2007 BVDH3 Hash Trash

188 | 190 | 192 | 193 | 197 | 198 | 199 | 200 | 201 | 202 | 205 | 208 | 211 | 212

#188 – Shop Teacher's Birthday and Ass Whiperer's Virgin Lay

Jan 27, 2007
Start: Rockledge - The parking lot of Dr Richard Newman, Neurologist.
Hares:  Shop Teacher and Ass Whisperer (Virgin Lay)

Hounds:  In My Mouth, Million Buck Fuck, Cockpit, Crotchduster, Happy Meal, Little Fin, Wood Liquor, Suckulator, Melts in Your Mouth, Banana Slit, Cock Tender, Direct Deposit, Snip It, Harry Cheezballs, Ice Hole, Sniffa, Dildo Stat, Timmy! And latecomer Ginger Snatch.

Virgins:  Just Kristie (Timmy!)

Once again the beautiful people of THE brevard hash house harriers converge on a location.  What a beautiful day here in Rockledge where we are celebrating Shop Teachers Birthday and the winning streak of the Florida Gators.  The sun is out and bright or is that IMM's florescent shorts?  I must preface this hash trash with this statement-à You know something is going to go wrong with a trail when upon arrival the first words you hear are Cock Tender saying, "I had a dream and you were in it."  Scared yet? Read on.

Ass Whisperer begins chalk talk only to be interrupted by an already tipsy Suckulator commenting that her shoes looked new.  AW takes off her shoe and Sucky smells it declaring it most definitely not new! Shew, odor eaters mean anything? I think I heard Walmart had them buy one get one free. Lets stock up.  Now this may be funny, but not nearly as funny as Fin walking around with a sex balloon up his……….shirt looking to all the world like a white trash version of Shania Twain complete with an itty bitty tinkerbell hat on his head. I hope Harry (stunt hash flash) got a picture of that to show you.

Crotchduster and Fin sufficiently block the group grope by placing their chairs in front of everyone that was behind the fence. Evidentially prego Fin wanted to be sure that Crotchduster knew he was the daddy of Fin's baby.  Something was said about child support and a quickie Iraqi marriage before Crotch took off for trail. Inquiring minds would like to know, but on second thought, we don't know which of those sexual positions on that balloon might have contributed to the delinquency.

And we are off on trail where we find a good Turkey Eagle split. Crotch and MBF normally would eagle (I'm sure)but thought ahead to stick around with us walking ladies for protection.  After all we were in Rockledge and it was broad ass daylight. Anything could have happened.  Nice to have the strapping young gents for protection. Then again, the balloon didn't offer a lot of protection for Fin but that's another story.

At the intersection of Bridle and Levett Timmy and Dildo catch up with Snip It and Harry (the Runners) at the exact same time.  Talk about laying a finely timed trail, ST and AW did it wonderfully. Ice Hole, who has been following the chalk trail suddenly thinks the spray painted EC is for extra credit. Been sniffin the paint chips have ya boy?

We think that Ice Hole had actually been eating paint chips because at the first BC he is missing.  Seems he zigged when he should have zagged.  Or that's the story and he's sticking with it. Yeah, uh huh, whatever.  We'd say he was having sex on trail but we were all accounted for.  One thing we did notice was the dogs we passed had suddenly shut up.  Coincidence? Hmmm? Beer check over and onward we go through a little shaggy and a lot more pavement.  We begin to cross four lanes of traffic screaming and one long ass walk to the next stop which is complete with jello shots and no beer.  Seems Sniffa was to get the beer cooler and bring it with her to the jello shot stop.  Hello? You eating paint chips too? Something is really wrong here.    Was there lead in the paint chips?

Looking up to see four good looking strapping men walking toward you on the pavement is a welcome sight.  The fact that they have cold beer almost made me...cheer.  Poor Fin lost his baby but gained a cooler of beer.  Thank you Fin.

Another thing that tells us this trail is all freaky was the fact that there was a black man in a white Porsche pulling up at the same time that Melts comes walking up in a pointy hat.  (insert twilight zone music here).

After pineapple and black cherry(?) jello squigglers the hounds move through slicky mud towards some other type of destination. Discussion amongst the drunks involved what tracks are in the mud. Deer, wild mountain lions, dogs, all were discussed.  IMM believed it was polar bears.  Who were we to disagree?  I tell you, the trail = Weird!  It really was a pretty trail at this point.  Ginger is trying to get someone to go through the Eagle part of the woods with her and Snip It volunteers.  We don't see them again until circle almost begins.  Two gator fans lost in the woods but no time to brood on that and make something kinky up…As several of us are coming round the bend,  IMM, Just Kristie, Dildo, MBF, and Timmy, Sniffa is standing at the car yelling STOP! to which all of the others listen except Timmy who keeps walking and becomes FRB.

All you fuckers been in the paint chips haven't you?

As heard on trail:

At the first BC in the woods when the ladies are looking for a `spot':
IMM:  I'm going to pee back there.
Timmy:  I'll take the other side
Just Kristie:  I'll wait, I have to drop off my taco bell if you know what I mean.

When discussing Father Abraham songs and such religious things:
Happy Meal:  Jesus has a sense of humor
Sucky:  Yeah, look at Wood Liquor
Happy Meal:  No, that's why God invented Beer.

When trying to take hash flash pictures with his new camera:
Harry:  I gotta move in closer.  It's all new to me.  You wanted nudity?
Now read that whole thing again without knowing it was for a camera.

When looking at the big block of ice with cubes sticking up in it that Snip It made:
Crotchduster:  What the hell kinda Ice is that?  Cooter Ridge?

After the walkers and runners pair together on the first T/E split:
Snip It:  I got something for you
Timmy:  Really?
Snip It:  Shows Timmy tiny firecrackers then tries to light them.
Timmy:  if your firecracker is that tiny no wonder you got problems lighting

In the Circle:
FRB: Timmy
DFL: Little Fin
Suckulator for dropping beer immediately after being called upon.
Sniffa for forgetting the cooler pick up
Timmy for trying to get Sniffa and being called false accusation
Harry/Ice/Cock Tender/Melts/Fin: Boyscouting for the cooler
Timmy for not preparing Virgin
Cock Tender and Dildo Stat for wanker names
Crotch for too long inbetweens in advance.  Be careful over there assface.

Orlando Red Dress – 2/17
Tampa Red Dress 2/10 - Dildo
New Orleans Mardigras – 2/16-19 – Sniff, Timmy, Ginger
Bike Week – Mar 2-4 - Gilligan

Until next time hashers…

timmy!, on-sec
and the only one not eating paint chips today!!!

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#190 – HCB

Feb 24, 2007
Start: Publix - Malabar Road
Hares:  Harry Cheezballz

Hounds: F*ck'in Stupid, Ginger Snatch, Shut the F*ck Up, Ice Hole, Million Buck F*uck, In My Mouth, Shop Teacher, Ass Whisperer, Vaginer Minor and his virgin Pat, Just Michael and Just Margie (back for seconds), Happy Meal, Little Fin.

My only disclaimer is: If it's spelled wrong, it was done on purpose……

So there we were……….. in the parking lot between Publix and Wendys when the fire and brimstone came from the sky and made marks on the ground….. No wait..wrong story. It was Harry Cheese Balls, the hare, who made the marks on the ground for the pack of hounds tofollow.

Off the walkers went, around Publix, to countback. Countback? The runners (Shop Teacher and Ginger) were still at the start and the walkers were doing countbacks to keep the pack with the runners????? Back on trail again behind the shopping center to a which way, I followed Stupid (don't ask me why I should know better) to the left and everyone else went right. The trail to the left just vanished after 2 plops, we turned started our trek to catch up with the rest of the pack. Harry's plan worked, the runners caught up to us at that which way. Butt wait, they were running and just left Stupid and I behind. Being at the back of the pack isn't always bad though………as we finally caught up to the back of the pack, the trail took us "behind" Wal mart where we got to see the Happy Moon!

