2004 BVDH3 Hash Trash


#108 – New Years Hangover Hash

Jan, 3rd 2004
Hares: Fire and Yanksit
Hounds: Ass Packet, Circle Blow, In My Mouth, Million Buck Fuck, Happy Meal, Ho Deep Ho, Dick Sniffah, CockTender, Just Swallows, Bike Bitch, Little Fin, Just Puke, Shop Teacher, Wood Liquor, Suckulator, Dr. Anus, Uncle Pervy, Short Straw, Cockpit, Crotchduster, Just Betsy, Just Jerry
HHHappy New Year everyone!!! Welcum to BVD hash trash 108. 80 degrees and sunny on January the 3rd!!! Thank god we live in Florida!!! We gathered at Long Doggers on Post Road at 2pm SHT. So we gathered and we drank. And we drank and we gathered. BIKE BITCH was sporting a Fred Flintstone type PooBah hat with horns for his first hash as GM. DR ANUS was a fashion statement in his CUMSICLE-gear. Everyone else was looking sharp in Standard Hash Gear. And finally it was time for the chalk talk. YANKSIT did the chalk talk with his lovely assistant FIREINDAHOLE providing interpretation for the hearing impaired. We gathered for a group grope and then YANKSIT was off laying some live trail with FIRE left to supervise the unruly pack. A few beers later and our new songmeister, COCKPIT, gathered the group into a prelube circle for a rousing rendition of "The Button Song" with her lovely assistant, CIRCLE BLOW.
Finally the hounds were off, heading (head, who said head) into the wilds of Wickham park. It was a nicely laid (laid?) trail through some very pretty terrain. A little hard to see the chalk marks on the sugar sand, but we didn't lose anyone for very long. Not enough shiggy on trail for some folks though, so it seems some ranging was in order. JUST PUKE wins the prize for most blood on trail at the halfway...that must have been some serious ranging!!!! Or maybe he just had to pee???? The first half of the trail took us through an trailer park where JUST SWALLOWS met some of her own kind....'hey Heidi, I have the biggest tent in the park'. And hey...can somebody out there tell me what a 'Rodeo Fuck' is???? Notable at the halfway was the contest regarding who was most able to remove a woman's bra....SHOP TEACHER claimed to be able to do it with one hand (go figure), but WOOD LIQUOR claimed to be able to do it with his tongue. He did a demonstration on HO DEEP HO, but I didn't see any tongue involved.
I guess the trail was a little long for our grand poobah, BIKE BITCH, becuz he was seen catching a ride on ASS PACKET. I heard he left Dick tracks on ASS PACKETs back. More trail, more trail, more trail, then....without warning....not even a BN....there was a circle....no, not CIRCLE BLOW....an actual circle.
Hares first....FIRE and YANKSIT took a seat for the critiquing of the trail. But first, we had to have a full accounting of all of the Hounds' New Year's resolutions while they got comfortable. Some hounds wanted 'more sex' and then there was 'more sex on trail' and of course some of the other hounds wanted 'more sex'. The trail was accepted by the group "it sucked" and they were off the ice.
Then a series of other hounds took their places on the ice....lets see... SUCKY was on the ice for something. And all the GM's drank a few times. ASS PACKET and HAPPY MEAL were on the ice for story time. Something about a Bad Ninja and her birthday. AP stayed on the ice for another story regarding New Years Eve. I think this is when COCKPIT joined him. And there was a story by SHOP TEACHER about getting stopped for driving under the speed limit with PERVY in the car. (Under the speed limit??? PERVY???? Must be a lie)
DICK SNIFFAH was on the ice for a moving performance of Happy Birthday...Happy Birthday sweetheart, Fuck you. Our virgin, Just Frank took the ice, but his Aunt, JUST BETSY, who made him cum had stunt cunt, JUST JERRY, take the ice for her. JUST BETSYtook the ice on her own behalf later on, but I can't remember what for...I think UNCLE PERVY helped her out. Maybe she was the DFL and the FRB was DR ANUS (ok, if I'm wrong, shoot me).
SHORT STRAW took the ice for too long between, but he quibbled about that later, since he was, so he claims, at the last hash. HAPPY MEAL took the ice again to pass the HUYA...which she actually carried on trail this time (see the pictures for evidence). She added a picture of a pussy and a whip to the HUYA in honor of her pussy whipped man, LITTLE FIN. And the HUYA went to ASS PACKET for his ninja-like stealth at her surprise birthday party. Our loving couples, IN MY MOUTH/MILLION BUCK FUCK and COCKTENDER/JUST SWALLOWS and COCKPIT/ CROTCH DUSTER (well at least CD), were uncharacteristically quiet this hash. Too much sex???? Nah, not possible. Maybe just post coital exhaustion. I mean, hey, even God had to rest on the seventh day.
The hash ended with several versions of Swing Low and the hounds headed (head?) back to Long Doggers for some very hot wings. Men in the Ladies Room. Inappropriate songs. Bad language in front of Children. Fighting amongst the hashers...can't we all just get along??? Lots of kisses and butt fondling. All of the standard stuff.
ON AFTER AFTER---LGC.. I'm pretty sure we only got to see FIRE's boobs once on trail this hash....I think that is a Hash Harlot foul. We'll be watching for more appropriate harlot behavior in the future. May the Hash get a piece. Happy Meal, On-Sec Stunt Cunt
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#109 - Penny Annie's

Jan, 17th 2004
Ms Meal says she fears she's lost too many brain cells and has called upon me to assist with the trash from my secret desert location.
Hares: Dr. Anus and Just Puke
Hounds: Sniffa, Circle Blow, MBF, IMM, Shop Teacher, Just Dave, Sperm Aid, Krusty Kreme, Pocket Rocket, Cock Tender, Just swallows, Short Straw, Yanksit, Fire, Happy Meal, Little Fin , I do it with her
Start: Penny Annie's on Minton Road (sports bar)
As interpreted by the notes HAPPY MEAL sent me: (I have no pictures to help me - I need the visual aids)
I guess you didn't properly cordon off the chalk talk area, because when you went out to receive your chalk talk, a wanker maroon Saturn had parked over the marks. ASS PACKET, the webmeister was missing because he's on the Atkin's diet - hey, ever heard of Michelob Ultra - you can still hash and get skinny - ask SUCKULATOR. Or maybe he was mentally exhausted after returning from Geek school.
MISS DICK SNIFFA filled in for the beermeister - where is that WOOD LIQUOR anyway? And the KITTY - where was he? Kinda suspicious - BIKE B is out, no beermeister, no hare raiser, no GM - what are they up to? A threesome?
I'm told we've been touched by the spirit - or is that spirits - a hash prayer was given at the start - to bless the trail and ask not to be driven into temptation - oh wait - not to be bitten by snakes, gaters, or Michael knight. I didn't see anything about praying for the BIKE BITCH to stop spewing from both ends. I don't know how he's doing really - I just know it's been awful quiet on the group mail. Someone needs to check on my boy Maverick - if BIKE B is too weak to feed him, I won't have my boyfriend when I return.
AUTOHASHERS : HAPPY MEAL AND DICK SNIFFA (NUF SAID) Was this a long trail? Even SHOP TEACHER auto hashed after the second beer stop.
There was wetness on trail, but big logs kept most everyone dry. Usually a big log means extra wet for me. <insert wicked little smile here. The shiggy was not your traditional ANUS/PUKE jungle gym trail but there were a few dead smelly animals at the first beer stop and lots of YBFs and countbacks. Imagine this - DR ANUS was LOST ON TRAIL while laying it. Ever heard of GPS?
I am doing my best to decipher the notes - I'm told MBF got a hair cut - does that mean he came to the hash with a hair cut or someone pulled out the scissors or are we talking really short hairs. I guess it means hair on the head since IMMBFM was grumpy. Oh wait, it's because she quit smoking – now I get it. Good on you girlfriend. Stick with the pipe, not those little sticks. <insert wicked little smile here >
JUST DAVE (and who is the hasher who made him cum?) is a pilot currently laid off by Delta. I've got a job for you Dave - pick me up in 7 weeks in Qatar and get my ass out of here. Apparently he is extra absorbent but only useful once a month or only cums once a month or something like that - so every 28 days I guess we girls are in for a treat. And because of all this cyclic talk, JUST DAVE will be here and forever known as CAPTAIN KOTEX
Already the notes take me to the circle with accusations. The HARES ANUS and PUKE also known as "the dastardly duo" took the ice first. I'm sure this is going to be hilarious to those of you who were there because my notes now say that they had a garage sale while sitting on ice and I'm sure I am not interpreting that correctly - what do you sell at an ice chair sale - Sno nuts?, frozen bananas? wet jogging shorts? Chili dogs? No wait - Cocktail slushes and spare tires.
Those wearing gray t-shirts, I guess there were too many - had to bare their arses.JUST SWALLOWS and COCKTENDER had sex on trail....twice. They missed the first beer stop and were DFL for the end. KWAZEE WABBITTS!!!!!
Finally the notes reveal that our AUTOHASHERS were in fact a bit under the weather. I DO IT WITH HER offered some purse food to the weak but die hard hasher, SHOP TEACHER (fruit cocktail and a spoon). That's got to be a first - I don't think we've eaten anything but jello shots, cheesy poufs or maybe some V on trail, but fruit cocktail? We must remember to build a trail safety kit - because up until now, we haven't had one and have been living dangerously. Our safety kit will include bug juice, bandages, one bottle of Vodka (in lieu of anesthetic), a tow rope, a set of "damn jumper cables that are actually in your car and not in the garage" as YANKSIT would put it so they don't have to call AAA again, a window breaking pick (in case the BIKE BITCH locks himself out of the car again and some MRE's (meals ready to eat for you non-military folks - and don't eat the heater - it's not a wafer). Oh yes, and don't forget the FIRE. Pack some heat for those chilly nights. Of course YANKSIT will be the only warm one, so bring your own sleeping bag.
Is someone going to tell me what the hell LITTLE FIN means or am I going to have to beat it out of you when I return? Or are we going to have to beat HIM for being so damned pussy whipped? He was carrying HAPPY MEAL'S vessel this time. Pretty soon the woman won't even have to do trail - he'll carry her the whole way. There - I said it - it's all out in the open now – oh yeah, we almost named him that. I guess you already knew.
The hashers toasted to G, then me ( I made a rhyme), then to beer, and there's no recollection after that. The circle made a call to the BIKE BITCH at home sick and sang to him. The notes say the hares were back on ice and I can't imagine that these two charming boys did anything wrong in order to have to bare arse and chill their giblets once again. And SPERMAID must have had an attitude when they accused him of too long in between hashes- I heard he picked up the ice chair and body slammed it like WWF and dumped all the ice on purpose. No one but virgins escapes the ice at the BVD hash - so YANKSIT scooped up the muddy ice and made him sit on it. Imagine explaining a muddy arse to your spouse. Good thing KRUSTY KREME was there or he could have been in some serious hot water.
Lots of folks showed up in wanker clothes, which only proves to me that it's time for another costume party or the cheap bastards need to break down and buy some hash gear. FIN was one of the derelicts AND THEN he forgets he has headgear on and covered the little fin with his head gear (I'm going to have my own definition if no one will tell me - as soon as I accuse him of having a Vienna sausage, the truth will come out). He will adamently deny it and tell me the truth about the name.The notes say YANKSIT was the FRB -------------------- NO SHIT - isn't he always the FRB ? I heard there was a boat on trail - was he in it?
I see there were more boob comparisons in the parking lot on after at penny annies, but that doesn't tell me anything - we've had women squeezing women's boobs before, men on women, men on men - this one could mean anything - bare boobs, covered boobs, felt up boobs - you'll have to be more specific. Hot wings for everyone, the typcial communal bathroom visits, and a new game --- condom volleyball. I believe that's when you blow it up (not the lubed one either) and one team gets in the bartender's pit and the other gets on the barstools and you spike the condomball right over the bar. And whoever can puncture the condomball first loses. A hole in your condomball is never a good thing.
[SSSSHHHHHHHHHH - don't say anything but I think I know why ASS SQUEALER stopped hashing - he's upset that FIRE got the hash harlot - cuz she has way nicer boobs than him. I think he is bitter over the whole thing. DO NOT try to entice him back by complimenting him and filling his head with ideas like "we miss him" - or "we can't hash without him". Lord knows the self-proclaimed hash stud's head will explode all on it's own. It's that little personality quirk that we find so amusing and he wouldn't be SQUEALOR without it.]
There were on-after crashers, JUST BETSY, JUST TERRY AND JUST NEPHEW (that's what it says - I could make something up) which are always welcum, but they have to suffer the wrath of those who actually completed the trail. JUST SWALLOWS passed out in the back seat of the car...it happens to the best of us....the down downs will get you every time. A few porcelain hugs and a horizontal day and you'll be just fine.
And as I sit here reading over my translation of the notes, pondering when I might hash for real again, meanwhile, I torment my coworker who has been trying to guess my hash name for weeks - he even spent a half day surfing the web for our hash site trying to find it - He did find the Space Coast hash page - asked if I recognized anyone - I said yes - "is that your hash" - welllllll, yes. (I wasn't totally lying) He still hasn't guessed it - that should throw him for a little while. He knows Sicle from the cards I received over Christmas and he's guessed the Russian Sicle -I think not.
One more mark on the calendar - I may not make it back for St Patty's Day - that's probably for the best so I can do a slow re-entry and keep myself out of the back seat of a car.
I'll be in touch - may the hash go in peace
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#110 - The Engagement Party Hash

Jan, 31st 2004
HHHello HHHashers!
Welcome to Hash 110--the engagement party hash.
HARES:  In My Mouth and Million Buck Fuck (alternatively In My Million Buck F*ck Mouth)
HOUNDS:  Happy Meal, Little Fin, Short Straw, Skybox, Fireindahole, Yanksit,Suckulator, Dick Sniffah, Shop Teacher, Just Gary, Wood Liquor, Kittylingus,Dr. Anus, Semen Dispenser, Bike Bitch, Crotch Duster, Cockpit, Circle Blow,Ass Packet, Slow Poker, Ho Deep Ho, maybe some more...who the fuck can tell.
VIRGINS: Just Ray, Just Jolly, Just Tin, Just Cassandra, Just Jake
FOUND ON STREET:  Stumbelina
ON AFTER ONLY:  Cocktender and Just Swallows
What a great showing of BVDer's on a rainy Saturday afternoon!  Hash Flash was late (as usual) and missed Chalk Talk, but by my count when I showed up there were 69 brave drunks (or maybe it was 26) out in the rain drinking cheap beer!  Go BVD!  And VIRGINS....lots and lots of VIRGINS!!!
The hares, IMM and MBF were ON OUT just as LITTLE FIN and I arrived, so we grabbed a beer and some lost property and gathered the group for a quick grope.  A count of 1, 2, 69 and we were all smiles...except for the virgin JUST JOLLY and SEMEN DISPENSER who made her cum--they were on a potty break,so we had to do it all over again.  With shouts of 69, 69, 69....impatient bastards.  Then we circled up for Father Abraham and an introduction of our virgins, drank another beer and were ON OUT...
Walkers took off heading south on Wickam.  The runners quickly caught up and passed us by...only to be caught in a 5 plop Count Back.  Now 5 plots doesn't seem like much here in the trash, but little did we know that MILLION BUCK FUCK is actually allergic to flour and can only lay 1 plot every 1.27 miles. The True Trail headed into the shiggy and not too far in, guess what????  An EXTRA CREDIT!!!!!  We love the hares!!!
EXTRA CREDIT was champagne nicely decorated with ribbons and dixie cups To drink it from.  Most of the hounds I saw took a chug straight from the bottle though and were ON OUT right away.  The trail went through some great shiggy and down the railroad tracks, across Hwy 1, past a beautiful scenic waterfall and into Rotary Park.  The halfway was under a pavilion, which turned out to be really good planning on the Hares part becuz it started raining for real about this point.
It was a nice long halfway stop. I noticed that we lost SKYBOX by this point.  I heard she left her kids at Wally World, came out to do some trail, and went back to get them....damn woman, that is serious time management.  I only have one thing to say about the halfway.....WOOD LIQUOR listen up!!! We do NOT bring FAKE CHEESY POUFS to the Hash!!!!  CIRCLE BLOW will no longer reimburse the beer meister for substandard fare!!!!  Take Heed!!!! We may drink the cheapest beer off the shelf, but we will not compromise when it comes to the quality of our CHEESY POUFS.  Do   You Understand?????
The Hares were ON OUT again, leaving FIRE in charge.  FIRE in charge???? AND she was an AUTO HASHER too!  She took the reigns of power in hand and announced "I'm in charge!  Leave whenever the hell you want to."
Fortunately BIKE BITCH was there to control the damage.  He used his atomic watch to count the seconds for us not letting anyone leave until EXACTLY 15 minutes and 69 seconds had passed.  ASS PACKET on the other hand, was ignoring the group looking all kinds of grumpy as he chugged one water after another....boy you need to slow that habit down.  Remember....Dr. Atkins is dead now.  FINALLY, we were ON OUT again.
Now, things start to get a little hairy.  During the halfway MILLION BUCK FUCK announced that we should either 'go north' or 'stay north' or 'don't go back the way you came' or 'ya bunch of drunks, find the damn trail' or something like that.  Nobody is really quite sure, cuz face it, who the fuck was listening.  The hounds headed out towards Highway 1.  Our GM paused to give a card to some folks who actually knew we were hashers!  Then the FRB's led us straight North on Hwy 1.......not that there were any actual Plops heading that way, mind you....but hey, the Hares told us too, right???? Didn't they???  Are you sure????  Who was listening????
About a mile up the road with no plots (not even black chalk on blacktop), somebody finally stopped to do a sanity check.  Did they say 'go north' or 'stay north of Suntree' or maybe, just maybe, it was 'stay on the north side of Suntree'.....hmmmm, better go back and actually look for a trail. 
Sure enough, plops galore (just like Pussy Galore, but drier) on the North Side of Suntree and then we were ON ON and sniffing that trail like blood hounds. This part of the trail took us past a Georgia Mansion...guess, what? 
No Trespassing.  Our DFLs nearly got shot (note for later....we need to make this guy a hasher so we can have a camping hash on his lawn) And then.....Guess what??????  More EXTRA CREDIT!!!!!  We love the hares!!!!!!
This time the EXTRA CREDIT was a bottle of Apple Korn...the very liquor that AK-40 was named after. What a coincidence since....ANNOUNCEMENT!!!  PAY ATTENTION!!!  AK-40 is BACK!  And they play tonight at Murphy's with the lovely Miss FIRE as lead singer!!!!  Shots all around and ON OUT again.
Back to the railroad tracks we go.  STUMBELINA said she could always find the hashers, they hang out by railroad tracks.....I don't know....she was sober, so she probably didn't know what she was talking about.  But, now that we are talking about her, let me say that we found her!!  There she was, right on the trail.  We saw her from a distance and SHOP TEACHER said to me....look, there's TRIP AND FALL.  I said "who"???  He said, you know, TRIP AND FALL, she was a JINGLE BALLS.  OHHHHHH, OK, TRIP AND FALL, STUMBELINA.....give the guy a break, he only met her once and at least it made sense.  We did note that there may have been some competitive behavior as our FRB, YANKSIT, couldn't even take the time to stop and say Hi.......
Round and round and round we went finally ending up at a very nicely marked BN with an ON IN sign.  Trail ended at IMM and MBF's house.  There was food everywhere, and if you could get your hands on it without IMM yelling at you it was awesome.  To tell the truth, even with IMM yelling at you it was awesome.  And I should note here that if I had not stolen a deviled egg (or 2 or 3) I wouldn't have gotten any at all.  So there, ha.  SHORT STRAW flashed me his boobs for the camera.....hon, let's let the girls do it from now on, ok?  Some non-hashers showed up....Just Patty and another friend of FIRE's, IMM's Sister (?) and her husband....I set up a special HASH FLASH chair, but it was wet, so I asked CROTCHDUSTER to please dry it off for me....I DID NOT ask him to sit his fat butt in the chair, wiggle around, and break the chair!!!! (ok, i did ask him to sit down and wiggle around, but that is another story).
There was a car shuttle before the circle.  AND FINALLY we circled up.  The ice was chilled and poured into the ICE CHAIRS of DEATH and first to enjoy it was our fine Hares.  It was IN MY MOUTH's first time on 'new ice' and she reports that it is kind of sharp.  The trail was critiqued and it was noted and this harriette must agree.....you all are TOO FUCKING NICE!!!! 
What has become of this hash?  Around the circle we went and the comments were so very sweet and nice...good trail, nice shiggy, thanks for the extra credit....what the fuck????  The correct hash response to the question "what did you think of the trail?"  (cum on, i know you know the answer)
......is......   "IT SUCKED".  So many things sucked about this trail that weren't even mentioned. ......let me help here...... no lesbians, no tit checks, no sex, no blood, no dick checks, no naked dwarfs, no sex.... I could go on and on.  Next circle, let's think before we talk, ok guys???
Next on ice was .... hmmm.... do I have to go in order?  Let me check the pictures.  Totally out of order from here on....I see that SNIFFAH was On the ice...best I can recall it was for being SNIFFAH, no wait, something is coming to me....maybe it was for the Patriots being in the Super bowl....did I mention yet that accusations got way out of control this hash?  No?  Let me give you another example then, SHOP TEACHER was put on ice for only having one hand....this is an accusation???  I also see that ASS PACKET helped SNIFFAH enjoy her ice.  We noted in a private party that helping the ice sitters has gone out of favor with this group and we need to bring it back in...as long as the chairs can handle it.
Oh yea, back to SHOP TEACHER.  You would think he would know better, wouldn't you???  SHOP TEACHER showed up for the hash in NEW SHOES. But....here's the twist.....rather than drink his water (not a beer Drinker here) from his shoe, he would chug a beer....hmmmm.  And so it was.  We Got SLOW POKER and JUST GARY on the ice for too long between....SLOW POKER?  Did I say SLOW POKER??....well, I'll be damned.  WOOD LIQUOR was on the ice For something....it wasn't his Spongebob Squarepants boxers, but it should Have been.
I see that BIKE BITCH was on ice too.  I think that was for being the Oldest hasher.  Or maybe it was his 50th hash?  Or maybe we just wanted to see His ass?  And of course, when one GM drinks.....  IN MY MOUTH was on ice for a milestone too.  I guess it was her 50th, no wait X that out, 25th hash. 
DR. ANUS, YANKSIT and somebody were FRB and poor JUST JOLLY had to take the Ice for DFL. What kind of chivalry is it when the man who made you cum (SEMEN DISPENSER), steps up his pace just enough to beat you in the door and make you DFL????  I think CROTCHDUSTER was on ice for rejoining the employed and leaving soon....if not he should have been.  And then there was the HUYA.  ASS PACKET's sober ass carried the HUYA on trail this time.  He did a fine job of it.  But there was no question of where the HUYA was going next. The group has been wanting to give this one for quite some time. 
MILLION BUCK FUCK is the big winner for proposing to IN MY MOUTH.  I thought it Was put very nicely by a street vendor in Vegas...."are you married or happy".....'nuf said.
KITTYLINGUS helped our ice sitters out with the longest rendition of the 'cat scan, lab work' joke (if you don't know it, don't ask) that I have Ever heard.  Could be cuz he started over about 69 times.
Let's get to our VIRGINS already.  We started with 5 and ended with 3. 
DR ANUS' virgins couldn't hang.  Guess they didn't get the 3-5 mile thing.
JUST TIN took to the ice like an old hand.  JUST RAY and JUST JOLLY chose to opt out.  JUST JOLLY got SEMEN DISPENSER to Stunt cunt for her this time (serves him right for the DFL thing).  I think JUST TIN is a virgin from Texas or maybe it was JUST RAY....not sure.  I know SKYBOX made JUST RAY cum.  Nobody told JUST RAY what Standard Hash Attire is though.  The rest is all just silly details.  I do know that JUST TIN had a good time and will be joining us again....somehow I see an early naming in our future.....and, speaking of namings.....we had one!
JUST GARY shall henceforth and forever be known as CAN'T GET LAID.  It Was JUST GARY's 5th Hash, so not only did he have to take the ice for too Long between, he got a second chance for headgear (Head, who said head), and A third for his naming.  It might just be the fastest naming in the history of BVD tho.  We went through a few of the standard questions, but with his affiliation with SINGLESFOCUS.ORG, the answer was obvious.  Thank you to CROTCHDUSTER for this gem of a name.
The circle ended with a traditional version of Swing Low, and then there was food.  Poor MBF didn't plan on the Circle lasting an hour, so the burgers were a bit like crackers, but the rest of the spread was delectable. (and I should add that the cracker burgers got eaten with no problems or complaints by this drunk crowd).  Beans and eggs and crudités (that is French for veggies and dip) and CAKE!  Yummy.
COCKPIT showed her tits.  HAPPY MEAL showed her tits to SHOP TEACHER as A birthday present.  But the crowd didn't like that, so she gave a peek (peak?) to the rest of the group to calm the masses.  Now if anyone else in BVD claims they have not seen the HAPPY Chest, I know they are lying.
YANKSIT showed his butt (like we haven't all seen that before), but This time SHOP TEACHER livened it up with a little NUBBING (like fisting Only without the fingers).  SHOP TEACHER, please remind us uneducated....it is a Nub and Nubblets?  That can't be right....help me out here.
IN MY MOUTH and MILLION BUCK FUCK led the way to the hot tub, but the Only other takers were LITTLE FIN and HAPPY MEAL.  Not that there weren't Plenty of observers (and don't think we didn't see you peeking out the window To see if we were having sex).  And then we were ON OUT to Murphy's to see AK-40.
Band sounded great.  FIRE was awesome.  LITTLE FIN distributed some 'hookers R us' cards and we had some voting for the best whore on a business card. HAPPY MEAL flashed the band, but only FIRE actually saw it.  (hey, wait a minute...isn't FIRE the HASH HARLOT?  How cum we never see her tits???)
COCK TENDER AND JUST SWALLOWS made a cameo appearance.  Black Velvet inspired some lap dancing.  Ummm.....Hmmmm.....well......hey then.......
May the Hash get a piece.
Happy Meal
On-Sec Stunt Cunt
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#111 - Valentines Hash

