2001 BVDH3 Hash Trash



03 Feb 01
Hares: Just Puke and Yanksit
Place: RJ Gator's
Weather: 69-4 degrees and cloudy
Well, we had another cloudy, cold day for hashing, but that didn't deter many. There was quite a crowd around the bar at RJ Gator's, where we met for a few brews before heading out on trail to experience Just Puke's Virgin Lay. There were about 5 virgin hashers among us, so after a chalk talk and a fun Father Abraham, the pack was off on this pre-laid trail. Now, I have to confess something here - I didn't do the trail.  Instead I jumped in a truck with a fellow autohasher and went to the mid-way to watch for incumming hashers. After a while (I guess that means the first half of the trail was long) they started staggering in. Just Bernadette came in bloody and the others came in sweaty and looking for a beer. After a few minutes of relaxing and drinking, the pack was off again for the second half of the trail. Okay, I have to confess again, I didn't do the second half of the trail either. As one of the hares, another autohasher and I waited at the end, we saw Without Sock and Edgar Allen Ho cum in first; dirty, scratched and definitely in need for a beer or 10. The others were not too far behind, although I did notice the last group came in much less dirty - shortcutting, maybe? Way to go! Our GM, Yanksit, called the circle to order and he had a little contest for us. As we were approaching the anniversary of the death of G, he asked if anyone knew G's other middle name. The pack was baffled, but that didn't stop us from shouting out names as guesses. Gamey Gonads had the correct guess of Ignasises and won a really cool hash shirt (which are on sale before every hash - see Red Hot). The circle was then turned over to RA Red Hot and the beer was blessed.  The Hares were called to the circle and although there were some cries that their trail was too long, it still won approval. Just Puke had to remain on the ice for being a Media Slut this week. It seems he was at the Super Bowl and was caught on film by Jay Leno who then used him as part of his schtick (is that how you spell that word?). The story we heard was that Puke was walking with a "hottie" in a bikini and Jay commented that it is always guys like him who get girls like her.  Cock Pit was the next on the ice for having a blond moment (or being a dumb ass) and forgetting to put film in her camera. There are just too many things to remember when you are Hash Flash! As Red Hot was calling on the pack again for songs, Without Socks was on the ice for having a very weak song (you'd think he would have learned!).  Socks stayed on the ice and was joined by Edgar Allen Ho for being the FRBs.  About this time a train was heard and the circle broke up as a number of hashers couldn't resist the opportunity to moon the train. Well, one of the ice-sitters made the mistake of leaving the ice without the permission of the RA, so Ho had to do another down-down. Next on the ice was Tumbalina (I never could find out why she was on there, so I am thinking maybe I should just make something up.) for not only mooning the train, but doing a slow, sexy strip tease as well that caused the train to derail and pandemonium break out (is there a rule about the Hash Trash being true or can it be factional fiction?). The next group called to the circle were the Virgins - and we had a great group this time. Virgin Debbie was brought by Ball Breaker (who was absent), Virgin Mary Bigwood (why are some people actually born with a hash name?) was also made to cum by Ball Breaker (he's been busy!) Virgins Mike and Stazy were made to cum by Gamey Gonads (she's been busy too!) and Virgin Eric was made to cum by Just Puke (and to think, he had a hottie just the weekend before!). The Virgins and those who made them cum (Crotch was so nice and was a stunt dick for Ball Breaker) all did a down-down and were properly welcumed to BVD H3! Now, let's just see if they cum back! Puke and Moaner were called to the ice and made to do an unemployed down-down (yeah, sure, make fun of the downtrodden). Moaner stayed on the ice and was joined by the autohashers who included the Hares and Red Hot and then Kojak also had to drink because if one GM drinks, they all drink! Moaner had to stay on the ice again (and yes, in case you were wondering, the ice was VERY cold - not whining, just stating a fact) while our new Song Miester, Without Socks, serenaded her with a new song composed by him (rumor has it that Socks will be composing a new song for each hash, check the web site). Next came the accusations and HeWreckedHerPad was called to the ice for wearing more clothes than anybody had ever seen on her. Crotchduster was accused of disrespect to the circle. There might have been a few more, but after doing so many down-downs in a row my handwriting has become like hieroglyphics. The circle was closed with Swing-low and we piled into the trucks to make it back to the start. Most of the hashers went to Crickets for the on-after and I am waiting for the report of the shenanigans! That's it for this week!