Into the shiggy! Around a pond to a which way. This time we went right. Right to a YBF. Ginger took the lead headed, left to find the trail for us. At one point she looked lost, standing on the trail, hand above her eyes, looking to the left and then to the right. Some one made the comment of seeing Poke a Hontus on trail. Butt she found her way up to some new shiggy. Running to the left, back to the right, back to the left, back to the right like a duck in a shooting gallery. Shot, ding, goat cheese pizza, turn, shot, ding, goat cheese pizza, turn, shot, ding, goat cheese pizza, turn……………….

Outta the shiggy, between some houses to a canal. Down the canal to a bend, where several adventurous harrietts (STFU and Happy Meal) choose to cross the canal instead of walking around. After the canal crossing, STFU commented "You can do this and stay dry" HM: "Yes butt not very comfortably!" On-In to the beer check………….

Comments from the beer check:
(Shop Teacher) "When we first went into the woods, Stupid broke the wood."

(Happy Meal, IMM, MBF) Talking about levitating, "If everyone here put our minds together………………., we would have half a mind and still couldn't do it"

(Shop Teacher) About STFU opening the chips at the beer stop, "I won't force her to open them, butt if she does, I'll eat"

On that note, we were back on trail……… it was just around the corner when STFU and Ass Whisperer found an advertising sign (129 999) to pose in front of. After some confusing which ways, we ended up back in the shiggy. No ideal how it happened, butt Ass Whisperer knows Jack. She didn't have much of a problem getting Jack on her head, butt she couldn't get Jack Off……

That was the climax for the trail. On to circle………..and the ice…… Shop Teacher started with a toast to and the history of "G" Harry Cheese balls went to the blocks of ice first for being the hare of such a shitty trail.

F*ckin' Stupid and Ginger FRBs, Just Michael and Just Margie DFLs When asked why he was the DFL Just Michael answered "I'm Just F*ckin' Slow" (AND HE DIDN'T GET NAMED??????? )

In My Mouth, Little Fin, Stupid on the blocks for same hash attire.

On to the HUYA
Shop Teacher on the ice blocks. He got the HUYA because he must be in love (spending too much damn time on the phone duringtrail) …he added a horney little devil that makes some interesting "female orgasmic sounds" Shop stated "Ass Whisperertaped him making those sounds"…. AW to ST "That's you? You're so gay!" On to nominations………

Ass Whisperer for sleeping with someone that sounds like that. In her defense she stated, "I just keep my eye closed and
thing of some one else"

As Ass Whisperer joined Shop Teacher on the blocks he stated "Is that your back pack or are you turned around?" Down
downs and Ass Whisperer has the HUYA. Million Buck F*ck, Shop Teacher, Little Fin, Ginger for blood ontrail.

Harry Cheese Balls for "AUTO HASHING"??????? Self accusation ………..
Harry and STFU for toooooooo long between
Vaginer Minor and Just Pat as visitors
Ice Hole for being the only one that hadn't been in circle………

Next full moon to be hared by Shop Teacher.
Next Space Coast trail is the 100TH. Thinking the 7th of March, need to show our support!
Next Bunny Hash 26 Feb


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#192 – “There will be beer…. there will be a trail.”

March 24, 2007
Start: Makoto's
Hares:  Sniffa and Waaaaay

Hounds: Ass Whisperer, Bike Bitch, Cock Tender, Cockpit, Crotchduster, Direct Deposit, Eatapus, Happy Meal, Ice Hole, In My Mouth, Million Buck Fuck, Just Puke, Shop Teacher, Snip It, Timmy!, Vagina Minor.

Virgins: Just David, Just Margie, Just Michael, Just Pat, Just Patty, Just Teri

“Where’s the Beer? is the cry heard from 22 of our illustrious hashers from behind the Criminal Justice Records Division Building until our Beer Meister Extraordinare Cock Tender arrives with his lovely assistant Direct Deposit.  People - Vultures do not swarm on road kill as fast as Hashers getting beer from the trunk.  I have never seen so many people knocking others away to get to beer in my life.  You’d think this was a drinking club or something but no, what is that coming around the bend but Bike Bitch on his Harley raising hell to join the pack in tight fitting jeans and cowboy boots.  I think he gave women the vapors looking that good.  Dayum.

A beautiful (and hot!) day awaits the pack as the hounds try and snag the speedy Waayy and his co-Hare Goddess Sniffah.  Our tennis shoes are on, our beer is in hand, our coppertone is in place and Waay tells us to get back in our cars.  What the heck?!?  We are auto hashing to the actual begin point right across the street from the courthouse!  I bet that’s the last time some of you give Sniffah ca-ca for auto hashing.  Too funny.  Is anyone seeing a theme yet with these starting places?

A little chalk talk for our virgins by Waayyy and he is off running - yes Running.  Put that picture in Ripley's believe it or not.  Bike Bitch and Just Dave begin crying as the beer truck leaves driven by the Handsome Eatapus and we are on-out! Yippee!!  Crotchduster leaves everyone in his dust when he begins running for the first check.  What the hell is wrong with these people today? First Waayy is running and now Crotch?  Ok, this is just weird.  Crotch said he's getting in shape so much by running from Hadji, he'd just carry it on to the next level of Hashing.  Someone get the man a beer he is in shock!

Through some very nice shiggy, over a few trees and land ladders built into banks we go.  A little winding around the bend and we've lost Just Michael and Just Margie Ice Hole and Just Dave begin to go back for them and there they come around the corner just smiling their asses off.  A strange smell is also in the air.  Yeah Baby, we know what you've been doing.  After the proper harassment, we take off back down the trail only to stop cold in our tracks when we hear Just Michael yell about getting stung by a bee.  I don't know if he was yelling because he got stung four times by the same bee or because Just Margie was slapping his dick trying to get the bee off.  Hey, I just report it, I can't make stuff up this funny.  More trail and shiggy and singing "I used to work in Chicago." lead us into the beer check.  (Why did we not think of Dick Slapper as a name?) 

A very nice spot for the beer check complete with running creek and nice embankments, almost brings a tear to your eye when you think of it.  For maybe the first time in history, the walkers beat the runners into the half way courtesy of Sniffah's countback 21!  Freaking Hares.  Can't trust them.  Shop Teacher is beat by a GIRL-Just Pat (not that its competitive behavior) into the half way which earns him the customary jeers.  True to Shop's style without missing a beat - the view is better behind her. Happy Meal, IMM and Timmy sit down in the grass to rest and partake of the beautiful sun.  Million Buck Fuck brings IMM more beer like a good husband would.  We know what'll be happening at the Buck's household tonight.  Ok, so IMM - how many p's are in wasp again? In her country she pronounces it Wasp-p-p-ps.  Happy Meal can't help herself - she can not stop weeding the grass.  Get the woman some help will ya Fin? Sheesh!  Icehole uses Technology on Trail and gets away with it.  Vagina Minor watches his wife Just Pat chase an underage male minor who happened to walk through with his bike.  Just Puke yells that her naming could be MIRF - Mothers I Run From.  The minor's boxers were showing and Just Pat followed him into the woods to 'assist him' while pulling those up - yeah, okay, we understand - wink wink.  This earns her the name Pattyfile?Patofile? in circle later.  (I never could understand the drunks trying to decide her name when their voices are slurred.)