Feb 14th 2004
Ahhhh, Amour.  What besides love could bring 26 crazy people all dressed in red hearts and flowers out on a rainy February Valentines day?  Well, love of Beer anyway J.
Start Point:  Lou’s Blues Indialantic
Hares:  Fireindahole and Yanksit
Hounds:  Bike Bitch, Ass Packet, Circle Blow, Happy Meal, Little Fin, In My Mouth, Million Buck Fuck, Suckulator, Just Tin, Uncle Pervy, Semen Dispenser, Just Jolee, Stumbelina, Shop Teacher, Short Straw, Dick Sniffah, Hot Carl, Dr. Anus, Cock Tender and Just Swallows
Virgins:  Just Julie, Just Ed, Just Julie, Just Tony, Just Craig, Just Peter, Just LeeAnn, and Just John
Appearances:  Can’t Get Laid
HHHey everyone, good news!  Hash Flash and Stunt C*nt ON-Sec actually made it to the hash on time this week!  It was COCKTENDER and JUST SWALLOWS turn to be late…maybe they decided to have sex BEFORE the trail this time!!!  Or maybe he was liking her ‘SWALLOWS’ belly button ring…..who can tell?  We had no trouble spotting the pack on the back balcony of Lou’s Blues with the BVD Flag waving proudly over the heads (head, who said head) of a sorry looking group of hounds dressed all up in red.  There were red t-shirts and red shorts, red headbands and bandannas, a disturbing number of men wearing only boxers with hearts and lips on them, and STUMBELINA in her traditional Hash attire mini dress with sandals.  There were some disappointments as well…..
LITTLE FIN had no red, not even the pretty red panties he wore for his Christmas card, so he had to take a trip across the street to Wally World.  At first glance, it appeared that SUCKULATOR had no red, but he soon dropped his drawers and hashed in only his boxers as well.  DR. ANUS bucked all tradition and showed up dressed entirely in black with a ‘Hi! My Name is SATAN’ name tag sewn right into the shirt.  There was quite the religious theme to this hash anyway, maybe because it was SAINT Valentine? SEMEN DISPENSER appeared to have no red on either, but maybe his was undercover too.
We gathered on the balcony for a group grope.  Nobody seemed to want to touch each other to get close enough for Hash Flash’s pleasure….maybe we should start doing these gropes after the beer stops.  Then down to the parking lot for a very PINK chalk talk.  The hounds wisely decided that throwing white powder around in business areas is not such a good idea, so this trail was mostly laid in pink.  (hmmm, laid in pink).   We brought the two virgins to the front and explained the symbols to them.  I should note that there was no EC on the ground for chalk talk and I remember one hare getting the huya for just such an offense…..SNIFFAH, comments on chalk talk?
And the pack was on out.  No surprise the trail took us directly to the beach and there was a death march on the sand for about a mile til we were ON UP and ON IN for EXTRA CREDIT at the Holiday Inn (SICLE is this trail starting to sound familiar to you????).  Apparently the bar wasn’t quite prepared for a group like us….could it have been the AA meeting in the next room?…..and didn’t have the liquor to make any damn drink we craved….no buttery nipples, no blow jobs.  So we settled for plain ole KameKazies…(ok, only 4 of us did, I have no idea what the rest of you wankers drank).  And we picked up FIVE more VIRGINS!!!  There were some hotties in that group too, SICLE hon, you need to get your ass home!  They were guests of HOTCARL’s (a new transplant in from Albequerque---more on him at the circle).  And we were ON OUT again.
Stopped for a photo op on the overpass over A1A….all those hairy chests up against the glass didn’t cause a single car wreck or 911 call that I know of.   Didn’t you guys hear my advice to SHORT STRAW last hash??? Leave the flashing to the Harriettes!!! And yet, there was SHORT STRAW’s left tit…pressed right up against the glass….. Then we were ON ON through a culvert and a construction area (Hard Area, Head Protection Required), and a trailer park guarded by fuzzy white bears (they bite, beware), and into a little shiggy, and on and on and on and on and on (oh, no wait, that is what an dick ON ON tattoo becomes with a morning woody).  And we picked up another VIRGIN on trail (maybe technology on trail isn’t so bad).  And then FINALLY there was a BEER NEAR.  In the parking lot of a Baptist church…..more religion.  The hounds munched on cheesy poufs and drank a beer or two while trying to decide what bad message we could put on the letter board in from of the church, but we settled for just taking a picture of SATAN in front of the sign.  To make up for being nice about the sign, we sang a few verses of the Jesus song, just in case anybody thought they were not going to hell after this hash.  JUST JULIE made friends with someone over a fence who invited us over to party, but we had no time because we had to be ON OUT.
And into more shiggy.  And through a very tight place (thank god for Atkins or some of our hounds may not have made it!!!), so how was the fit ASS PACKET, SUCKY?  And through another church yard.  And we found some playground equipment for the swingers among us, but I think CIRCLE BLOW was the only taker.  There were lots of vines for the rest of the swingers and lots of hounds got a little bloody.  I believe the worst wound was the VIRGIN JUST JULIE’s knees.  Yes, by the way, I know there were two JUST JULIE’s this hash….I haven’t figured out a way to distinguish yet, but for now we’ll call this one JUST JOLEE’s (AKA JUST JOLLY) JULIE.  We found out at the beginning that JUST JULIE made JUST ED cum, but JUST JOLEE made JUST JULIE cum, so I guess they have it all worked out.  We found WOOD LIQUOR in a shallow grave near a check, guess the trail was just too damn long for him (does that explain the HUYA?).
And FINALLY, a BEER NEAR (damn YANKSIT, you said it was a short trail….I measured it at 9.69 miles.  And we circled up around a little pink circle and the Ice Chairs of Death.  Note to future hares…if you have twenty six hounds, you need a DAMN BIG circle.  And there were Cheezy Poufs and pink and white M&M’s, and it was good.  It was the looooonnnnnggggest circle in recent memory, perhaps because of the explanations of events for the virgins.  By the way, you can spot the virgins in the photos because they all look like normal people who are NOT wearing red.
Now, let’s not forget those KameKazies at the EXTRA CREDIT as I try to recall the events of the circle.    We had the traditional toasts….to G, to SICLE, and to…damn why can’t I ever remember the 3rd toast?  Then there were Hare’s on Ice.  (ok, that one is a no brainer).  ASS PACKET stepped into the circle to act as RELIGIOUS ADVISOR in practice for his extended Stunt C*nt performance in the weeks to cum.  It seems our illustrious advisor is going away for a few months to rehab….I mean retrain.   Something about ASS PACKET and the cross just looked wrong, then he turned it upside down and it made much more sense.  The hares were on ice for a long long time as we explained the stages of ice to the virgins, had some discussion on bike week, and generally just wasted a bunch of time.  Once they were in the final stage of ice, (4 or is it 5, I should know that by now, huh) they got to do a down down and YANKSIT was dismissed.  FIREINDAHOLE got to sit a while longer as she received her milestone 100 hashes tag and another down down.
FRB’s took the ice and the winners were---DR ANUS (no surprise and competitive behavior was reported as well) and SUCKULATOR (and he didn’t even cheat….this time).  DFL was SEMEN DISPENSER as a just reward for making JUST JOLEE the DFL last hash.  We brought the virgins in for a down down…a couple of them took the ice, but they haven’t learned about stacking yet, so the rest just stood….and we had the loooonnnnggggest version of the ‘why are we waiting’ song I have ever heard as one of the female virgins (sorry ladies, I didn’t ever catch your names in person….next time get there the fuck on time!!!!  When we say 2pm we damn well mean 245pm!), so either JUST LEEANN or JUST JULIE had a problem drinking from her beer can…didn’t catch that bring a vessel part either, huh…..or maybe it was her flip flops slowing her down (don’t I remember a certain harriette getting the huya for allowing LITTLE FIN to come to his first hash in sandals????)  Finally one of the male virgins (sorry guys, same excuse) helped her out and we brought the visitors to the circle.  In this particular case our visitors were also virgins and they were from CLEVELAND, so I’ll just call them JUST CLEVELAND.  They bared their butts and took to the ice like pros….probably made them homesick.
SUCKULATOR took the ice for something else and DICK SNIFFAH joined him.  I’m not sure if there was any reason for this except so someone could put BUSH/CHENEY bumper stickers on the back of these bleeding heart liberal democrats seats for a picture…which will be published in the paper should either of them decide to run for office on the democratic ticket ever in the future.  Our newest hound, HOT CARL, took the ice and explained his name….do I even want to tell this story???  Ok, what the hell, apparently HOTCARL went to Amsterdam as a young pup and bought himself a hooker.  She said she knew just what he needed….he needed a Hot Carl…so he agreed, she strapped him down, he got all hot and horny, she looked him straight in the eye…..and shat on his chest….’nuf said.
We passed some lost property back to its rightful owners….SUCKULATOR (boy isn’t that ice getting old yet?) and CIRCLE BLOW…..timely return of those Santa hats from Jingle balls.  DICK SNIFFAH and STUMBELINA were on ice for something….hottest harriettes, maybe?  BIKE BITCH, our illustrious leader, led the circle through the ritual  temporary passing of the RA cross from YANKSIT to ASS PACKET.  And there was the
HUYA.  MILLION BUCK F*CK carried the HUYA for having proposed to IN MY MOUTH.  Seems to follow that IN MY MOUTH would have to carry the HUYA for saying yes (the offense is equally as stupid), but that isn’t what happened at all.  MILLION BUCK FUCK sent nominations to the circle after showing us his short leash which he had added to the HUYA.  There were a few lame ones, but WOOD LIQUOR won the AYE vote for having skipped the last half of the trail and going straight to the circle.  I don’t know…this Harriette thinks we could do better.  There were a few options that didn’t get mentioned…. ass in the cooler SUCKLATOR, couldn’t wait for the chair??? IMM, whoever let that poor virgin wear flip flops, anyone who would let someone shit on their chest, poorly orchestrated chalk talk…..none so great as the historic channel swim ala SALAD SHOOTER or 103 MPH DUI ala UNCLE PERVY, but still…..maybe we should go back to just letting the HUYA carry it until the next person does something equally or more stupid than their offense…..thoughts anyone?  Anyway, HUYA down downs all around and on we go.
Then all the women got in the circle…I guess the offense was being women on Valentines day … and had a down down.  Shouldn’t it have been couples, not women?  Anyway, I’m just bitching because I left my sunglasses on my head and no one told me….so I had to bear my ass to the ice (water) for a head gear violation.  JUST TIN joined me….my ass was too cold for me to register what he had done wrong.  We had our down down and then someone suggested an early naming for JUST TIN, but that was (rightly so) vetoed until his 5th hash or he does something incredibly stupid like the rest of us.
WOOD LIQUOR was on ice again.  It might have had something to do with the goo in the bottom of his mug.  Or maybe it had to do with his brand new ON ON Foot tattoo.  Once a hasher always a hasher….at least once you tattoo your bicep with it!!!  He continued to do his down downs from the HUYA….like that thing, huh?  Better from the HUYA tho, then from your brand new Valentine running shoes, right LITTLE FIN????…and no lying excuses either.  At least they weren’t so dirty you had to do a tea bag version.
We begged a flash from our HASH HARLOT and ended the circle with a rousing Swing Low, Super Man Swing Low, and Real Man Swing Low….all of which had the VIRGINS in stitches (learn the words by your next hash!!! Check the website).  Then we were ON OUT to the ON AFTER back at Lou’s Blues.
Lots of Naked hashers in the parking lot and most of us looked a damn site better by the time we hit the bar.  This was a respectable and crowded establishment, unlike our normal ON AFTER dives….and at $2 a beer it should have been.  What has become of the $4 pitcher?   So the boys went to the boys rooms and the girls went to the girls rooms…no sharing.  How boring.  One of the girl virgins was making a travel log for the JUST CLEVELANDS with a disposable camera and a notepad.  Guess she figured she better write down what the picture was all about, cuz she sure as hell wasn’t going to remember.  One of the JUST CLEVELANDS was going to stray with a bar fly, but a kiss from FIRE and HAPPY MEAL (did I say from, I meant between) brought him flying back around the bar and into the hash fold.  I saw no lap dances and no flashing.   All in all a good ON AFTER, but I prefer the dives myself.
SHOP TEACHER, were you uncharacteristically quiet this hash?  I have not a single SHOP TEACHER quote….did Carrabba’s wear you out?  What happened? 
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#113 - 4th Anal St Pattys Day Parade & Pub Crawl

Mar 13th 2004
AAAggghhh…..Erin Go Braless, Top O’the Morrrning ta ya, don yer kilts laddies, it’s time fer Shamerock, 2004.
Hares: McSuck-u-later and Blarney Bitch
Hounds: Wood McLiquor, Shop McTeacher, Uncle Parrvy, Fire, the wee lass Cockpit, Laddie Crotchduster, Can't Get Laid (that’s the same in Irish), Happy Meal lass, Wee Fin, Just Swallows a wee bit, Cock McTender, Ass O’Packet, the Fair Circle Blow, the Fine Just Tin, Wee Short Straw, O’Ho Deep O’Ho, Dick O’Sniffah, KittyMclingus, Dr. Guiness McAnus, Just McPuke, Bonny Stumbelina, Wet McDream
Virgins: Just Mitch, Just Wayne (Soft Serve), Just Angela, Just Denise, Just Marjorie, Just JJ
Visitors: Waayyy Beyond Gay, Richard Pierce, Gilligan, Momma, No Blow, Peace Whore, Snake My Hole, Hose Drip, Mary Pussy Poppins
Also we picked up the two "trashy" women and the younger guy at the last bar. I have no idea at all what their names were.
Start:  Eatz, Downtown Melbourne, 1200 SHT
Ahhh, what to say about Shamerock……it was a day to remember….or for most of us, a day to forget!!!!  It has taken me almost a week just to group enough undamaged brain cells together to make an attempt at this!
The hounds gathered at EATZ at 1200 to decorate the truck and start the drinking.  The Green was everywhere!  The keg was tapped and the green beer was flowing (ok, tell the truth, for how many days afterwards was your poop green????)  The new banner went on the front of the truck, the old banner up top, and green balloons were everywhere.  Outrageous was the theme o’the day.  Notable was GILLIGAN’s weird green eyeball pajama’s, NO BLOW’s green robe and lacy lingerie and RICHARD PIERCED’s spandex mini.  MOMMA was looking hot is a little Irish school-girl kilt.  Lots of freeballing Irish lads in kilts!  Antenna’s, hats, green hair, jammies, boxers, tattoos, and even bagpipes……hell, we looked like we were ready for a parade! HAPPY MEAL AND WEE FIN were drinking out of ½ meter beer mugs, so the potty breaks started early.  And guess what I found at the thrift shop!!!!  A lovely green off the shoulder dress with some diamond bling bling in the bodice….a perfect fit for JUST TIN!  Only problem is one of the Red Hat ladies wanted to take it right off of him.  They compromised that she could have it after the parade, so she helped him get dressed, added some accessories and turned him loose to shuffle along and struggle for air…have more sympathy for us ladies now TIN?
In an unusual twist, we circled up before the hash for a NAMING!  JUST WAYNE, bass player for our favorite AK-40 band and parade truck driver extraordinaire, shall henceforth be known as SOFT SERV.   Then we gathered for a group grope.  HAPPY SNACKS stopped by to visit and snapped a couple of pics for us then we lined up to join the parade. In the back of the truck were ASS PACKET, SUCKULATOR, BIKE BITCH, JUST PUKE AND DR. ANUS….is anyone getting the picture here?  The back bumper of that poor truck was dragging the ground!  If it had front wheel drive we wouldn’t have gotten anywhere!  Who is going to pay for new shocks for SOFT SERV?  And where the hell were those wankers who “called shotgun”….Miss WIGGLES?  Mr. WITHOUT SOCKS? 
And the parade was on…..beer drinking, bead throwing, candy tossing hashers.  Behind the Red Hat ladies and in front of the democrats (no political comment intended).  While BIKE BITCH took care of his official duties with the Deputy Parade Chairman (right….official duties), the float took off without him. JUST PUKE suggested doing a Down Down in front of the Reviewing Stand. Unfortunately the poor boy doesn't know the difference between a Reviewing Stand full of V.I.P.'s and a lone Disc Jockey. When shown the error he suggested a second try. This time he went right past the entire stand. Perhaps LASIK is in order.  NO BLOW and his megaphone led the singing.
At the end of the very short parade the group gathered for chalk talk.  JUST TIN was sitting on the curb, exhausted and unable to breath from his very sexy but slightly too tight dress.  The red hat lady was trying to pull it off of him then and there, apparently not understanding that he was naked underneath and had no other clothes with him.  UNCLE PERVY drank LITTLE FIN’s cum???  (and here I was concerned about JUST MARJORIE)  There were some very interesting new hash symbols explained (and demonstrated by HO DEEP HO) during chalk talk, a blessing of the hares, and the group was ON OUT. 
The hares tricked us into thinking we were heading (head, who said head) to (insert name of bar), but led us instead to our old favorite ON TAP.  A few ranging hashers hit (insert name of bar) anyway, but they were just desperate for a potty break.  ON TAP…hmmm.  I admit that already my memory is hazy….no more ½ litter beers for me!  I remember…..singing?  S and M man?  Jesus song?  And EDGAR ALLEN HO?  Surely not.  And too many people in one stall in the bathroom???  No way.  Must have been the green beer.
And then we were ON OUT to….someplace else.  I don’t know the name of the place.  I just remember it was too nice a place for hashers.  There was a patio and palm trees.  We called CUMSICLE and passed the phone around.  We sang some more songs.  Mr. Beau Jeans (?) gave us all the beer we could drink for the price we originally paid for a limited number. 
And ON OUT again.  To Roberts Park?  Or something?  Or maybe Roberts Park was the name of the last bar…? I might as well have let CUMSICLE write this trash, cuz she probably remembers more than me and she wasn’t even there!!!!  There was a river and a big tree.  Let’s see….NO BLOW up the tree?  A circle…were we supposed to have a circle on this hash?  Ummm….well, hmmm.  The keg ran dry.  Some hookers?  And yes, STUMBELINA, you’re right, they didn’t pay….they should know better, huh.  And the hash got a piece, or at least some of them did.  And we were ON OUT to the street party.
More memory flashes:  LITTLE FIN dancing in the street with a bunch of older ladies.  SUCKULATOR purchasing shots of Jameson’s (no I didn’t have any) and buttery nipples?  I know I had one, don’t know where it came from.  LITTLE FIN eating leftover potatoes from stranger’s plates.  CIRCLE BLOW and I eating corned beef and cabbage from a vendor outside.  RICHARD PIERCE offering to buy a round of beers at Meg O'Malley's then not having enough money so Cockpit had to pitch in! The damn beer wenches by the front door didn't take credit cards.  He made up for it later by buying a round of blow jobs on his credit card.
I got this story from JUST TIN: SHOP TEACHER and I were heading back to the car to change clothes. We got stopped by a group women who thought I was part of the entertainment. They requested a preview of my "act".  The next thing she knew I swiveled her seat outward and started giving her a lap dance. However the limitations of my dress prevented me from wrapping my legs around her waist and she had to be satisfied with me grinding my water balloons against her face. SHOP TEACHER needs lessons on being a wingman. Instead of collecting money and phone numbers, he wanted me to sing and dance something from Ricky Martin. In this dress?!.  After that while walking towards the car he was pointing out little young boys to me who were telling me that I looked good. He out pervied UNCLE PERVY.  This morning, I recognized I blew the entire situation and failed to take advantage of those ladies. I could have been the meat between a two women sandwich. Instead I was concerned about getting out your dress and into a pair of pants.   ……..now, can that be right?  Did he just say he wanted to get out of MY dress and INTO someone’s pants??????
Ok, well, that’s just weird.  Sounds like most of the hounds made their way to the LGC and the orgasmatron…got this input from an unnamed hasher:  I will say Bike Bitch has a weird sense of humor. There is a setting on the Jacuzzi that gives men hot flashes, very unpleasant.  I’m sure there was much nakedness and bad behavior, but BIKE BITCH reports that in an LGC first, there were NO underwear left behind. 
Now let’s talk HUYA….you know, on any other night the HUYA would have to go to the guy who committed vehicular homicide against two mailboxes….not one, but two.  But, nope, not this time because there was something even worse that happened.  I’m not going to give the whole story away here, cuz I’m sure it will be a much funnier story in the HUYA passing from the next hash.  Some stories just have to be told in person to get the full effect……so this is your cliffhanger.  Cum on out to the next hash and find out why ASS PACKET is a sure fire winner of the HUYA!!!! 
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#114 – 1st Anal Bathrobe Hash

Mar, 27th 2004
Hares: Wood Liquor and Kittylingus
Hounds: Shop Teacher, Cockpit, Crotchduster, Bike Bitch, Semen Dispenser, Just Jolee, In My Mouth, Million Buck Phuck, Peeps @ Pricks, Cumsicle, Happy Meal, Little Fin, Swallows, CockTender, Ass Packet, Circle Blow, Shop Teacher, Just Tin, Short Straw, Ho Deep Ho, and Dr. Anus.
Virgins: Just Kris, Just Robin, Just Amy
Visitors: Whiney Van Slut, Little Dribble
This is my foreplay hash trash, as too long between has dulled my senses and I am noticeably more reserved. The inappropriate behavior of our local hashers seems to have taken a serious sexual turn since I left and I recommend we buy lots and lots o’ rubbers.
And here I thought I'd be the only person in a bathrobe besides the Hares. What a lovely collection from the finest thrift stores in all of Brevard county as well as our closets and lingerie drawers. We had mint green satin with ruffles, pink polka dots, IGIA waffle weave, white cotton, hot terry cloth, satin paisley's, and jungle and floral print robes. We could have had our own Vicky's Secret runway show. But instead, we chose to don the hot outerwear and get sweaty running an extremely long trail with three beer stops around south Brevard.
While we paid the hash cash and dumped carbs down our throats for what we knew would be a long torturous trail (for energy - really), we admired our recently purchased HASH banner and the BIKE BITCH'S trophy he earned for entering his 2003 Harley Davidson Turbo-Walker into a motorcycle show. Word has it, he collected the most money in donations (AKA votes by the attendees), who thought he had the hottest piece of machinery there. No, he did not have his hash thong and kilt on display - It really is a walker with a headlight, handle bars, brakes, a throttle and some other accessories.
Our chalk talk (which was blue today by the way - as it is more environmentally friendly) - I mean mentally friendly, because the general population doesn't care about blue hazardous waste, they only freak on the white powdery stuff - but back to our chalk talk. Our clever hares had a few new symbols for us today. TO for tits out, DO for dicks out (neither of which we found on trail - very clever) and a camera with a flash for a photo op (we actually found one of these). We had a pint of logger prayer by the ASS PACKET while he christened the lone hare, KITTYLINGUS, as WOOD LIQUOR said he would be watching his son play with his balls for a while and wood arrive late. KITTY was also dusted with the blue hazardous waste. We took our usual group grope shot and who knows where this may end up. We had signed some excellent photos by HAPPY MEAL for some hash friendly watering holes (Lou’s Blues and Long Doggers), so some of your faces (or your poopers, or your middle fingers (COCKPIT)- whichever you had out in the picture) will now grace the walls of these fine establishments.
SHOP TEACHER and CIRCLE BLOW were cracking me up, because after they donned their robes, they immediately began flying around the parking lot next to Andretti’s thrill park, imagining they were super heros and swinging their long “capes” in the wind. SHOP TEACHER first said he was CAPTAIN TEAL (as he was wearing the satiny, mint-green robe with ruffles) and later morphed into KING CLIT. CIRCLE was appropriately named SUPER PAISLEY. Isn’t there a cartoon about that on Saturday morning? I mean early early in the morning, like the porn cartoons that are not allowed during kiddie’s viewing hours.
As soon as we could calm them down, we were off to the west behind the old KMart. Trail was so well marked, (NOTTTTT), we were often stopped or walking around in circles looking for the next mark. Which ways never fucked us. False trails never fucked us, they just took us out to a mark and stopped. Sometimes you just have a dry spell and it can’t be helped - we were hoping for some sex on trail, but NOOOOOOO. Sometimes your partners just don’t know what the hell they are doing and they leave you frustrated and searching for extra batteries. HASHING is just like that. Anyway, this initial piece of trail was entirely a false start. MR KITTY was simply stalling so WOOD LIQUOR would stop watching his son play with his balls and show up in time for the second beer stop. We ended up going in a complete circle back to the beginning, where we drank more beer and took off again. This time past KITTY’S work place where he jacks off dogs and cuts off kitty balls. We followed pavement and sidewalks for a good while and we were wondering where our beloved shiggy was. Finally, a nice little grassy trail with a few little critters and what do you know, before we got too sweaty, our second beer stop.
While taking our short rest, we learned the difference between G-strings and T-back or thong under wear from our virgins JUST AMY and JUST ROBIN, who were happy to display their backsides so we could be edumacated. BIKE BITCH had blood on trail, not a whole lot - it was a panty liner day. Our visitors also provided some anatomy refresher training as LITTLE DRIBBLE used a car antenna he found on trail to point out various body parts of WHINEY VAN SLUT. The HARES were off by themselves humping - I could only hear “I only give, I never receive!!!!!” JUST TIN asked about the left moose knuckle. Apparently Grasshopper is a bit innocent as he did not know that that was half of a camel toe. We reminisced about the flame retardant qualities of the cheesy pouf and determined that if you are ever caught in a fire, you should grab some cheese whiz and pour it on yourself as it will not burn either. Just don’t microwave it first. I can’t remember who said they had cheesy pouf residue on their dick. I’m thinking SEMEN DISPENSER - yeah, I haven’t said his name yet and it fits with his name - it must have been him. KITTYLINGUS also showed us that he wasn’t sure what had happened, but he thought he might have fucked a Smurf up the ass to his elbow as his whole forearm and hand was blue. WOOD LIQUOR offered his nipples for a taste test with two of the virgins and also showed the HUYA for the first time on trail.
We were running out of daylight hours for the remaining 10 miles of trail, so we set off through a housing area, through some shiggy, where we found a gigantic flag (actually a painted blue bed sheet) with pictures of CUMSICLE cut out in star shapes, and painted stripes hanging from a tree. It said “WELCOME HOME CUMSICLE” in big painted letters - which were very neat letters I might add. How cool is that? What a nice welcome home touch! Thank you sweetie pies. We had a flag folding and were off to a park where the trail mysteriously ended. A few of us chose a different which way (IMM, MBF SHORT STRAW and myself) and we ended up at a HUMP site and a countback 10, where we found the dazed and confused hashers still wandering around the trail markers with no end. We finally picked up good trail and hit some more grass, stopped at our photo op by the pond with a dock and a pavillion and went back through a residential district where we found a person who resembled KOJAK with a walking stick. We told him he was going the wrong way and he said “I’m not part of your organization” - almost with distaste. I guess he sleeps in the nude and our robes offended him. We ran along a water ditch and headed back for a housing area when we passed a dead, headless snake that looked to be about 5 feet long and was about as thick as a vacuum cleaner hose. The story goes that the hares came across this while laying trail. WOOD LIQUOR killed it while KITTY stood back and said, “hit it, kill it, cut it’s head off!!!!!” (Cuz he’s a man, man, man, man.) You’d think in KITTY’s profession, a little snake wouldn’t bother him, but I don’t blame him. Unless I had a shovel, I wouldn’t have touched it either. AND, we never see stories like this in the newspaper, do we? “ HASHER Saves Community from Venomous Python- Awarded Bravery Medal- Children of Brevard are Safe!!!!” Not only did we have a dead snake on trail, we passed two bone carcasses, one was a cat and we couldn’t identify the second one.
Finally, we find the 3rd beer stop at the home of MR and MRS KITTY. They graciously fed us little tiny dicks (I think you call them pigs in a blanket), with dipping sauces, popcorn, brownies, and Easter eggs. We were on our best behavior so as not to mess up his house or offend the MRS. We mysteriously lost 3 hashers somewhere and they never showed up at the third beer stop. We attempted to auto hash by climbing in the back of the truck parked in front of the house because we had now done 13 miles of trail and were dragging ass, but we were kicked out of the back of the vehicles (some of us anyway), to take ourselves another 1/2 mile to the circle, which was right next to a canal. Apparently BIKE BITCH, SHOP TEACHER and a 3rd hasher, (who’s name escapes me) had been waiting for us at the circle for a good long time. GATOR BAIT got to cum to the circle and he went straight for the water as soon as he was let out of the truck and then entertained himself with a flattened plastic bottle for the remainder of the circle. We were milling around waiting for the circle to begin and had some entertainment of our own. It’s called the BOOBY COOZIE, or the REDNECK COOZIE. Two of our well-endowed virgins stripped off their shirts and showed us how a beer can fits perfectly right between their knockers. And I do mean knockers!!!!!! I believe they were also trying to open a couple by squeezing themselves together, but we didn’t have any spillage, so maybe they need to practice up a bit for next time.
Comments from the circle:
LITTLE FIN - “...no comment, he peed himself and didn’t even know it - we had to point out his strategically located wet spot...” (He really didn’t pee himself - it just looked suspiciously like pee)
HO DEEP HO - “ ...at least we didn’t climb any logs today...”
HAPPY MEAL - “ the flag was a nice touch...”
SHOP TEACHER - .”...the trail was just a 1/4 too short...”
IMM - “...I missed the snake’s head...” No you didn’t honey, the head was chopped off (although the hares say the head was in the center of the coil with a check mark on it - we all missed it)
JUST TIN “...no tits out, no dicks out, it sucked!!!...”
CROTCHDUSTER “...declined comment due to his presence required in the ice chair for head gear. He
claimed it was camouflage and you couldn’t see it and asked CUMSICLE for his money back because
the camouflage didn’t work...”
CUMSICLE -”... It was too long and I couldn’t take it...” (Did I say that??)
And finally, hashers made the rounds on the ice: 
Hares on ice first as always
FRB - None other than KING CLIT - AKA SHOP TEACHER. (hey - where’s our FRB trophy that‘s glued together with gism?) DFL - LITTLE DRIBBLE
VIRGINS - JUST AMY, JUST ROBIN (JUST SWALLOWS made them cum), JUST CHRIS (HAPPY MEAL made her cum all the way from Iowa and JUST KRIS was quoted as saying “...and she did a wonderful job...”). We found out that JUST ROBIN is tiled and she hates the word crusty - mental note for possible future name. Crusty Tile, Crusty Tiled Lips, Crusty Coozie, Crusty Bald Cooter, Crusty T-Back - help me out here. The virgins were disappointed that there was no sex on trail and to that SHOP TEACHER responded....”did I hear you say once you go nub, you never go back?...” “...a nub for the hand is worth two in the bush...”
WANKER NAME USE - THE LITTLE COUSIN’S - DRIBBLE AND FIN. The virgins were lingering and decided that it would be fun to collect some ice and cold water in their vessels and pour them down the front of FIN’S crotch for a little iced nuts, after which I heard from the crowd “...I think he found NEMO...”
HUYA PASSING - WOOD LIQUOR - he added a bottle opener that talks and then we remembered, when one hare drinks, all hares drink.  HARES AGAIN. As for who the HUYA went to - we had a couple of stories and candidates. A certain unnamed hasher went postal on some post office boxes to the tune of $4000 to his car at 54 mph. (LITTLE FIN).
Another unnamed hasher was caught sucking NO BLOW’s toes in the orgasmatron after witnessing CIRCLE sucking MOMMA’s toes and she went wild over it. He was very turned on and wanted in on the action and went to town on a set of toes he thought belonged to MOMMA, but no, it was NO BLOW’s toes. He was awarded a pack of Mentos (MAN TOES) for his sexual feat - I mean feet. (ASS PACKET). And the winner is.......MAN TOES all the way!!!!! Not only was he the HUYA prize winner, it’s his birthday the day after the hash and he declined a spanking for fear of retaliation for all his hard spankings in the past. After all, it stings alot more on a frozen ass.
Next hash we get to name JUST TIN and I don’t want to see any of the lame references to his ethnicity like BRUISED LEE, MISS SAIGON, or RIN TIN TIN.
Until next time, may the hash get a piece!
Your long lost ON-SEC
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#115 – Easter Hash

