitch Be Gone (FRB), Without Sock & I’d Fuck Her for something—I can’t read my writing, but it looks like "first beer." Accusations were flying all over the place and Herectorpad was spotted wearing new shoes. She, of course, drank from her shoe. After a few presents for Red Hot, we were on-out to the on-after, Vallartes Mexican Restaurant on Babcock. This is our second on-after at this fine establishment and I can say they serve good food and easily tolerate and welcome a bunch of loud, drunken hashers. Daytona, here we cum!!
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#24 - Biketoberfest

21 Oct 00
Hares: Thor
Location: Daytona
Hare & Hounds: 35(?)
Weather: 69°F +13°F, Warm and breezy
I have to admit, I had my reservations about "doing" a red dress pub crawl among all those rough and tough bikers. I wasn’t really concerned for myself. After all, a harriette in a red dress on main street during bike week, resembling a prostitute, blends in well with all the biker babes in leather, butt-less chaps and halter tops. No, I was concerned for our studly harriers. Would they be able to fend off our tattoo, hog-ridin friends? Would we be mistaken for a gay and lesbian parade, and do I really care? The key was to stay together, and we did. About 35 of us met in a familiar bar where we drank down a few cold ones before heading out to the next bar. Thor the Wanker was our designated Hare for the evening. In true hash style, he would lead us from Hash House to Hash House. After leaving the first bar, we made our way to main street where we became the center of attention. Pedestrians gave us high fives, took pictures, and videos of the crazy people in red dresses making a "mad dash" through the center of town. For those of you who haven’t made it to Bike Week yet, that’s the moment you live for. We lapped up a couple more beers before venturing out to the next bar. I believe we went to a total of six bars. One of the most memorable stops was a bar along one of the main streets where the locals and visitors cruise up and back. Some of harriettes stood out front of the bar and greeted the passerby’s with waves and kisses. Tumbalina even jumped on the back of one of the bikes! She made it back to the bar safely after cruising past us a couple of times. The trail ended at the "Island Bar" or something like that. Thor made arrangements for a keg at our last stop, so it was the perfect ending to an awesome evening. By the way, we had a great showing of BVDers. I counted roughly 15 regulars, or almost half of the group. Wish everyone could have made it, but maybe in March for the "BIG" Daytona Bike Week! This is a weekend event that you just can’t miss. For those of you who aren’t aware, our next BVD H3 hash is this Saturday, Oct 28th, at 4:00 P.M., AG Edwards, Beachside of the Melbourne Causeway, HW 192. It'’ a Halloween Hash, so wear your best costume. Hey, it’s one time of the year that people don’t think we’re odd! See you soon!
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#25 - Hashoween

28 Oct 00
Hare: Sir Flatulot
Location: E.G. Edwards @ Hwy's A1A & 192
Hare & Hounds: 24
Weather: 69°F +13°F, sunny & beautiful!
Well, the BVD H3's first Hashoween together started out as any other hash day, with the exception of some unusual visitors. We had a geisha girl (MoanerBoner), a King wearing Grandma's couch (Mullet), a Kung Fu Fighter (Red Hot Anal Pepper), a jester ( Sir Flatulot...surely you jest), a pimp (Turd Burglar), Skipper, Gilligan & Mrs. Howell (Without Socks, I'd Fuck Her, and just Laura)--they made it off the island just in time for our Hashoween, the Pope (Yanksit, our honorable Religious Advisor was promoted ), Red Riding Hood (Cockpit...she begged the wolf to eat her, but to no avail), Dr. Evil with Mr. Bigglesworth (Cum Chum), Swiss Miss (Cop Cum), Pussy Cat (Fireindahole), Zorro? (Gilligan), Sailor Girl with itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini (Herecterpad), Little Devil with glowing horns (Hoosier Daddy), Skeleton (Kojak), G.I. Hasher (Just Puke), Cave Woman (Just Jen), a cowboy (Just Eric), and a beautiful purple butterfly (Litterbox). That leaves Potty Flavor and Just Hillary-My memory failed me and I can't remember your costumes-so sorry!
Starting from the beachside E.G. Edwards on HW 192, we made our way slowly across the causeway. We received a lot of honks and cheers from the passing cars. Yanksit was quite concerned that people would mistake him for a KKK member instead of the Pope until he walked passed an African American fishing off the causeway. As Yanksit approached, the fisherman said, "Hey John Paul." After that he relaxed and offered the traditional Pope cupped-hand wave to the cars going by. On the other side of the causeway, our hare, Sir Flatulot, had hidden a cooler full of beer in a park. We drew strange looks from people in the park as we scoured the bushes looking for the treasured nectar. Finding it, we settled down at a picnic table for a break. From there, the trail took us through the ever popular BVD H3 party hang-out, Old Downtown Melbourne. People were already starting to gather for the Megoween Street party. Speaking of Meg O' Malleys, we took a short detour through the packed bar. The band had stopped and commented on the costumes as we paraded through. We had a déjà vu experience as we headed out of town, and up to HW 1 in the direction of the Indian River Brewery. We had a second beer stop in front of the brewery. The hare wanted the hounds to make a quick stop inside the brewery, but evidently, someone screwed up the plan. We were off again, wondering if the end was near. By now, we remembered that Sir Flatulot's idea of a short, easy hash is 4-5 miles of trail. Not whining here...just stating a fact! Butt, the end was only a half mile away in Just Jen's backyard. She and Moaner had decorated it well with hanging lights and jack o' lanterns carved with a foot and BVD H3. In true hashing tradition, we circled up and awarded people with down-downs. We started with the virgins, Just Hillary & Just Eric. Just Puke offered a demonstration D-D. We had all the normal down-downs with the hare, best costumes (everyone), and finally Just Jen was named Gamey Gonads--She's a Veterinarian Assistant and she shared a story with Moaner about opening up a male dog and discovering some nasty testicles. I think there's more to the story, but by this time, it was too dark for me to take notes-I'm sure someone who reads this will help me get it right (Moaner). With the keg gone, some of us headed down to the Megoween street party. Yanksit had a great time hugging all the nuns and he encouraged them to get drunk and have a good time! All said and done, BVD H3's first Hashoween was a success!
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#26