Laughing and drinking we are on-out again to the last part of the trail.  No trail is complete without a surprise.  Nobody prepared us for this long, hard, big, pole we'd have to do.  There was a lot of funny stuff that happened here.  Highlights are:  CrotchDuster shimmy's across it like Hadji is after him. Just Pat shimmy's across it extremely quick like she's been a pole humper for years. (Do I smell a name?) Snip It is never too proud to hump a pole like a girl follows them.   Just Dave, the Hash equivalent of McGyver today, finds ties and strings from tree's planted near and with Puke's help makes a balance tie.  Ass Whisper tries to toss the Huya across, it gets to Puke then to Shop and lies on the ground awaiting her to go across.  She bails as well as her virgin Just Teri and finds an alternate route abandoning the huya to which Guess Who steals the huya YET again.  If I have to tell you the answer to this, you haven't been to a hash in a while!
Cross the pole, through more shiggy and homeless camps and into the Circle we go.  Three namings today are to take place and everyone has their thinking caps on, their cold beer in their hand when we can't find Ass Whisperer and Just Teri.  Crotch tells Shop to go find his woman. Shop:  Sniff Sniff on the air, Puke sings, You can tell by the smell... Dear God, it does not get much funnier than that if you were there.

Circle up for the RA and it begins....
FRB - Crotch Duster    DFL - Ass Whisperer
Same Hash Attire - Ice Hole, Just Dave, Snip It, Happy Meal, Just Michael and ??? (yeah, I forgot, fire me)
Onto the good part - The namings - woohoo!!
Just Pat - Pattyfile - story above
Just Margie - sells Victoria's secrets online, engaged to Just Michael, not a lot to go on here but did it take us long? Nope.  Thoughts were Panty pimp, cooter scooter, victoria's secretions and the winner - thongs 1/2 off suggested by Cock Tender.
Just Michael - Former Navy, engineer, beginning to thin, stung by a bee four times, loves astronomy - Thoughts were Just fucking slow, the seaman's semen, hung like a bee, little dipper, Galayem, asstryme and the winner  - pubic hair club for men suggested by just Dave.

As heard on Trail:
Just Pat -  Why did I wear white to a hash? I got on new clothes. Well my undies aren't new.
Timmy! - Don't tell them that, they'll wanna do a sniff test to make sure.
Crotch:  Stick it in My Ass, Stick it in My Ass!
Vagina Minor: (while crossing the pole)  I can only go two inches at a time.
Just Pat:  Hell, I'm used to that.
Direct Deposit: I can only go two inches at a time, my legs get stuck to the pole.
Crotch:  Stick it in My Ass, Stick it in My Ass!
Just Puke to Vagina Minor - Go take care of your woman's shiggy.
CrotchDuster - A toast to the G-Spot
Cockpit - You don't know where that is.
Happy Meal - That was a big ass pole to straddle, but I still miss my husband.
Crotch:  Stick it in My Ass, Stick it in My Ass!

Until Next Time Hashers,
Your faithful slave on-sec

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April 7, 2007
Start: Beef O' Brady's, Palm Bay
Hares:  Harry Cheezballz & Snip-it

** DISCLAIMER #1** Since I am still forgetful on many of the hash names used, and rather than offending those of you that think I SHOULD remember your names by now, I'll treat this hash trash as if I knew nobody at all.  If you recognize you should be on the line, then mentally place your name where it belongs.

Like all hashes, this one too, started in front of a Beef O' Brady's (does someone in the hash have stock or something??) .  This time it was located at the Palm Bay K-Mart.  At least two hapless individuals could not read directions properly and went to the OTHER Palm Bay Beef's at Bayshore.  However, we took so long getting started, that those individuals made it back up to K-Mart without even missing chalk talk.  Introduced to the chalk talk for this hash was a turtle (or is that a traditional Easter thing?).  This was learned to represent a nutsack check.  We also learned that if we were the first person to approach this marking, we had to wait for at least two other hashes prior to proceeding.  The hare for this endeavor was none other than ____________ _____, so you knew going in that we were going to be in for one hell of a trek.  Rather than his traditional "go this way, go that way, go back the first way, now just scatter" routine, he introduced rules that would clearly be forgotten by mid march (by the way, I said `he' so you know now the hare was male, at least I think he was).  Other rules entailed a SIXTY-EIGHT Easter Egg Hunt on trail.  (WHAT you were too cheap for ONE MORE EGG???)  In these eggs contained bubble solution vials filled with Tequila.  (I thought those shots tasted awefully soapy, BTW).  Carrying the official hash bag of lime juice and bottle of salt was none other than ____________ ____, who did fairly well staying ahead enough to catch most of the tequila shooter individuals.  If you did not feel like drinking the shot, you had to carry it to the next one and force the next two people to drink (however, at all stops I noticed there were at LEAST three eggs, so forced stop no matter what).  Introduced to the hash was a new 4 legged virgin, Just ____________ _.  I think there was another virgin or two, but they weren't anymore after hash was over, so doesn't matter.

**DISCLAIMER #2** I expect that since this was a week ago, and we were rather tequila'd up, I am going to miss quite a bit of detail, although I will do my best to remember the juicy bits.  However, since Ginger wasn't there, they won't actually be ALL THAT juicy… J…. (I can use her name because she wasn't there.)

At any rate, off we go into the wild hash yonder, uprooting trees and shrubs (er wait, I didn't say head, yes I did, just now).  Trail started off with a SNAFU.  We began around the back side of K-Mart to find a CB 9.  Unfortunately, that CB 9 turned into a CB 69 because a semi truck, prior to our arrival around back, ran over the pats of flour, tripling or quadrupling the amount of plop marks on the ground.  (Methinks the trucker was a friend of the hare).  We managed to isolate the false plops with the real ones and got back on trail, already having the runners catching up to us.  Uneventful leg of trail lasted a good while, someone said something slanderous but I can't remember what it was.  Something about a lost hash ID from a Just ___________, who was our beloved RA's gal, ____________ _.  Safety crossing over Babcock (there is no such thing on that road), through some back alleys, around a canal, up and over then another safe crossing across Palm Bay Road near the Atlanta Bread Factory (still no such thing across PB Rd).  Most walkers came upon all the faster joggers and runners, as trail seemed to disappear slightly.  It took the walkers to find the trail going east into the Palm Bay Forest, and through the wickedness to beer check near the fairly new cinema dining complex (used to be an old dollar cinema).  During the stop, and several more consumed tequila shots later, we noticed that ____________ _____ had yet to join up with the group.  A cell phone call was made, directions were given, and one hasher who will remain nameless went out to the road to give her a visual (and no it wasn't a turtle marking).  Later at circle that individual would drink YET AGAIN for boyscouting, but stupid him (thanks to all the tequila) forgot to countercharge the accuser of using technology on trail to call that lost individual in the first place.

Trail resumes, through some more canal areas and residential back yards, and an apartment complex where the hare gets the entire hash party lost trying to determine which trail goes where, and where we should go.  Half an hour of backtracking, and forthtracking we find resumption of trail and 3 YBFs.  Finally find trail again, around a building, a couple more YBFs and yet another safe crossing over Babcock (we were really pushing our luck, three safe crossings so far, with a fourth to occur later).  On through a sparsely filled woods to an apartment complex under construction, out and about to the road, and on past our fourth safe crossing of the day back across PB Rd.  Down a road, through a winding ATV dirt path trail, to bring us back out where we went in, and across the road along another canal, up a dirt road and finally to Bear Near and circle.  Upon circle we sang a song praising _________, with some interesting lyrical modifications.  We had a naming, from Just ________ (some L word we are never supposed to use) to become ____________ .  Welcome to the hash, ____________ _. 

I had planned to present a gift to the hash but since there was nobody there with a hashflasher, I decided to wait until our next meeting after the upcoming cruise.

Several more tequila shots, a few accusations, and some more songs, we called it a night (because it WAS night, got dark on us quick).  We then proceeded back around to the Kmart and either our cars or the on-after in Beef's.  For those that missed it, see the attachment that I will ATTEMPT to post in the next message.

Said on trail:

____________ to ____________ __: "ha ha ha ha"

____________ to ____________ __: "hee hee hee hee"

Just _________ to ____________ _: "bark bark"

Hopefully next time the true hash trasher will be there with pen and notepad.  Remembering any good details is next to impossible a week afterwards.

Until next time.