April 10th 2004
Hares: Kittylingus and Big Canal
Hounds:  Ho Deep Ho, Shop Teacher, Cumsicle, Dr Anus, Just Tin, Happy Meal, Little Fin, Bike Bitch, Circle Blow, Ass Packet, Peeps at Pricks, Just Swallows, Just Robin, Pocket Rocket, Cockpit, Crotchduster, CockTender, Short Straw, Just Denise
VIRGINS:  Just Becky, and Just Christine.
You might have called this the Easter hash, as many hounds and virgins and the BIKE BITCH showed up with bunny ears or bunny visors on their heads.  (Who said head?)  The hares said there was no theme, but I am calling this the Time Machine Hash.  Number one, because this was our first 4:00 p.m. hash after the daylight savings time change and second because it was refreshingly like the hashes I remember when I started hashing. 
This was an excellent trail, with an awesome and well-controlled set of hounds.  It was better than sex!!! Wait, scratch that.  It was really good, now let me tell you why.
KITTYLINGUS couldn't get a fill-in hare, so a very charitable BIG CANAL offered to help.  We started at the Southwest Recreational Complex (aka: Florida Avenue Fields) and as usual took our group grope shot.  ASS PACKET was wearing the dirtiest dick I've ever seen (it was the one from the HUYA).  So check closely on the group grope pictures that HAPPY MEAL sent.  We dove into the shiggy right away, but were told we'd stay dry if we really wanted to stay dry. 
Today, we would name JUST TIN and boy was he nervous.  And how cum no one ever told this boy not to wear all white to a hash?   Some folks experimented with some names at the start while we warmed up.  We had teased that we would simply name him JUSTIN, as it completely lacks creativity and would really piss him off, especially since he went to the trouble of thinking up some names for himself.    SHOP TEACHER wanted to name him JUSTIN PASTERFLANGE.  I heard JUSTIN SIDER and BACKDOORBOY.  HAPPY MEAL and I had promised we had the perfect name, but would not reveal it til the circle. 
But back to the trail, I was breaking in YANKSIT'S new hash hat that I brought back from the desert and decided I would act like him while wearing it.  Aside from being the FRB (which will never happen unless everyone else gets lost), I ran past folks slapping them on the ass and jumping in the air pretending to fart (as everyone knows girls don't fart).  COCKTENDER retrieved a couple of tennis balls for some players, only after trying to stuff them up his shorts and fondle them.  We traveled through Dog Shit Alley (DSA) to a small ravine with a concrete drain pipe and slab.  So now, we can say it was a shitty trail and really mean it. 
We enjoyed a couple more beers while we sat on the slab.  We didn't think we'd be traveling the ravine, as KITTY said we wouldn't get wet, but off we went, across the narrow stream and up the other side of the bank.  Eventually we ended up on the FIT campus, and crossed over a big footbridge (and past real potties - imagine that - we could have peed in a real bathroom instead of in the woods, although I didn't see anyone take advantage).  Past DSA, we came across some teenage boys out playing a game of paintball and BIKE BITCH narrowly missed being shot while he was crawling through some shiggy.  And then we saw the 15-foot wide stream with the plop on the other bank.  KITTY is a big liar, pants on fire.  He said we wouldn't get wet.  He was there taunting us from the other side and said it was not cooter deep unless you were really short.  It was cold, but at least it was not green and slimy.  Most of us sunk our feet in the mud and got a little wet, but some rump rangers somehow found a way around without getting wet. 
We were in what resembled a rain forest and our footpath led us right up to a small tiki hut.  It had some grafitti on it as well as about a hundred multi-colored, very strong, rum jello shots.  DR ANUS demonstrated the tongue rim slide to the folks not used to slopping down a jello shot.   We were given only a short time to finish as many of those as possible and went deeper into the woods and through some more mud. We even passed a tree-house, which many hashers didn't even notice.  There were actually people up there watching us.  I'm sure that was the highlight of their day. Wonder how many people they caught peeing.  They were vewy vewy kwiet up there.  I'm told COCKPIT did a face plant somewhere in the mess of bushes with her legs spread.
ON-ON we were to the next beer stop, which wasn't too far away.  Once we got out of the rain forest, several hashers discovered they were covered in mud.  ASS PACKET had one black leg and one white leg. and there was a revelation:  "Angry Jesus cannot walk on mud"   He shared his black leg with several other hashers, and somehow PEEPS AT PRICKS managed to be covered in mud from her thighs down.  SHORT STRAW said he ditched his shorts to do the water crossing to keep them dry.  I would assume then, that he either was wearing no undies or he took them off too.  Where are the cameras when you need them?  Just like the local politician caught with his pants down, SHORT STRAW would have some serious explaining to do. 
Our beer stop was behind Chumley's on the deck at the laundromat (whose establishment does not have a liquor license - imagine that - no drinking while washing clothes).   My notes get much harder to decipher starting here and even my memory doesn't help me with how we got to our circle or where the hell we were.  I guess somewhere close to our cars.   We were next to a small body of  water as the sun was setting, eating our typical cheesy poufs, when PEEPS AT PRICKS starting running around with a package of those yellow, sugar-covered marshmallow peeps you see around Easter Time, yelling "You want a piece of me?????"  It was just disturbing, but several people took her up on it and I stuck a couple in COCKTENDER'S mouth and got a piece of his tail.  That's always fun.   We finally got her to calm down so we could start our circle and here's the tale of the ice chairs of death:
Hares - KITTY and BC
Assisting the hares on ice (CROTCHDUSTER and CUMSICLE)
CROTCHDUSTER and CUMSICLE for head gear violations while assisting the hares on ice.
FRB - Who gives a shit (which means I can't remember)
DFL (wasn't me)
JUST DENISE and the BIKE BITCH that made her cum
DR ANUS and CIRCLE BLOW  - for lost property
POCKET ROCKET and BIG CANAL - for too long between
JUST TIN for his naming - more on that later
JUST TIN - for getting the HUYA from ASS PACKET (what did he do besides try to name himself?)
I had an epiphany just now and it has nothing to do with my notes, but I thought I should start a column in my trash for virgins so as to help mold our hash into the well-oiled, I mean lubed machine we know and love and refer to as our mother hash.  I will call it:
Back to naming JUST TIN.  There were so many things thrown out while providing as much information as we had on him and grilling him with our typical questions.

  • He's from Dallas, Texas and has a drawl when he's drunk.
  • He's Vietnamese
  • He wore a green satin formal to  St Patty's Day - which means he dresses like a woman
  • Only Steers and Queers cum from Texas.
  • He's color blind.
  • He didn't know any barnyard animals.
  • He can't see pink.
  • He can't interpret Vietnamese, even though he is Vietnamese and didn't know what Didi Mau means - doesn't he watch Nam War flicks?  Everyone knows that - It means cum quick - cum now, hurry up.
  • He's an atheist.
  • He's some kind of a thermal engineer. 

Hung Low was thrown out. Miss Saigon was thrown out. Me Luv u long time was out of the question (as he chose this himself)
After all the suggestions, HAPPY MEAL announced none of them were right and SICLE had the name for this hasher.  The first three above items were combined for the name......drum roll please..... and JUST TIN will be forever known as........
Welcome to the hash POON TWANG!  You make a welcum addition to our pack.
As for the next hash on the 24th, make sure you don't miss it. HAPPY MEAL and CUMSICLE are haring and the theme is WAR PAINT.   If you don't understand the relationship of the theme to SICLE's recent promotion and can't figure out what to wear that goes with the theme, we'll give you a hand (job) when you get there. 
Until next time, may the hash get a piece.
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#116 – Warpaint Pow Wow

April, 24th 2004
Hares: Cumsicle and Happy Meal
Hounds and Harriettes:  Cockpit, Bike Bitch, Little Fin, Just Swallows, Just Puke, Cock Tender, Ass Packet, Circle Blow, Shop Teacher, Dr. Anus, Kittylingus, Suck-u-later, Poon Twang, Fire, Wood Liquor, Just Denise (hash #3), Just Robin (hash #3).
Virgins: Just Margie
Visitors: Momma, No Blow, Wet Dream, Waay Beyond Gay
What a gorgeous day for a Pow Wow! Happy Meal and I had been cooking up the details of our theme for only a week or so, even though we planned for this to be my promotion (to Chief) hash since before I left the desert. Let's see if I can get this in order chronologically since all the tales from the trash had to cum from hearsay. We met at the Buzzard's Hideaway Lounge on Sarno and put war paint on each other as well as our head dresses and feathers. We also listened to the over achievers tell us about their 5K r*n that morning at the Art Festival. It seems JUST PUKE had the first beer at 0730 - this will be a key piece of information that we chose to ignore at the time. Much to our delight, many brave warriors showed up in loin cloths. FIN, KITTYLINGUS, SUCKY, and WOOD LIQUOR, - and NO SHIRTS and only a thong underneath. Woo Woo Woo Woo!!! KITTY was free balling like we told him not to. BAD KITTY. CIRCLE spent a long time in the parking lot glueing feathers to a burger king crown. We were very pleased with all of the costume efforts. We greeted the hashers with our right arms up and a simple “HOW” and a hug. But on with the chronology.
#1 - We (the hares) forgot to tell the pack of Injuns which way to go when leaving the parking lot. We just got in our trucks and said give us 10 minutes. Luckily, technology on trail prevailed and we got them off in the right direction - or at least the right general direction. It took them a while to track our initial marks. #2 - We almost forgot about the group grope - and in fact, we were not in that picture. #3 - BIKEM BITCHUM announced a brand new HUYA for departing members. It had a clear plastic ribbed handle and a bright green plunger. Harriettes took to it right away, wanting to slide up and down the handle. We’ll have to hear more about that later. We did our chalk talk and as usual had to put a new spin on the marks. There would be a Cowboy or Indian which way and a regular which way. We had a point of interest stop which no one mentioned - it was a historic monument for a plane crash on Eau Gallie. I didn't get to hear anymore about the new HUYA as we hares had to get on trail.
We took both of our trucks to our first stop - the FIRE WATER stop (which was simply shots of HOT DAM!) That in itself was also confusing as some apartment barbecuers had moved in on our FIRE WATER STOP and we had to move it to right after our YBF. So everyone got fucked on our trail even after we explained this would be a hunt and as long as no one got lost, no one would get fucked either. We waited there at the new location with a black and white pussy - it' s always good to have some POT (Pussy On Trail). Especially the fuzzy ones. As soon as we spotted our first Injun, we started our war holler, and when that didn't work, we blew our whistles. We were making so much noise, the BBQers had to step out to see what was going on. I'm sure we made their day with the pack of war painted, half-naked injun parade. I think we lost FIRE and POON TWANG here due to other engagements.
I took off while RUNNING HAPPY MEAL administered the remainder of the shots and got the INJUNS back on trail. For I had to meet the warriors and their squaws on the other side of the water crossing, under the railroad tracks with their first oasis - the beer stop. Remind me never to drag a broken cooler that's on wheels down the railroad tracks, down a steep grade of loose granite to the river's edge. That was a bitch - even if HAPPY MEAL showed up a few minutes later to help. As if that weren't bad enough, while we are lugging this heavy, broken piece-o-shit to the beer stop, our hashers were already at the other side of the tracks, they see us and think trail is across the tracks. Again, we had to start hollering to go back, "you are not on trail" GO BACK, GO DOWN!!!!! (GO DOWN???) No one ever follows directions dammit!! All but one follows Chief's orders and finds the two bright red canoes below that we had dropped there earlier in the day, complete with life vests, oars and a note on how to advance on trail. This was also where any cowboys could wimp out and go up and around Eau Gallie instead of crossing the water. Luckily we had no cowboys, as we did not want all of our canoe-hoisting efforts to go to waste. We hare-squaws loaded these big long fiberglass canoes on our trucks by ourselves and FIN helped us get them down to the riverbank. Thank God for a big strong man that will do anything for his squaw!! COCK TENDER was also a willing brave, but we were late and he got to catch a nap on the couch instead of bulging the veins in his neck. Thank you anyway baby, we knew we could count on you to help us.
This RIVER CROSSUM was going to require a tribe effort as you can only load 4 Braves/squaws at a time in each canoe. DR ANUS came hopping across the track with his bum leg, then found out what he missed and caught a return ride in the canoe so he could oar some more folks back across. We were counting on him to convince any cowboys to stay on the INJUN trail. I think it took about 4 trips and you can see by the pictures on ofoto that these braves were not serious about the hunt. KITTY AND FIN were horse playing in the water, splashing each other with the oars, scaring the squaws that they might be in TIPPY CANOES. There were Injuns waiting on the other side. COCKPIT was simply grateful that we didn’t make her swim. WAAY BEYOND kept rocking the boat - what guy wouldn’t with a squaw or two on his lap?
Monkey Boy (none other than NO BLOW) and MOMMA commented how the underside of the tracks would be a great location for a geo-cache and NO BLOW crawled up the trestle and left an ON -ON sticker. Before the tribe even had a chance to enjoy their beer stop, they volunteered to haul the canoes up the loose gravel, down the tracks about 40 yards and through a water ditch to our waiting trucks. That pissed me off too, cuz I wanted to haul an empty cooler back up - not a full one. We made the pack wait while KITTYBULL, BROKEN ARROW ANUS, SHOP TEACHER BITCHICUSS, FIN HORSE and SUCK-U-RED WOLF loaded and tied the canoes down. (for some reason FIN HORSE said BITCHICUSS couldn't change hands and he was having a PMS moment - and I quote "The canoes were really cute til I had to carry the bitches!!!", Thank you sweeties for getting them up for us once again!
Now for the longest part of the trail for the tribe. LONE RANGER JUST PUKE was no where to be found. We initiated a techno smoke signal and found him. He said he was on the north side of the tracks and we had just heard a train whistle. Perhaps he had just one too many FIRE WATERs today. He didn’t seem concerned that he was the only COWBOY on trail with a bunch of INJUNS. He didn’t even have his horse, SILVER.
We sent the tribe on an asphalt goose chase to give us time to mark the last portion of trail and set up our circle. From there, they entered the shiggy homeless zone and passed a sink hole (or shit hole - we didn’t know which) that was about 5 feet in diameter. Perhaps it was the beginning of our bear trap hole and we didn’t have time to cover it with foliage. Yeah that’s it! Or perhaps we just found it when we veared far off our original trail so as to avoid the homeless cowboys who gave us the heeby geebys. We marked a turtle’s butt with purple spray chalk, but of course, he didn’t stick around to help a sista out. BIKE BITCHEM came out with a hatchet wound that looked like the perfect movie blood wound covered in sand. FIN HORSE would later ask for a needle and thread so he could RAMBO the wound shut, but all we had was leather laces and nothing sharp.
We sent them through more wilderness behind a church and across a shallow water fall to a small grass clearing next to the inlet at the bottom of the falls. We had our privacy as this was the location of our circleexcept for a couple of redneck fishermen by the falls. HAPPY MEAL went out to talk with them after she twisted her ankle and committed alcohol abuse with the remainder of the HOT DAM bottle. She broke it on the sidewalk hauling stuff in for the circle. SHOP TEACHER took off running to save her when he heard her calling his name through the trees. The fisherman was exclaiming that he thought our running group might be fun and HAPPY MEAL thought “ I just don’t think he will fit in“- and she later had an epiphany why that gut feeling came to be while on the toilet in the men’s room back at BUZZARDs. DR ANUS went for a swim and the redneck fisherman pointed him out to HAPPY MEAL, and she wanted to know how he could tell he was one of our group? “Because he has a beer”
Comments from the circle:
In general - lots of cool stuff, loved the canoes but not enough canoes! not enough sex, too much asphalt, but it sucked - as usual.
And finally, hashers made the rounds on the ice:
Hares on ice first as always - CUMSICLE and HAPPY MEAL
FRB - Who was this? I know SUCKY had the trophy, but who came first?
DFL - JUST PUKE (obviously he was the last one in)
EXTREME DFL - JUST PUKE - but not so obvious that he was 35 minutes late for circle.
VIRGINS - JUST Margie and I think the BIKE BITCHEM or JUST DENISE made her cum. Now, did anyone even guess that JUST MARGARINE (TASTES LIKE BUTTA) doesn’t drink, but did a full can of beer down down? She said she didn’t mind, but we had water.
I have a note that SHOP TEACHER sang to the above hashers but I don’t recall the song.
HOMER - WOOD LIQUOR’S TRAVEL BUG - someone must really explain why WOOD LIQUOR plays with dolls to me. The little guy had his own loin cloth even. Too funny.
OK, I’m making shit up now because I was sidetracked by the bar owner’s call to prepare a kill for the tribe.
HUYA PASSING - what HUYA??- no HUYA owner, but the HUYA seems to have done trail by itself. How can this be? There will be cheeks to pay.
The on-after was equally entertaining as the kill was placed on an island surrounded by barstools, the wolves dug in head first for a feeding frenzy - literally - they attacked the bar, the wings, the sandwich tray and chips with salsa and pitchers of beer til we ate the bar owner out of almost everything on the menu.
HAPPY MEAL’S epiphany while on the men’s room throne was that, hashers are not red-neck, no-mind, alcoholics, but professional, high-tech job-having, hard-working, white collar alcoholics - and THAT is why red neck fisherman would not fit in.
We listened to stories by SUCK-U-RED WOLF about the moon balls (shaven) and his OH face, stories from SHOP TEACHER BITCHICUSS about teaching his daughter to wipe front to back and why he'll always stay til the very end of a hash to ensure he never misses girl on girl acton again. Then we settled in to find out more about JUST DENISE, as in two more hashes, we shall name her.
-She’s a grandma, her nickname is muffin, She’s a Gemini, has 2 kids, 3 cats and 1 dog, she r*ns every morning, drinks like a turtle, is a Mickey Mouse fan, a military brat, a secretary, her favorite barnyard animal is an owl, she’s codependent, likes Oprah, has 2 brothers and a sister, is divorced for 9 years, likes hot better than cold, and she won’t go naked in public.
We’d have quizzed JUST ROBIN like that if she’d hung around.
Quotable quotes by:
ASS PACKET - “God is busy, May I help you?”
SUCK-U-LATER - “The trail was delightfully diverse”
That’s really why the redneck fishermen wouldn’t fit in. They wouldn’t understand them big words.
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#117 - TOGA TOGA TOGA Fat Boy Hash

8 May 2004
Hares: Suck-u-later and Ass Packet
Hounds:  Bike Bitch, Just Denise (hash #4) , LittleFinandHappyMeal (they are one now - no more individual name tags - just one and guess who wears it?  The whipped one of course. ) Just Swallows, Cock Tender, Circle Blow, Shop Teacher, Dick Sniffah, Peeps at Pricks, Ho Deep Ho, Just Puke, Dr. Anus, Kittylingus, and Poon Twang.
Virgins: Just Aaron
Visitors: Momma, No Blow, NaBob, Nabob's friend, and KOJAK!!
Thank God for the collective brains of the hashers or we'd have no trash at all. There I was in my Goddess toga outfit and no pen, no paper, no recorder. Just my dysfunctional memory, my mug, my stick on bra and my panties. This is an important fact, to know that I started with all my clothes. The gold heels were traded very early for sneakers and the yellow ribbon leg wrap would not stay on, but I was tied up a few different ways with it that day in an attempt to keep it on, yet not lose circulation.
We milled around the parking lot of the Dollar Store by Anacapri's Pizza in Cocoa just like last year. And the PO PO was circling, just like last year. They were watching us closely and I think there were at least 3 squad cars as they'd disappear in one direction and show up from a different parking lot entrance.  Only one brave car dared drive through the sea of togas and it was not the PO PO.  KOJAK stopped by to give SUCKY some habanero chili peppers from his Victory Garden in hopes they would be used on BIKE BITCH at some point on trail, but alas there would be no explosive diarrhea today. We waited a full hour for late hashers (and also to torment the Dollar Store - and because we couldn't find ASS PACKET, the other hare, who was in the store buying trash bags - for an HOUR). Once again we had a fine showing of toga wear, some pinned, painted, sewn, ripped, tied and accessorized. KITTY found himself some kitty fabric for his toga. COCK TENDER ditched the GI JOE look and went for the royal blue with the glow in the dark whistle. The chalk talk yielded YBF's, checks, dick checks (I saw none on trail) boob checks (I saw none on trail), photo ops and the usual trail plops. The PO PO stopped to converse with ASS PACKET and apparently the silver tongued devil was able to convince the officer that we were not insane and we meant no harm. Our tags tell a different story though. The inscription on the back of the John Belushi toga photo read:  "HHH Warning:  This tag is proof that I was insane enough to hash in the BVD H3 FAT BOY Toga Hash on May 8, 2004. I bought a sheet, wrapped it around me, & hashed- they say I had a good time. Reminder: The BVD H3 is a non-organization that drinks beer." I hear YANKSIT provided the graphics for the tags - thanks YANKSIT!  He can't talk right now, but he's listening.  
HAPPY MEAL AND NO BLOW took some group grope shots before we were FINALLY on out.
KITTYLINGUS told me to stick this where the sun doesn’t shine, I mean insert it:
Happy Meal: “Kitty, why did you stop to talk to him (the officer)?”
Kittylingus: “Because he told me to.”
SHOP TEACHER gave himself another super hero name, but I don't recall what it was.  I can picture him in his childhood wearing Superman pajamas with a towel pinned around his neck flying about the house. 
PEEPS AT PRICKS found yet another item of clothing that reflects part of her name - a t-shirt under her toga. JUST SWALLOWS was told she had a nice ass at the cottage pub by two men who were trying to have a nice quiet beer on a Saturday afternoon. We didn't seem to bother the guy by the door reading the newspaper with his beer, but we sure got some strange looks from the older couple behind us. The key point is, we did not drive them away or cause them to call the fuzz.
Here are some of our other very closely placed stops:
1.  Start at Anacapri Pizza, Cocoa Beach - pre beer lubing for one hour.
2. Photo Op at Cocoa Beach Fountain- brief stop - looking for a beer near, we've been on trail all of 5 minutes, which is way too long for the FAT BOYS (or the not so fat boys- Have you seen these honey's lately?).  You'll note in one of the photos, that a check, a YBF and a true trail were placed within a square yard of each other, so no getting lost on this trail.   These guys do have a sense of humor.
3. Cottage Pub (Mandy the Barmaid was Alluetted and she was a very good sport). I almost forgot that someone shaved half of NaBob's beard (see ofoto). Using what? And what was the point?
4. Fun Times Sports Bar - (they were also having a benefit for Hank Meinhardt who suffered a head injury. (Mile stones - COCK TENDER 1 yr, down-down for the Virgin and the Hares). We also donned some lipstick and kissed a life size standup cardboard version of some car racer and HAPPY MEAL took our photos with it. The bar owner had hired a comedian and tried to get us to stay for it, but we were ON-ON to the next beer stop. CIRCLE BLOW did her Virgin Mary impression by wrapping her white sheet over her head (see photo). DR ANUS found an ancient pinball machine and entertained a few hounds and harriettes on it for awhile. 
5. Beach stop and Photo Op. (Just Denise goes for a swim, we had down downs for Visitors No Blow & Momma. Shop Teacher didn't bring the FRB trophy (SICLE was the FRB at two stops - that will never happen again), POON lost the Huya. WHAT???? (Grounds for him to carry it a little longer once it is returned.) We stayed here for quite a little while eating chips and cheesy poufs from between each other's legs.  The cops came and announced on loud speaker "You all are hashers aren't you?" Then left. I didn't hear that at all. And in case you didn't notice, someone in the first floor condo next to our beer stop appeared to have a video camera. Let's just hope they found our costumes amusing and that we don't end up in some news story and lose our jobs over flashing our tits or something. I actually think the only one who disrobed, was POON TWANG - the chivalrous hasher who tore off his kimono toga and gave it to a sopping wet JUST DENISE after her ocean voyage.
H2 Oh-My-God. Nemo. Wet N Wild (as she works at Brevard Parks and recreation part time). Part The Waters. Some references to Moses scriptures. Scuba Dooba Doo. Grandma Moses (She is a Grandma). Muff Diver. Slippery Underworld. Yellow Submarine. Mom The Baptist. Tail Plunge. Anchor’s Away. Seabee Bobbinba On The Waterba (Pronounced In Fat Albert Dialect).  Styrofoam Hole. Throw Me I’m Dinghy. Fish Bait. Bob. OK, now I'm just making shit up.  
And here’s some more info on JUST DENISE
1. She was a red hat lady.. (I like the word Cherry for the red part)..
2. She has been shit-faced twice in 4 hashes.. Has cats, a dog, kids and grandkids. and is rumored to have slept over .. on the first hash.. She has a No broken hearts tattoo.
3. She threw herself into the ocean on hash 4 when she was hardly able to walk - and BB and Poon had to save her. Has to have some part-the-waters innuendo.. Moses etc..
4.. ok.. how about Moses Cherry Tart.. I am killing me here.. laughing..
5. I was thinking Ophelia or (I-feel-ya) because of Ophelia throwing herself off a cliff into the water in Hamlet.. but since Hamlet was never published in a porn magazine.. you people probably dont know what I am talking about.. so skip it... its bed time..
At any rate, it's a real start and we get to name her at her next hash.  Don't worry JUST DENISE, by the time your name is branded on you, we'll have forgotten all about the wanker stuff, but not your JACQUES COUSTEAU adventure.
6. On back to Cottage Pub part two for a lot more beer
7. Cocoa Beach Fountain again for jello shots in the dark.  (Hey, I remembered something.  They were coconut flavored - yummy)
8. End at Pig N Whistle.   Some folks did in fact, eat here, which was a very smart thing.  I on the other hand, was too busy dancing with COCK TENDER and drinking Kamikaze's with SUCKY.  Not the brightest blonde/redhead under the sun I'd say.  And this is where my first pair of panties were stolen.  While I've been accused of stealing other's drawer's (and I never did - it was all HAPPY MEAL), I've never had mine stolen.  SUCKY left with the lime green lacies hanging around his neck.  Splain that one to the teenager!   I may never see them again.  By about midnight, we managed to find our vehicles and thank goodness the FUZZ was not staking out that parking lot.  As far as I know everyone got home safely in time for Mutha's day.  Except at the LGC, where the cops tracked down the visiting Daytona hashers at the scene of the crime.  Breaking and Entering ( I believe the term is B&E) or just plain vandalism on JUST DENISE’s car.   Nothing hurt, nothing stolen.  Perhaps, JUST DENISE broke into her own car and the PO PO had just heard the story of the wet hasher and had to see her for themselves.
And why did we drink so many shots this night?   I think because DICK SNIFFAH got a job!  She's going to be the head (who said it?) of something to do with children.  Congratulations SNIFFAH!!!! - does that mean you are staying with us misfits?
Another great TOGA hash by the not so fat boys and a good time was had by all!
Also, for anyone wanting to say a temporary goodbye to KOJAK, he leaves for his summer building vacation up north after the Space Coast's next hash this cumming weekend.
Start shopping for your new red dress.  It's cumming.  I'm not sure when, but it's cummin soon.  And I hear ANUS AND PUKE have some memorial weekend plans for us also.
Until we meet again - may the hash go in peace. 
Your ON-SEC, Sicle
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#118 – The Straight A Way Hash