On-out, Moaner Boner, On-Sec
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#33 - Hoosier's Over the Hill Hash

17 Feb 01
Hares: Red Hot Anal Pepper and Moaner Boner
Weather: 69+6 degrees with sun and cloud mix
Well, we finally had good weather for a hash and it's only right since we were celebrating Hoosier Daddy's 40th birthday. The pack met in the Symetrics parking lot on Nasa Blvd. and after waiting for our guest of honor to finally show up (and another over the hiller, Mt. Dora) a chalk talk was given to our many virgins. They were warned this was going to be a fun, off-road hash with many beer stops - hey, this is Hoosier's birthday after all. Then the pack was off. As I was a hare, I do not know the "on trail" dirt, but I do know the first 1/3 of the trail wound around in some woods off Nasa, crossed Gateway and Evans roads and ended with a beer stop behind Circles of Care. This hare, I will admit, did a poor job of parking the beer truck and a few of the more observant hounds found a short cut to the beer. Oh well.The rule of the beer stops was the pack had to hold until the birthday girls showed up.  Hoosier and Mt. Dora finally came in and after they slammed a quick beer the pack was off again. This part of the trail had a little more shiggy including a slippery ditch crossing and a false creek crossing. Red Hot and I were waiting with the beer at the second beer stop and saw the first group of hounds come in with wet tennis shoes and scratches.they were the ones who fell for the false creek crossing (high-five co-hare!). The third third of the trail was short and sweet, although I did find out a few of the hounds forgot to pay close attention and almost ended up redoing part of the trail. After everyone, including Just Jesse the Dog, were in and had a beer or two, the circle was called to order by GM Yanksit. First ones on the ice were the hares and their trail was given a BIG thumbs up - like that was uncertain! - Okay, maybe that is shameless bragging, but deal with it, it is one of the perks of being the on-sec. Next on the ice were the birthday people and we had quite a few of them including Hoosier Daddy, Mt. Dora - who both turned 40 and Just Mike who turned 25. There was a little trouble getting them all on the ice and Hoosier had a lot of trouble keeping her beer down. Is this one of the perils of getting old? Another couple on the ice were the newly-weds Sperm Burp and Chipendale. Sir Flatulot presided over their hashing vows which had a lot to do with oral sex - from Sir Flatulot? Who would have thought. Cum Chum was on the ice for too long between and it started a hairy butt contest.there are just some things I REALLY do not need to see! He won, by the way. The virgins were next in the circle including Just Jesse the dog.who sat on the ice and did a down-down of water. The out of towners came into the circle and did their required down-downs. And there were probably more, but the beer and lack of note taking has left me clueless.oh well. I do remember the funniest version of Swing Low I have ever heard, courtesy of Chipendale.a one legged pollak version. You really had to see and hear that one to believe it. With the circle closed the pack chowed down on real food and finished the beer. It was a great trail (shameless bragging again) and a fun circle and I hope Hoosier and Mt. Dora survive getting old!
On-out, Moaner Boner, On-Sec
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#34 – Bike Week

March 2 – 4, 2001
Daytona Beach, FL
Hare: Thor the Wanker
Hashers: About 200+
All you cool hasher who were there know, but for the wankers (and I heard some lame excuses why y’all couldn’t make it – I think one of the hashers from BVD said something about going to Washington DC to get laid) who just couldn’t make it to Daytona this year, you missed a GREAT time!
The festivities started Friday afternoon on the pool deck of the Mayan Inn when the beer truck arrived and the kegs were tapped. All evening long hashers kept arriving from all over the country and gathered to drink some BEER! This went on, along with registration and t-shirt selling (by the way there were some really cool goodies in the bags and awesome t-shirt designs, especially the one by No Blow) until the cries of on-out were heard at around 9:30. The first pub crawl of 2001 Bike Week was under way. The first stop was Thor the Wanker’s house. After a bit of drinking and socializing, the pack was off to Robbie O’Connels for more beer. The next stop was J’s where the pack continued to drink more beer. Do you see a pattern going on here? Eventually, I think most of the hashers found their way back to the Mayan.