On-_________ _ (Icehole)

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June 02, 2007

Hare: Lil Fin. Hounds: Kill Whitey, Lollipop, Kojak, Cocktender, Direct Deposit, Shopteacher, LMAU, Hairycheeseballs, Suckulator, Pattyfile, No Mans Land, VaginaMinor, Cockpit, Ginger, Homowrecker, Just Puke, Just Maria, Dildostat, Dick Sniffa, KIll Whitey, All of the Above, Eat-a-Puss, the happy couple I can never remember their names, and of course Happy Meal. If I left someone out...its an oversight!

Everyone arrived at the Eau Gallie location wearing some sort of Hawaiian theme: shirts, leis in hair, on ankles, round necks, and fluffy strands of plastic strung around waists which was flying in the wind. After exchanging & obtaining more leis from the Hounds: Lil Fin & his cohare. Lil Fin then laid the marks for the virgins bent ass over t-bags & explained the marks to the virgins. The Hare was off in one direction & the cohare autohashing to the next stops: there was an extra credit beer stop, a beer check, and of course circle, in surprising but neat locations!

The walkers were out!

Fortunately the hare used his marks well or we would have lost flour to the wind. Over hill over dale through the not so dusty trail the hounds followed streets, walke on horseshit laid trails, sidewalks, parking lots, shiggy shiggy woods (where did this shit come from?) crossed a water canal (if ur feet were not wet in circle you had to do a down down: autohashing anyone?), trail trash backyards, nice woodsy walks with a handsome turtle (photo op), three girls on very
nice & very patient horses who deserved the ass tossin' one of them got, lost on trail, lost on trail, ooops, found the marks, rangin', and don't follow No Mans Land when she's running like the wind! She misses marks! And for the lazy fat bastards following her...grrr... lol

Just kidding!

In addition, consider who your following because when Ginger looked back on one of her rangings said "hey, why ya following me!? I'm ranging!" And range she did with Kill Whitey. Man that gal can range& run!

The pack made it into the beer check without the FRB's who were busy doing the whole enchilade! Fin said 6 miles for the Eagles, and 2 miles for the turkeys! Ha! The FRB's decided to run Eagle over the Turkey option. Ha! Over Achievers! The walkers moved out without them...but the FRB's took their revenge by coming in first to the next beer check! lol

How did they get past us? Hmmmmmm.....

There were autohashers... Sniffa (1/4th of the trail), LMAU (over heated), and someone else? But over and all completed the nearly 4.5 mile trail (don't lie Fin! It was notttttt 2-3 miles) Not that anyone is whining... it is what it is... :) Sniffa did a great job going the distance, but suspicions were roused by her dry feet.

FINALLY... Circle...!

DFL was Eat-a-puss? Yes, he's hurt his ankle, and he's taking it easy. Well done! FRB? Who can remember after all of those fuzzy Mai Tai's & hot tub to dull the brain!? There were many accusations! Some false! Some true! Some just for fun! STFU was accused of wearing new sneaks! Her defense: just because you haven't seen them at a hash doesn't make them new! Cocktender argued their new if the hash hasn't seen them before! She had to drink out of her shoe! Technology on trail! STFU's response "but I didn't answer the phone..." She still got a down down for that! Just Maria the perpetual virgin had difficulty remembering her name: "some call me Bootyliscious, some call me Speed Bump, some call me.." Whats yourrr wanker nameeeee? Ohhhh... Just Maria...

Just Puke was back in form making MANY MANY accusations & loving it! He even went so far to throw his own sweetie HomoWrecker under the bus & then promptly sat on her so she couldn't avoid sitting on ice. Our RA Shopteacher sat on ice MANY MANY MANY times for so many things I've lost count. Sniffa sat on ice for a long long long time for dry sneakers? I can't remember... but I do remember it was a long long time.

Lollipop called out announcements regarding the next Space Coast Hasher "its her birthday! And we are alll invited!" Yayyyy! Happy Meal reminded us all to sign up & pay for our Fl/Ga Interhash on July 1st! Remember: July 1st! No sooner! No later! Toga Announcement was made for the next hash! Suckulator & Asspacket will be hares & it will be Pub Crawwlll... Ginger reminded folks about the Stroke Memorial Hash this coming weekend down in Tampa. Ginger will also be haring two up coming hashes for Daytona Beach: one with Way beyond Gay, and the other with Short Shorts. One will will have an On After at her house where she will feed the homeless & the hapless.

Okay, thats all I can remember because after that we headed over to the On After at Lil Fin & Happy Meals lovely abode w/a cute puppy dog, 3 cats, a fish pond & a hot tub with lots of hot water & drinks& food! And special thanks to Eat-a-Puss & to Cocktender for helping me to get tooooo the hash & to Cockpit for leading me out so I could get home!

Toasts to G!
Toasts to Stroke!

May the hash go in peace! May Gilligan get a peace!


STFU, stunt hash flash, picts to follow

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June 18, 2007 - Fat Boy Toga Pub Crawl

Hares: Ass Packet & Suckulater
Hounds: Cock Tender, Direct Deposit, Cockpit, Crotchduster, Ginger Snatch, Fucking Stupid, Wood Liquor, Circle Blow, Icehole, Just Swallows, Just Jonathan, Shop Teacher, Dildo-Stat, Bike Bitch, Melts, Nana, Little Fin, Happy Meal, Pubic Hare Club for Men, Thongs Half Off, Timmy, Harry Cheezballs, STFU, Sniffa, LMAU, Just Anna (virgin)

~ Visitors ~
Daytona: Waaayy Beyond Gay, Shoots & Splatters, Fecal Fucker, Rolling Hooters, Gilligan
Orlando: Wild Oats, Lost Puppy, Pay B4 Pumping, R-Tits, Semicumfucter, Thanks for the Mammaries
Tampa: Caught From Behind, Goo Light Special, Bangs Her Mash, Semper Bi

A hot summer June day awaited a group of delinquents in Cocoa Beach this past Saturday at the Annual Toga Hash. Flashy new mugs courtesy of BVD Haberdasher grace the palms of many partiers as chalk talk is held by ASS PACKET and SUCKULATER. Peanuts (for those carb conscious slackers) and cheese puffs are served. GINGER SNATCH was a bright sight to see in her bright pink toga. GILLIGAN showed his patriotism by wearing his red, white and blue. CROTCH DUSTER could not be missed in his tye dye. What the fuck are the Iraqi's doing to CD that he is wearing an ankle length, bright ass tye dye toga I have no idea. COCKPIT kinda likes it I hear. She believes now that CD has lost all that weight that his cock is bigger. (ok, Crotch paid me $20 bucks to say that) hehe. MELTS IN YOUR MOUTH, really stood out in his dragon lady red silk. With so much material it was hard to see him. Smile Melts, so we know you are there.

First stop, Cottage Pub. A delightful little place. The local's eyes got bigger than their beer mugs when the toga clad hashers walked in. RA SHOP TEACHER did a lovely shout out to those from Daytona, Orlando, and Tampa that came to join us before bringing JUST JOHNATHAN up to be named. Just Johnathon is JUST SWALLOWS son who has hashed with BVD for the past two years--two years--but usually only at pub crawls and an occasional hash. Why we couldn't come up with a name right then with that information, is beyond me. We were not drunk enough yet, however GOO LITE SPECIAL/SEMPER BI came up with Immaculate Cumception and Pimp My Ride (due to the computer geek kid putting a dvd/radio and such into his car to watch porn). Shop tabled the decision until the next bar. MOMMY REAREST, the over
achieving whatsit, not only entered but WON the 5k race today. Yeah baby! All that and speed too, what a woman! Did we mention she was from BVD? That's the way we roll! Ok ok ok, if some of us tried a 5K we'd be rolling alright, like the Pillsbury doughboy. So proud of you MR!