22 May 2004
Hares: LittleFinandHappyMeal
Hounds: Honorable Discharge, Beer Bop, Bike Bitch, Just Swallows, Cock Tender, Circle Blow, Ass Packet, Cumsicle, Shop Teacher, Just Puke, Just Robin (hash #4), Dr. Anus, Wood Liquor, Cockpit, Crotchduster, Short Straw, and Poon Twang.
Virgins: Just Erin, Just Susan
Visitors: Ass Squealer (it's a dry spell for him)
I was thinking I'd name this the neanderthal hash as I was bent over on trail in the shiggy because I thought we had evolved to walk upright. I also got my hair pulled later at the on-after by my desert buddy, CROTCHDUSTER. Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of straightaways and lots of upright time on trail, but this was a trail for which we should have packed a rucksack. We should have had snacks to keep us going (because we were forced to eat styrofoam packing peanuts covered in cheese dust - and someone shall pay for this most blatant of violations- buying generic brands of cheesy poufs). HAPPY MEAL must have wanted to have some fun with LITTLE FIN today as she knows the penance he would have to pay. We should have had extra water for this was a trail over our 3-mile norm and perhaps a mat for napping. Thank God we didn't have to cross any of the many canals we walked along. I saw things moving in them.
We gathered behind the County Line and were issued our survival kits, complete with 3 extra credit coupons, a colored rubber and emergency instructions in case we were lost on trail. It seems that several of our most recent hares have gone an extra mile to make their trails fun and interesting. This was LITTLE FIN'S retirement hash. He's hung up his uniform so he can wear a goatee and 3 pairs of earrings as well as lots and lots of hair gel. We were given the general direction to start off in and waited 10 minutes before we were ON-OUT. Hey, someone said MOMMA and NO BLOW were cumming, but I didn't see them there.
DR ANUS was, of course, the FRB at the first stop, but he wasn't getting the trophy just yet. Dirty Girl's JUST ROBIN and SICLE showed up to the first stop covered in mud up to their thighs. Apparently they did not see the bridge 15 feet from where they went thru the soft mud. I went first and my first step buried me to my right knee. As I tried to step again, down went my left leg to my knee and I thought I was going to lose my shoes, but I leaned forward and crawled across the top of the mud on my hands and knees to get out. POON TWANG was right behind me with white pants on, and of course he followed. I'm not sure where JUST ROBIN fell in, but she stopped at an irrigation spicket in the orange grove to wash some of the black stuff off using stinky river water. She also had mud and blood on trail before this first stop. BEER BOP looked the same way, but we didn't know it because we didn't see him again until Bare Assets. Can you say RANGER?? No need for anyone to use their emergency kit. He's been hashing since 1990, so we weren't too worried and we knew he hadn't wimped out on us. I hate it when we lose people. Our first stop was at an abandoned maroon house that looked like Jason might exit at any moment with a chainsaw. Creepy. BIKE BITCH looked inside to see if there were any bound children or hot tubs - but not this time. The Hounds and Harriettes quenched a bit of their thirst and set off along their first canal.
There were long straightaways on this stretch of the trail as we worked our way to the "orange house". The owner of this house is a friend of HAPPY SNACKS, (HAPPY MEAL'S daughter), JUST MINOR MAXIE. JUST MINOR MAXIE's mom has been meaning to cum hashing with us, but she wasn't in town today, but agreed to let us have a stop in her driveway. Thanks JUST MINOR MAXIE'S mom. See SICLE's photos from this stop on ofoto. Hope I'm getting this in the right order. This was a long-ass trail! I think it took us over an hour to get to the orange house (OK, maybe it was just me and the slower folks behind me) I have no idea how long HONORABLE DISCHARGE, ANUS, SQUEALER, JUST SUSAN, WOOD LIQUOR, SHORT STRAW, SHOP TEACHER JUST ERIN, and JUST PUKE had been there before we arrived. We were given a hint as to the direction of the trail from there, but of course did not take it. Instead, we played frisbee in the street, mindlessly following POON TWANG (and we were warned not to follow him). We saw no trail marks, but kept on walking. Then ASS PACKET said, "she told me look for the tree on the left". Well, the last marked tree on the left was right after the orange house driveway, so we backtracked, played some more frisbee and finally made our way back on trail along another canal.
Our first Extra Credit was next to a well and water treatment business in the trees and we had some more of those yummy coconut Jell-O shots. LITTLE FIN administered a gigantic garbage bag loaded with red, yellow and green Jell-O shots while we read our instruction tag - it was a picture of HAPPY MEAL next to a Go Active Happy Meal sign at McDonalds with a note that said take a Jell-O shot break to keep you going. They must have been powerful, because it was just after this stop that COCKPIT hit a speedbump and landed on the other side, hand first. We stayed on pavement and spotted a pub, but the chalk signs said we were not to stop here (NO EC). Around the back of this strip mall, however, was our second Extra Credit - a house of ill repute. EC2 was a tiny little whore house (and some our frequent flyers recognized it - ASS SQUEALER AND DR ANUS). Others missed it completely (JUST PUKE). I missed one of the employees on the front porch, but a man was out there when I passed by and COCK TENDER was kind enough to stop (not to go in as this EC was optional) but to give the man his rubber from his survival kit. Damn, on trail over 2 hours and this was only EC #2. JUST SWALLOWS and I diligently followed and shared trail with a live raccoon in the reeds by a pond behind the furniture store. We also passed a dead possum that looked like a winged small dinosaur with it's rib cage and backbone exposed.
We played frogger on 192 and went back into the shiggy. This is the last time I saw CROTCHDUSTER, COCKPIT AND SQUEALER before circle. So I know they didn't follow trail as the next place they showed up was at Bare Assets. We stopped in for the afternoon nekkid pole dancing. If the bouncer would let us, every harriette would have been on stage, but I heard it's frowned upon to get close to the working girls, so we hung by the bar and did lap dances instead. We were only there long enough to realize that JUST ROBIN had the biggest tits of them all and to have one beer and we were off to play more frogger - and by the way, somewhere near there were our tit and dick checks. Damn, missed all of those.
Finally, a clearing and more pavement and HAPPY MEAL took us ON-IN past the wildlife crossing (see ofoto's) to our final resting place - a wooded area next to another place of business (that was still open) and a park (that was occupied by children). As you can also see by the ofoto's, the sun was about to go down. I want you to recognize that I checked the weather channel and sunset occurs at 8:17 pm, that's 2017 for you military folks, and we were in the circle for about 30 minutes when it got dark. We didn't head out on trail til 5 pm (1700), so we were on trail for close to 3 hours. No wonder us hounds were dog tired.
We set up circle quickly with help from everyone but Sicle and Short Straw who were lounging in the ice chairs before they were loaded.
Comments from the Circle and those who spent time on ice:
Hares on Ice - LITTLEFINANDHAPPYMEAL. Just Erin was concerned and exclaimed "Aren't you going to let them get up? I like them!"
Honorable Discharge A hasher since '89. "This was my best trail ever in Florida" ( I believe it was his first trail ever in Florida). He's been a peeping Tom on our group mail until the sheer volume of messages forced him to turn us off. Wonder what took him so long to cum and play with us? Must be a voyeur.
JUST PUKE ' "This trail kicked ass and it was easily cheatable!!" I assume because of the length, the titty bar and the shiggy and because he is well-known for torturous trails, and this one was long and torturous. And lord knows he likes to range and cheat.
CIRCLE BLOW- She especially liked the dancer in the red skirt and the white thigh-highs.
COCKTENDER - "He liked it because he got his "sweat" on" I also saw him give up his rubber to a man at Extra Credit number two - also known as the whore house. He said he had plenty, which either means he's got a large stock or he's having a dry spell.
SQUEALER - "He liked the titties" (he would)
SHORT STRAW - And I quote "if this trail was less than 7 miles, I've got 12 inches for ya and if Fin ever hares again, I'm not cummin!"
COCKPIT - "This was Little Fin's best trail ever" even though she fell on a speed bump and has an open sore on the palm of her hand.
CROTCHDUSTER - "Bike Bitch tried to lure me to the Cold Keg and touch me in my NO NO spot"
JUST SUSAN - "I liked it because I ate Rocky Road Ice Cream for breakfast and I worked it off.
FRB's ON ICE- HONORABLE DISCHARGE AND DR ANUS - HONORABLE DISCHARGE or HD (who said head) wont' be at our next hash, so the trophy moved over to ANUS. HONORABLE DISCHARGE remained on ice for headgear (who said it again? I'll take some of that). I know he stayed for a 3rd down down, but don't recall the 3rd violation. We were simply grateful on my side of the circle for two men on ice with their pants around their ankles.
POON TWANG said there were shrooms on trail and SHORT STRAW tried to give him a dirty straw.
DR ANUS simply burped
BEER BOP told us a story of ranging and encountering a couple of dogs who were after his left nut. He arrived with both nuts in tact. Did anyone check?
DFL'S ON ICE - ASS PACKET AND POON TWANG - PT had Nestea in his moldy camel pack. SHOP TEACHER decided he wanted to tell a totally unrelated story at this time about his ex wife going to the emergency room for stitches, which absolutely MADE HIS DAY. A little vengeance is healthy, a story told with such enthusiasm should scare us a little. He is missing a hand after all. He also noticed that there were buzzards circling, so that either means something was dead or rotting below it, so it was time to get ASS PACKET off ice and let him poop the remaining ice cubes from his shorts and continue being our RA. CROTCHDUSTER fell over at this point (literally). I think he was leaning on COCKPIT, who left him and he ended up on his ass. DR ANUS took this opportunity to announce the 2nd Anal Memorial Day Hash at the Porn Shack.
VIRGIN'S ON ICE - JUST SUSAN and JUST ERIN. JUST SUSAN'S stunt dick, WOODLIQUOR, sat for her so she wouldn't have to strip off her one piece and get naked on ice. JUST ERIN let out a scream as her ass entered the frozen tundra that will be remembered for a long time to cum. I'd say there's naming potential there. FROZEN SCREAMER, ANAL PUSHUP, FROSTY TACO, GLACIER JUICE, FROSTY NIPPLER. You get the idea. COCKPIT AND CIRCLE BLOW sang the chilled Harriettes their rendition of "Like a Virgin - hashing for the very first time"
JUST ERIN was told she could pretend to be a virgin again since her first hash was a pub crawl. I recall a certain virgin whose first hash was a pub crawl (me). I raised my hand on my second hash when they asked if there were any virgins, as I thought you remained a virgin til you got your name. The answer then was, "you can only have your cherry popped once honey" Why the answer has now changed, I have no idea. I truly believe that the hounds will simply make shit up so they can see every harriette's ass on ice every time we hash. Case in point, I was on ice yesterday- why? I was not a virgin, a visitor, the FRB, the HARE, the DFL, nor did I commit any headgear or other violations. See what I mean? They just want to see my butt. I did however get my first bare-ass man on my lap while on ice (BEER BOP). That's always a good thing. So when he was on ice, I reciprocated (with my clothes on though). CROTCHDUSTER fell over again - perhaps it wasn't COCKPIT'S fault at all - maybe he was just drunk on his ass - literally.
HUYA - POON TWANG back on ice trying to defend why he should not retain the HUYA after losing it. "The ice is rough on this side" He then began his testimony for not keeping the HUYA "...I had to leave the trail and I thought the HUYA should remain with the hash, so I entrusted it to JUST PUKE who set it down on a beer stop at the POW WOW and lost it..." False accusation, he lost it, he keeps it - drink it down down down down.
All in all it was a long sweaty trail, a little bit dirty, not very wet, but worthy of a thumbs up from PUKE AND ANUS, so I guess that means LITTLE FIN may live to hare again. Congratulations on your retirement! Have fun trying to match your clothes every day now. Light blue shirt, dark blue pants usually works. Right about now though, I think he will be looking for a sexy red dress as our 4th (I think it's our 4th) Anal Red Dress Run is cumming on the 19th of June. I'm told YANKSIT will exit the BVD hash, which he and FIRE founded in 1999, to move to ARKANSAS, on
exactly his 100th hash. I'm also told he is haring this event.
The ON-AFTER was at Penny Annies where I believe FIN sprung for some beer and wings. I wasn't there at the start, but he tried to make me eat a whole pan of them so he didn't have to take them home. I APOLOGIZE to BEER BOP - I gave him bad directions. I sent him south of Palm Bay Road on Minton and it was actually north. I should have let someone else tell him because I always mess that up - I know how to get there, I just screw up the betweens on Minton. I got some good head from CROTCHDUSTER (he was pulling my hair after I told him men aren't generally any good with their hands) but he wouldn't kiss me after that. I hate that. His wife said they had to go and they just got up and walked out - no hug, no kiss - nothing. Not to worry, COCKPIT wasn't mad. She has a stunt hubby and she studs CROTCHDUSTER out every once in a while. We did get to hear the very romantic story of their first date before they left however. CROTCH took her flying as he is a pilot. He takes her home and she asks him in the driveway if he has a rubber. He said no. She didn't want to get pregnant, so she gave him a blowjob (only on the first date) and they got married and lived happily ever after. What a romantic story. LITTLEFINANDHAPPYMEAL busted in the women's restroom together and after that it was all in pairs. Girl on girl, guy on girl. I didn't see any boy pairs though - that's a good thing. I know SHOP TEACHER was still there because he said he would always be the last to leave so as not to miss any more girl on girl action.
More to cum on the 2nd Anal "Around the Porn Shack Memorial Day Trail" from Anus and Puke. Looking for something to do this Tuesday night (May 25th)? Contact Puke about the baseball game at Space Coast Stadium.
Glad to see our newest hashers - WELCUM to BVD to HONORABLE DISCHARGE, BEER BOP, JUST SUSAN, JUST ERIN, JUST ROBIN, and JUST DENISE (both DENISE AND ROBIN are due for names at their next hash). Bring your sexy selves back to BVD for more unique trails and fun and debauchery!
Until we meet again - may the hash get a peace (except for Squealer - cuz then he won't cum hashing anymore).
Your ON-SEC, Sicle
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#119 – The Gnatty Trail

5 June 2004
Hares: Momma, No Blow and their sponsor Cockpit
Hounds: Yanksit, Just Swallows, HappyMealandLittleFin, Kittylingus, Circle Blow, Ass Packet, Cumsicle, Shop Teacher, Just Puke, Just Robin (hash #5), Hot Carl, Dr. Anus, Crotchduster, and Poon Twang.
Guest appearance at the on after: Wood Liquor and Just Susan
Guest appearance at the on after after:  Fuckleberry and Just Maria
Rain threatened, but we never got poured on as we gathered in the back of the Target parking lot on Courtney Parkway in Merritt Island for yet another Yankee hash, a favorite of COCKPIT’s as she doesn’t have to drive as far.  Lightning struck all around us as we swatted swarms of gnats away from our faces in this wet place.  Next time we do the marshland, someone remind us to bring mosquito netting.
YANKSIT, our founding foreskin father, was back from R-KANSAS so we had to get the FRB trophy back in shape with some duct tape. Welcum back YANKSIT! MOMMA and NO BLOW gave us our minimal chalk talk (no virgins today), asked for 15 minutes and told us which direction to leave in. 
Suck Trail was as follows:
Sidewalk. Pavement. Chalk rationing. Wet grass through the orange grove. Swamp water that we didn’t have to wade through (yaaay). Cul-de-sac beer stop with no houses, but an older lady that came out to ask us “hoo now, what u doin out heah? Auto-hashers  - injured hashers (PUKE AND ANUS) lounging at the stop awaiting our arrival. Gnat removal. HAPPY MEAL laid some trail on Puke with chalk – over his head, down his belly and ON-IN to his crotch. 
Pit bull under a trampoline and most importantly behind the chain link fence – but he was not bothered by our presence nor did he warn his owner that his back yard had a train of hashers running through. Run for your lives through the hood!  (really no one bothered us, but some youngsters helped the DFL’s by telling them which way the FRB’s went.  Tease us by making us pass by a loaded bar that was open. Beer stop behind the strip mall. Peeing behind the dumpster.  Lounging on the wet couch by the dumpster and the concrete step.  More gnat removal – I swear we needed bug shields today. They are everywhere – in our hair – in our underwear - in our teeth – on our necks – they are especially attracted to light colored clothing
ON-ON.  More pavement and sidewalk, by the McDonalds with a space shuttle, past the funeral home, frogger across a busy road, through another projects looking place – “Hey look over there – CROTCHDUSTER is not on trail and he knows where this thing ends. Some people follow him, others stubbornly follow chalk and toilet paper, scaling cinder block fences and mushing through soggy soccer fields.”
Hey, we are finally to circle behind Publix private property (say that fast 3 times). We are confused as to whether we can trespass despite the separate sign that says you are on private property, so we set up the ice chairs on the dangerous scissor lift (the sign said so), draw a chalk circle, and write our hash names in chalk at our stations (some of us had multiple stations). More peeing behind the dumpster and the ritual eating of the cheesy poufs. More gnat removal.  Quick, dump your beer!  It’s a vehicle – an invasion of the Florist. False alarm. Back to circle.
Comments from the Circle and those who spent time on ice:
Hares on Ice – Momma and No Blow – no comments besides the look on their faces on ice – Drink it down down down.
YANKSIT – Gnat enough gnats.  It’s gnat right.
HOT CARL – I’m too full of gnats to drink beer
NO BLOW – We drank gnat-ural light today.
CROTCHDUSTER – Gnat enough low income housing. Gnat enough mean pit bulls on trail.  And while you are at it, have another down down for HEAD (WHO SAID HEAD) GEAR.
HUYA - POON TWANG sat minus his gay backpack he’s been carrying the HUYA with.  He first earned it for trying to name himself online – he wanted SOME LONG DONG.  SUM TING WONG.  You can’t name yourself.   He kept they HUYA for losing it at the Pow Wow hash.  Nominations:  LITTLE FIN for carrying HAPPY MEAL’S rain gear.   CROTCHDUSTER for ranging, but he points out it’s acceptable hash behavior.  So then, how did YANKSIT end up with it?  I missed something there.
NAMING – We love these – JUST ROBIN bares ass for her naming and we are just getting started……HOLD EVERYTHING!!  - RENT-A-COP – “You are on private property”  Gotta leave.  Pack everything up, pull up your pants and walk around the front to the Falcon’s nest bar and ask the bartender if it’s OK if we get a little buck wild in the bar and continue our naming.
Let’s resume.  Moan, groan or scream. Rectum or killem. She screams when she’s alone. Likes all sexual positions, but named doggie style as her favorite.  She likes toys, size is important and she’s very loud. Shag, berber or linoleum?  I didn’t hear her response but it prompted DIRTY HAIRYLESS from the crowd. Nope – as always with naming, when the right one slips out, we instantly recognize it as THE right one. CROTCHDUSTER yells out EMMERSUM (big tits). Nope.  44 TRIPLE A from someone else.  Nope. 44 MALT LIK HER – Nope, already have a liquor. SANTA CUNT. Now we like that one a little, but let’s see if we can’t find something better. 40 FOURPLAY from HOT CARL I think.  It’s good, buuuuutttt, nope. From the bowels of CROTCHDUSTER cums yet another name – DILDO!  STAT! That’s it. We like it. This is on the one. JUST ROBIN will be forever known as DILDO – STAT!  Welcum to the hash!
SHOP TEACHER wanted to know where he could find a used tampon string. You had to be there.
OK, more downs downs for everyone else. 
60th anniversary of D day is tomorrow – get all military in the circle to represent all those who have cum before us and salute.  CUMSICLE, HAPPY MEAL, LITTLE FIN, ASS PACKET, DR ANUS, HOT CARL, YANKSIT,  and CROTCHDUSTER. 
Anyone wearing red?  POON TWANG is almost wearing red.  It’s gay pride week?  They’re here and they’re queer.  That’s why BIKE BITCH is not here today.
I have notes that show a down down for ANUS, HOT CARL, NO BLOW AND POON TWANG and I barely remembered that it was for not wearing hash attire.
We ordered pizza and pitcher after pitcher of beer, listened to the live band, watched COCKPIT flash us until we were invited to party with DILDO STAT at her house since the COCK TENDER is away.  WOOD LIQUOR made an appearance at the on-after with JUST SUSAN.  FUCKLEBERRY and JUST MARIA showed up at COCK TENDER’S house.  What a nice surprise.  More beer, more beer, more beer, more beer.  The rest of our party didn’t make it – they were headed south.
In two weeks (19 June)  we celebrate our Red Dress Run and Yanksit’s 101st run (was supposed to be 100, but he came back early and he’ll be around for our Brittish Invasion hash on the weekend of 26 June – don’t know whether this will be a Saturday or a Sunday hash but DON’T MISS OUT ON 20 SEAMEN FROM THE ROYAL NAVY.
Looking for something to do this Tuesday night (June 8th)?  We’ll repeat the drill at Space Coast Stadium.  Meet at 6:00 pm in the Wal Mart parking lot opposite the garden center.  We’ll car pool in from there to minimize parking charges and get seated for TWO FOR ONE EVERYTHING including big wieners.
Now we have to get JUST DENISE named and bring more virgins!!!   Thanks to MOMMA and NO BLOW for being stunt hares today!  We love these visitors.
May the hash go in piece.
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#120 - Yanksit’s 101st Hash and BVD Red Dress

19 June, 2004
Hares: Yanksit, Ass Packet and Dr Anus
Hounds: Just Swallows, Happy Meal, Kittylingus, Circle Blow, Cumsicle, Shop Teacher, Just Puke, Cockpit, Crotchduster, Cock Tender, Golden Shower, Salt Lick Titty, Just Erin (hash #3?), Suckulator, Just Denise (#5), Bike Bitch, Short Straw, Tastes Like Fish, Dick Sniffah, Light My Ass Up, Moaner Boner, Mullet, Hoosier, Erector Pad, Slow Poker, SWAX, Stumbelina, Just Thomas, Hairy Cheese Balls, AOL, and Poon Twang.
Visitors: Ram Tuff, Doofus White Boy, Mountain Yak, Face Plant Puke Princess, Star 69, Waay Beyond Gay, Gilligan, Richard Pierce, IVA, Divide My Pie, Butt Crack, Cheese Spitter , Party Hats representing the Other Orlando Hashers, Tampa Bay, Jaxonville is gay hey, and Daytona (I think that’s all of them).
DAMN I am good!!! I can’t believe I remembered 47 of the 54 people who attended this most excellent event! It seems the hash cash and I (nor the keeper of her book) can get it together this week, so I’ll add the rest of the names when we get in the same space.
I’m thinking with a total of 283 pictures in 3 different albums, we have a full chronological documentary of this hash, (for you out of town hashers, that’s “in order of time occurrence”) so there’s not a lot I can tell you that wasn’t captured on film, but I’m sure there are a few little tidbits and explanations I might be able to share for those of you who can’t remember a thing.
I arrived about 45 minutes late, straight off the road from Key West, to find a group of hashers already pre-lubed at Coasters in Indialantic Florida. We secretly built a HUYA for YANKSIT while he was distracted with pitchers of beer and the beginning of his 101st trail. What a feat for the faithful hound that he is – not to mention one our founding foreskin fathers of the Brevard Hash House Harriers, also known as the home of inappropriate Behavior and BVDHHH. We had special tags for YANKSIT that said something like “stinking up the BVD hash since 1999” They also had little red dress pins for the first 35 to show up – so no dress for me. L
Our group grope shots were interrupted by visiting DOOFUS WHITE BOY from Jax pushing a shopping cart into the frame. FACE PLANT (also from Jax) said I had to go down with him again for a multiple orgasm group grope as we had a load of cameras on trail (we were kneeling in front). PUKE was the only one prepared for rain as he had on a red donut floaty he picked up at the dollar store on the way in.
Let’s fast forward through the CUMSICLE looking glass since you’ve already seen the pictures and AOL was sober enough to get up Sunday morning and write a trash for us.
Across the street to the Side Pocket for pitchers and pitchers of beer and a dry humping to name Just Denise. “Leave this place with no beer in your hand, don’t sit on the pool table or set your drinks on the pool table.” Just Denise brought her own vibrator (wearing a little red dress of its own) – never needed that on trail before, but, to each her own.
Through the trailer park where we stop for a photo op in front of the state troopers car. We also get stopped by a couple (a guy on the lawn and his wife in a towel at their front door) asking what we were doing.
Frogger on A1A to another photo op in front of a Don’t Drink and Drive billboard and up a deck for probably about 500 Jell-O shots – which we cleaned up in about 15 minutes. (I know ANUS – It was probably 483 or some shit like that – deal with the vague guesstimate). MOUNTAIN YAK finished one of mine, but left the little cup dirty with Jell-O – which I quickly pointed out. He grabbed it and said, “I always finish what I start” and proceeded to lick it clean. I think this is where we decided that JUST DENISE should be named CHERRY FLOAT! How appropriate that a red-hat lady who took an ocean dip in her toga should be named by the sea.
Shiggy??? On a pub crawl??? It lasted about 60 seconds.
ON-ON to Lou’s Blues where we spent quite a bit of time. And OH the things we did there. There were bottles and bottles of beer waiting for us on the covered second story deck. DR ANUS AND AOL swapped dresses with a number of people. AOL almost lost his drawers to the panty swiper HAPPY MEAL. SICLE went for a goat ride. BIKE BITCH, AKA PINKY did a porn dance on the balcony, HAPPY MEAL did some pole dancing, a whole group of hashers had enough beer to perform some karaoke (SUCKY, PUKE, COCK TENDER, SICLE AND HAPPY MEAL and some visitor I didn’t know and maybe even some guy in the bar)– singing Meatloaf and Journey (have u any idea how much beer it takes to get me to do this?) And HAPPY MEAL was simply amazed, she said
“SICLE, you can sing, that sounded good!” She didn’t realize that she had scarred me for life when she told me a long time ago when I was humming in her truck, that I couldn’t sing. Like I said, enough beers, some practice on long trips in the car and I can carry a tune and belt one out with the best of them. SEXUAL CHOCOLATE was my favorite though – Mr. TENDER COCK AND BALLS himself. He really is a karaoke professional when he’s not breaking stick shifts on his race car. OH YES, and one of our very entertaining visitors from the Jax gay hash, MOUNTAIN YAK, showed us several of his dick tricks. He said he had 42. We saw Joe Camel (and so did you on OFOTO), the boomerang, swollen pussy, shit, I can’t remember all those – I think he tied it in a knot or something. Where do you find time to learn these, boy? MOUNTAIN YAK also befriended a 98 year old man at the bar who apparently had been attacked by a hasher as he had a lipstick kiss on his cheek. YAK said “that was him in 50 years.” There was an apple pie shot station outside in the rain, but we were too busy singing. I only know about it because everyone was soaking wet and tasted like cinnamon. And my favorite thing of the day was the ON-ON Nub cards that SHOP TEACHER made. At first glance, you just think it’s an ON-ON foot, until he shows you the ink on his nub and digit to show how he made them. He is just TOO FUNNY. He ought to be in management as he is extremely creative and entertaining. For each rare person he presented one to, he said, “you’ve just been nubbed!”
OK, we are either soaking wet or just really drunk now, so we decide to leave in the dark and get over to the Purple Porpoise, where GILLIGAN lost his damn purse again. You should have gotten a BAD GIRL purse like CROTCHDUSTER that hangs around your neck. Somehow COCKPIT got her dress ripped down the front by someone, but it didn’t expose her too much. JUST ERIN entertained with some more exhibitionist behavior – it’s what she does best – besides light her boobs up. It got pretty quiet as we finally added food to the liquids in our stomachs and a band was setting up. How cool of the hares to set up all these special activities for us. Then we presented YANKSIT with a special glass hash mug, personally engraved. Blah, Blah , Blah, I can’t hear a damn thing over the crowd, but people are taking pictures and YANKSIT cried one very emotional tear because he was so touched by our outpouring of love and devotion. (I made that up…smile, the tear I mean because we do love him to death). Then we give him his very own HUYA in case he needs to start another hash in ARKANS – ASS, filled with things to remember each and every one of us by. There was a big penis sippy cup (ASS PACKET, was that you?), a personally signed Red Sox baseball hat from SNIFFA, some name beads with a little popsicle from SICLE, some other pearls from I don’t know who, a Fairevilla lovers card from CIRCLE BLOW, a little rubber chicken from COCK TENDER, a whole bunch of stuff I can’t see in the photos and my favorite, a little KITTY credit-card sized album with some hash memories on miniature photos. That KITTY is such a thoughtful guy, I’m thinking he was a woman in a former life. Especially since he’s an expert at putting on those fake eyelashes and glueing things to his hairy ass. Too sexy – I want some of those eyelashes, but I’m too messy with the glue. We tried to dance the beer off and slowly the hashers trickled out of the bar – some home to pass out, some ON-OVER to the Little Gay Cottage for some naked splashing in the hot tub. Not me though, I was there for a quick minute to visit my little boyfriend Maverick, but I remember saying over and over, “I’m a good girl, I don’t do that stuff.”Yeah, that’s why I almost got stopped for a tiny little bit of speeding 3 blocks from my house. I reeeeeeeaaaaally didn’t want to talk to the officer at 1230 after I had been drinking since 8 hours before that. Luckily I made it a little too far into my garage and got the door closed and he didn’t knock on my door and I got to crash like everyone else.
We may have had one virgin this hash, but she was swapping clothes like a veteran hasher, so I have no advice to offer today, except for you to bring your arses out to the British Invasion this Saturday in Port Canaveral starting at the Tiki Bar at Grills, where we will once again get to party with YANKSIT and host a special hash to entertain about 20 visiting snaggletooth Brits (or semen as we like to call them) from the Royal Navy Ship, the Invincible – including the Fitness Instructor. Cum on out and have some fun with us so you can get kidney stones too and get your costumes together for the Red, White and Blue hash!
May the hash get a piece.
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Tail of the Trail RED DRESS

19 June, 2004
As i groggily finger the crust out of the corners of my eyes i feel the need to post what is still a hazy whirl wind of festivities before they are gone completely.
approaching the fine establishment that served as our meeting point I was wondering about the weather. Only being my third red dress (my first hash was a bvd red dress a few years back and then just after my naming last year with the treasure coast) i was concerned with the chafing issues i might encounter for not springing the extra 30 bucks for the coolmax red dress more suited to a larger spectrum of weather. it was apparent to my keen eye that the coasters staff really didn't have much of a clue what they had gotten themselves into. either their fear or curiosity or perhaps pity was the only thing that enabled them to put up with us until we made our departure.
ON ON to Side Pocket. Walking with two of the KGB we brought up the rear. Having heard of free beers at the next stop we wern't able to patiently explain to bystanders the complexities of the red dress run in the detail that is usually taken. Whatever had happened to the crowd between the two bars had paid off. We were in full swing and the beer was flowing like water. It's amazing how quickly you attract others when you carry around a pitcher of beer. This was an environment more suited to a hash. No talk of making a path for the other customers, bitching about people taking beer outside the door, or for that sake when did happy hour mean changing the price of beer from $2.25 to $2.00? Alright, a man in a red dress should not be on a soap box. BVD was stroking hard but only able to achieve semi-wood in the naming portion of just denise so it was decided to wait till the next stop.
In my second favorite portion of the day our trail led us to some extra credit. Jello shots all around. Gouging myself and retiring shortly to use the facilities underneath the boardwalk (never ever look up while standing under hashers on a red dress run) i saw things that will cripple my psyche for many moons to come. Any hashers willing to donate to my therapy see my pay pal account. There were rumors flaming (pun intended) of this being a homosexual beach. The rumors were validated when we suprised one of the locals with a special treat of 50 odd people wearing dresses. For the few of you that checked out the sky we managed to catch a glimpse of what i like to refer to as gods jizzum in mother earths belly button. Almost as beautiful as what lay ahead (who said?)
ON ON to Lou's Blues where nudity happens. Just Denise got her name (cherry something) help me out here, as with a severe accident usually you can't remember what happened up to several hours in advance. After swapping some clothes with a panamanian beauty (i don't remember seeing her again, but if anyone knows who she is have her get in touch, or better yet touch me) my comments about gods jizzum had apparently pissed him off and it began to rain. surveying the parking lot I spotted some wet hashers (Just Puke and Dr. Anus)with bottles of cheap booze, cans of whipped cream, and cinnamon.
Any concerns of getting wet were tossed aside as i made a mad dash for the can of whipped cream. As everyone knows the only thing better than walking around with a pitcher of beer is having a can of whipped cream. one can in my hand and another in my pocket as backup the carnival ride began. (this was the best part of the night) sit down, get wet, head back, open mouth, citron vodka, whipped cream, cinnamon, shake it up, on your feet. Now just puke appears to love his beer, but its nothing compared to his lust for whipped cream. nary a drop was wasted in his presence.
now is where it starts to get a bit hazy. i remember crossing the street to purple porpoise and i know that they must have remodeled recently (how long has it been sense i've been there?) Yanksit was doing some downdowns, i drank more beer, grabbed some asses, drank more beer, i think i ate a calzone, drank more beer i'm sure of, and who knows what else.
Now do you remember back when the schools had you sign a contract with your parents that in case your drunk they will come pick you up and won't be made at you. well i carry these with me wherever i go. anyone foolhardy enough to engage in this contract with me (notarized of course) will eventually receive a call, usually later at night, and somewhat slurred. It's amazing when you tell them to look for the guy in the red dress you have to be more specific. If i missed out on anything after (or if i just don't remember) feel free to fill me in. I couldn't have been up too late cause its ten now... when will I learn to pace myself?
ON ON That's my story and i'm sticking too it. ON OUT
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#120.69 – British Invasion