11 Nov 00
Hares: Kojak, Turd Burglar, & Butt Wrangler
Location: Cocoa Beach Pier, Oh Shucks Bar
Hare & Hounds: 29
Weather: 69°F + 11°F, sunny & warm
Well, our hares really out-did themselves with this one. First of all, when we pulled into the Cocoa Beach Pier parking lot, we announced "We’re with the BVD Hash House Harriers" and parking was free instead of the normal three-dollar fee. This isn’t the kind of treatment we’re used to when we utter the words "hash house," regardless of what follows these two innocent words. Expecting a confused stare from the parking garCON, instead he waved us through. What exactly did our hares do to bribe this gentleman? Free beer perhaps. Second thought, I don’t want to know. The on-before took place at Oh Shucks Bar, an open-air beachy type place. Surprisingly, we had a bunch of BVD virgins…enough for our very own cherry tree! I don’t think we’ve had this many virgins since the BVD H3 was ERECTED last January, and that’s no crock (I just looked a word up in the dictionary and came across "crock." I don’t think I’ve ever used this word in a sentence, and it’s awesome…That’s a crock…see, sounds cool, doesn’t it?) Anyway, with nine virgins, two out-of-town visitors, and the BVD regulars, 29 in all, we headed out on trail, starting with a short jaunt on the beach. We made our way back up to the main street, did some weaving through parking lots, and over a couple of fences with no major injuries other than a scratch or two and some torn clothes. We were on-in to the beer stop, a lovely local dive called the Knot House. Red Hot Anal Pepper found a "thong" on trail. He gave it to Yanksit who "wore" his new thong (actually a flip flop) protruding from the back of his shorts…cute. We were on-out again on this "live" hare hash (do they really think we believe that?!). Our hares led us through a thicket patch, maybe another fence crossing, and we headed back toward the beach. After about 3 miles of trail, we saw the BEER NEAR and we were on-in to the Surfside restaurant & bar. Our hares had arranged for a keg on the upper, somewhat isolated, deck of the Surfside. They didn’t mind our lewd and crude songs, but took offense to bare butts on ice, stating they could lose their license or something like that…What a crock! Anyway, we behaved ourselves and kept our pants on as instructed. The down-downs went something like this: Toasts to the veterans, pussy killers (??), and Florida voters, Yanksit just because, the hares, virgins—Jeff, Ward, Karen, Mark, Lucy, Margaret, Rob, Tracy, and Jean, visitors—Prosecutor from New Jersey, and Put Your Head Between My Legs from DC H3, HUYA (Head up your ass) to Cockpit because she was grabbing for the dildo, too long between hashes for Snubbed & Crotch Kitten, Joe—a local who was quite amused with the circle—did a down-down, Just Puke, Greg Loose Anus and Put Your Head Between My Legs had a down-down competition…we weren’t sure of the out-cum, so in true Floridian style, we recounted and rechecked the competition, just because! After the circle, I saw something I can honestly say I’ve never seen before. Keg tipping. I’d heard of cow tipping, but never keg tipping—at least that’s what I called it. You take one very drunk hasher as the tippee, and two or three other very drunk hashers as the tippers. The tippers tip the tippee in a head down, feet up in the air position. The tippee puts the keg nozzle into the mouth and drinks until the tippee turns his/her head away from the nozzle. Turd Burglar and Butt Wrangler were very successful in coaxing hashers to try this new BVD antic. After the keg died, the group headed out to a couple of on-afters. The fun never ends with the BVD H3!
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Most Memorable Hash Experience
The first run. We had recently decided to start a Hash and were at a Christmas party at Hoosier and Mullet's sitting around talking about it and somebody (Yanksit?) decided we should have a run. We were all pretty pissed at this point, must have been about 10:00 PM. Somebody laid trail and we ran around a couple of blocks. Then we did a terrific circle around Mullet's pool, got very loud, sang hash songs and totally freaked out the neighbors. Mullet and Hoosier have been contemplating moving ever since. I also have to mention Run #2 in Cocoa where I was presented with the first HUYA and then it was stolen. Boy, was I embarrassed. But it was one of the best/fun hashes we have had. Has to be the first time we ended at Indian River Brewery. Nobody lets Hashers into a brewery, nobody. And then we went back, but I missed that one.
ON ON
Kojak