As the toga clad hashers leave the cottage pub, the BVDers naturally begin to gravitate towards the Hurricane Hanks bar. (They love hashers!) but surprise, surprise that is not to be. Oh HELL no. We are walking freaking forever, in the hot sun, up hill both ways with no shoes on, in the desert…you get the picture. Freaking Hares ugh. Timmy!, DILDO STAT, GLS, and others, flag down a passing pick up truck and rode with strangers while PUBIC HARE and THONGS ½ OFF stop by a house on the way to do God knows what. All I'm saying is it did have a cozy garage uh huh. Jesus people, it's a pub crawl not breaking and entering! Get away from there. Sheesh, can't take these two anywhere.

BIKE BITCH AND WILD OATS seem to be reenacting Caesar as they stand above the crowd in the children's playpen high atop the metal. I guess it was Caesar. It could have been "get your hand off Oats ass and catch the jello shot!" Hello! Alcohol Abuse. And speaking of Oats, anyone notice how good WO's ass looked in that skirt? Dayum! R- TITS (Orlando), SEMICUMFUCTER (Orlando), had a very good time playing in the swings and sand like children. We have no idea if it was due to being half naked in toga's or the apple pie shots but it was entertaining to watch.

CIRCLE BLOW joined the group at the park looking splendid in her multi color toga and then drove the gimp GLS and PAY B4 PUMPIN to the next stop. Johnathon's Pub is a Cocoa Beach classic and welcomed us as always. The hashers took over the entire right side of the place near the dart boards. Careful those things are sharp and pointy. Speaking of points, ROLLING HOOTERS gave camo boy SHOOTS AND SPLATTERS a `point' while sitting in his lap. FUCKING STUPID AND
CAUGHT FROM BEHIND might have both had points as they sandwiched Just Johnathon by the men's room. More beer was served as LITE MY ASS UP began the limbo line then and on-out.

HARRY CHEESEBALLS led the way to the next bar as LITTLE FIN and the beautiful HAPPY MEAL tried to get the drunk toga people out of Johnathon's bar towards the next stop on the infamous Fat Boy Toga. ICEHOLE made JUST ANNA feel more than welcome for most of the night until ASS PACKET made ICEHOLE move his hand off ANNA's ass. She quickly..and I do mean quickly…stated she had a very nice ass to be manhandled (remember that for naming ammo). WAYYY couldn't believe FECAL FUCKER was doing the limbo by bending backwards. "Why doesn't the little fucker walk under it?"

FUCKING STUPID was hailing traffic on A1A and talking to all the bikini clad and burley bikers on the way to hot sand of the beach as we rounded the corner. He was dropping things out of his thongs left and right. Good thing WOOD LIQOUR was behind him looking out. (Double entrende?) hmmm…

If I may say, what a picture ASS PACKET made on the sand by himself with his long hair and red cape flowing in the breeze. STUPID thought he was seeing God, but then again, it was just ASS. Many of a woman has had this thought in their lives at some point I am sure.

On upwards through the hot sand and towards the Sea Aire Motel. Crisp and refreshing, not to mention toxic, mohito's awaiting everyone. Many, many comments where made about how delicious they were. SEMPER BI and BANGS loved them so much they got all lovely on the grass while STFU took pictures. Group gropes, good times, owner snapping a picture of gingers naked breasts—ahh life is good on the beach! If you are reading this, take the time to write a review (2 min) of the Sea Aire hotel on that travel page that HAPPY MEAL will put up shortly. Thank you in advance. They are good to us, we are
good to them.

Onward ho! To the final journey to Toga drunkland at one of BVD's favorite fine drinking establishments – Hurricane Hanks. The beer was cold, the karoke was hot. BANANA SLIT, COCK TENDER, GINGER, COCKPIT, LOST PUPPY, and others sang to the delight of everyone. And none will forget CAUGHT FROM BEHIND's rendition of Sweet Caroline. Oh baby, the entire bar was with him on the SO GOOD, SO GOOD, SO GOOD!!!

What was also so good was that Just Johnathon was finally named to Gag Reflex. Your on-sec was too far away to get the details on that but I'm sure someone will pass that along later.

SNIFFA and SUCKULATER looked regal in their togas dancing as well as the honey smooching going on by people from Orlando who shall remain nameless. RTITS and SEMI. More beer, more dancing, more good times and the Pizza man will never be the same…

Thank you SUCKY and AP for tossing it together and all the fine helpers! Many thanks to all who came out and supported the hash. Thank you visitors from TAMPA, ORLANDO, DAYTONA for joining us.

Until next time…

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#199 - BB's Retirement Hash

June 30, 2007

The end of June. The end of an era. I take my leave of Northrop Grumman so I can spend more time with you wankers.

The starting point was at Sam’s Club on Route 192 in Melboring. I believe it was about 190 degrees at 4:00 PM with luckily no rain in sight. Not many hashers in sight either as it seems everybody decided to “get out of Dodge” for the July 4th week. But no mind, there arrived a small but intrepid group consisting of: The perky Ms. Dick Sniffa, the ever lady-like In My Mouth, her handsome consort Million Buck F*ck, the ever young Lollipop, the determined Ice Hole, the endearing All Of The Above and then there was………KOJACK. It seems Kojak came with a mission to apply a torture device to me. Stopping by was Mommy Rearest and Melts In Your Mouth just to be sociable and give me some good wishes. Poor Wrong Banana Slit was not feeling the best and sent Melts on ahead as her emissary.

Chalk talk was given with some special signs such as: “Beware the Attack Chickens” and “Step Over Bike Bitch’s Body if He Expires on Trail”. It’s about 4:40 PM and Wild Oats is On-Out. I drive the beer truck to meet her and set up the half way point. We’re not gonna lie, folks. It’s all but pre-laid.

When we get to the half-way point a woman and her husband come out of what looked like an abandoned house and inform us it’s private property and they’ve had trouble in the past. After much explaining they relent and we are glad that’ it’s a light turn-out. Meanwhile the group has gone down streets, through homeless camps, shiggy, a horse farm and across a canal to reach the Beer Near. For the most part, water was the beverage of choice.

Did I mention it was hot?

On-Out again and down a lonnnnng canal to another water crossing. Down the street to the final On-In at the most generous Dollar In It’s house. A circle was formed as the group looked at the peculiar blocks of ice with sparkly confetti. On the patio was a illuminated drink fountain overflowing with “Shit In The Toilet” for all to drink as an extra credit. Blue colored with Tootsie Rolls. Mmmm, yummy!

The usual accusations and such along with the use of Kojak’s “Da Tube” which turned my shirt into a brewery mop. It was felt that Sniffah should become the next RA or GM after showing much exuberance. Swing Low was sung and the Hash got a piece. At least I know I did.

On-On, Bike Bitch

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#200 - Red Dress Pub Crawl

July 14, 2007

Hares: Cock Tender & Little Fin

Hounds: Direct Deposit, Happy Meal, Vagina Miner, Pat-e-Phile, Shop Teacher, Nana, Melts, Timmy, Sniffa, LMAU, Just Swallows, Gag Reflex, Woody, Just Therese, Ginger Snatch, Fucking Stupid, Ass Packet, Circle Blow, Suckulater, Cockpit, Crotchduster, 2th Fairy, Ass Whisperer, Mommy Rearest, Daddy’s Little Whore

Virgins: Natasha, Shelby

Visitors: Buenos Snatches (Orlando), Beaver Receiver (Okinawa), Just Mercedes (??), Just Laid (Orlando), Cooter Bush (Orlando), Mammaries (Orlando), Pussy for Less (Orlando), C.U.N.T. (Orlando), Just Fuckin’ Do It (??), Goo Lite Special ( Tampa ), Caught From Behind ( Tampa ), Waayy Beyond Gay (Daytona), Anal Inspector (West Palm Beach), Itchy (Orlando), Forrest Hump (Hawaii), H.R. Cuff n Stuff (Jacksonville), Rosey Palms (??), Heifer Humper (Lost Hares), Down n Dirty (Orlando), Doofus White Boy (Gainesville)

Special Thanks to LMAU for the Hash Trash.