Saturday morning started with beer flowing on the pool deck and a room crawl where bloody marys and space juice were served. One wonderful hasher even had a concoction of coconut rum and pineapple juice…that was YUMMY! Soon it was time to gather on the upper pool deck for the hash wedding on Benyae and Rear Buccaneer. The bride was attired in a royal blue dress with a picture hat and veil. The groom had boxer shorts and a jacket. The brides maid was in green and the best man was in a giraffe t-back (don’t ask, it was Thor). After a quick beer, it was time to be off for DBH3 run number 569!
As the pack wound its way out of the hotel it was held up so all the hashers could run down Main Street together. This is always one of the highlights of Bike Week…all the traffic stopped and us being the center of attention. Bikers were hooting and hollering and taking pictures of us! I just love making an ass of myself ! The trail kept going and going, full of false trails and checks, but after miles and miles and miles we finally made it to the first beer stop. (Supposedly we were warned that the trail would be 4 – 5 miles, but what hasher reads stuff like that?!) The hashers all filed into the Love Bar for a number of brews. Then it was on-out again and this time to Sir. Flatulot’s house. After that it was just a short walk to the next stop, some hotel’s pool deck. We did have one BVDer get pretty seriously injured on this portion. Cock Pit fell down and broke her cooter. Good thing Paddle Me is a nurse and fixed her up a cooter sling. At this bar we also did a sorta circle where the various hash groups were awarded down downs. After this, the group wandered back to the Mayan where they were on their own to do what ever for the night. Beer was still flowing freely on the pool deck of the Mayan. In fact, it was flowing so freely they actually ran out for a bit!
Sunday morning was a slow one for a lot of hashers. It was a little rainy and over cast, but we gathered on the pool deck to drink beer anyway (Bike Week actually went through 14 kegs of beer and 10 cases!). After a while we were off on the hang over hash. Fortunately Thor was nicer this time and we only had a very short way to go to the first beer stop. After a while there, we went to Bernkastles for beer and food and an end to Bike Week 2001!
Moaner Boner
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#35 – St. Paddy's Day "GREEN DRESS PUB CRAWL"

17 Mar 01
Hares: Hoosier Daddy and Moaner Boner
Weather: 69 + 16 Degrees: Sunny, cloudy, a drop of rain, then sunny again.
To make sure the BVD Hash House Harriers celebrated St. Patrick's - who I really think is the patron Saint of Hashers - Day right, the hares for this event had a whole day of fun and frivolity planned. It all started with the downtown Melbourne St. Paddy's Day Parade. We had the truck, we had the banner, we had a multitude of hashers in green dress and we had the one thing that made us the most popular group in the parade - BEER! And this turned out to be a very good thing indeed as the parade was about an hour late getting started. And it made us a hit with the Shriners, the bag pipers and Meg O'Malley's Grand Poo Bah who left Meg's float to walk with us. Finally the parade was underway with the whistle-blowing, beer-drinking, bead-throwing BVD Hash House Harriers walking with style! The greatest part was the way the crowd watching the parade would holler and cheer when the "drinking club with a running problem" went by.
The parade ended at the east end of downtown and after consuming a few more beers for the two block walk, the group gathered back up at Meg O'Malleys for the start of the pub crawl. Hoosier Daddy and Moaner Boner gave a very brief chalk talk and told the pack to look for shamrocks and a JS (Jig Stop) and then they were off to lay the trail. Yes, you read that right; Moaner and Hoosier actually did a combination live and pre laid trail. From Meg's the trail went up US1 to the traditional St. Paddy's Day stop at the Brewery. (A lesson was learned by the hares on this leg..if you are driving a truck with a banner above it, do NOT go 45 MPH down US1 and expect the banner to survive!) There they continued to drink the keg and sample some of the other products of Indian River. From there the pack was told to check back to the last shamrock which was in front of the old College Campus Café. As easy as those instructions were, and as easy as the trail was, we still managed to loose a few hashers. Dumb-asses! Although the College Campus has been closed for some time, Hoosier and Moaner set up the front porch like a pub, complete with pretzels, beer and shots. While here, the keg began to float so we were on out rather quickly to the next stop - Green House Bar. As soon as the pack of 32 consumed 45 domestic bottles of beer, they were off again through downtown to the high-class joint of Big Al's. If you were there, you know I am being incredibly sarcastic. Big Al's is a hasher bar! Cheap beer, pool tables, juke box and the smell of sweat, cigarettes and stale beer. The pack drank lots of cheap beer, sang some tunes, and harassed the upscale patrons then were off to the next and final stop of That's It Antique Bar. In the back parking lot (where Mullet previously learned Melbourne's Finest frown on public urination) the pack got their "yards" of beer and circled up.