19 June, 2004
Hares: Yanksit, Bike Bitch and Suckulator
Hounds: Kittylingus, Cumsicle, Cockpit, Just Erin (hash #4), Suckulator, Cherry Float, Woodliquor, Just Susan (hash #2), and Dildo Stat
Visitors: Waay Beyond Gay, Gilligan, Momma, No Blow, Bungholio, Erector Pad and her man’s name escapes me as well as another guy from the Other Orlando hashers (I’ll get his name from our hash cash book ASAP).
SEMEN: Sloppy 2nds the ship’s fitness instructor with the washboard abs, Just Jay or Jamie – this is who I call THE SPECIMAN, Just Giz from Somerset, Dirty Dog AKA Phil Collins, who wouldn’t introduce himself til the guys on ice had their nuts filled with ice, God Shave the Queen who is the ship’s gynecologist, Just Kyle, the youngest sailor, Just Stevie Lovegun from lots of places and another Just Steve who is Scaw ish, Just Paul from Oxford, Just Marcus from Darby, Just Vic from Gibralter, Just Simon the Mess Deck Queen from Hartley? (can’t read my own writing), Just Ray from the Center of the Universe – pronounced Loondon, Just Frenchie from Yorkshire, Just Jeff or Fat Bastard as I call him from Lancaster, and another Just Steve from Belfast Ireland. I also have a Just Pete down who sings like Elvis but I thought that was Stevie Lovegun.
You missed a hoot if you didn’t make this hash. We also got a bit of an education on our vocabulary and we offered some terminology of our own for them. I felt like I was there on a press pass just to do coverage of the event as I was sober almost the entire day, taking money and pictures and writing notes. I was the hash cash, the hash flash and the hash trash writer for today – it takes a little skill to haul and balance two cameras, a beer mug (even if it is a sippy cup) and write trash notes at the same time. I showed up late as usual because I couldn’t remember the turn for the Tiki bar off 528, but the hares put me right to work collecting hash cash. The sailors and the hounds were all sitting on the grass in the sun across the street from the Tiki Bar. SUCKULATOR was busy selling tons of haberdashery. And there was NO BEER – what the hell? OK, now I get it, business first, beer later in a more private place. We moved over to the parking lot on the other side of the boat ramp to do the chalk talk and found a keg in the back of SUCKY’S truck. I think this is the first time we ever used our keg equipment and man did we need it. These boys can drink! They were still trying to get beer from the tap as SUCKY was driving away. The dark clouds were threatening a downpour in the distance, but it never did rain on us til the ON-AFTER. I have a feeling the trash is going to be very important to a few sailors who may have lost all memory of trail beyond the apple pie shot station.
SUCKY and YANKSIT gave the chalk talk with the virgins up front – I believe this was a record for number of virgins too. I’m counting 13 or 14 depending on whether JUST PETE AND JUST STEVIE LOVEGUN are one in the same. SLOPPY 2NDS stood in as the interpreter. SUCKY says, we are going into one bar, we will have bottles of beer for you in a cooler, if you buy anything from the bar, you will have to pay with your own money. You shouldn’t need any money on trail at all unless you want something besides beer.” SLOPPY interprets “The Americans are paying for all of our beer!” Wow, KITTY is even later than me, but it’s OK, we had a light showing of locals today, so we were happy someone else was there to help us entertain our guests.
COCKPIT decided to do the Button Song instead of Father Abraham and NO BLOW led the singing. We pissed off a few boaters who were trying to get their long trucks and trailers past us in the parking lot to get their boats out of the water as we were partially blocking the street while doing our song. We take a few Group Grope shots and then walkers are out. I decided to be one of them since I was pack muling so much crap. Then WAAY BEYOND told me they were cumming. I didn’t even hear them on the sidewalk – stealthy bastards, those Brits – I took their pictures as they ran by me and begged them not to trample me.
Our first stop was the beer stop at Kaye’s place where we allouetted JUST DEBORAH, the bartender. The Brits at least knew the words to that song. It was a small place and we emptied the cooler quick, so ON-OUT again to Jetty Park at a camp spot with a picnic table. Perfect for the photographer. ERECTOR PAD and her man, the sports car driver joined us there – someone tell me his name. Let the debauchery begin. Harriettes starting flashing and mooning and the Brits didn’t quite know what to think. DIRTY DOG who looks a lot like Phil Collins by the way, kept yelling “Show us your monkey!” and we thought that meant dick, but it turns out it’s a gender neutral term for genitalia. JUST GIZ with the flared sideburns got brave and mooned us from the picnic table, but the rest of them hadn’t had enough alcohol yet.
ON-OUT to the beach where some of the sailors ditched their socks and shoes and went for a swim. A ways down the beach, the apple pie shot station was set up at the base of the stairs. This was no ordinary apple pie shot station. This was a good old fashioned “Momma’s lovin” apple pie shot station. Those with ample boobs decided all the sailors would get a treat today. As they leaned their heads back for the administering of the shot, DILDO STAT, JUST ERIN AND COCKPIT smothered their heads in bare boobs. I swear, I am thinking for a few moments there was no way for them to breathe. The BOOB TEAM also discovered the Brits were not circumcised at this stop as they joined them at the fence to see if they needed any help peeing. These photos are on JUST ARABIA’s camera and there are probably about 100 pornographic shots. Several times, sailors walked up to me and asked, “Are these pictures going to be on the internet?” I don’t think the married sailors need to worry about these as you really cannot see their faces in many of the shots. They are literally buried in boobs. You might find a collar or two to help identify them, but you’d have to be looking hard. We didn’t run out of apple pie shot stuff, but the sailors had all had their fill, so we were ON-OUT through a neighborhood full of COCKS. Peacocks I mean, just wandering wild on people’s lawns. We tried to get a picture with their feathers up, but there were not enough females around as they will only do that in the presence of the opposite sex.
ON-OUT again through a little shiggy and mud and at the end of the giant tractor tracks, oooooohhhh, it was a giant pile of gravel, about 60 feet high and a football field long. How much fun is that! COCKPIT and I said screw that and went around. But the sailors loved it. They emerged from over the top with their legs and arms covered in gravel dust. Actually, they beat us to the circle as we had a bit of quicksand we made our way through. COCKPIT went first so I didn’t take her path and I arrived at circle pretty clean. As it should be, I was hauling two expensive cameras. We thought we were the DFL’s and came in holding hands so neither of us would have to be the lone DFL. Turns out we weren’t last at all.
This was our circle location and SUCKY had prepared a sheet flag with a US flag, a British flag and a message for the Invincible and we all signed it in red marker. You hares are sooo thoughtful. This is where we got to know our visiting sailors the best and these boys were NOT shy at all. The sailors said they enjoyed the run as they had been on hashes before where they collapsed at the end because the trail was so long. Some of the other trail rangers who didn’t do the sand pile were marched right back to it to do it. I saw MOMMA take DIRTY DOG up one side and they slid down on their butts. Nice, shorts full of gravel, rock enema. CHERRY FLOAT was also missing in action. We sent out ERECTOR PAD’S man in his car and a few who were on re-run duty for the gravel pile also looked for her. She arrived in the sports car finally and we started circle.
First things first – introductions – yeah we could have done it at Chalk talk, but it’s more fun when they are drunk. See the top of the trash for how they introduced themselves in the SEMEN paragraph.
Some of the Brits were familiar with hashing and immediately wanted to jump into accusations as we put our hares on ice. We only had two chairs so SUCKY AND BIKE BITCH sat while YANKSIT stood behind them – I’m telling you, that’s not a good spot for boy on boy ice time.
SLOPPY 2NDS – “I did not get a proper explanation of getting fucked on trail. I followed plops and they ended and that was not in the chalk talk up front.”
THE ADMIRAL – “BIKE BITCH is an old man, and it showed today”.
GOD SHAVE THE QUEEN – the ships GYN, “shut the fuck up, there is no ice on top of their nuts, they need more ice. MOMMA and DILDO STAT correct that with the quickness.
Someone decides that SLOPPY 2NDS should join them on ice, so they drag a bag of ice in front and set him down on it. Whoever decided it wanted to make sure he stayed there a while, so his sailors start to make comments about him. “He’s such a nice bloke, and I wonder if he can talk as long as me. They use his wanker name, Gary, as well-Damn virgins. “Gary has a maggot, I mean, is a maggot” “Gary are you shagging the vice?” COCKPIT interrupted to remove a piece of grass from SLOPPY’S monkey. Here’s to the hares. They finally get off.
BIKE BITCH and SLOPPY 2NDS go back on ice for arranging this hash and the Apple Pie Girls join them for helping with the apple pie shots.
VISITORS from DAYTONA and the OTHER ORLANDO hash on ice for down downs.
CUMSICLE requests that JUST JAY and JUST VIC go on ice to represent all sailors for a down down. Why not make a special request – the two hottest guys on ice because we want to see their monkey. Someone says JUST SIMON should get in there as he’s there gay guy. On the bag of ice on the ground he goes. These boys are not shy at all – shorts around the ankles – God bless the UK – I mean God blessed the UK – shrinkage was not evident so monkey may be the wrong term here – we could have named these guys – SPECIMAN and GODZILLA. JUST SIMON calls his knob “4x4” because it has a lot of shit to get through.
JUST JAY requests that CUMSICLE and JUST ARABIA go on ice as they are the only harriettes
that have yet to show their monkeys. I like that word, everybody learn it, know it, use it. It’s much more
fun than it’s vulgar synonyms. And, they insist, shorts around the ankles. This is where GINGER becums another name for me when they figure out I’m a redhead. That was our little secret. The circle gets a whole lot smaller for a little bit. JUST ARABIA couldn’t finish her down down and she was being coached to dump it over her head and decides she’ll dump it over my head instead. I hear beer is good for the hair.
DEAD FUCKING LAST or DFL’s - or in this case the last two people on the sand pile – DIRTY DOG AND CHERRY FLOAT. SLOPPY 2NDS takes this opportunity to thank the Apple Pie Girls and then DIRTY DOG wants to sing us a song while he’s on ice. I don’t remember the words, but it ended with him singing, this dog has just one nut and he removed the pile of ice and two pairs of sunglasses from his lap to show us. He was a naughty DIRTY DOG as he broke trail.
The entire circle is captured on JUST ARABIA’s camera, well almost – I don’t think there are any pictures of the two of us. (woo hoo). I just have to wait for her to figure out how to upload to OFOTO.
And then a sad announcement. The keg is empty, there are but a few cans of beer left and some apple pie shot stuff, but we have just enough to name the Scottish JUST STEVE. It is evident that this sailor doesn’t need one more ounce of beer as he is at half mast in more ways than one. Here we go. Tell us about him. Well, he’s a drunk sex pest. He likes to look at naked women and is the first in the queue to view a nudey show. His favorite sexual position is doggie style and someone asked – giving or receiving and he quickly answers giving – OK so maybe he’s not so drunk. NOT!! He likes toys, he didn’t hear the question about anal beads. He pronounces girl with two syllables GAD-DL – that’s a thick brogue. He has no job on the boat and his favorite barnyard animal is a cow. Soooo, his name becomes a combination of his personality and his favorite barnyard animal - and he will be forever known as - LETCHIE BESSIE. And this is so totally appropriate, because we also decorated his “monkey” with whipped cream, which is a dairy product – not sure who cleaned that up, AND he proceeded to projectile vomit from what seemed like multiple stomachs. Apparently he puked twice in SUCKY’s truck later on too. Poor baby, like other virgins, he has yet to learn the fine art of pacing yourself.
JUST SIMON said the trail was quite scary today. I’m not sure what that means, but I think it had something to do with the levels of drunkenness and nudity. JUST KYLE wants to know if it’s OK if he rugby tackles me – homey don’t play that.
We head over to Frankie’s after many attempts at coordinating us all being in the same place at the same time for the ON-AFTER and we’ve lost many of the southerners by this time. JUST GIZ turns out to have quite a sense of humor as it starts to storm and we are all talking about types of storms. MOMMA mentions a Tsunami – and GIZ says “Isn’t that a big sausage?” Someone starts talking about Monsoons and GIZ says “Isn’t that a furry little animal that eats snakes? We learn that spunky has an entirely different meaning in the UK and if you say it to a woman there, you are likely to get your face slapped as it means you smell like sex or cum. JUST PETE sings us his Elvis rendition of Glory, Glory Hallelujah and he isn’t half bad. Now if we’d known we had an entertainer up front, we’d have put him to work.
The waitress can’t handle the drunken sailors and she bails on us – it literally takes over an hour to get our food. If it wasn’t pouring, we would have left. Our replacement waiter shows up finally, tells us he will serve us anything we want as long as we aren’t driving and we can hang out as long as we want until they close. DIRTY DOG passes out some HMS Invincible lanyards and we present him with a collage that CHERRY FLOAT put together for them and we signed the back.
As we thought, entertaining the Brits was big fun for us and not a snaggle tooth among them. Cum back any time – we had a ball!
There is yet one more event with YANKSIT before he moves on to ARKANS-ASS –start location to be determined. Cum on out and have some fun with us and get your costumes together for the Red, White and Blue hash on the 3rd of July, hared by Dr ANUS! Duh – don’t EVEN ask me what you should wear.
May the hash get a piece.
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#121 – Red, White & Blue Hash

3 July, 2004
Hares: Dr Anus and Puke
Hounds: Kittylingus, Cumsicle, Cockpit, Just Erin (hash #5), Poon Twang, Dildo Stat, Cock Tender, In My Mouth, Million Buck Fuck, Light My Ass Up, Dick Sniffa, Just Swallows, Ass Packet, Shop Teacher, Short Straw, and Uncle Pervy.
Virgins: Just Amy, Just Brandy, Just Angela, Just Ken
Visitors: Gilligan, Momma, No Blow, Bike Bitch, and Wet Dream
This was a typical ANUS/PUKE torture trail. Long, full of shaggy, a couple of water crossings, Yucca juice and plenty of nasty ass beer. We formed up at Charlie and Jakes on Wickham, some inside, some outside, and started late as usual. COCK TENDER was the stunt dick hash flash today as HAPPYMEALANDLITTLEFIN are probably home having sex – actually they have a house full of family to entertain until HAPPYMEAL’s retirement on Tuesday. KITTYLINGUS and DICK SNIFFA were recovering from the full moon hash the night before. I’ve never seen anyone with bruised eyelids from doing a belly flop in the pool. That was KITTY – are u sure Mrs KITTY didn’t beat on you a bit?
We had an unusually long chalk talk in the beating sun, which I’m sure confused the virgins, then we threw some stuff in the beer truck and were told to give the hares 15 minutes. After a group grope shot, we hung out in the shade while MOMMA painted several folks nails red, white and blue. She thought this was a pub crawl and arrived in burkenstocks and no spare sneakers. And here I thought she was a veteran hasher who always cums prepared.
Hey, they left me!! I’m at the bar with the visiting BIKE BITCH – (because he said he’s been hashing for two straight weekends and he had to dust), just having a beer and I see a line of red, white and blue people heading down the sidewalk through the window, so I finish my beer and chase them down. BIKE BITCH would have given me a ride on his motorcycle, but he took the passenger seat off his Harley while polishing on his bike.
Count Back #18. Assholes. More pavement and half million dollar home neighborhood, then a short, tight shiggy that opened to someone’s back yard. This is not right. We are always careful not to violate private property (right). A cop was waiting on the street and we thought he was monitoring our activity, but actually, someone had just blown off fireworks in the middle of the road in front of their home and he was slapping their hands. We are in a more middle class neighborhooc now. More pavement and thru a gate. Hey, we are looking at the Pineda causeway, but we head off behind a 7-11, into more shiggy and end up somewhere near a sidewalk in the trees on Wickham for Jell-O shots. And then NO BLOW had to carry the coolers and switch off with some of our locals. That’s no way to treat our visitors. Oh yeah, he’s been here so many times, he’s like family now – he can get his own beer out of the fridge.
ON-OUT again for more pavement, frogger on Wickham and off into more shiggy. We are next to some railroad tracks and we spot our first water crossing and our first beer stop along with a YUCCA JUICE station– there’s no way around this one. We have to get wet. SHOP TEACHER, the only sober one of the bunch, is the only one thinking and he grabs a metal pole you might see used for a street sign, laying next to the tracks and hauls it down to the water’s edge. He was making a bridge. The chivalrous DR ANUS again stands in the water to hold the harriettes hands as they balance across this skinny metal pole. ASS PACKET wasn’t holding his hand today. I guess he took enough ribbing the last time that happened. SHORT STRAW stood on the banks bragging about how he barely got his shoes wet without the bridge – he must be a jumper. He actually was looking at cleavage while harriettes climbed the bank on the other side. We were in the parking lot of a storage place and discovered a sand formation that was shaped like Florida. CUMSICLE gave a kick and formed the Keys. ON-OUT again, but not before we hear a band practicing in one of the storage cubes. We stop in for the free concert. THEY SUCK! They need the practice. More shiggy. A homeless man tries to chase COCKPIT and CUMSICLE down on his bicycle, but we are too fast for him. More sidewalk, we can see our cars – where are we going? MORE SHIGGY! Into the woods we go and we are finally at circle.
Hares on ice of course – today we had the lounge chair because somehow our ice chairs of death didn’t make it back to the group. They removed the arm pad from one side and cautioned us that we should be careful of the metal rod on the way down And while we had them on ice, our Religious Advisor took comments from the circle:
JUST ERIN and LIGHT MY ASS UP: Trail made me wet
JUST SWALLOWS: If I have to get this wet, I want to be having sex.
JUST BRANDY: I enjoyed it (Uh oh – KITTY didn’t train his virgin well – he’ll have to drink for that one)
JUST AMY: It sucked ass (KITTY gets a reprieve and can leave circle – this virgin was properly coached.)
UNCLE PERVY: There was little to no blood on trail.
JUST ANGELA: I’m wet all over
JUST KEN: It was good (SHOP TEACHER get your ass in circle with your virgin)
COCKTENDER : shitty trail
POON – Here’s to Yucca juice
NO BLOW – I’m speechless
MOMMA –….not enough shaggy
COCKPIT – my momma told me if I couldn’t say anything nice…
CIRCLE BLOW – it was too long
WET DREAM – not enough pavement
MR/MRS FUCKMOUTH – I don’t know what they said, I was appalled at their new married name
SHORT STRAW – here’s to DR ANUS and one for the thumb (more on that later)
VIRGINS ON ICE – JUST AMY AND JUST BRANDY. Well, they knew what to do – ass out, tile and all. And who made them cum? DR ANUS, PUKE, ASS PACKET AND KITTY. ASS PACKET says there is no wrong side of the chair today as the virgins are facing each other.
MORE VIRGINS: JUST KEN, ass out and JUST ANGELA who chooses to show us her tits instead of her ass. CHINESE FIRE DRILL!!! JUST ERIN, PUKE, DR ANUS AND SHOP TEACHER made them cum. Kinky. When is Octoberfest again? And when is the Florida/Georgia intercourse? JUST ANGELA has klingons on her sweat pants and does a little hula shake to get them off.
FRB AND DFL – GILLIGAN and COCKTENDER. Chivalry is not dead. COCKTENDER stayed behind CUMSICLE so she didn’t have to sit on ice, and because JUST SWALLOWS was chastising him that he had to be a gentleman. Either that or he was checking out her butt.
PASS THE HUYA – ASS PACKET on ice. He has added a metal cross with a demon on it and is ready to pass it on. He was carrying it for impersonating the RA. Nominations? Oh wait, first a story from CUMSICLE about the big baby who was lawn wrestling at the Memorial Day Hash and got pinned twice and went home pouting. She presents him with a flashing baby bottle to hang around his neck. That’s better. Suck on that with your little pouty lips. Virgins, are you remembering ANY of this stuff?
Nomination number one – The PUKESTER, apparently was the #5 hasher to hang out with a certain female hasher – he swears there was no sex – just sleeping in her tent, yet the pictures show them holding hands early in the morning. So he is nicknamed THUMB as number five and is a candidate for the HUYA. We’ll try to keep as much of this on the campout where it belongs as possible.
COCKTENDER had sex with the most people at Orgy in the Woods (yes it was wrapped), CIRCLE checked by asking him through the tent wall after he had put #2 to sleep. SLUT! SHOP TEACHER paid $60 to not drink, have no sex and just hang out camping for the weekend. Hey, that sounds like family fun, not hashing.
ASS PACKET chooses the thumb boy over the thumbless boy and PUKE and PACKET do the appropriate rubber rim down downs. PUKE leaves his butt out a little too long for the hounds so SHORT STRAW dumps a beer on his butt so he’ll put it away.
It’s been raining now for a good 15 minutes and we are getting very wet and nipply. SHORT STRAW finds a palm to stand under and the virgins join him. The trees help a little, but plenty of drops are making their way through. SICLE ties a white plastic trash bag on her head and COCK TENDER says it looks like a wedding veil. We still have to name JUST ERIN. CUMSICLE has a list in her pocket that‘s been building throughout trail. SHOP TEACHER came up with most of them but he didn’t even get a chance to say any of them. The RA decided “mob rules” and we voted on a couple that seemed popular. JUST ERIN didn’t want anything with cum, cunt or pussy in it and you know how we like to give out names that are perfectly acceptable to the recipient (NOT!) And, she does not like the ice. PUKE and ANUS sat on her lap, but by this time, there wasn’t much ice left on the chair – it was mostly water and a few ice shavings. I’ll save my thoughts on that for a private beating of those involved. We know JUST ERIN is an exhibitionist, used to be a lawyer, is now job hunting as a teacher, is platinum blond and very tall, doesn’t shave but trims her bush, dresses very sexy, has tan lines, is highly political and she is a democrat. KITTYLINGUS wanted to name her MANNA NICOLE. I thought that was a mean name, what’s wrong with you KITTY? You are evil when you have black and blue marks. IMM and MBF want to call her DEMO TWAT OR DEMO CRAP. SHORT STRAW blurts out READ MY LIPS. SICLE says to call her ‘SHOW US YOUR MONKEY’. KITTY brought his own fan club, so of course they were all in his corner rooting for the name he chose, but the mob really liked READ MY LIPS and so JUST ERIN will be forever known as …….drum roll please…………..READ MY LIPS.
May the hash get a piece.
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#122 - 1st Anal Tri-Athlon (running, swimming, drinking)

17 July, 2004
Hares: Dr Anus, Puke and Kittylingus
Hounds: Bike Bitch, Cockpit, Poon Twang, Shop Teacher, Short Straw, Cumsicle, HappyMealandLittleFin.
Visitiors: Gilligan and Putacockinit
Late cummers: Dick Sniffa, Just Swallows, Dildo Stat, Ass Packet.
7.01 grueling miles for 11 hounds – including the hares!! You heard me right. We were the few… the proud… the muddy! Those of us with blonde hair ended with black ends. Those who started with white sox will now have to retire those to the hash sock drawer. If you could swim 40 feet at a time, you could have done this trail. If you have a problem with getting wet and slimy, that was where you may have peed your pants and left crying.  And history was made today – She said it would never happen again unless it was a pub crawl, but she sells herself short – CUMSICLE was the FRB! Just ignore the fact that she wasn’t on trail at the end. It’s called ranging – which is perfectly acceptable hash behavior. She knew GILLIGAN was right behind her, but she kept on running, hoping his old ass wouldn’t catch up – she knows he can run for a long time. I have so many notes from this trail, I’m quite sure your attention span will not last through it, but I’ll try to keep it to the  pertinent facts only and I even stuck in a picture. Our crafty hares had made themselves some special t-shirts using an iron-on thing you can use with your computer and special ink and do your own t-shirts. They used this part of their tri-athlon advertisement document and put their hash names underneath on white tank tops. See attachment if the picture doesn't show up. What the hell were you thinking using white on a nasty trail like this? And they had a hammer and nails in their hare truck – we have never seen this before and it was a little scary.
There’s quite an abundance of wildlife in Palm Bay – you remember “PIGSKIN” PACKET’S wild hog adventure last year? Well today, we had a pet pig, a puppy farm with Schitzu’s, mosquitoes, fish and minnows, a small leech or two and a 7-foot gator on the banks of one of the canals (luckily, the hares were the only ones to see him or trail would have been a lot shorter. And it was a treasure hunt. BIKE BITCH arrived at the end wearing some garden gloves, carrying a 4x4 toy truck, a huge bottle rocket, and some kind of boat key ring. CUMSICLE found a baseball, two golf balls, someone’s hash mug floating in the canal and a Monte Carlo matchbox race car – all of which were ditched at the end or sooner if it interfered with swimming across one of the canals.
We started at West Oak Park and thought we might get rained on, but it never really happened. Just a few sprinkles – and when you were as wet as we were, you wouldn’t have cared. We had a quick group grope, said a safety prayer and were on our way. We were told we wouldn’t get that wet before the first beer stop, but after that we should lose paper, cameras, phones, etc – anything that couldn’t get wet. After a lot of pavement and a little shiggy, we found our first water crossing. It had a couple of bricks and rocks to step on, but they weren’t solid, so if you had poor balance, you got your shoes a little wet. We crawled through a small culvert and were back up on pavement in no time. That wasn’t so bad. Then we came to our second water crossing. We stood atop a terraced canal and at the bottom was about 25 feet of water (not deep – across). SHORT STRAW was the first one there with CUMSICLE right behind him. He had a procedure for the water crossings and he was the only one to arrive at the end of trail not completely soaking wet. Take off his shirt and camel pack, hold it over his head and check for depth as he carefully stepped across the soft-bottomed canal. And I’m talking mid-thigh in silt. The first time we did it, we thought we were going to lose our shoes. Eeeeewwwww!!!! He said he didn’t get his cooter wet, but he’s a little taller than me, so I didn’t fare as well. He was lamenting about not having his camera, but not to worry. Our hash flash, HAPPYMEAL, gave her camera to COCKPIT – who was auto-hashing today, and there were plenty of shots of the hounds crossing the deepest and one of the last canals when we were the most grubby. There’s not much else to tell about trail. We got wet, we did pavement, we followed which-ways and checks through short bits of shiggy, back onto the pavement and back across canals we thought we had already conquered. I think I heard someone say we had seven water crossings, but I lost track, it  was so f*cking long!!
So that was the running and swimming part and I know you are curious about the drinking part. We get back to the start on our A to A trail and there were the hares, ASS PACKET, and the auto-hashers preparing our typical after snacks with the keg in the back of PUKE’s truck, but there is one trail mark we’ve never seen before - BF. BEER…what? BEER FEAR? BEER AND FOOD? No. It’s a BEER FUNNEL. If you haven’t seen any of PUKE and ANUS’ handcrafted hash gear, you have missed out on the BEER PONG table, the poker table, and the 6-pack tool belt for beermeister duties. This beer funnel couldn’t just be a plain funnel and hose. NOOOO! It was a funnel, a hose to a splitter valve with two more hoses coming off those valves. This beer funnel could handle two hounds’ backwash – and of course the funnel was oversized.
Well the tired hounds really didn’t want to get shit-faced at this point, they attacked the Scooby snacks and let ASS PACKET try it. The hares did a demonstration round first with ANUS on top of a 5-foot concrete wall holding the funnel so gravity could help this non-pump invention of theirs.  Of course ASS PACKET needed a partner for the double hose, so LITTLEFIN dropped HAPPY MEAL’S hand long enough to go over and down one. I believe SHORT STRAW and PUKE were on their knees to try one too. The rest of us just grabbed water or pumped our beer from the keg.
We moved across the park to hold circle (away from small children and their parents) and it was very mellow –
everyone was so tired, there was little that ASS PACKET needed to do to keep us under control.
Hares on Ice – KITTYLINGUS was missing. Something about tending to horse cock. So ANUS and PUKE took the ice while the hounds gave comments:
JUST AMYAKA MISS KITTY – “Not enough shiggy”
GILLIGAN – “…too many roads”
POON TWANG – wearing a white Elvis t-shirt. “This was my favorite shirt” OK dumbass, never wear good anything to a hash.
LITTLE FIN – “All I want to say is, I was accused of having too long of a trail, but at least I had 4 beer stops on mine and it wasn’t 3 miles to the first stop”
HAPPYMEALALICIOUS – “too much asphalt”
CUMSICLE – “ All I can say is, if this was one of the longest trails and we had runners here today, I must have real stamina”
SHORT STRAW – “it lacked creativity – PUTA sucked all the creativity out of it” I missed the part where he explained what that meant.
SHOP TEACHER – “I have amoeba’s in my pee-ole and it sucked.” He also had a black slimy stump after one of the water crossings and explained that he was behind BIKE BITCH when his explosive diarrhea medicine wore off. He tried to plug it – to no avail.
PUTA – “too much asphalt, but I’m just a groupie, so it doesn’t matter”
COCKPIT – “you guys reeeeaally stink”
FRB and DFLCUMSICLE and BIKE BITCH. The FRB trophy was presented in two pieces. It’s a little worse for wear after PUTA broke it way back when – as she is known for drunken violence. Just a few apple tini’s and she’s swinging.
VISITORSGILLIGAN, PUTA – And PUTA is moving to HOTLANTA. This is her farewell hash with us, but hounds always cum back to visit BVD. They can’t stay away from us. She was asked, “What’s in Atlanta?” To which someone responded “Number 6”. You have to know the history of the 6 degrees of PUTA to understand.
HUYA NOMINATIONS _ it was at this time we found POON TWANG with his arms buried in ice inside the keg barrel and he said he was plugging the hole in the keg. And POON was one of the nominees for almost snaring the hares today, not realizing it and taking their direction to go the other way.
And to PUKE for a few reasons – 1. For being the thumb – or number 5, which he now proudly displays on his hash beads. JUST – 5 – PUKE – using a green kiddie refrigerator magnet for the 5. 2. For getting 16 hashers to show up at Wal Mart and do our traditional 2-fer-Tuesday baseball night, get SHORT STRAW – the only Mexican, to drive his low-rider truck full of white people (isn’t that ironic) through the gates, only to find that there was no game. Actually, there was a game, but it was at 11:00 am, so we missed it. 3. For taking 6 hours to drive to Orgy in the Woods, which is 3 hours from Palm Bay. 4. For not fulfilling his duties to ANUS when he was ordered to keep a few harriettes away from him at Orgy. He was not successful. You would think with all these accusations, he’d be a clear winner, but read on.
Late cummers DILDO STAT, JUST SWALLOWS and JUST SHAWN arrive about now. But on to more HUYA nominees:
LITTLEFIN for getting engaged to HAPPY MEAL right after he got divorced.
And just to keep whoever was on ice a little longer – I believe PUKE was on ice alone. CUMSICLE asked what happened to his belly? He had his shirt up when she arrived at the end of trail, and he had what appeared to be some rug burn on his belly. You remember the hammer and nails I mentioned early in the trash? Well, the hares found a deer blind/tree fort kind of thing they thought they’d either have a beer stop or a photo op at, but it didn’t look to be in the best of shape, so PUKE brought a hammer and nails to make sure no one would get hurt on it. He was testing where he might have to make repairs while crawling up the wood slats already nailed to the tree. He was about 4 rungs up when a slat gave way and he started to slide – and he didn’t stop sliding til he hit the ground. Oh, so it was bark burn…not rug burn. That was near a residence if I remember right. Imagine the folks who lived there watching a hairy, bear-looking individual sliding down the trunk of a tree. That really was a photo op and we missed it – a little Neosporin and you’ll be fine.
AND THE HUYA GOES TO: HAPPY MEAL – What? She wasn’t nominated. Work with me here. FIN was nominated. Whenever HAPPY MEAL has to carry the HUYA, LITTLE FIN is the one who ends up carrying it, soooo, objective achieved and the hounds get to see HAPPY MEAL’S tail. There’s always a method to the madness. These guys may not seem too bright, but they really are pretty intelligent.
More ice time for PUTA for using a wanker name and POON for leaving his camel pack in the hare truck so it doesn’t get wet, to those sitting in circle (PUTA and SHORT STRAWAKA #3, AKA the middle finger). Oh no, it’s the dreaded black ice I’ve heard of that is very dangerous winter driving asphalt condition. Not in this case, it’s what’s left in the chair after PUTA’s been on it 3 times and sat in the dirt in between.
Our GM, BIKE BITCH, had an accusation – the hares were too lazy to put down some flour for a circle. PUKE AND ANUS back on ice. DICK SNIFFA arrives. DILDO AND SWALLOWS go on ice in their street clothes for being late cummers. ANUS is SNFFA’s stunt cunt. JUST SHAWN took way tooo long to cum and he sat in his boxers. We just wanted him to tell us who made him cum – and he said he hadn’t cum yet. DILDO STAT made him cum. SHOP TEACHER said he shouldn’t have waited til 3 to take his Viagra, he should have took it at noon. SWALLOWS receives the first-ever technology on trail violation – while sitting on ice when a call cums in for her. KITTY makes it back from his equestrian rendezvous. AUTOHASHERS on ice – COCKPIT and PUTA AGAIN!
ASS PACKET gets razzed for not knowing enough songs. He sang the tampon song to a man. I think there are too many rag songs. I think I will have to make one up about skid marks or something I think we’ve had enough.
Most of us brought shag bags as instructed, but we were so dirty, we just got naked, wrapped ourselves in towels and drove to the nearest hash cottage to shower before putting on clean clothes. We were conserving water at the house of CUMSICLE, BY showering in pairs (not really), we just like to tell that story. The on-after was at PENNY ANNIES in West Melbourne who close their bars at midnight.
CROTCHDUSTER will be home for the next hash. Cum on out and hug him and touch him – he’s been deprived in the land of sand. I believe ASS PACKET and ANUS are haring – so the next one should be more virgin-friendly.
May the hash get a piece.
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#123 - Gispert’s Birthday Hash