A pub crawl actually... We SURVIVED... BARELY. While at our first stop, "Norman's", it POURED like crazy. I thought we'd be stuck there for the entire day. It's Florida. Give it 10 minutes and the weather will change.

We're OUT and on to the Dog and Bone.

It's SO funny to see the look on "civilians" (aka: non-hashers) faces when we walk into a place. They're like WHAT THE F*CK? Beer there and on out to some little cafe place and some other place I can't remember. The beer was cold.

Murdocks was our next stop and we were out and back to the Dog & Bone (upstairs).

By this time everyone was pretty um shall I say, HAPPY... inebriated, TANKED... Luckily the D&B has an upstairs which we pretty much filled. More beer, dancing, POLE dancing, a man pile in red dresses, and silly pix.

Had a great turnout of out-of-towners! Love the road whores!

No civilians were harmed during this pub crawl - shocked maybe, but not harmed!

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#201 - Just Puke & Homo Wrecher's Hash Wedding

July 28, 2007

Hares: Just Puke & Harry Cheezballs

Co-Hares/Kitchen Bitches: Homo Wrecker & Just Maria

Officiant: Kojak

Hounds: 2th Fairy, Down n Dirty, Vagina Miner, Pat-e-Phile, Timmy, Cockpit, Fecal Fucker, Pubic Hare Club, Thongs Half Off, Happy Meal, Little Fin, Just Bob (Virgin), Cum Chomper, Sniffa, I Dream of Weenee, No Man’s Land, , Icehole, , LMAU, , Lollipop, , Nana, , Melts, Spermaid, Krusty Kreme, Shop Teacher, Mammaries, Cock Tender, Direct Deposit, Strap-On John, Kill Whitey, Daddy’s Little Whore,

Latecummer: Poon Twang (did not pay hash cash)

And it’s a sunshiney day at Wickham park where we gather together to wish Puke and Homowrecker great sex everlasting and the angels to sing and…who are we kidding? We are hashers! We’re gonna drink your beer and eat your food and leave you to clean up the mess. Ha! GOOD Beer and Margarita’s awaited the hashers on this glorious day.

We all welcomed back Cock Tender and Direct Deposit from their honeymoon. (Crotch Duster is still pissed by the way that we are having all the fun while he is off playing with his toys.) Several hashers representing Lost Hares, H3SC, Orlando, THE Bvdh3, B3h3 were present to witness the nipples, er, nuptials presided over by Kojak looking so spify. If you missed the ceremony, Fecal Fucker has it up on You Tube I believe. Poor Homowrecker. Not only does she have to put up with Puke, she has to put up with all of us. If that woman doesn ’t get wife of the year award, I don’t know who should.

Happy Meal and Cockpit were in their finest hash wedding attire, as well as Little Fin and Melts. Someone help me out here a minute. Why is the big tall white guy in a black suit with dreads and a little bitty short haired black guy in a solid white tux? This was such a dichotomy and so funny. Melts could have borrowed Lollipops tie to complete his ensemble.

On and out go the hashers in the rain because No Man’s Land said she wasn’t scared of lightening and the boys would not be outdone. Truly over the river and through the woods to the Trail of beers we go. Cockpit and Timmy are hanging back discussing the next BVD hash on 8/11 which is their birthday hash (like that plug worked in?) while Thongs Half Off and Pubic Hare are YET AGAIN hanging back and disappearing on trail. We don’t exactly know what they were doing, but there was mucho splashing going on.

Speaking of making a splash, the two gorgeous blondes from Orlando, Down n Dirty and Mammaries joined us this week for Pukes wedding hash. I’m sure it had zero, nada, nothing to do with the BVD men (Shop and 2th) they have been in town boinking. We are quite certain they would come all this way for the chicken wings and the cold beer. Uh huh, and I got this bridge in Arizona….

Puke and Harry Cheezballs laid enough beers on the trail of beers to stretch from Melbourne to Arizona. We had them babies tucked in everywhere the sun didn’t shine just to keep moving along before the lightening and bugs got us. All I’m saying is that Daddy’s Lil Whore pulled so many out of his shorts one has to wonder where they were stashed.

Trail of beers over and Circle up under the shed. Ice Hole presented a flag that was hand made to THE bvd. There is a story behind this flag and I’m sorry to say that I don’t remember exactly how it goes. But it was a major effort to do it and it was a major effort to present it and we all thank IceHole for it! Except maybe Daddy’s Lil Whore who now has the HUYA because he asked Fin what cross stitch was used to make it. First the beer cans and now a cross stitch? No wonder he was such a success w/Chippendales.

So many sat on ice that circle went on for days and your on-sec abandoned it to get off her knees. If you did something stupid and I missed it, it is your lucky day!

Special Special thanks to Carmen’s friend “Just Maria” for all her help and to Kill Whitey for cooking us all that wonderful food!

Your faithful and OLD on-sec, Timmy!

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#202 - Timmy and Cockpits 40th Bday Hash in lovely downtown Port St. John

August 4 8, 2007

Hares: Timmy! & Cockpit

Hounds: Can't remember, we're OLD!

We are exercising our birthday right not to write a full trash (as we didn’t really lay trail) and we don’t know who was there (cuz we were drunk).

Please don’t yell, its our birthday, be nice. We are women, we turned 40. We only have hot flashes and sagging boobies to look forward too.


6 virgins or 4 virgins?

Walking through the homeless in the woods ‘looking for a black lab who answers to ‘on-on’”

Who made you cum? Wendy
Who made you cum? Wendy
Who made you cum? Wendy
Who made you cum? Wendy
Who made you cum? Wendy

100 degrees in the shade!!

Perfect timing of the train!

Circling up. Drunk people, blurry, a virgin was named on the spot “red hot twat” and “fish butt” was tabled.

Special thanks to 2th and Down n' Dirty (Dirty Fairy) for laying trail for us and for everyone pretending to think Cockpit and Timmy actually laid it.

We love you guys!

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#205 - Merritt Island "Rooster Bar"

October 7, 2007

(It doesn't have to be 100% accurate to be true, and since I'm going solely off memory three days after the fact, expect only about 5% to
be even close)

Twas perfect hash weather, though it had rained earlier on. Not a hasher was stirring, not even Gin….er …..wait, ….wrong segway… The sun stayed behind the clouds, keeping it rather mild through the day's events.

I found the bar and as I drove by noticed two odd looking people sitting on the curb looking rather dazed and confused. I would later discover them to be our two newest virgins. As I found a parking spot I noticed no other BVD hasher vehicles in the lot, and this was already a few minutes after showtime…. typical hash behavior, right? As I was getting prepped I heard off in the distance …. "Icehole!!!"…. my salvation cry that I was at least in the right place. It was Mr. and Mrs. Cock Tender and Direct Deposit driving up, always nice when the hares show up for their own hash. :) They went on to the bar while I continued readying myself for potential doom, despair, or down-downs.

I entered the bar to find CT and DD already sitting with three other people. One out of towner who I believe said she was from Daytona. I cannot remember her name at all. As for the two new virgins, it's interesting how a guy can remember a woman's name and not a man's. Her name is Just Heather, and even though I had asked the guy several times what his name was I've already forgotten it. We'll go with Just ____ for now. They had been waiting a good 10 or 15 minutes and were starting to wonder if the BVDH3 website was a joke hoax website, sending people to random locations to find they've been conned. They were relieved when the rest of us showed. That concludes the folks present and accounted for today's hash. (Yep, all 6 of us).

We had a couple of pitchers for pre-lube, discovering our virgins found their way via the internet, meaning LMAU owes a down-down for
making them cum. A small abbreviated chalk talk was given mainly for the benefit of the virgins, and symbols were kept simpler than usual. A few bar folks `stumbled' out asking what in the hell CT was muttering about, like it was a seer calling about the end of the world. We reassured them saying it was just a hunt for beers, in which many an ear perked up… potential new hashers??