As I try to recount the events of the circle, please bear with me.I had been drinking beer since 11:30 in the morning! First in the circle were the hares and it was decided the trail was good (like there'd be any doubt). Next were there virgins and there were a lot of those! Tara, Dennis, Julie, Kathleen, Eileen, Lynda, and maybe a few more I can't recall. After their down-downs (and a few other things too) Mullet gave the HUYA to Fireindahole just because he wanted to. By this time, the circle had really gotten out of control, the cops were looking at us strangely and everyone was pretty far-gone so we closed the circle with Swing Low. Then everyone was on their own to enjoy more drinking and fun in downtown Melbourne.
That's it for this week!
Moaner Boner, On-Sec
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#NC/SC #8

22-24 Jun 01
NOTE : The following is an attempt to remember some of the events that happened to BVD (some DBH3/OH3) folks who went to the NC/SC #8 this past weekend. DO not bitch about spelling, grammar, and all that other shit. I am a Dr., not a writer. SO prepare to be taken back in time, and if you remember anything from this account, remember that Potty is Tooth Fairy’s Bitch!
On 22 Jun 01 Slow Poker, S-Wax, Salad Shooter, Dr. Without Socks, and I.F.H left Brevard, FL. and Just Puke, Potty Flavor, Erectorpad, and Gilligan left Daytona Beach, FL. The plan was for the Brevard folks to meet the Daytona folks in Daytona. Well right off the plans changed. Someone in their (Daytona) group got hungry so they left early and we (Brevard) decided just to meet up in Jacksonville, cuz we had to get Short Straw. As the Brevard folks waited at the exit for the light to turn green, IFH was startled as a huge ‘clothed’ gorilla came up and scared her. As you can guess Just Puke and the Daytona crew had arrived. Eventually we made it to Short Straw’s ‘per diem’ pad. After all the girls clogged his pipes - Potty, Socks, and Slow Poker were stuck as the drivers. We almost all bought the farm when Potty decided to pass a truck, which was going 50 mph in the far left hand lane on 95 (Fuckin Fuck…,) on the left side emergency lane. Then we had a gas break, and Potty got lost leaving the gas station. Eventually after about 5 hours we arrived at Hardee "GHETTO" ville SC. After a brief pee/poop/eat break at Burger King (which we saw Chippendale and Sperm Burp) we went to the place which would be home for the next couple of days. Then we realized that Potty and the Daytona gang were not behind us, you guessed it, Potty got lost again. Sherwood Plantation was great, but BVD village made it that way. After all the tents were erected, we decided to start drinking. IFH stepped in dog shit. It began to rain and then Slow Poker made a command decision to move BVD village. See since we are all really smart hashers we built the first BVD village on the lowest spot on the whole campsite. After the move we continued to drink beer. Then we noticed that Slow Poker’s cup now says "…K More… Bitch Less" Where did the DRIN go? Then like a beacon of light the CTrH3 bus arrived. All I can say is Potty and I decided that BVD needs an airplane, who is the Haberdasher????
As the night went on, Salad got thrown in the pool (inflatable child pool) and lost her underwear to Doofus (or did she give it to him, my notes and memory are drawing a blank). It is at this point in this narrative that I would like to bring something out of the BVD closet…………..Yeah that’s right POTTY. See readers, it was at this point after dinner that Potty met a ‘friend’. His name was Tooth Fairy. After the BVDers saw the relationship that began to blossom after about 10-15 minutes between Potty and Tooth, we decided that there needed to be a divorce (renaming) So be it known ‘un’ officially (our RA was not there) Potty Flavor is now TOOTH FAIRY’S BITCH. Then Erector showed why she is the best naked girl from any hash when she did a table dance for the masses. Slow Poker began to drink heavily at this point in the night, which would lead to him trying to sleep, but of course we would not let him. It was at this time that Socks and Short Straw were able to see one of the many sex scenes of the weekend. As we watched two hot lesbians making out in the kiddie pool, Short Straw told me how much he loved hashing, and of course I agreed with him. Unfortunately IFH had the camera and there was no way I was going to go find her and get it, so that moment will not be shared visually through pictures. Something came up about IFH and S-Wax’s nipples. Acorns and Walnuts???? Potty is still gay at this point.