31 July, 2004
Hares: Dr Anus, Ass Packet
Hounds: Bike Bitch, Cockpit, Crotchduster, Shop Teacher, Short Straw, Cumsicle, HappyMealandLittleFin, Honorable Discharge, Bike Bitch, Pocket Rocket, Can’t Get Laid, Uncle Pervey, Cock Tender, Circle Blow, Hairy Cheeseballs.
Virgins: Just Carol, Just Dennis, Just Kevin and Just Janet
This was Gispert’s Birthday hash, but I rename it “The Disappearance Hash”. It took us over an hour to get started as some hounds decided to have lunch and consume a few pitchers of beer BEFORE we started. And, since this is a smoking establishment, some of us chose to stay outside and sweat rather than smell like chicken grease and cigarettes. We started at Pennie Annies on Minton Road in Palm Bay. First, our virgins disappeared. I wonder why?  BIKE BITCH, being the evil gnome that he is, left his virgins to fend for themselves and they didn’t even make it to the first beer stop. The hounds lamented at circle that we lost a very good pair of tits– in a tight white shirt no less and it rained on us today, so they missed out on a wet t-shirt contest too. Never mind that one was wearing sandals and the other one was wearing cute little white tennis shoes with a gold ankle bracelet. SOMEONE, and we won’t mention any names, (BIKE BITCH), did not properly coach their virgins. This was also SHOP TEACHER’s debut as our spanking new BEERMEISTER. He even grew a beard to look like WOODLIQUOR. As soon as he showed up and saw our hash cash, CIRCLE BLOW, he said “oh damn – beer!”, just to get her started. It worked.  Our beloved CROTCHDUSTER was home safe and sound from far off lands and told us tales of installing his wife’s birthday dishwasher – what a guy! He said he was going to have diamond studs installed on it next week. And he thinks installing the dishwasher is why he didn’t get any pre-hash sex.
We took our group grope in front of CAN’T GET LAID’s SINGLE’S FOCUS van (can u believe this man has vinyl pockets with snaps installed on the side and back of his van to put small flyers in for advertising his single’s parties? That is pure passion! The hares sent us south on Minton past the golf course and that is where the pavement disappeared.  Nothing but shiggy and all-terrain vehicle trails (ATV) from here on out. We could hear the paintball guns in the distance too. We saw that the hare’s shoes and socks were wet, so we knew this would NOT be one of our beloved fat-boy trails. Any time ANUS is involved, you can count on blood on trail. Count back 11 was the theme today – or in CAN’T GET LAID’S words COUNT BACK SLASH SLASH. OK, that’s not going to help you complete trail. CB is always followed by a number. We followed a canal for a while and the hares wanted us to cross it, only to cross back a short time later, but we were too smart for them. We saw that nothing had been trampled on the way in and we knew someone stayed dry – sure enough, back across a few more feet down the canal– all dry shoes so far. We hit the first beer stop sooner than the hare’s anticipated. They had just pulled up and set the cooler out when the runners rounded the corner – ask me how I know this? Hey when you keep making CB 11’s almost anyone can keep up. And it’s always nice when you can have a few nice butts and hard legs in front of you to keep you motivated. Let’s see HAIRY CHEESEBALLS, POCKET ROCKET and HONORABLE DISCHARGE were usually out in front. YANKSIT would be proud. We stood around for a very long time at the beer check counting heads (WHO SAID HEAD?), to make sure no one fell off the ledge into the green canal and waiting for all the DFLs. BIKE BITCH reported that some man had come out screaming for them not to be on private property, but he was not the owner – he was doing some work on the property. Not to worry – BB is a diplomat and he got a haircut AND he was not wearing his kilt yet, so he managed to calm the guy down and get everyone through. As soon as COCKPIT came out of the woods on to our dirt road, we had to yell “COCKPIT you dumbass! It was payback for her group messages telling folks they are dumbasses if they can’t follow directions or get lost trying to find a hash start.  We assume she was lost since she took so long to get to the beer check. A little more bug spray, including the foo foo Avon kind that makes CIRCLE , COCK TENDER and ASS PACKET smell good and their forearms supple. A few ATV riders passed us as well as a few big trucks to carry those ATV’s. We had to keep moving off the path to keep from getting run over. The sun disappeared and so my theme continues. When the last hounds made it to the beer stop, DR ANUS went back out in search of virgins and after back tracking a ½ mile or so, he returned with his report – no sign of them. Someone said they heard them say they were going back.   ON-OUT and shortly thereafter it started to rain on us.
Through some more trails, past a small turtle with his head buried in the sand, then some burnt woods that were just starting to regenerate and there was circle already. ASS PACKET said a nice police officer kindly told him which side of the canal he had to keep his running group on so as to not violate private property. It is raining pretty good now and since there had been a forest fire, there wasn’t much of a canopy to keep us dry like the last time we found palm tree blades to stand under. This part of trail was shorter so we didn't have to wait so long for everyone to show up. We were scarred and charred after the last set of saw palms.ON ON to our rituals:
Hares on ice – ASS PACKET and DR ANUS
I’m having to work from memory here because my paper was so wet, the ink was diluting as fast as I touched it and my words disappeared. I finally gave up writing and tucked the soggy little pieces of paper away.
Comments from circle:
“I don’t think I’ve ever been so wet - CUMSICLE
“I wasn’t wet enough and I even had pre-hash sex” - HAPPY MEAL
“It sucked” - ALL
Favorite quote of the day--“This must have been the chastity belt hash, as it scared off the virgins” -HONORABLE DISCHARGE
FRB and DFLHAIRY CHEESEBALLS and BIKE BITCH. CUMSICLE transferred the two-piece FRB trophy.
SHOP TEACHER is now balancing 3 cans of beer on his nub, pouring from another can in his other hand and we are simply amazed. He can balance a pitcher of beer on that too.
TOO LONG BETWEEN – Which was interpreted as: you didn’t make the blue moon hash the night before – so this group was pretty large. Everyone gave their excuses, but titties is not one we had heard before. HONORABLE DISCHARGE said he was TDY and the non-military folks misinterpreted. I do remember they actually asked CAN’T GET LAID, when is the last time he got laid and what youth group did she belong to. He probably doesn’t even remember that he made some bubbles on the ice. No one wanted to sit on that side after that.
JULY BIRTHDAYS and if those people weren’t present, the person who made them cum could get in circle – so CIRCLE, COCK TENDER for JUST SWALLOWS and BIKE BITCH for DOLLAR IN IT. Happy Birthday F*ck You and why weren’t the rest of you here to collect your spankings?
HUYA – HAPPY MEAL actually carried this thing the whole trail, except she either took off or lost the giant rubber penis and a few other attachments as those were in ASS PACKET’s truck. Nominations anyone? Well, the obvious--BIKE BITCH for wasting perfectly good virgins. There were other weak attempts, but we knew BB was getting this. Get your ass on ice! He made quite a few trips to the chair today, I am surprised he didn't hurl.
And here’s the kicker: SHOP TEACHER on ice to do a down down? Our non-drinking, one-handed beermeister after COCKPIT dropped his shorts. He had his hands full and was unable to pull them back up without help as he was still balancing beer cans.
We also had some kind of announcement from BIKE BITCH about a mother and daughter midget strip act at Bare Assets. Sorry guys, I didn’t store the date on that one. You’ll have to get with the BITCH.
Beer’s gone – circle’s over – it’s still raining lightly – we do one rendition of swing low and help pack up the stuff – damn forgot my mug in ASS PACKET’s truck! ASS PACKET is getting good at this RA stuff.
Even though trail wasn’t that long today, it was 2 miles back to our cars. And then BLIP – COCK TENDER was off the radar – something about having to go to bed early for a trip. HAPPYMEALANDLITTLEFIN never made it to the bar either. Abducted? Post hash sex? Don’t know. We made the bartender crazy with food and pitcher orders and then HONORABLE DISCHARGE slipped out somehow. No goodbyes, just gone.  It might have been because BIKE BITCH put his kilt on with no skivvies again.
May the hash get a piece.
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#124 – 2004, My Invisible Friend Hash

August 14, 2004
Hares: Bike Bitch and Peter Grabbit
Hounds: Shop Teacher, Cumsicle, HappyMealandLittleFin, Honorable Discharge (you didn’t see him? That’s because he was hashing by himself at the beach side Long Doggers), Circle Blow, Ass Packet, Kittylingus, Dr Anus, Poon Twang, Hairy Cheeseballs, Putacockinit, Just Puke, Just Arabia.
Virgins: Just Mark and Just Jo
Visitors: Yanksit, Momma, No Blow Waay Beyond Gay
Late cummers: Short Straw, Dick Sniffa
It was almost a hurricane hash, but Charley had left nothing but bands of rain as we gathered at Long Doggers in Melbourne. It could have been a non-hash hash, except we did run a trail – even if it was short and weak. BIKE BITCH promised a special hash, a lot of fun, but he was keeping secrets from us. MOMMA and NO BLOW came down from Daytona because the power was out. It had been raining off and on all day and BIKE BITCH had laid the trail twice, then went to plan B. We sat under the patio at Long Doggers out of the rain with a couple of almost empty pitchers for almost an hour before we knew what Plan B was. BB was in his kilt and 3 shades of pink Converse All Stars when he said “Get in your cars and auto hash to Wids!” Some of us were highly disappointed that we weren’t actually going to run trail. Did we even take a group grope shot today? I don’t recall. I noted that one of our pitchers wasn’t empty, but the waitress hadn’t brought 2 more like we ordered and she didn’t bring us any drinking vessels either. I asked if we were going to waste it, thinking someone would pour it in their glass. No one moved, and since ASS PACKET was holding my drinking vessel hostage, I grabbed it and downed the last of it, which was all of about 2 swallows (yes I swallowed). The top of the pitcher covered my whole face and when I lowered it, the new waitress was right in my face asking me if I wanted another one of those. I said no, donned by poncho and we all took off for Wids.
Damn, this was a week ago – how much can I possibly remember with no notes? Let’s see, we played pool, someone dropped HAPPY MEAL’S shorts while she tried to make a shot, we drank beer, we smelled smoke, we found YANKSIT waiting for us and we spent a good hour there basically just getting tanked up on a rainy day. I would think concentration really fails when you are standing in a thong and a tank top trying to shoot pool. Chivalry is in fact – dead. Not one man stood behind her to cover her buns while she shot. Hey, I thought YANKSIT moved to Little Cock Arkansas? Anyway, we are always glad to see him.
ON-ON to the little gay cottage. We ordered pizza. We watched the Blue Man Concert DVD AGAIN, because we derive hours of entertainment pleasure watching the girl with the dress that lights up in sync with the beat and the men with the blue skin heads.
We had a chalk talk with some very bizarre markings – something about Godzilla with a penis, package checks, “no politics” and “no religion” markings (HAPPY MEAL, where are the pictures to help me out here?) YANKSIT assisted BIKE BITCH with this very short around-the-block trail. They left and asked for 15 minutes lead time. We were ON-OUT early. I loaned out a Woody Woodpecker poncho to JUST ARABIA – we were the only ones practicing safe wet hashing. KITTYLINGUS caught me trying to move his Fins Up magnet from his truck to Fins trunk. Damn, I must work on my stealth mode. I think there was even a LITTLE FIN package check on trail, but MOMMA. SHOP TEACHER and CUMSICLE had spotted the hares and we were off chasing them down – no time to look at wet shrunken pruney looking things.
CUMSICLE snagged the hares after cutting across someone’s lawn and delivered them to the little gay cottage by the back collars of their t-shirts. We moved out back next to the orgasmatron for circle (for those who don’t know, this is a giant, heated, swirling, wet, multi-jet, cosmic-lighted box in the private back yard of one BIKE BITCH. He must have had extra flour because he dumped a whole bunch of it in a circle on the concrete and it was raining and making a very slippery goo. All the barefoot hashers could not resist putting their toes in it and making toe paintings. NO BLOW walked on it in his sneakers continuously and built up a second sole of flour paste (I guess you don’t get to come into the gay cottage do you – you mess maker?). I was waiting for him to break his ass
when he slipped on his new mush soles, but it didn’t happen because MOMMA made him sit down and stop it.
Hares on ice – YANKSIT and BIKE BITCH – what did we say about trail – of course it sucked! If there were other comments, they have since been dumped from the annals of my brain for more important stuff.
Virgins on ice – JUST JO and the person who made her cum – JUST ARABIA. It reminded me of READ MY LIP’S first time on ice – once bare ass made contact, it was nothing but screaming. “That is really cold” is all we heard, over and over and over.
FRB and DFL – Can you actually have an FRB and a DFL on that short of a trail?
Who else on ice? I must have been in la-la land– Just me and my yellow poncho – or a pizza –induced coma. I don’t remember any other bare asses. Maybe I was in a trance watching NO BLOW walk circles on the flour and HAPPY MEAL trace circles in the mushy flour with her bare feet. They tried to put me on ice for not having sex on trail, but I protested and sited that I dry humped YANKSIT from behind – twice (this is when I had him by the collar while he was still marking trail with chalk), so false accusation keeps my butt thawed once again. I should be a trial lawyer – or maybe a hasher consultant for getting out of ice time.
Comments from circle:
“Stop walking in that flour”
“This is really cold”
“Swing low – Superman style, then man style” Yeah, yeah, same old stuff.
You see? I was paying no attention to the RA or anyone else for that matter. I vaguely remember someone with a lap full of girls – the name shall be with held to protect the guilty.
I remember WAAY inside the patio not getting wet and SHORT STRAW throwing comments from his dry chair too while we stood out in the drizzle.
All of a sudden I was so sleepy and people were getting naked all around me. I had to pack for a trip to Tex- ASS. Yeah, that’s it – I had to leave. So much for trash - can't tell you what happened from here on in.
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#125 – Stuart Red Dress, Dancin in the Streets

Aug, 28th 2004
BVDH3 Hounds:  Sicle, Ass Packet, Honorable Discharge, Circle Blow, Swallows, Cock Tender, Shop Teacher, Uncle Pervy, HappyMealandLittleFin, Dildo Stat, Just Shawn, and AOL.
I'm home - can u say downpour? Still had fun - finally dried off by the street party - lots of folks slept in this morning and didn't make the hangover hash. BVD made up a third of their party so we were well represented. Everyone won a crab glass who bothered to make a sign - I liked Shop Teachers the best - Less Beer, More Head! There was an Arizona hasher present (2X4 -yes that's his name)- he was probably Fucking Goofy's cuzzin as he found some vinyl red boots in mansize- which I know were killing his feet by the end of the night. Met PeterFile, Pansy Ass MoFo was back, Our most recent virgin, Just Shawn, was running the trail with his dress up, pants down - gotta love a raw hasher.
Let's see- longer than normal trail for a pub crawl thing, but OK - over a long bridge where the rain started, still pouring at the first beer stop on top of some bldg, then on-in to some titty bar (where the harriettes spent most of their time naked in the ladies room trying to dry their dresses under the hand dryer) - on-on to a hot dog place and more beer - thank God they put us on the porch where the AC wasn't cold - we were soaked and wet boas are disgusting - back over a drawbridge- another beer stop by the inlet -ass-out handstands by Gator Hater - stopped by the cops for someone flashing a boob near the street party - hounds patiently standing by at the city fountain - group grope shots before we street partied - on-in to the street party where they put us on the outside porch of a bar/restaurant again with a cooler keg in an ice trough and our own personal bartenders - Little Fin was once again our Hash Public Affairs dude - lots of people approached him for the scoop - wondered whether we were the red hat ladies or was it gay pride week -NOT - Circle in the street with lots of down downs - lots of bands, lots of beer and crashed out by 10:30 pm. That was a long walk back to the hotel from the street party too.
Pics coming as there were lots of cameras out. I was thinking I didn't have to write trash, but I guess we did make this an official run. Maybe later after I take two Advil and get a nap.

By Gator Hater
The blood colored vermin started flocking into Shepards Park, many with Pickit Signs in hand and a few with something else in the other, their D...D...D... Drinking vessel. What...NO BEER? Would this be a repeat of last year when the Beer Mister was 3 minutes 27 seconds late? Would this be the end of life as we know it? Could these helpless Hashers hold on? Who's in "charge" here? Whay the F&%K is there no Beer? Who's Hash Cash? Gator? Gator? Gator?  OK!!!!!! To F&%K if I know, I'm here to LAY...Lay trail on the first leg, that other stuff is for someone else...GOES BOTH WAYS. After about 26 minutes and plenty of technology induced promises of being there in "4 minutes" he showed. The pack was on the Keg like a group on pahranas...well.. maybe Redfish, anyway..they were happy. Many pics were taken. Everyone that had a pickit sign- and somethat lucked into loners-received anew Hash Vessel. Very unique. ASk about them at a TCH3 Hash if you dont know or cant remember. Ah, off on Trail with me- Gator- laying the first leg.
Beautiful skys and a long bridge (1.1 miles one way)...up and away. At Mid- bridge- WET. Rain Rain Rain Rain Rain.... Boy was tha pack gonna be happy. The beer arrived on the other side on top of a building overlooking the area. The pack showed up dripping (as they always do) but smiles and good cheer were on everyones face. GBW wast the next hare and as we looked ot our North we could see him just across the Parkinglot doing a New Trail Symbol of waving both hands like mad. What's this? Coul dwe be going to that place just behind him...Silouettes!!! Yes, a "titty" bar.
Damn, we got that place all WET. They must have loved us. There was much rejoicing. Nothing like watching Peterphile, ShopTeacher and AssPacket trying to remove pasties with their eyes...and sometimes with their tongues.
Next...on around the corner to Frankenfurter where Beer and A "Dog" were enjoyed by all. We where getting a little dryer and HAre CockBlock left. UNDER the bridge we went to where the Hare and "OilCan" our Beer Driver were waiting with smiles. More rejoicing as the sun was setting. More Pics. More Beer. On Went Whoreshack...your new Hare.
We rounded the corner to the famous "Sailfish Founatin" and there, in custody, was our beloved Hare and GM Whoreshack right at the base of the fountain. Since I was sweeping this leg it was great to see Whoreshack and Cops and right behind them 50 Hashers in Red Dresses Taking Photos and downing beers in front of this picturesque landmark. Apparently Shakc carried extra cash, blackmail photos of the cops or someting to bribe his way out 'cause they left, after he used CockBlock's REAL Mother-given name to get out of a jail sleepover. Ah, "ON ON" was heard and we were off to go into the festival. The trasition in the gate was smooth and quck. I had an altercation with a fatass local "I pay my taxes....I rent" impatient dickweed that got stuck behind some hashers going in the gate. He WAS put into place and got lucky there was an intervention program in place at these gates.
Anyways, around Dancing in the Streets where it came to me...."did this city totally cahnge over all residents and cops from last year?" "Is this the 'Year of the First-Timers' to Dancing in the Streets?" Because........HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW could you have missed us LAST YEAR? I mean there were people who knew instantly but there were a surprising number of people that thought we were: Gay Rights; Protesting Something; Part of a "Art" thing; A faternity; Lost a bet; Escapees; Right Left-Wingers; Left Right-Wingers; Still dressed by our mothers; Did I say GAY already?- You get the picture.
There was MUCH MUCH MUCH rejoicing because behold- Goes Both Ways had sedured -INSIDE the Festival- a Private deck area AND KEG, just for the hashers. No need to spend any money in here.... we had BEER! It was nice. Thank you DUFFY'S for the fatastic service and dedicated employees you had to work with keeping our group Livated!
We circle. I lost my voice. People went crazy. Peterphile had a group of preteens following him around. MILFS girls showed up in shock from a underwearless handstand they had witnessed while driving down the road. Bushna and I had an interesting "conversation" with a "regular" couple on a park bench- Smiles! There was much rejoicing, but it did get a bit blurry from here. A few people headed towards the Ramada for some after partying. 2X4 and I helped a drunk REAL gay man that couldnt stand, say his name or even limp wrist it up to his room to take advantage of him. If he only knew that a 6'4 man(2X4) in a Red Dress and patten leather red boots had put him in bed...he'd had wet dreams.
Back to the room where Bushna and I shared our quarters with GBW...no Bloody in sight. We learned he farts and snores...or was that us? – Gator
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#126 – Patriotic Pub Crawl & 9-11 Remembrance

11 September, 2004
Hares: Dr Anus and Ass Packet
Hounds: Shop Teacher, Cumsicle, LittleFin, Kittylingus, Mrs Robinson, Pocket Rocket, Just Amy (the blonde one not Miss Kitty), Just Swallows, Dildo Stat, Just Shawn (Run #3), Cock Tender, Just Pete, Just Lee Ann
Visitors: Bike Bitch and Just His Harley Riding Friend (help me out B)
It was a dark and stormy night. As I sat there on the black leather office chair in my dimly lit study wearing nothing but a thong, and a wife beater, with my shoulder length hair down and bare feet, I lit one candle that smelled like vanilla and I wondered if water would cum inside my roof from the minor damage I sustained from Hurricane Frances. It is pouring outside. I can hear it falling like a shower on my patio roof. It almost sounds like a howling wind, a constant wind. I check my email, hoping the power will stay on and there's no little sexy or interesting messages in it from any hot men (dammit, why not?). So I'm bored and I wonder how I will entertain myself tonight…(wouldn't you like to know?) … and I remember….
We started at Chili's just off Palm Bay Road and our Yankee friends were not very happy. Our northerners get a little tired of all the southern hashes. I did realize as I was scouting for HASH-O-WEEN (which by the way is on the 23rd of October, so get your costumes together), that there are a lot of bars with very cheap beer in Palm Bay and they are a lot farther apart in other parts of the county. So I'd have to say, Palm Bay is ideal pub crawl territory. We checked out each other's patriotic gear, paying tribute to Firemen, armed forces and public servants and enjoyed 2 for 1 beers for almost an hour before the hares were away with no chalk talk and no group grope. As we worked our way to the second bar (which we knew would be very close), we discovered some urban shiggy (one tree in the middle of a parking lot) and we stopped to get a group grope there. Most places were still boarded up from all the hurricanes. On the front of Beef's, our next stop, there was a spray  painted sign that read "Blow me Frances!" JUST PETE and JUST LEE ANN joined us at Beef's and told us this was their second time hashing with us so they were no longer virgins. COCK TENDER was having a little trouble already, as he was pouring beer down the side of his glass instead of in it and I asked him if he had a problem hitting the hole? He said he CAN hit the hole and he could hit both holes if asked, but the rule was…"you must always ask permission." I'd say that was a good rule. His beer glass was magical too, beer kept magically appearing in it (because people kept filling mine and you all know I am a lightweight). So I just worked on getting COCK TENDER sloppy drunk – because he wasn't driving today, so who cares. Can you believe the rest of the guys were watching football? GO COCKS GO! I absolutely abhor (that means I really don't like it) watching sports on TV. Televise the last 5 minutes only, what else do you need to see? What a total waste of time. No  wonder FIN left HAPPY MEAL at her parents – there's no way he can work a TV remote with HAPPY MEAL'S hand in one hand and any stuff she asks him to carry in the other. This may be his only chance to watch TV or control a remote. We've got to get the men out of here or we'll be forced to entertain ourselves. KITTYLINGUS noted that all the chairs had balls (tennis balls that is – on every leg so as to shush the chairs being pushed around by drunk people). JUST AMY was tickled by something and spewed beer out her nose. Something about a visual of a stump dildo vs a vibrator.
SHOP TEACHER produced a brand new, shiny, engraved "BVDHHH Hash Horn." So there you have it, no elections, he had the right equipment so he's the man. In addition to being our one-handed, no- drinking beermeister…(I'll have to put that on something since I have been nubbed.)… It's only fair that we advertise our most curious one to draw more and more virgins to the hash. He can do two positions at once (meaning Beermeister and Hash Horn). Hey, that means he can pour and blow at the same time. Oh, he's good! We know he's a whole lot more talented than that.
ON-ON to our next bar, but not til we have a jello shot stop first with Lt Dan (AKA Dr ANUS) and ASS PACKET. (damn no pictures to see what AP was wearing to name him) Speaking of virgins, JUST SHAWN, our newest addition was quite the entertainer today. At the jello stop, he tried to drop COCK TENDER'S drawers. Lucky for the TENDER, he had his security drawers on or he would have been bare-ass in the photos. And how JUST AMY managed to get jello on her forehead, I'll never know. These cups were no bigger than a diaphragm.
ON-IN to our lunch counter with the big plastic wolf with no ass. COCK TENDER again was having troubles and asked for a straw because the big pint beers were too much for him to lift. He probably doesn't even remember that he drank his own pint and most of mine. It was here that we started to brain storm some names for JUST SHAWN. He is a former Marine (if there is such a thing) and since he kept going after TENDER'S jewels, we thought SEMPER BI, or POLE SMOKER might be appropriate. Or better yet, SEMPER TRY (since he'll try anything) or SHREK, or CUE BALLER. Don't forget these for his naming. We need the CROTCH-DUSTER back as he's very clever with the names. KITTY asked the BIKE BITCH how his pussies were doing and the BITCH said they were still itchin. They might be itchin a little less, he wasn't sure, but he scratched them as much as he could. We thought that conversation was big fun til we found out it was about BB's cats as KITTY was their doctor (of sorts). We  caught a picture of the DICK HEADS (JUST SHAWN, POCKET ROCKET and SHOP TEACHER), finished our lunch (including JUST SWALLOWS who decided to go over to Winn Dixie and get a lunchable and a Coke) and were back on trail. COCK TENDER – this poor boy had no idea what kind of day he was in for, did he? He had beans dripping down his chin and we all said he would not be sleeping with any of us tonight and we were Oh soooo grateful we didn't have to drive him back to Merritt Island. SHOP TEACHER said those beans wouldn't be the first or the last to stain that chin.
We found out MRS ROBINSON was from Russia, so no wonder we went through 2 gallons of Vodka. She sure did like those apple pie shots. And DR ANUS served them up wearing an airline pilot's uniform. I remember the BIKE BITCH commenting about this shelf that was just placed on the wall in the back of this building. Kind of like an overhang for a loading dock, only there was no loading dock – no doors , no nothing, just a shelf. He wanted to set me up there, but I wasn't having it. We decided it could only be a pussy shelf. What else was it good for?
It's dark, it starts to rain and we work our way through some short shiggy to a bar with no AC, but we listened to about $5 worth of SICLE music (on the juke box. While we were rail dancing to the juke box here, MRS ROBINSON, true to her name, with an affinity for teenage boys, was giving up her digits to one at the pool table. Also, TENDER and the ever-helpful LITTLE FIN were off searching for TENDER's digital camera in the dark, in the rain. He called me a couple of times from his backtracking trail, said something about not remembering going thru any shiggy (he really was drunk because I watched him go into the trees as I went around) and again to say where he was and that they still hadn't found it.
Other than losing over 50 pictures on TENDER's camera, we were all in pretty good shape by the last bar- JD's – also on Palm Bay Road. (Not to worry – SICLE traced his tracks the next day and found it in about 5 minutes). The HARES treated us to pizza and more beer (just what we needed) and our crowd started to diminish. I remember feeling a little naughty, but decided to take myself home, so I headed out in the light rain back to my truck about a mile away. Even the die hards were leaving by now (DR ANUS and KITTY) and they kidnapped me, forced me into a truck and gave me a ride back to my vehicle. I didn't report them to the police. Another successful hash. No DUI's, no crashed cars, no injuries that I know of, a few designated drivers and a few lucky bastards who just had a few blocks to drive home.
I may not see you til the on-after at COCK TENDER'S next hash on the 25th of September as I will be finishing up my motorsicle course, so I will need a stunt-cunt ON-SEC to either give me some notes so I can make some shit up or lots of chronological pictures so I can tell a story of which I have no first-hand knowledge or just write it yourself, as we will be starting nominations for the next mis- management group soon and if you think you can tell a tale, you might be the next ON-SEC. This could be your big break! (the new mis- mange party will be named at Jingle Balls).
Mark your calendar's now: SHOP TEACHER'S VIRGIN LAY follows the next hash on October 9th, and is themed BUST A CHERRY.
HAPPY MEAL and yours truly are planning a riot of a HASH-O-WEEN Pub Crawl in central Brevard. We have dirty little games, prizes for the naughtiest costumes (male and female), a couple of kinds of ice, giveaways, and we are hoping for a big hash turnout from area hashes so find yourself a costume and stay tuned for announcements and a "who's cummin" registration page.
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#127 – Hurricane Jeanne Hash