Hashers away (all 4 of us) and the HARE STAYS BEHIND. Trail was pre-laid so he auto-hashed with DD to the beer-check, perhaps for a little sex on trail at the halfway. We runners/walkers/gimpers couldn't get to the half way fast enough to confirm this (but HEY, it's Hash Trash so it MUST be true).

Our out of towner hasher was having trouble with her mathematics skills, as she kept missing the countbacks. She said at halfway that she's not used to being in the front and having to interpret trail (so she prefers it in the rear???). I was the only person that couldn't continually run the entire length, so I usually met up with them at these checks which worked out well because I had the ONLY whistle on trail. (Don't worry, we made our out of towner drink for that later). For the most part, the run/walk/gimp went smooth. The out of towner and Just ____ were the two most capable runners, and stayed pretty much together through the entire event. Just Heather and I would pass one another at different times, or walk together during others. While there were no water crossings there were plenty of sticker weeds for shiggy. The halfway beer check was mainly devoted to sports talk, and the sexual innuendos that could be created by it. A friendly wager was also made on whether 2th Fairy would come along and beat us to the circle.

On-out for the second leg of the hash which took us through the "Merritt Island Resort". Here we overheard the locals asking "how come these white folk always feel they have to run through here?" The reason being could be best answered by Just Heather, who got a little "lost" while searching for trail after another countback. She ended up on a playground between a fire station and school, and she told us that all the kids there said as she approached, "you'd better turn and run" and proceeded to give her chase. This was the fastest she had run all day. With all four of us back together (at least in sight of one another for security), we safely negotiated through the village and got back on a relatively safe trail. Thankfully, we were close to beer near in a very thick grove-like area to quench our rattled nerves. As the sun was descended we made a very quick circle in order to get out before the bugs swarmed us.

I attempted to be "RA pro-temp" and called "circle" (well since there were only 4 of us I guess instead it was "square") to order with a toast to "G" and got the hares on ice. Since I didn't really know what to do meant the hares sat on ice for a good long while. We pulled the standard issues out such as hares, Oct birthdays, out of towners, hash attire, whistle check, and Cock Tender gave the two virgins their introductory demo down-down. We wrapped it up with a fast "swing-low" as the bugs began to notice our existence. ALL piled into CT's truck back to the parking lot where we had cake and ice cream in honor of CT's BD. No real on-after today, because of RHPS in Cocoa Beach that night. I already had plans for the night so didn't go, so CT and DD can fill in on the on-after RHPS hash trash. Despite the low turnout of people for the hash, the virgins were impressed (think it was only because Icehole was there) and seemed to indicate the strong likelihood that they would be returning to a future event.

Hash #205 was declared closed, and we all departed to get a piece. Mine was solo, and yes FS, I'm fine with that. :)

RA pro-temp
Hash Trash pro-temp
runner pro-temp
dedicated whistler

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#208 - Naughty Hashoween

November 3, 2007

Remember it only has to be 10% true to be TRASH!

Hare: Happy Meal

Theme: Naughty Hashoween

Hounds: LMAU, Dildo Stat, Sniffa, Just Puke, Little Fin, Cock Tender, Direct Deposit, Eat-A-Pus, Gag Reflex, Just Swallows, Ginger
Snatch, Heifer Humper, Rosey Palms, Harry Cheezballs, Ass Packet, Circle Blow, Ass Whisper, Timmy, Nana, Melts, 14K Prick

Out of towners: Fecal Fucker, Rolling Hooters, Shoots n'Splatters, Gilligan, Skinamax, all from Daytona

Virgins: Just Dave (JS), Just Mark (AW), Just Michelle (LMAU), Just Therese (AW), Just Andy (LMAU), Just John (GS), Just Jay (JS)

Imagine if you will …(insert theme from Twilight Zone)

Mustard and Ketchup, a hooters girl, a French maid, ak47's, a dentist, a doctor, a breathalyzer, a bone collector, batgirl, a regal sparkling princess, condom tester, wet t-shirt winner, renaissance era, a psycho astronaut, a convict, a cowgirl, a killer bee, straightjacket psycho, a pimpdaddy, and a plethora of Pirates all crowded into Sidepockets drinking beer and getting their hash on. BVD and friends, both scared, and delighted the locals at the annual Hashoween pub crawl!

After much rejoicing and MANY pitchers of beer, the Halloween clad hashers were on-on to the next stop on the long, hot, huge, shiggybound, (can you believe she is walking in those shoes?), part of the trail. Over the river, through the woods, to the white trash trailer park we go, where hashers outnumbered residents. Many smiles, many laughs a boob shot here and there and `lo and behold the Key West Bar awaits with fresh, cold pitchers of what? You guessed it BEER! That one little taste of happiness right there, cold and gold in the frosty mug.

The Mistress of ceremonies, in her sexy, naughty French maid costume emceed the contests. The Pirates tried to steal the booty but she clipped them with her feather duster and awarded the Oscar (made of solid gold mind you, ok… yeah right, go with it…) for Best Dressed couple to Mustard and Ketchup (in her red fishnets and fuck me shoes). Best Woman went to Psycho Astronaut Lisa Nowak, and with several flashes of skin and the overwhelming chorus of Dicks out for the chicks, a Pirate in a teal jacket took off with the best dressed male trophy only for the booty trophy to be stolen by another pirate with nasty teeth. See the Dentist man, Damn!

Halloween is always sweet when you get to name someone in a bar full of drunk hashers. Mr. Renassiance (former RA) helped us out with the naming. Just Jay who has been hashing (if you call all pub crawls hashing) forever! Finally got fucked, er, named after being dragged up on stage by the French Maid and Bat Girl. Does it count as dragging if he was looking at their asses w/his tongue hanging out and drooling? What do we know about this fella hmmm? He was dressed as a Gynocologist. He loves Halloween (if you like Horror, you should really see his house). He has been around forever. He looks like Jerry Garcia. He owned a sloth. With all this information, several names were passed around…Grateful Dead, Dead Rimmer, Slow Rimmer, Dr. Death, Halloweenie, Freaky Weenie, until the school guard yelled Grateful for head and bam! Turn that baby over cuz he's done. Welcome Grateful for Head. (Head, who said…) This name may turn into a nightmare for him. (evil lil grin)

Onwards across the street and to the beach were someone might have been a little too anxious to get to the jello shots or she was flapping her lips and never saw that big hole that reached up and sucked her foot right into it. Blood on Trail, perfect for Halloween!

Several jello shots later (courtesy of fl/ga interhash) the pirates stormed the beach and led the way to the backdoor of Lou's Blues where Mustard was spreading his song War of Pigs and the Bone Collector was dreaming on ( I think). Mr. Male Contest winner served some sour green stuff out of a smoking pot. Or was he out smoking pot, the green stuff?

Burning questions……

Where is the school officials' vest?
How do you spend $80 on a $15 hash?
Where is the multimillion dollar trophy that was stolen four times in one night?
Will Just John ever get hired by hooters?
Whose black hat is in the on-sec's car?
Where was our sober person?
Will Crotchduster ever return now that his wife is wearing depends?

If you think Hashoween was fun, don't miss Jingle Balls...

Until next time hashers…
Your faithful on-sec
Da timster

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#211 - Jingle Balls

December 15, 2007

Hares: Ass Packet, Ginger Snatch

Hounds: TBD

JiNgLe balls 2007 began at a rented venue in the heart of Melbourne, Florida. Yep, your BVD Mis-managment 2007 set out to get all of you yankers drunk and they may have been quite successful with the Tampa peeps who joined us. GM Happy Meal and Little elFIN put on quite a show MC-ing (where's fin?) the events. Special thanks to Cock Tender, Direct Deposit, Ass Packet, Ginger Snatch, Crotch Duster, Cockpit and anyone else who had a hand for all the work putting together the party!