Then we noticed S-Wax and Slow Poker had been gone for about a half an hour. When they returned S-Wax’s face was very red – as told by Salad Shooter. See Short Straw and I were still oogling over the lesbians, gosh Yanksit wish ya would have been there for it. Then I think (?) we did a shooting star hash. NO BEER – JUST SHOTS. Puke got naked, Potty exclaimed something about a hairy gorilla. IFH was Pat Benatar, we saw our way with glow sticks. IFH and I went back to the hotel, since we were hotel people not camping people.
On 23 Jun 01 (Sat), The hotel people arrived pumped and ready for day 2 of NC/SC. On the way IFH and Socks called Yanksit at 8:30AM to invite him and Fire to the NC/SC hash – for some reason they did not want to go. It all started with Gilligan waking up wondering who puked in his tent. Guess who it was…..it was Gilligan himself. After the green (literally) eggs, we hashed for about 1 mile. Then came the part of the day everyone was waiting for – PUB CRAWL IN SAVANNAH!!!!!
With 4 minivans and a CTrH3 school bus that had 70 people on it we headed for Savannah. The bus was definitely the best automobile in the caravan. Except for when we slammed on the breaks and everybody spilled their beer (and IFH & Cockpit got wrist cuts). It was around here when we met Scarlet "NOT ALL THERE-AH." She was the one wearing the great Southern Belle dress that the dog pissed on. After the tampon string moonings, we finally stopped to begin the pub crawl. 3 Bars were included in the festivities. I.E. passed out and people put their nuts and pee-pees on his lips and took pictures. Cockpit and I watched 2 people having sex in the bathroom.
Luckily we did not fall off the toilet cuz it was worth the near death experience. Gilligan was finally persuaded by me to begin drinking since he was feeling too bad from the night before, remember the puking in the sleeping bag. All he had to do was touch IFH’s boobies. IFH – I Fondled Her. IFH left her bra on the CTrH3 bus after Crotchduster wore it for the remainder of the day. We harassed some girl scouts downtown. Once we got back to the plantation we did down downs. Puke threw about 10 people in the pool. Puke called Salad into the circle for having the same name as someone else. Licker and NOT ALL THERE-AH were ‘doing their own thing’ which made the circle interesting. It was at this point I realized Just Eileen never even came to the NC/SC, and she paid!!!!!
After a great shrimp dinner, Without Socks lost his Citadel ring. CTrH3 kept setting off a cannon thanks to Mountain Yak. Scarlet NOT ALL THERE-AH – "Cock a doodle dooo." Crotchduster made a lame attempt to jump the fire and fell in, then went to the hospital with IFH’s bra still on . After some stitches he returned. Then the night ended.
On 24 Jun 01, (Sun) Slow Poker found Sock’s ring, and Salad lost an earring. Salad also started slamming mimosas around 8 AM. The hotel hashers arrived and we all ate MceeeeDs! Gotta love the golden arches for making hangover food. OK this is getting long, fingers hurt, must go on naked lesbians must go on…..WAIT let me get back on track. Sunday morning we participated in Gay (easy Potty) Olympics, put on by Tinky Winky. These were awesome! Tinky is definitely the man (I think, see he wore a great dress during the pub crawl- well whatever back to the story) Erector and Potty participated in dickball, Erector won the GOLD, Potty well he just was Potty (F beep beep beep). Potty, Socks, Puke, Slow Poker, and Erector participated in Izzy Dizzy. We got the BRONZE. IFH and Short Straw played know your partner. Short Straw’s was not firm enough, his butt that is! Erector also won the partner painting game. Then she left her boob print on the CTrH3 bus. Oh yeah Potty was still gay. As we broke down BVD village, pizza arrived. Then we bid NC/SC adieu, and headed home. Well that’s when the fun started. Slow Poker’s car had trouble with its tires. So they pulled off the side of I95. As Short Straw, the minority (the Mexican of the group), changed the tire, Salad popped open a beer. LUSH!!! Eventually everyone made it home…I think. And in the end I only have a few questions.