Sep, 25th 2004
Hashers: Dr. Anus, Shortstraw, Poon Twang, Ass Packet, and Circle Blow
Virgins: Just Dave, Just Jeff, Just Mike, Just Ryan, Just Jeff
Hash cancelled due to lack of participation. It seems not a lot of people want to hash during a hurricane. Poon, Dr., Just Dave, and Shortstraw show up at meeting place The Dog House anyway and kill time eating and drinking. The Dog House had a free buffet that night. Woo-hoo! We left the place when kareoke started.
Went to JD’s Sports Bar and Grill where Ass Packet and Circle Blow join us. We played erotic video bar games. We left the bar having the 4 highest scores on the machine.
Ended up at Dr.’s house where a friendly game of poker started. Circle Blow almost proceeds to eliminate everybody before Dr. eventually wins the round. Newcomers Just Mike wins the second round and then his girlfriend Just Ryan wins the third round. This goes to prove that anybody can win at our poker games and everybody is invited to play. We usually play every other Thursday at Dr.’s.
More details of this night will be found in Tales of the Keg. A preview of the tales will be Dr.’s incident with a cop at ABC Liquor, Shortstraws’s night adventures with his bunkmate Just Dave, and Poon’s special mix left in the freezer.
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#128 – Bust A Cherry

9 October , 2004,
Hares:  Cock Teacher and Shop Tender (yes I messed that up on purpose) as this is a combined-hare hash since we missed one due to all the bitches that blew through in September. 
Hounds:  Dick Sniffah, Ass Packet, Circle Blow, Kittylingus,  Cumsicle, LittleFinandHappyMeal,  Kittylingus, Just Swallows, Dr Anus, Just Puke, Poon Twang, Bike Bitch, Uncle Pervy, and Read My Lips.
Virgins:  Just Dana (Read My Lips made him cum)
Visitors:  Goldilocks (Dallas HHH?)
TWISTER ANYONE????  Read on to understand these other theme’s for today’s run.
This was to be SHOP TEACHER’S BVDHHH VIRGIN LAY (he was quick to tell us he already busted his cherry by laying trail for the Daytona Hash House Harriers). I want to say COCK TENDER also said he’d laid trail before too, but I can find no evidence of that. Must have been while I was gone. The MIS MANGE tried once again to have a pre-hash pre-lube meeting and got a quorum of sorts to make a few decisions to ride out the year. The HARES arranged a jazz concert across the river from the Applebee’s Tiki Bar on Merritt Island for us, the weather was beautiful, but the SHOP TEACHER was a bit pale from a sinus infection and overexertion. But he didn’t want to disappoint us as we haven’t been hashing for about a month and were itching for a trail. So, I didn’t need a stunt cunt after all.  Hurricane  Jeanne took care of that for me. DR ANUS, SHORT STRAW, POON TWANG and a few other nut cases had their second hurricane hash in the flooded streets of Palm Bay while we were either gone or shacked up with our best hunkered down friends. Our local GODDESS, MISS SNIFFAH, graced us with her presence. It’s always good to see her, even if she does half the trail as an autohasher. SO WHERE THE HELL WERE ALL THE WHINING YANKEES WHO KEEP COMPLAINING ABOUT PALM BAY HASHES BEING TOO FAR AWAY? SUCKY, CROTCHDUSTER, COCKPIT?????  EVEN UNCLE PERVY MADE IT OUT TO THIS ONE.  The next one’s in Central Brevard, so get your sluttiest costume together and cum see us. Or at least cum see me cuz I’m not going to be around much longer. I expire after Jingle Balls.
Anyway, we had a good bit of conversation and several pitchers of beer before we started and I don’t think the hares were away til almost a quarter til 5.  Because we had one virgin, JUST DANA, we had to have a chalk talk, which is no problem at all usually, but the SHOP TEACHER was having a hard time staying upright. He had the dysentery.  We managed to get a group grope shot off and headed off on pavement towards Hooters.  Could it be?  A mini pub crawl ? Hell no.  ON-ON to the parking lot and into the trees and we were bent over for the duration.  It was like a game of twister and limbo all in one. If you check the ofoto site, you’ll see ASS PACKET even went into a crawl for a ways.   This was some dense shiggy, with not a whole lot of forestation, just a lot of branches.  We were told we’d get wet, but somehow HAPPYMEAL showed up at the first BEER NEAR with dry shoes.  ). I believe LITTLEFIN carried her on his back across the water. I swear, can you fellas help this guy out before it goes too far?  Too late, he’s already wearing her thongs and carrying her purse. Our beer near was quite scenic by the river and near a fishing bridge.  Leave it to our brother hares to share some nature with us (and later they share a little au natural with us too). 
ON-BACK towards our start point- could it be? Is it over already? Is that all? No way, I estimate this trail was roughly 4 miles to circle.  We froggered across 520, but not before we were charged by a complete stranger, who introduced himself as GOLDILOCKS of the DALLAS HHH. He thought we were away at 5, it was a bike hash and he thought our X marks were checks, so he turned around at almost every one of them. No wonder it took him half our hash to catch up to us.  He was all screwed up!
My favorite quote of the day was from him“ You mean you guys don’t run at your hashes?” Sometimes. You just happened to be with the DFL crew at the moment. The FRB’s are up there somewhere.
We stopped behind the Merritt Square Mall, where our best beer bellies posed in front of the fitness sign. We were greeted by the “Love’s Security” patrol shortly thereafter asking us what we were doing skateboarding around the mall as he had received a call. No wheels in our group. “We are just a running club stopping for a water break – honest Mr Ossifer.”
ASS PACKET AND GOLDILOCKS were f*cked as they tore off into more shiggy only to find a YBF that returned to a check at the road. We went back through an area most had never seen before by a skateboarding, extreme biking park, some private property apartments, some pussy on trail, a pit bull on trail, a small airport, an electrical crew (whom BIKE BITCH asked if he could have a ride in the bucket – No deal) and off into a dead end where we were EATEN ALIVE by some little gnat skeeters. We were all slapping and dancing and I’m sure none left without a few hundred whelps on their legs that they would be scratching for days. We were near an inlet.  The electrical guys started to join our circle, but turned their truck around. Our RA lead us in a toast to G, then right to business with our hares on ice. This is the first time ever, that a HARE produced a note from his mother saying that little SHOP TEACHER wasn’t feeling well and he would need to be excused from sitting on ice today. I had this note scanned so I could include it for you to read (it is obviously his stump-writing), but it hasn’t made it to my box yet.
Let’s see, -FRB’s (DR ANUS and GOLDILOCKS) on ice,
-DFL on ice (BIKE BITCH),
-those who have never hared a BVD hash (READ My LIPS, SWALLOWS, SNIFFAH- she hared, she just doesn’t show up when she’s haring),
-those with no hash attire on ice (LIPS, GOLDILOCKS and someone I can’t read)
-Those with dry shoes (false accuasation), somehow HAPPY MEAL managed to get her shoes wet somewhere else.
- Those caught stretching before the hash start – PUKE and POON
Comments from the circle
FIN – This was a trail for short people
SWALLOWS – I spent most of the trail behind Sicle’s bent over ass and a fine ass it is.
BITCH – Can’t believe we went by Hooters and we didn’t go in.
SICLE – I got bit on trail, but not the way I like it
JUST DANA – Here’s to the hares for getting my date wet before me
POON – I wanted to steal a motorcycle – (think I messed that one up- can’t read my notes)
KITTY – There were no plane rides on this trail
GOLDILOCKS – Once I found the pack of hounds, it was great
PUKE – it sucked arse
PACKET – had two stories to tell, first that there was some actual footage of him crawling on his knees, and second about how he and GOLDILOCKS were f*cked at the YBF in the shiggy.  That’s the first time I ever heard AP talking about how he liked shiggy.  Usually he’s bitching about how we should have just stayed at the bar and drank beer.
BIKE BITCH  accused Goldilocks of being ignorant of hash marks – AKA X’s
CIRCLE pointed out that this was SWALLOWS’ hash analversary. It was also DR ANUS and ASS PACKETS 3 year analversary of hashing. Since the BIKE B got AP into hashing, he had to join them in circle.
LOST PROPERTY: SHOP TEACHER produced a fine pair of black ON-ON with pink feet panties (a thong to be exact). While he was describing said panties, HAPPY MEAL starts screaming, “That’s where they are, I’ve been looking all over for them?” Apparently she shed them at the orgasmatron and never got them back. She left sporting a white towel from the House of LGC. SHOP TEACHER ordered that she knew what to do for lost property and that he wanted her to put them back on, not over her shorts, but in place of her own underoos. And she complied by stripping from the waist down, taking a lap in the circle (yes you missed it), then putting on the thong, then another lap, then finally getting dressed again. The hounds agreed, this should be our new procedure for returning lost property. LADIES, be on the alert for lost jock straps. I wanna see one of the guys be such a good sport about this. You all know about the taboo of public viewings of the twig n berries. 
We sang Swing Low for GOLDILOCKS, then showed him a new one, “man-style”. It’s always nice when we can make a visitor laugh with our antics.  He hadn’t heard that one before. 
We made a quick announcement in the dark about our erections and auto-hashed back to Applebees (ANUS and PUKE stripped to the waist and ran back, being the “he-men” that they are.) For some reason the gnats weren’t getting us on the deck. We all crammed into one family picnic table for some ON-AFTER grub and the crowd dwindled to just a few die hards at the time I left.
Mark your calendar’s now for these upcumming events:
HAPPY MEAL and yours truly are planning a riot of a HASH-O-WEEN Pub Crawl in central Brevard. We have dirty little games, prizes for the naughtiest costumes (male and female), a couple of kinds of ice, and we are hoping for a big hash turnout from area hashes so find yourself a costume and stay tuned for announcements. Send an email to katylynnsays@ if you intend on cummin to this event or you won’t get your custom event tag AND you will miss out on all the NAUGHTY BEHAVIOR which is scheduled throughout the event.
Also, another outing is planned for Halloween Horror Nights on 22 October if you are interested. Contact BIKE BITCH for details. 
Hope you are feeling better soon, SHOP TEACHER! 
85 days to go in paradise before I freeze my tail off in the snow  (hey I made a rhyme  J)          
Your ON-SEC,
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#129 – Naughty Hash-O-Weenie

Oct 24, 2004
HARES: Happy Meal and Cumsicle
HOUNDS: Ass Packet, Bike Bitch , Can't Get Laid, Circle Blow, Cock Tender, Cockpit, Crotchduster, Cum Stained Teeth, Dick Sniffah, Dr Anus, In My Mouth, Just Puke, Just Swallows, Kittylingus, Lite My Ass Up, Little Fin, Million Buck Fuck , Poon Twang, Prelaid, Read My Lips, Shop Teacher, Short Straw, Stumbelina, Suck-U-Later, Just Marcus and Just Mike.
Visitors: Dick Rash, Double D Tour, Goldilocks, Godzilla, Jerk Jerk Tap Tap, Face Plant (from Scarborough )
Virgins: Just Jon, Just Karen, Just Linda.
56 pitchers of beer, 100 or so jello shots with floating skull and cross bone gummi candy’s, 2 bags of marshmallows, a gallon of kamikazes, 2 gallons of margaritas, a cooler full of beer and sodas, a 5 gallon jug of water (which no one touched), 20 pounds of dry ice, a few bags of cheesy poufs, a few glow sticks, 2 awesome custom t-shirts for naughty costume prizes, scary chocolate candy, dicklets and titlets in little pumpkins, 3 games twisted from their original family fun into hashing games, a half bucket of chalk, a cup of blood from HAPPY MEAL and two small pumpkins of ice for butt cooling.
These are the logistics of the pub crawl for 33 people who came all the way as far as Scarborough England, Dallas, Tampa Bay, Merritt Island, Port St John, Rockledge, Melbourne and Palm Bay. We prepared a creepy orange custom tag for those who registered and a special tag that said “I AM A DUMBASS” for those who did not register, and everyone got a glow in the dark beer cup.
Wow, we couldn’t have even imagined how naughty everyone would be on this beautiful Florida hashing day even though we told them to put on their thinking caps. You guys are really creative, especially our visitors. We were lucky that the Crab House folks had a sense of humor and thought we were fun AND didn’t throw us out despite the families inside in the restaurant. There are plenty of pictures cumming, but in case you miss them, we had a she-devil, clowns, barmaids, witches, a merry maid, a cow, a keg (not to drink – a full blown metal keg costume that pumped kamikaze’s), religious folks with inappropriate props,! the Incredible Hulk, Paris Hilton, a leopard pussy, a home-made man-sized, vagina complete with tampon, a dominatrix, a nurse, sexy lingerie on the people you’d least expect to see it on, blue hair, a goddess, a caveman, a cowgirl, a dirty dog, a girl scout hasher, a couple of fairies, French maids, a humping mechanical dog, a one-night stand, and a BIKE BITCH impersonator (aka KITTYLINGUS).
We warmed the crowd up by letting folks drink kamikazes from DR ANUS’ tap (he was the keg), plenty of beer, introducing our virgins and playing a bag game, which involved a few limber folks bending over without using their hands or touching the ground with their knees or hands and picking up a paper bag in their teeth. Sound easy? Well, the paper bag was lunch bag size and each time another attempt was made, the bag was cut in half until it was literally a thumb-sized shred of paper.
We had lots of impressive gymnasts (DICK RASH, JUST LINDA, STUMBELINA, CIRCLE BLOW, PRELAID, BIKE BITCH, CAN’T GET LAID), I’m thinking there were others, but I went note free yesterday in order to perform hare duties so this is the best I can do). Our winners, however, were JUST SWALLOWS for the fastest paper snatch and POON TWANG for repeatedly proving his dexterity long after he was the only male contestant. We awarded them a big goody bag full of candy, a glow in the dark skeleton and some body lube and paint.
OH MY GOD – someone just noticed that the INCREDIBLE HULK, AKA LITTLE FIN had a huge green penis dangling from the cuts in his jeans. You’ll just have to check out the pictures. Well, it was green at the start anyway, it ended up being white. That’s what happens when you dip it. He also morphed some erections during the evening.
We had a short chalk talk and left the songmeister doing Father Abraham with the group to stall them. No one would get f*cked on trail today (unless you were JUST PUKE – he was a pregnant nun), and no count backs, just plops and true trail arrows.
ON-OUT for a short walk to the first stop – gummy skull and crossbone jello shots and a marshmallow game for our folks with the loudest mouths. READ MY LIPS, COCKPIT, CROTCHDUSTER AND JUST PUKE. Start stuffing marshmallows in your mouth til it’s full, then read the card I hold up. “Kiss my fuzzy cootchie, and Suck my juicy dick” The ones who pronounced it most understandably got another big goody bag. And the winners were: COCKPIT and JUST PUKE.
We did a Group grope and then we had to get moving. HAPPY MEAL laid this portion of trail live and went on ahead of the stop to give us some extra time and came back with bloody fingers. She really goes all out with the scary stuff. I vote the next mis management team procure a major first aid kit. I doctored her up as best I could and we asked for 10 minutes and left them in the alley behind the hot dog place entertaining some construction workers. Our crowd was getting a little uncontrollable at this point.
ON–ON to Lazy Dawg saloon where we consumed more beer and played a body part game. Each harriette got a female body part sticker on their back and each hound got a male body part sticker and they were to mix with their fellow hashers and try to guess what was written on their back. Of course we simply concentrated on the many, many names for male and female genitalia for our stickers. Imagine the looks on the bar patrons face when they stepped in the bar to see 33 hashers in naughty costumes, yelling “…cootchie, twig n berries, cunt, dick, whisker biscuit, velvet glove, family jewels, testicals, dong, schlong, vertical smile, snatch…” – you get the picture. DICK RASH and PRELAID were especially good at this game for some reason.
HAPPY MEAL handed out prizes for everyone now – and these included some tiny little orange scrolls that allowed some creativity on the recipient’s part. So if you didn’t open yours, you might have missed out. They were coupons good for butt grabs, smooches, moons, flashes, gropes, massages, hugs and you could name someone to ride the ice popsicle at the next stop. I know a few of them were able to collect on theirs, and some how, none of those little plastic pumpkins made it to the next stop.
We should have given some prizes for those costumes that were a physical challenge just to wear them, like the keg can that ANUS modified so it could hang over his shoulders on suspenders and it held a bottle attached to the tap. Not to mention BIKE BITCH’s one night stand costume, which was a huge cardboard box, made up to look like a nightstand, complete with two drawers (more like one drawn on and the other one was a pee pee flap). He had a lamp shade on his head and had drawn an alarm clock and phone on top of the box. KITTYLINGUS made himself into BIKE BITCH, with a frog tattoo on his arm, boots, jeans, leather vest, mustache, graying hair and the BILLY JO BOB yellow teeth he wore all night had to be a total pain in the ass. If you pumped the testicles in ASS PACKET’S sleeve, he got a woody, which is normal, however, today he was a priest wearing a robe with a woody. PUKE had a pregnant blow up belly under his nun costume. SUCKY had to be burning up in that furry caveman costume, carrying a big club.
It was here at Lazy Dawg’s that we decided we could use the stage to host our MOST NAUGHTY HOUND AND HARRIETTE COSTUME CONTEST. We first called DICK RASH, JUST PUKE, DR ANUS, and SHOP TEACHER out of the crowd. We called IMM, READ MY LIPS, PRELAID, DOUBLE D TOUR, STUMBELINA, PARIS HILTON (aka CROTCHDUSTER) and SWALLOWS out of the audience to parade their costume for noise voting. Damn, this was going to be tough and we knew it. We had to call a couple of them back up again. Their prize was a custom air-brushed t-shirt with a huge BVD surfing wabbit on the front and these words on the back “I was the hound/harriette with the naughtiest costume at the BVDHHH 2004 HashOWeen.” The rabbit was holding his/her mug of beer and had a whistle, however, one was a male wabbit with a g-string on and the other was a female wabbit with a bikini, lip stick and long eyelashes and nails. They were a huge hit with the winners. SHOP TEACHER won the naughtiest hound for being a man-sized home-made vagina, complete with pink folds, bush and a piercing that went over his ears. Should he have been the naughtiest harriette instead? PARIS HILTON (aka CROTCHDUSTER) won the naughtiest hound for cumming as a sleazy, blond-haired, tube top wearing, tight-jeaned bitch. We definitely had to do a second noise test on these as our harriettes really put on a show, with flashing and whips and boobs and bent over poses. But as for our winners, both were males disguised as females, so something’s not right here.
It was also here that we recognized some of our faithful hounds with some special tags– DR ANUS for completing 75 BVD hashes, JUST PUKE, BIKE BITCH, ASS PACKET, COCKPIT, SHORT STRAW, SUCK-U-LATER, CIRCLE BLOW AND DICK SNIFFAH for completing 50 BVD hashes, and IN MY MOUTH, HAPPY MEAL, CUMSICLE, CROTCHDUSTER, COCK TENDER, KITTYLINGUS AND SHOP TEACHER for completing 25 BVD hashes. We also recognized some of our hashers from the original BVD hash group, STUMBELINA, SUCK-U-LATOR AND IMM with a toast and a down down.
We left the drunken group doing an allouette on CUM STAINED TEETH I think – I don’t know, I was setting up the scary stop at the end of a dark twisted-tree path. Let’s see, dry ice in the cauldron, pumpkin ice with glow sticks on the ground, mix up some smoking margaritas (more dry ice), pull out all the cheesy poufs and the cooler full of beer and sodas. HAPPY MEAL showed up a few minutes later to help me. We could see the crowd off in the distance and while we almost always finish trail in daylight so you can see the marks, tonight, we wanted them in the dark to help enhance our scary lighting effects. Too bad that means you can’t see any marks, so no one was following any trail and I had to start blowing on my whistle to get them to cum our way.
We had some fun with our glowing ice blocks after everyone loaded up on margaritas and cheesy poufs at this stop.
HARES ON ICE. Man those pumpkin ices were small. Let’s see, we named JUST MARCUS “KILL WHITEY” The man’s been showing up to hash events for awhile and we thought it was time he had a name.
We had some birthday boys – DR ANUS and COCK TENDER. We lined them up on their hands and knees for a birthday spanking and requested the help of our virgins. JUST LINDA was more than willing to help as we counted, 21, 22, 23, 4, 5, 7, 1, 2, 3. DAMN – COCK TENDER doesn’t look a day over 34 but we spanked him like he was 69. JUST LINDA’S hand was hurting, but I think they both enjoyed it.
Somehow DR ANUS fell and couldn’t get up (go figure, he was wearing a metal keg). I don’t remember who else went on the tiny ice balls.
The ON-AFTER was at CONCHY JOES on the deck with a pretty good band playing – I don’t remember who it was. Just JON was having a good time with his leather flogger. DICK RASH was doing a sexy rail dance for a bachelorette out for her party. He was swinging that dick at her and she was very amused. HAPPY MEAL and I got in some pole dancing on our way out. We were a big hit in the place.
There was simply too much to tell and since many of you have attention deficit disorders anyway, you’ll have to check the pictures. I’m sure you all had your own encounters with the general public today, wanting to know what the hell was going on. Much like the two I ran into in Lazy Dawgs, who were there when I was explaining and pre-paying for the beer stop later on. They said “40 people in costume here at 6 o’clock? Buddy, we’ll have to get a nap and cum back” “Runners huh? So you are athletic?” Uh , no – more like beer drinkers. “ OO! OOHHHHH, is this the ON-ON?” You got it baby.
AND SO NOW HAVE YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON? Explore all the candy no matter how small or uninteresting it looks – it could be the best prize of all. And I heard something about another pub crawl next Sunday (a costume pub crawl) starting from JD’s, so ya’ll cum. I think there is a full moon hash this week too. Everyone needs a little craziness in their life. And so, our mission was to provide some craziness in Melbourne tonight – Mission Accomplished. Had a great time and thanks for all the effort and creativity you put into your costumes.
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#130 – Hashgiving

Nov, 6th 2004
Hares:  Ass Packet (so he wouldn't have to run), Doc Anus and Just Puke.
Hounds: Short Straw, Cockpit, Crotch Duster, Cock Tender, Shop Teacher, Slow Poker, Swax, Dildo Stat, Just Sean(for now), Uncle Purvy, Happy Meal, Little Fin and Poon Twang
Virgins: Just Nicole, Just Andy and After Birth
People started showing up around 2:00 and trickled in until after 3:00. And like children at Christmas we were all staring out the front window of the Porn Shack waiting for CUM SICLE's car to pull up. But alas, Christmas didn't cum this week. The food table started filling up while we watched football. We were sure to leave a big spot on the table for POON's BBQ sandwiches(skillfully disguised as Mac-n-Cheese). But alas, dead pig didn't cum this week. Then, someone invited the NIPPLES MAGILLICUTTY to the party, JUST NICOLE, and all was right in the world and we were ready for chalk talk.
Token Hare ASS PACKET was made to give chalk talk. And after a brief pow-wow with JUST PUKE he knew what all the marks meant. Someone mentioned that we should hurry so that we could get back to get to the BBQ. NOT! We arived at the chalk marking S.O.T.. It was made known to us as Sex On Trail and every one but DILDO STAT took two giant steps away from JUST SEAN. And finally ON-OUT!! HAPPY MEAL stayed behind to keep an eye on the food and she wasn't feeling well. SWAX stayed behind to tend to AFTER BIRTH.
Part one took us on pavement for a while with JUST ANDY and SHORT STRAW leading the pack up the road, behind ABC and down the sidewalk. Knowing DOC ANUS as well as he does, SHORT STRAW was on the look out for a Count Back. TaaDaa! CB#8. This took us through the woods to where Nipples, I mean DOC ANUS and beer were waited for us. After some small talk and some blood inspection we were off and Running. Back to the street where some of us Hounds, during a CB#11 which is 10 in Mexican, came across three women trying to force a large fridge/freezer in to a house. After all the bad press that hashers get for flinging powder of mass destruction and drunk and dissorderly behavior, we decide to stop and help. HOORAY hashers.
Then we hit the pavement agian to our next stop, EC at the Dog House. Here we learned that COCKPIT makes my balls hard, DOC ANUS knows how to use a cell phone, and both SHORT STRAW and SHOP TEACHER know hot to take good notes if elected. More beer, on the Hares. Some names were dicussed pertaining to one JUST SEAN. Including Shrek, Sippy Cup, Whipping Boy and Training Wheels. And away go the Hares.
We left the Dog House and headed toward the intersection to find a really good check. A bunch of drunk idiots trying not to get killed while looking for marks on the road is quite a sight. LITTLE FIN finally picked up the trail which led us into some shiggy. It was about here where I almost had to have our resident nurse, DILDO STAT, give JUST ANDY the Hiney Lick because he was running and swalloed a big bug. Past the Old Truck Graveyard and on to Apple Pie Shots. JUST ANDY got the boob shake-up from Cockpit and Dildo Stat. Slow Poker found trail and left early, something about wanting go sit on some ice. UNCLE PURVY had to leave, something about going home to get some. At this point, ASS PACKET left with JUST NICOLE. Yeah, like he had a chance!?!?, something about going to pick up the Turkey. More Apple Pie Shot go around until the bottle is empty and we're off.
This is it folks, the home stretch. Back up BabCOCK, heh heh I said COCK, and home to dinner. When we arrive back at the Porn Shack we find LIGHT MY ASS UP and DICK SNIFFA waiting for us to throw them on ice. We circled up and got started. Hares on ice. FRB - SLOW POKER / JUST ANDY and DFL - POON TWANG on ice. Virgins on ice JUST ANDY and JUST NICOLE, but wait, JOHN said I didn't have to do this ice thing. Stunt Cock DOC ANUS on ice. Accusations; late cumers LIGHT MY ASS UP and DICK SNIFFA, sitting through circle HAPPY MEAL and wanker/non hash names JUST NICOLE and her Stunt Cock JOHN and JOHN for calling JUST PUKE( BUMPY ) all day. And finally, the reason we all came today, The Turkey! So on ice
JUST SEAN! It's naming time. Questions; What is DILDO STATS favorite toy? Answer; She won't show them to him. Question; How does that little thing get to be nine inches? Answer; DILDO STAT says it does and that good enough. Points of interest; Ex-Marine, looks horrible in a Red Dress, and he is really really shy. Name suggestions; Mertic Nine, Shrek, Dildo's Dildo, Nine Inch Snail. Junior, Ass Packet ( I think someone's trying to get rid of that name ), and B Small That U Can B. And the winner is, thanks POON TWANG, B SMALL THAT U CAN B. Here's to B SMALL, he's true blue he's....yeah whatever dude just leave my nipples alone and stop smacking my ass. But I digress. Circle ended and we all piled into the house for dinner.
Before we were aloud to eat JUST PUKE demanded he say grace. PHWT! Damn it PUKE go outside. Food food food. We had turkey, stuffing, mashed potatos, beans, mac-n-cheese, COCK PIT's meaty balls mmmmmm, and plenty of deserts including HAPPY MEALS chocolate-toffey bars. Joining us way late were KITTYLINGUS, PRE-LAID with JUST NINA, and KILL WHITEY. Food was consumed and there was much rejoicing, but then The Ginch That Stole Hash-Giving showed up, political banter! Ahhhhhhh! More food was consumed and people started to migrate to their cars. All in all it was a great day with great people.
CROTCH DUSTER, see you in a couple months, COCKPIT, see you on Tuesday. POON TWANG, maybe we could get some BBQ for JINGLE BALLS? DILDO and BE SMALL (which is the correct way to have it appear on a necklace), cum back down soon. Peace, Love and ON-OUT
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#131 – It’s a Hash, Back to the Basics