Visitors from all over came to help THE BVD close out the year with a holiday hash. Orlando, Jacksonville, Tampa, Atlanta, Daytona all came out in a show of support. Ok, ok, so it was for the beer. Many santa hats, hot holiday skirts, stockings, reindeer, sugar plum fairies, a pimp, some `ho's and elves strolled through the streets of Melbourne, over the river and through the woods to a parking lot to bother the neighbors we go. Jello shots served up by Circle Blow and Fucking Stupid got the hashers a little tipsy. Sure was glad that unsafe crossing was made prior to the strong shots! Then again, Thongs Half Off's boobies kept getting bigger the more she drank, or was that just drunken blurry vision by Pubic Hare Club? No matter, on-on to the next stop of the Crab House where the owner was so nice. The funny part was watching the people's eyes grow bigger and bigger as Suckulator and the rest of the `holiday dressed spirited hashers' like Icehole (with his bow strategically placed on his shorts) come walking by.

On-on or was it rewind?- back to the same parking lot where the locals certainly came out with camera's in hand snapping pictures left and right as the half drunken hashers park their carcasses to have some Malibu rum and pineapple juice shots before up and at `em back to the Community Center where the real party started!!

Highlights: Naming Just John – Oxymoron. A nudist that sells clothing. Although, Fashion Plate Barbie, Uniballer, Tranny and some other (sorry I've forgot!) names were great.

Giving Tampa back the golden goose complete with fixin's. This has something to do with the Goose being stolen from Carolina? And it takes 6 of your clan to steal it back. (can someone say road trip?)

There was food, there was beer, there was fun, there was beer, there was dancing, there was beer, there were boobies, there was kicking out of the 2007mismanagement and shoving in the 2008 officers. There were people on the floor, a great DJ, some nudity, several presentations and some fond memories we'll never forget. If you weren't there, you will never know…unless of course you ask STFU for the secret pictures ~wink wink~

BVD Mismanagment 2008 – (poor bastards)
GM – Little Fin
Haberdasher – Happy Meal
Hare Raiser – Harry Cheezballs
Web Mistress – LMAU (2 yrs)
Religious Advisor – Banana Slit
Hash Cash – Direct Deposit
Beer Meister – Cock Tender (2 yrs)
Hash Flash – Cockpit

Next BVD run in 12/29 with Dr. Dr. Anus as the Hare.

Happy Holidays from our hashing family to yours,
Your on-sec

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#212 - The Trail of Beers

December 29, 2007

Wellll Puke & Dr. Anus's trail started with thoseee DAMNED DIRECTIONS... Ice Hole nicely tried to put together something legible & even managed after several corrections & acted as co-pilot to STFU who is very talented at getting lost...but, with those fantabulous directions STFU was merely 2nd to Cocktender & Direct Deposit who arrived with beer & ledger. The hounds wandered in long before the Hares: Dr. Anus, and Just Puke arrived... into the parking lot at the Veterans Memorial Park..which was as described .. right next to the BVD County Sheriff substation....niceeee...

Hounds: Vagina Minor, Patty Phile, Cocktender, Direct Deposit, Ice Hole, Kill Whitey, Mommy Rearest, Crotchduster, Cockpit, Hairy Cheeseballs, Daddys Lil Whore, and last but not least, Down and Dirty, and Tooth Fairy made it running hard & fast...and behind them... autohashing all of the way... Wayyy Beyond Gay & Dick Sniffa...who drove by the pack as they were on trail... nicceeee...

The Hares made it in sometime AFTER most of the Hounds had gathered around & created a cluck fest...greeting hounds as if they were long lost brothers & sisters. Mommy Rearests' car attracted a great deal of attention because the wipers would not turn off & someone had to help bend the wipers up and out so they looked like bug feelers. The Hounds were informed that Dr. Anus, and Just Puke, had no prepared prelaid trail & that they needed 20 minutes to start it off. Chalk
Talk was abreviated & a Group Grope foto op was quickly established... the Hares were off...

Oh, goody a Dr. Anus & Just Puke live trailll!

Much discussion about which car breed Mommy Rearest should accumulate & consume was discussed: Hyundai being a top nominee. Walkers out...that meant about 9/10th's of the pack... walked, wandered, pointed, sniffed, snooped, and followed trail... of course at some point Way Beyond Gay drove by & decided to join the pack ... over hill.. through the dusty apartment complexes... looking back...one sees 2th Fairy skidding into over drive with Down & Dirty trailing close behind...they pass the walkers... On On...The runners & Front Running Bastards move out in front leaving the remaining hounds walking briskly...discussing a variety of diets...and diet plans..

STFU was told about something called ALI...and then Cockpit and Direct Deposit suggested it wasn't a very good diet plan because it gave you the greasy shittttsss... Cockpit suggested that STFU's preference for ATkins ...this might work out because the STUFF wraps around grease & really makes for a messy crap...STFU suggested it was highly rated per the FDA studies...and that perhaps a BUTT PLUG might be useful .. Direct Deposit suggested a BUTT PLUG would only keep the greasey mess tied up in the intestines..and that MIGHT NOTTT be pretty picture... both shared alot of yucky ALI stories about nasty shitttss...

Speaking of pictures... STFU walked with camera in hand shooting at everything that moved, lived or breathed... that includes bugs... acting as STUNT HASH FLASH... into the woods & off the beaten path we go... following marks & chatting on about diets....we came across a beautiful property that was over run with grass...but had been a former horse pasture...niceeee...Cockpit yelled ABOUT A DOG.... and there was a dog and an owner attached to a leash... more walking and then Sniffa yelled about the same dog... .several yards back... the FRB's are longgg goneee....

It is a pretty trail...

No realll shiggy though...

No canals to cross...

No water...

Shucks... I really hate it when its gonna be a clean trail. On On & we come upon a cluster fuck of hounds & hares w/the Beermeister & truck filled with beer. The sweaty FRB's are consuming beer until two poor grubs crawl by and everyone becomes extremely interested in the grubs progress.. someone comments on the lack of life we must lead because these poor grubs have become a HIGHLIGHT of the trail. The Hares then give directives that the Hounds need to wait while they
lay the beer trail...and that no one can pass GO until they consume the beer as it lays about on the trail....


Walkers outttt...

Oh, dear, there are three beers..that stops Mommy Rearest, Daddy's Lil Whore and Hairy Cheeseballs right off.. and they GOTTA finish it before they go forward..the other hounds must pass them and stop at their beer, etc, etc... until everyone is drunk on trail... so the game is on...

Beers in the trees...

Beers on wood piles...

Beers in grass ...

Beers, beers, beers!

Yayyyy! Yayyy!

At some point 2th Fairy says that the FUN METER has run out & its time for the hounds to stop laying the beers... the Hares keep laying them like rabbits lay their easter eggs...and 2th keeps mentioning...the FUN METER... and the Hounds keep picking up the beer..stuffing them in their pockets...pants... stopping to pee... untillllllllllll finannalllyyy....they make it to the Circle....

Wheeeewww.... that was alot of beers! Accusations are made! Too long inbetweens! Head gear! Birthdays! Mommy Rearest had to fan her butt after getting off the especially cold ice... Crotch volunteered to help dry her butt... A bunch of hounds had head gear but got out of sitting on ice...HEYYY...lots of songs were sung! And .of course the Hares got the ice chair for a SHITTY TRAIL.... SHIITY TRAIL...the HARES laid a shitty trail....

Hugs! Kisses! The exhausted WALKERS piled into the back of the truck with Down & Dirty, and 2th Fairy leaving Mommy Rearest, Just Puke, Dr. Anus, Kill Whitey, and Hairy Cheeseballs ... to chase the truck... the last words heard over the wind were "run Forest runnn..." and everyone piled out & made plans for an on after ... the PATS game vs. The Giants being a leading contender...

Well, there you have it... diets, butt plugs, greasy crap, cheesy poofs, and BEERRRRR!

Love to you who were not there ... but you were certainly missed... sorry about that car problem 'Nana..hope it gets better soon...if I left anything out... oh, well... what can I say...?



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"If You Have Half A Mind To Hash, That's All You Need!"