Did Greg Loose Anus drive his dirt bike home?
Slow Poker, there was a rumor that you never showered?
Potty, is IT true?
Why can’t NC/SC be once a month because a great time was had by all… everyone there was "good shit"!
Well that was my lame attempt to recreate the events of this past weekend for everyone. Everyone should laugh after they read this. If anything makes you mad in the above narrative, you know that you’re OVERREACTING!!!!
Without Socks
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23 Jun 01
This is a bit late but after all of the decadent nonsense we have been reading all week it is timely.
A small group of hale and hearty REAL Hashers assembled at Darby's (brand new) bar on US 1 near Post Road in Melbourne. Darby's is a typical small FL Cracker bar with loud music from the juke box and live music weekend eves.
This was an A to A run Hared by Yanksit. The Hare was off at the usual hour while the rest of the pack continued to sip a cool one or two as it was a very hot and humid day with rain threatening. After the usual allotted time the six pack was off (seventh being Fire in Da Hole who motor hashed, but, hey, she was driving the half way beer truck). The pack meandered along Post Road and some other familiar venues until finally, with tongues hanging out, we arrived at the half way in Wickham Park.
FRB E.H. Ho had already had a couple of brews by the time us slow bastards got there. After a rather long stop but with thirsts quenced we were off once again, around a lake, through an RV campground "are you guys following the flour too", answer, "only way to get to the beer".  "Oh"! Once again we entered some familiar territory but since we were doing it in reverse from last time it was kind of fun viewing Mom nature from the other direction. I think most of us knew we were going back to Darby's (even though A to A was not mentioned, but nobody shortcutted.  REAL Hashers do the trail.
We finally arrived at Darby's and it was still quite light out being one of the longest days of daylight of the year.  We circled up inside the bar along with our block of ice and entertained the locals. Acting GM, yours truly, started the festivities and immediately had our Hare in for a seat. After his down down he got to stay for another as it had been learned that in the wanker world he had been promoted to "Testical Sergeant". I think this means he now wears five stripes but he is still outranked by his better half.
Then the RA took over and everyone got a chance to test the quality and coolness of the ice including Just Strings (I don't remember his friggin name but he was the scheduled guitar picker for the evening). He swore he liked it and than he would join us. Yeah, right.
Yours truly got the last very long seat and was joined at one point by Fire because she attempted to drink all the rum in the Bahamas (silly girl) with hurling results. Some gd Cracker approached and rubbed yours truly's head saying "I like you". Thank "G" I am a very disciplined (USMC training) person and knew I couldn't leave the ice without permission otherwise I probably would have decked the bastard. Turns out he was a friggin retired swabbie. F*%#ing anchor clanckers are all a bunch of fags. Gotta bring Potty to this place.
With appropriate festivity and blessings the RA ended the circle and we continued drinking until the cash ran out. Some went on to Sperm Maker's (or something like that) house and some went home (me for one) but a hell of a good time was head by all.
Amazing what good clean wholesome fun you can have with a few nice people. Nobody showing off their tits, (though we did have a little lap dance demonstration), nobody swapping a cherry among 20 some odd mouths YUKHHHHH, (you people are sickos), and nobody camp fire jumping HA HA HA HA. And that cute chick letting that old fart from Daytona massage her boobies (you people are sickos). Y'all should have stayed up there.
Hey, did anybody notice that in that missive written by the good Doctor Without (brains) that running or a run was not even mentioned (if it was I missed it).
Next run: 2ND ANAL RED DRESS (absolutely required), Saturday, July 7, in Cocoa Beach. Stay tuned for details.
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21 Jul 01
HARE: Just Puke.