Nov, 20th 2004
HARES: Slow Poker and Short Straw
HOUNDS: Dick Sniffah, Cumsicle, KITTYLINGUS, LITE MY ASS UP, HAPPYMEALANDLITTLE FIN, Million Buck Fuck, In My Mouth , Poon Twang, SHOP TEACHER.
Visitors: Smothered, Buddered N Uddered of the Mongomery H3, S-Wax, Afterbirth, Kojak
Virgins: Just Sandra (Poon made her cum)
What a great day for hashing! The weather was clear and crisp and for the first time in a while, we started from a patch of grass at the end of Pineapple Ave rather than a bar. Hounds were mingling as I drove up late (as usual – I know it’s 5:00 somewhere, but 2:00 is way too early for drinking for me). Our banner was wrapped around the front of KITTY’S truck and he was the hash cash today.
You see, many of our clan were up in Daytona for MOMMA and NO BLOW”S wedding. From the pictures, it looks like they had a hoot up there and it was almost a hash in itself as many hashers from all over Florida were at that wedding. I hear they drank the entire beer supply very early in the day and had to send out for reinforcements.
I’d been hearing about our visitor, SMOTHERED, BUDDERED N UDDERED from the BIKE BITCH and he was sporting a real dog tag (like the ones you can get made for a few bucks at Petsmart) and a straw cowboy hat. He looked more like a r*nner than a beer drinker, but we’ll see. He said he knew IFH and SOX (who the hell is that?).
Most all of my notes are from circle, so I’ll have to pull from my wee memory to fill in the rest. SLOW POKER took off and asked for 15 minutes. I had forgotten my drinking vessel at home, so I first borrowed LITTLE Fin’s seeing how he was trying to clip his back on his belt, he wouldn’t be needing it. HAPPY MEAL took our group grope shot and we were ON OUT.
We headed south along the river first and cut over to the west over the tracks eventually. POON, where the hell are you going? Did you not learn your lesson from the time we lost 4 virgins when BIKE BITCH left his behind? Well, KITTY, LITE MY ASS UP and SHORT STRAW were kind and gentle enough to spend some time with JUST SANDRA so she wouldn’t desert the pack. She was a trooper and she actually followed trail, not ranging hashers. This is a very good sign.
We went through lots of neighborhoods and found real live turkeys on trail, a hawk that KITTY scared away, and ducks and deer (more on these later) and cactus critters. POON, SHOP TEACHER and SMUTHERED IN BUDDER were up front most of the time, but we had so many checks, we almost always got caught up with them.
There must be a flour shortage as some of our checks really left us searching for where trail picked up again. We froggered it across a few busy streets and a painter in one neighborhood told us that we were on our way to Wickham Park and we’d find some refreshments there. DAMN, Wickham Park was a hike from where we were. How long do we have to wait to get a beer in this place?
As soon as we could see our back entrance to Wickham Park, we got a little excited and I took off running over the low fence through the shiggy to a path looking for more marks, when a cactus critter a little bigger than my fist was catapulted into the back of my calf. The spines on this thing were about two inches long and they had tiny little barbs on them and they were poked into my skin in all different directions. SHOP TEACHER works in a hospital, so of course he’s a medical expert and as he walked up, he said, OOOOHHH, you just need someone to grab it and rip it out real fast. None of this tweezing it out one by one. NO WAY!!! That would have ripped some pretty good cuts in my skin and I’m partial to life long scarring. Hash wounds are one thing, but I like them to heal and go away in a couple of weeks. I’ll just keep pulling them out one by one – if they’ll cum out. Some of those buggers were holding on tight. LITE MY ASS UP watched as I pulled more and more til my hands were shaking. Then HAPPY MEAL, who is a mom and does much better with the sight of blood than I do, decided to take a shot at it (we learned that when I drove her home from her lasic pre-surgery with a bloody looking eye – I swear I could have hurled and passed out just at the sight of it). We got the little bugger out with just a few puncture holes and a little bit of blood and were back on trail (trail this time, not shiggy) as no one else wanted a cactus critter on them. HAPPY MEAL or someone poured a little beer on it so as to disinfect the wounds and provide some local anesthetic and we were off again. There is something to be said about long pants.
Finally, our refreshment stand 2.7 miles later. And KOJAK was there to visit with us. What a nice surprise! S-WAX and AFTERBIRTH were also there to join us in refreshments. We had to keep it mellow since there were several families having picnics in the park. Somehow HAPPY MEAL arrived at this stop with dry shoes and socks even though we had a couple of water crossings and there was no way to navigate them or go around without getting at lease your shoes wet.
We saw SHORT STRAW take off into the sunset with his bag o flour and we watched the direction he took off in and turned our attention back to the beer. Once we took off, we were blindly waking in the direction that SHORT STRAW had left in, neither of us had seen a mark, but we were still walking. When we finally realized we were not on trail, we tried another direction around the lake. NOTHING … except a cop car. I called SHORT STRAW on his phone to let him know we were all wandering aimlessly around the lake and could not find trail. Apparently he stopped dropping flour once in sight of the cop.
Finally someone picks up a mark about a football field away and this is where we molested some of the Rotary Club’s ornaments. SLOW POKER AND KITTYLINGUS dry humped a couple of deer for a photo op and we headed off toward another pond. The marks appeared to have us swimming about 50 yards across it, but we are not that stupid. We could see the shoreline and just followed it around to another pond, where there were lots of ducks on the pond.
Then we passed through a private picnic of two young lovers out in the far back of the park behind trees on a blanket with a bale of hay nearby. HAPPYMEALANDLITTLEFIN struck some poses on the hay and we walked right past the blanket so as to prohibit sex on trail. If we’re not getting any, no one’s getting any! One last water crossing where it helped if you had done some balance beam practice as you could navigate this one without getting wet if you didn’t fall off the small tree laying over the water.
Finally, we come out of the shiggy to a soccer field, only to go right back in and across a bridge to our circle. SHOP TEACHER looks absolutely pasty. He has a fever and is feeling a little nauseous. Our visitors and our virgin made it to the end. Soccer moms hollered at us that they were locking up the park and if you had a vehicle in there, you better cum move it.
Who was going to be our RA? We hadn’t been missing this many people for a while. KITTYLINGUS to the rescue and he did a fine job. First the HARES ON ICE – SHORT STRAW and SLOW POKER. Then the FRB and DFL on ice (which was provided by KOJAK, the dreaded block of ice) POON TWANG and DICK SNIFFA. POON is typically ranging, not out front, so we asked him, what was different about today? “No visitor will be the FRB in my house, NOT ON MY WATCH? I couldn’t let him do it.”
Someone tried to start early with the accusations, something about BIKE BITCH making out with POON at the theatre, sharing a Twizzler without breaking it in half first, but we aren’t even done with formalities.
TOO LONG BETWEENs on ice. KOJAK, there had to be someone else with him, but I didn’t mark it down. They tried to get SNIFFA, but she was at HASHGIVING.
VISITOR on ice. And while we had him there “…motherfuck this is cold!” interrupted our story time. Let’s see, how long can we keep him on there. He needs to get to stage 5 (numbness), so we asked KOJAK how his house was cummin in Vermont. Our visitor did know enough not to cum in circle with head gear and he and KOJAK had matching craniums. So we asked the visitor how he got his name. I’m going to mess this up, but it started with something smooth about his head, then rubbing on it and he was sweaty, so it felt like butter, then someone showed him their tits (either her name was Uddered or that’s just what you call it when you get tits in your face). AND SO, the name, SMOTHERED, BUDDERED N UDDERED. I shortened it to SMUTHERED IN BUDDER.
Virgin on ice! She was a little hesitant. SLOW POKER explained, she could go on with her shorts on, or bare ass, or she could just stand in circle. So she met us half way and planked it on the block of ice with shorts on. This made KITTY very happy. He believes in the ice tradition very strongly. As JUST SANDRA looked at the block like it had cooties, someone stepped in and poured some beer on it so as to sterilize it. SHORT STRAW told us that he was with her when she met her first water crossing and she said “Are we crossing that?” She had algae on her shoelaces, so I guess she came to grips with it. We asked her to tell us about herself. She says she is from Guatamala (pronounced WOT A MALL A) , she’s short, so she takes little steps, she’s a scheduler and her butt was cold. She also said that as a girl, one of her relatives could not say Sandrita (which is little Sandra), so he said Ranita (Rana means frog in Spanish), which means little frog. We’ll have to keep that in mind if we get to name her.
We put POON back on ice because he made JUST SANDRA cum. SICLE AND SHORT STRAW went down for technology on trail. After a little zamboning and telling SHORT STRAW to hang on, I was offered a cowboy hat to ride the bronco ice. We asked for a song from the visitor, but he drew a blank and had to join them in circle for a down down.
POON went back on ice for deserting his virgin.
THOSE WITHOUT WHISTLES ON ICE. Smuthered N Buddered back on ice, with LITE MY ASS UP, SNIFFA, I think. LITE MY ASS UP gave him a little help learning how to zambone the ice.
SLOW POKER and KITTY on ice for deer molesting.
HARES on ice again for coitus interruptus – for breaking up the young lover’s afternoon delight.
IMM and MBF for too long between I think, with HAPPY MEAL and KITTY assisting.
POON back on ice for being an overachiever and for not marking the checks for us– is he not drunk yet?
And finally FIN for carrying HAPPYMEAL across the water crossing.
LITE MY ASS UP – Well besides that it sucked, she had never seen so many pricks in one woman (referring to CUMSICLE)
KITTY asked what I did with them when I pulled them out.
SICLE – “I threw them on the ground and stomped on them of course”
Get ready for our Jingle Balls on 18 December starting at the Hustler in Indialantic, just south of Long Doggers on the Beach. It’s going to be a great time. Cum dressed formal or holiday festive. There will be so much to do and drink and eat, you’ll have little time for bitchin. And we’ll announce next year’s mismanagement team and I still have 13 tiaras for harriettes who register with me kjrugged@yahoo.com .
Don’t feel bad if you don’t get a timely response between 7 and 16 December as I’ll be in Colorado looking for my hash house.
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#132 – Eat Me out of House and Home Hash

Dec, 4th 2004
HARES: Just Puke, Cumsicle and our invisible scout, MISS HAPPY SNACKS (she scouted trail with us last Thursday night in the dark).
HOUNDS: Dick Sniffah, LITE MY ASS UP, LITTLE FIN, Poon Twang, Bike Bitch, Wood Liquor, and Short Straw.
Visitors: Shut the Fuck Up (Bike O Psycho or Gypsy Hasher)
Virgins: Just Allison, Just Sharon, Just Bobby Jo, Just Peggy and Just Mike (Just Amy made them cum, but she didn’t cum) and Just Jim
Late Arrival – Uncle Pervy
Today's mission is to empty SICLE's fridge and cupboards and leave her set up to move to Colorado with nothing wasted and no one sober and this was our first dog-friendly hash in a while.
WHO LET THE DAWGS OUT??? WOOF ……….WOOF . Talk about hounds on trail!!!!!! It was like a pooch slumber party – six dogs in my back yard (KITTY where were you?) Two wiener dogs, (Fat Boy and Pooper), Two Mutts (Kita and Rekon), and I think two more mutts (Nevada and Lady?). Talk about trash material. We had weenie dogs mounting mutts, mutts scrapping with weenies (apparently they don’t like it when another dog cums near as they are devouring their jello shots). And apparently dogs don’t do well on these – I remember Kitty’s dog couldn’t get up in the truck after hers and one of them hurled dog food in my yard after this one. Could have been my own dog, who hurls from any people food or from gorging herself on dog food and treats. Who knows? 
And 6 – count em – 6 virgins !!!! Just Amy, you are so going to do some down downs for this at Jingle Balls. We couldn’t believe you didn’t escort your virgins there and take care of them! I can’t even remember who made JUST JIM cum and it’s not in my notes – maybe he made himself cum. JUST BOBBY JO said Just Amy made her cum. JUST MIKE said he didn’t know who made him cum, but his wife was quick to point out that she does that duty. JUST SHARON said JUST ALLISON made her cum and JUST ALLISON said JUST BOBBY JO made her cum. And JUST PEGGY is JUST BOBBY JO’S mama. Got all that? So, I stood in for you, explaining things to them, and worked on getting them liquored up (but not too liquored up – you know how virgins need to quickly learn how to pace themselves). And just a note for you new virgins, even if you have a strong urge to write the ON-SEC and correct some piece of the trash, remember, many of us remember little after these trails and sometimes it’s better left that way OR to make some shit up. So tell your story at the next hash if you feel you must get it right with the world.
We gathered on Sicle’s patio while the dogs sniffed each other’s butts in the yard. We did not take their social cues, but instead sat for an hour, having a few beers and getting acquainted. SHUT THE FUCK UP was the first to arrive and we quickly learned that she definitely lived up to her namesake. No one put a dick in her mouth, so I guess this is how it’s going to be for the night. It took a few hashers a while to get her name right. They asked, we told ‘em. I guess they thought we were rude as later they would ask again and then realize, Oh that IS her name.
An hour later (there was a parade brewing in Palm Bay and we gave some extra time for anyone who may have been stuck in traffic – didn’t know it wasn’t starting til 7 at that point), we finally had chalk talk on the street – it was pretty breezy, overcast and chilly. We had to get these dawgs runnin to warm up quick, but PUKE felt it necessary to spend an extra amount of time explainin his marks for the high number of virgins. They were all loosened up and ready to go.
And they are off – can’t tell you much about trail except that PUKE said he restrained himself. Each time he wanted to dive into shiggy, he remembered SICLE on his conscience (if that’s too big of a word for you, it means those pesky little voices that speak to you in those moments of indecision). She said “DOG FRIENDLY! Don’t bring the mutts back to my house covered in mud as I’m sure the owners don’t want to drag em back in their car like that either.” They made it to the half way fairly dry, so apparently he listened to the little voices. While I waited at the halfway for the first to arrive (POON, FIN, and JUST BOBBY JO), I decided they would have cheesy poofs at the half way this time. There was a big spread waiting back at the house of SICLE, so we wouldn’t need them at the end today. I asked our virgin how it was. Her face was red, as were our other FRONT RUNNIN BASTARDS (FRBs). She said “It was exhilarating!!” Hadn’t heard that before. This was a short stop as it was getting cold and I didn’t want to get them sick. I had already taken PUKE to where he stashed his flour and toilet paper so he could finish laying the trail. He took off r*nning and I honked the horn at him (duh, gonna need that flour and toilet paper, huh dear?) He almost forgot it. Apparently there were some kids in the area messing with our crew. They called PUKE the toilet paper man. That’s a new one. Perhaps the same kids were the ones SNIFFA was telling us about who wanted to cum and play with us. She told them we were playing hide and seek and they could not cum. I do know they went through some light shiggy for most of the trail, along a canal, near a water park by BCC campus, maybe to the bridge by the campus and back along a grass road in a big clearing. Almost had to move my halfway due to a cop car parked nearby and a family playing with their German Shepherd and Beagle on the empty cul-de-sac I was parked on. So, a couple of beers, a few more jello shots, a little time to pee in the woods and they were ON OUT.
PUKE was nice and shortened the last part of trail due to the dropping temperature and the fact that it would be dark soon. Circle on SICLE’s patio. Say that 3 times fast. 16 people and 6 dogs makes for a crowded deck. UH OH – is that technology on trail – SICLE’s phone is ringing. Nope, it’s her neighbor calling to see if we need extra chairs. I have the greatest neighbors ever. I do know that FIN and POON witnessed some competitive running by SHUT THE FUCK UP and they said, hey – if she wants to be FRB, go for it girl!! And she was indeed our FRB for today, but you know the order of the circle.
HARES ON ICE FIRST – PUKE AND SICLE – Comments about trail “It sucked, It was wonderful, I loved it, I had a blast, I had a great time, SHORT STRAW drug one of the mutts with him, or he was being drug by one of the mutts, I don’t remember.
Then PUKE stole a move from NO BLOW and started sniffing the air. He walked around the circle saying, “AAhh, do I smell?.....Oh….yes…. there it is…..I smell virgins!!!” VIRGINS on ice – wet, frozen butts for everyone – and of course we went through the whole “who made you cum” thing, but we’ve already covered that.
VISITOR on ice. SHUT THE FUCK UP – was this right after she attempted to steal the HUYA from BIKE BITCH and ran screaming at the top of her lungs to the outside of the other end of the deck? I had failed to mention my neighbor has an arsenal and he’s not afraid to use it on varmints. We managed to get her back to circle and quieted down for the moment and somehow we got the HUYA back too.
TOO LONG BETWEENs on ice. WOOD LIQUOR and BIKE BITCH. They qualified this accusation by saying, if you weren’t at the last BVD hash, it was too long between. PUKE joined them because he was also at NO BLOW and MOMMA’s wedding. Then they tried to get me in there. I protested as I had already had a down down, but in my own defense, I could only say “Was I at the last hash, I don’t remember” Someone else remembered that I was, because that’s when our visitor from Alabammer joined us. So I shouldn’t have been in, but what the hell, I’m not drivin home tonight.
DOG LOVER’S ON ICE – Not again – I’m already full up to my nose with beer. Need to burp….OK, room for a little more. SHUT THE FUCK UP, LITE MY ASS UP and I were in there and anyone who decided they might need a drink. Is this where SHORT STRAW tested the barbecue rawhide stick? He said it didn’t have any taste, just a little smoke flavor.
THOSE WITHOUT WHISTLES ON ICE. Who didn’t have a whistle? I don’t know. I know SHORT STRAW and FIN had theirs because they were blowing them at the halfway trying to get the rest of the pack in, but they couldn’t hear them at all and were wandering in the opposite direction about a ¼ mile away.
BLOOD ON TRAIL on ice. Whether it was that time of the month or you just had some hash wounds, get your arses in the chair or just do the down down – why that would be just about everyone.
And who should get that HUYA today? Nominations? Let’s see, SICLE for moving from beautiful sunny Florida to Colorado in the WINTER. Who else, POON for deserting his virgin at the last hash. Did we nominate SHUT THE FUCK UP for some reason? BIKE BITCH did his down down before giving the HUYA up – damn I just remembered, I now have to put something on this HUYA! I know there were others – I didn’t think I was that drunk – I wasn’t hungover today. So anyway, the vote went my way and I had to drink from the nasty plunger with the Virgin Mary in it. And then I had to stash it, as our cherished HUYA absolutely has to be at the next hash and we couldn’t risk it being with a visitor.
Hats off, pots on the ground, make our virgins laugh once more as they seemed to delight in our raunchy little songs. We finished with the man style version of Swing Low and sent everyone in for some grub and to begin work of emptying SICLE’s liquor stores. Mission almost accomplished – 5 beers in my fridge today – all the wine is gone, the Bailey’s is gone, the Tequila is gone and the Kahlua is gone. Yeay! It didn’t go to waste.
Who knew that JENGA was a drinking game? UNCLE PERVY showed up in time to have some grub and to play with us. POON – just a little piece of advice, probably not a good idea to play drinking games with a strong margarita in your glass. Most folks had trickled out by this time, except BIKE BITCH returned. The parade sent him south out of here and he couldn’t find his way. JUST JIM said he knew Palm Bay well and he would drive him out
of there. I thought seasoned hashers were self sufficient in foreign lands?
Anyway, time to clean up the kitchen and crash. I think everyone had a good time, drunk people were emailing the group after the hash, so I guess that means they made it home OK. No one hurled, so I think this group of virgins paced themselves better.
UH OH – PUKE called, he found a tick on him – time for a full body cavity search by everyone who did the shiggy.
Get ready for the mis management team’s final event of their term:
Jingle Balls on 18 December starting at the Hustler in Indialantic, just south of Long Doggers on the Beach. We have 55 hashers signed up so far. It’s going to be a great time! Cum dressed formal or holiday festive. There will be so much to do and drink and eat, you’ll have little time for bitchin. And we’ll announce next year’s mismanagement team and I still have 4 tiaras for harriettes who register with me by emailing to kjrugged@ . Don’t feel bad if you don’t get a timely response between 7 and 16 December as I’ll be in Colorado looking for my hash house there, but I will have occasional access to my account.
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#133 – Jingle Balls

Dec, 18th 2004
Hares; The entire mismanagement team
Hounds: Prelaid, Crotchduster, Just Swallows, Little Fin, Poon Twang, In My Mouth, Million Buck Fuck, Dick Sniffah, Waay Beyond Gay, Just Puke, Suckulator, Just Arabia, Cherry Float, Lite My Ass Up, Dr. Anus, Short Straw, Dollar In It, Cock Tender, Star 69, Iva, STFU, Aol, Read My Lips, Gilligan, No Blow, Momma, A Hasher To Be Named Later (Inside Momma), Just Amy, Kojak, Wood Liquor, Thanks For The Mammaries, Fucking Goofy, Fairly Small, SkinaMax, and Honorable Discharge, Just Mike, Just Peggy, Just Sharon and Just Jim.
Virgins; Just Gina, Just Paul, Just Greg, Just Robin and Just Diane.
Oh my Gawd! What a day.
Let me start by saying that everyone who was involved in any part of the day went all out. Above and beyond. And well past expectations. Not everyone who registered showed up and I'm sorry about that. Sorry for them because they missed one hell of a party.
"Twas the week before Christmas and all through the land, there were Santas and Vixens and an elf with one hand.
Miss Sicle was packed and begining to pout, so we knew that we must give her one last blow out.
We met at the Hustler at a quarter to two, and Mismanagement had a clue of just what to do.
We kissed her and hug her and toasted the night for one last hoorah before she took flight.
The night was a buzz with a Christmassy cheer, there were presents and food and keg full of BEER.
By the end of the night there was not a dry eye, then we said that's enough, now get outta here, GOODBYE.
So she turned as she left with a wave and a sigh, and said come and see me when I'm a mile in the sky.
And I heard her exclaim as she's driving away, I never did like those freaks anyway.
2:00pm The Hustler Bar. Here they come, a huge group of my closest friends dressed in formal attire and costumes of all kinds. There was plenty of red and green represented. We had a Santa Claus from the North Pole (SHORT STRAW) and a Santa Craus from the East Pole(POON TWANG). We had many lovely ladies dressed to the nines, including one that ASS PACKET found aspecially appealing (more on that later). After much mingling and drinking, all of the wonderful gimmies were passed out. There were the Antena Balls, CUM SICLE's Velvet Tags, HAPPY MEAL, FIN's (and whoever else helped them) pesonalized Wooden Hare Tags, LITE MY ASS UP's personalized Funny as Hell Tags and a copious amount of chocolate. Once that was all sorted out it was time for chalk talk. Outside into the roofing dust (is that what makes reindeer fly?). Chalk talk included every mark imaginable. Even an I-95 mark telling you that if you saw it to just go home because you are too stupid to hash. It was time to head out, but not to fear, the left NO BLOW in charge whilst we were gone. He kept the crowd busy with a rousing round of Bar Maid Aliw.. Allowe...Aluwa....Ahh F*CK it you know what I'm trying to say. What am I, French? They're off on a scavenger hunt of grand proportions. We couldn't make it too easy, but they found us anyway.
Cantina Dos Amigos. What am I, Mexican? We enjoyed chips and salsa, food and BEER. LITE MY ASS UP kept herself busy by planting here lucious lips on anything that would hold a print. I got mine!! Here we held a semicirle. ASS PACKET and BIKE BITCH introduced us to some of our virgins. We had JUST GINA, JUST PAUL, JUST ROBIN, JUST GREG and JUST DIANE. Welcome! READ MY LIPS introduced us to her new friend, JUST PUSHY a lap dog who followed her to the bar. We said hello to our many out of towners from DAYTONA, TAMPA, ORLANDO and parts unknown. Then everyone got quiet as BIKE BITCH told us all a Christmas secret. Shhhhh... MOMMA said get of me you're crushing my cigarettes but it was too late. SHE'S PREGNANT!!! So NO BLOW down downed for two. After that I was required to auto hash a co-hare to The Next Whiskie Bar. No don't ask why... sorry. anyway, anything that happened after that is a mystery to me. But from the pictures that I saw, there must have been a Tit Check along the way.
City Tropics. This was an up scaled astablishment, way too classy for a bunch of dirty hashers. When the hounds arived there were 51 Glasses Of Beer On The Wall, 51 Glasses Of Beer... sorry. Children of all ages were horrified to see Santa Claus drinking. We were all mezmerized by the Booty Contest featuring JUST GINA, JUST AMY and DOLLAR IN IT. And the winner is ME cause I got to see it. And we were all stupified to see the bartenders spitting flames. It was amazing. It was like I was back at the KISS Concert with CUM SICLE and JUST PUKE. Good times, good times... but I digest. We formed another semicirle, (actually, ASS PACKET's drunk ass on a chair) in which we gave out achievement tags to JUST PUKE, UNCLE PURVY and LITTLE FIN. There was a piece of lost property which belonged to ASS PACKET. And finally we did a down down toast to the bartenders. We were there for quite a while, then it was time to head to the next stop on our journey. After that I was required to auto hash a co-hare's care to the next stop. So, anything that happened after that is a mystery to me.
Ocean View Diner. This is a nice upstairs hall with a beautiful view of the ocean. Trust me, I was there when it was light out and it was awesome. It turned out to be a beautiful night. It didn't rain or get too cold. After everyone had arrived and the seal on the keg was broken, we held the offical circle. Mismanagement took center stage and thanked everyone for another great year. Thank You! Then it was time to kick our orifices out of our offices. Well, some of us. Some of us stayed. BIKE BITCH went all out and presented trophies to certain hashers that demonstrated certain traits that made them different. COCK TENDER won the award for being the Biggest Hash Whore. Daytone won for being the best represented out of town hash this year. I won for Just Saying No to the evils of alcohol. Shame on you all! The THREE AMIGOS won for the Hash From Hell. DR. ANUS won for Hasher Of The Year. And WHAT"S HERE NAME won the award for Hasher We Will Miss The Most. Next came the HUYA. The HUYA is to be retired and replaced with a clean (well, as clean as a used plunger can be) HUYA. The new HUYA goes to the hasher who was dumb enough to want to take over this bunch of rabble rousers, DR. ANUS. We had a special, light up, don't drink out of it cause you'll electricute yourself Christmas HUYA. Which goes to the hasher with the keenest sense of SEXY. ASS PACKET for thinking F*CHING GOOFY was a hot chick from behind. What is it with ASS PACKET and out of town male hashers? What's wrong with us? At this point everyone took out their box of Kleenex because we put put CUM SICLE up on a chair and presented her with some going away presents. She got a bunch of Pike's Peak gear courtesy of FIRE IN DA HOLE. Then BIKE BITCH popped the big question. He's been after CUM SICLE to marry him, but wouldn't cough up a ring. Well, he finally did it, and it was a sight to behold. This rock was huge. It had to be fifty kts. Fifty kts of pure glass. This thing could be used as a paper weight. After everyone dried their eyes, we said goodbye to CUM SICLE and hello to food! There were mini-sandwiches, chicken strips, teenie-weenie wraps, ON-ON foot cookies and chips. Hey POON TWANG, I thought you were going to make little BBQ sanwiches? Later on I saw Momma drinking a frosty beverage. It was a milk shake from down stairs. As things died down thing sprang back up as the Spray On Tanning began. We had the lovely JUST AMY and JUST GINA. A couple of naughty elves took the opportunity to brighten up that ocean view by giving us a couple more moons to see by. WOOD LIQUOR and SUCK-U-LATOR attempting to moon the croud from behind JUST AMY and put out a window with their Buns Of Steel. SUCK-U-LATOR quickly owned up and all was O.K. We might even be able to go back there some day. But not likely, I hear they raped us at the register. As the night died away, CUM SICLE recieved a few more gifts and tearful goodbyes and the crowd started to thin out. We knew it was time to go when our host for the evening, MICHAEL, was cleaning off the last table while we were sitting at it. The keg was dead and so was our stamina, so we called it a good night and a great party.
I'm sure I speak for the entire 2005 Mismanagement Team when I say that we hope to see you all next year.
DILDO STAT and B SMALL THAT U CAN B, we are sorry you couldn't make it and our prayers are with your father.
To all our virgins, please come back and see us. We're losing hashers left and left. We need to replenish.
We need a Hare for January 1, 2005. Contact our NEW Hare Raiser...Um....KITTYLINGUS.
Shop Teacher
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Thank You
Thank you so much for the wonderful send off last night. I was overwhelmed with your outpouring of love and special gifts.
Bike Bitch, It wouldn't be fair to marry you and then move away......but I'm keeping that big ass rock! Thanks for all the Pike's Peak hash gear courtesy of Fire, can't imagine wearing t-shirts and short shorts in the cold, but at some point I guess I'll get used to it. And they say you should dress in layers.
Lite My Ass Up, I can't even imagine how long it took you to put that hash trash album together for me, but it was very special and I love it.
Miss Sniffah, the engraved pen was so appropriate for a hash scribe. The next time I see you, let's try not to have any Kleenex around or we'll both have to wear sunglasses for a couple of days due to the eyelid swelling.
Daytona Beach - the speculum cracked me up. I should have expected wacky from a crazy group like you - thank you. (I'm afraid to touch it - I'm wondering if you guys used this on any of your camping trips just for fun)
Orlando, Jax, Tampa Bay, Treasure Coast and other visiting hashers - you have always showed up to make our BVD events more special and last night was no exception. Keep on cummin.
Happy Meal and Little Fin my dear friends- I loved the happy bracelet and I will wear it often and think of you even more.
To BVD- you'll probably never know how much you meant to me these past couple of years. You have been the best of friends and created so many smiles in my life and you've really taken care of me. Thanks for the signed picture (I thought I might hang it in my office, but with so many men in red dresses, I think I'd just like to retire in a normal and dignified fashion, so I'll make a special place for it by the bar I'm going to have built in my basement), the engraved mug, and the Most Missed Hasher Trophy and an awesome time at our Jingle Balls party!
To my special friends who came out yesterday just for me, it meant alot to me that you were there. Thank you so much for cumming.
Cum see me in Colorado - this email address will be good probably for the duration of my life unless Yahoo takes a dive. I said my phone number would stay the same, but I suppose my coworkers will eventually whine enough about having to call me long distance I'll have to change it, but for at least another month or so, it will still be 321-591-1704.
Thank you again and I'm sure I'll be back to thaw out from time to time.
I love you all very much!


"If You Have Half A Mind To Hash, That's All You Need!"