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My most memorable moment had to be when I had a great error in judgement and volunteered to hare a run, and have it end at my house. Skybox and I planned out a trail that actually is one of the most scenic that BVDH3 has seen (or not seen). Unfortunately I did not heed the advice of whoever said "Never underestimate the stupidity of large groups". Thanks to an ill advised true trail error, whose intent was to just get folks across Wickham road, this large group went over a half mile with no flour or other marks on the wrong side of the ditch, and wound up hitting the end section of the trail. Some went backwards, others just went to their car. About a dozen souls found the beer stop, and I found most of the thirsty pack back at my house before me. We had a pretty decent party at Casa Bitch, but as usual, my co-hare Skybox left early, leaving me to warm the ice for a looong time. I was also lucky enough to have Otis show from O town, and somehow did not get in trouble with the neighbors, who never said a thing.
Interesting things I found that might give a half mind pause before doing what I did:
a) Toilet paper in the bottom of the pool after Ho did the Rocky Horror thing and was thrown in.
b) Lipstick on the concrete lion (boy that's hard to get off)
c) Photographs of genitals, breasts, and Otis' ass on my camera along with the formal shots of my now ex-girlfriend.
d) Seeing the most graphic photos in the hash album using my house as a back drop
e) Lots of leftover beer, thanks to the pass of the hat and the beer fairies (Thanks Fire and Pussy G)..
I must say that many of the hashers pitched in to help clean up, and Skybox returned the next day and we had the place lookin' spic and span all over again. By the way, if you are loaded, Casa Bitch is for sale! Might I do it again? I still want the hash to visit that area, but I think I will do something different for the end this time...
On-On from Bitch Be Gone
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Besides watching Crotch Duster projectile vomit at Hoosier and Mullets on the night of the virgin, I would say the day I met Pussy Gourmet on trail and telling her she was the girl of my dreams...BVD created a Hash engagement!
Sir Flatulot
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Experience? Only one?! The most memorable for me has to be getting "asked to leave" the Interoom Cabaret during the Toga Hash because they couldn't handle a bare ass!
I also loved the Mem-oral pool party at Kojak's house, the shiggy-filled trails of Cum Chum, having the best beer of any hash in FL, all the controversy (keeps us interesting!) and of course all the debauchery BVD is known for!
Moaner
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The only thing I can cum up with is me Puking on mullet's grass and killing it.
Crotch
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I have a few memorable hashes. Haring the first hash of the BVD H3 from Hoosierdaddy and Mullets house with Crotchduster and watching him projectile vomit and then do a down-down, you’ve got to appreciate a hasher with that talent. The millionaire hash was awesome. Cum Chum is an excellent hare. Red Hot lifting my toga in the titty bar and getting thrown out – now that’s a first! Ending in a brewery – my dream cum true! Being a part
of naming someone ‘I’d Fuck Her’ and have her continue hashing. Finally, the record number of theme
hashes and having the great job of R.A. at one of the coolest hashes. An awesome year!
Yanksit
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April 1, 2000 – Red Dress Hash – I got laid and have been with her ever since
Turd Burglar
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How could we survive without Yanksit and Fireindahole? They rule! Hash #29…Wow! Well, I was named at Turd Burglar & Butt Wrangler’s Hash (Toga Hash at Cocoa Beach)…so that’s a memory for me…rain it was, but we were there! I’ve accepted my name, so no more I.F.H…it’s I’D FUCK HER !!! 12/23/00
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Hash started at R.J. Gators in the Spring/Summer & we ended up in Wickham Park. Turd Burglar got his first blow-job in shiggy.
Cop Cum
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Let’s have a good time. Why am I writing on this?? I want to drink…Bye.
W/O Socks!!
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I’d have to say that one of my favorite hashes was the toga hash. The weather really sucked until we headed out on trail. The pub crawl was great and of course, how many hash groups can say they’ve been kicked out of a titty bar?! A lady in a car stopped us on trail, curious about our attire, and ended up giving us a couple of her hard lemonades she just bought…a little refreshment for the road. I also had a lot of fun on the "Blair Witch" trail. I don’t remember who laid it (probably Sir Flatulot or Cum Chum), but a bunch of us got stuck in a circle until Tumbalina jetted out of the woods and found the true trail in a wink. What a great time we had in 2000! I can’t wait to experience the hashes in 2001!
Yours in hash,
Fireindahole

 

"If You Have Half A Mind To Hash, That's All You Need!"