It was a wet, nasty, FL rainy season day and when yours truly and my all day sucker arrived at close to Hash Standard Time the three of us wondered if there would be a hash at all. The rain was really cummin down. Suddenly (s)Tumbalina appeared and without so much as a hello opened her trunk and produced the most amazing array of restraints one has ever seen outside of an expensive bondage sex video. You see, dear reader, our illustrious HARE seems to have gotten himself arrested by Cocoa Beach's finest two weeks previously at the Red Dress Run and spent the evening in the lock-up.  So, some of the pack had decided this was going to be a jail house rock theme run.  Anyhow, our jail bird was immediately put into a black leather doggy collar and leather cuffs at wrist and ankles, the whole lot joined together with an interesting bunch of chrome plated chain and then the whole thing locked together with little padlocks. Your humble scribe, assuming that (s)Tumbalina didn't go out and purchase this stuff early Saturday morning, asked what she normally did with this stuff. Humble scribe was essentially told to F**k Off.
Anyhow, jail bird suitably restrained, we were still wondering if anyone was going to join this foursome when suddenly a few cars arrived and then more and until we had 18 real Hashers (crazy idiots) standing around in the downpour laughing it up. Reason being we had a whole group of suitably dressed court room people. Let's see, there was biker cop IFH, the press Dr. WSocks, and lawyers for both sides, etc. And then it was time to get underway (underwater).  Puke stood around with a shit eatin grin while the pack struggled to find the beginning. It was damned well concealed. Finally someone hollered ON ON and we were off. Yeah, that's right, seems like we were OFF trail right from the start.  We soon crossed a creek which we apparently were not supposed to, (a lot of the toilet paper and flour had kind of shriveled up and nearly disappeared in the downpour.) and meandered around the woods until we came out on a street. The FRBs were way ahead and then they suddenly came back. So we ran back the other way and it seemed weird that there were plops of flour on all the lamp posts in the direction we were now going. Soon BEER NEAR appeared and there was much rejoicing. Short lived.  We had found the end of the trail and there was no beer cause Puke was at the halfway and we were totally messed up and very wet. So we went looking and after a few minutes of people going every which way we finally heard ON ON by Gym Nasty (I think) and sure enough it led, via a very very wet trail to the halfway. So we had a few cool ones (hot coffee or cocoa would probably have been more welcome) put Salad Shooter in cuffs for a bit for some discretion and then Puke was telling some of our shorter Hashers that perhaps they should ride with him as there was another creek to cross only this one was a good five feet deep two days earlier. Yeah right, after hearing this a quick decision was made to short cut back the way we had cum. What the hell, we knew where the end was. We were all wet and cold (except for one) and anxious to get this silliness over.
We got to the end and about the same time as Puke and were soon circled up by the GM and the fun began. Of course Puke was the first on ice and stayed for quite some time and several down downs for all sorts of accusations. Lollipop and Butt Wrangler got down downs for being away too too long.
And we had a naming. Just Eileen was named DICK SNIFFER.
Now, I mentioned above that someone stayed kinda dry. You see, Slow Poker did the entire Hash carrying a great big golf umbrella, (when the hell did that become part of Hashing paraphernalia?). Your RA and yours truly had a little private plan to fix that, so when everyone who had not had a down down got called into the circle and they were drinking Slow Poker suddenly got a couple bottles of water poured on him. (Hey, Slow, at least I used warm water).  By this time most of the hardy group was shivering like crazy so we did a quick beer prayer and were out of there.
Don't know how many went to the ON AFTER as Lolli and I had another engagement but, we did have time to get home and jump in the hot tub for a bit, mmmmmmmmmm, that was nice.
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04 Aug 01
Weather: Clouds and Rain
Hares: S-Wax, Slow Poker, and impromtu Hare: Cum Chum.
The day started off sunny and clear as the hares (Slow Poker & S-Wax) started pre-laying the trail about 12:30. The group of about 16 all-weather hashers and "Fireindahole's" virgin gathered at New England Eatery around 4:00 pm.
Birthday hats were distributed to everyone by S-Wax. We had our group grope and the flour laden chalk talk commenced. It started to rain, (Short Straw swears he heard a deep booming voice telling us to build an Ark and collect animals 2 X 2), so the Songmiester's rendition of Father Abraham was cut short and the pack was On-Out about 4:30.
The trail was basically laid out in three phases broken up with beer stops, Phase 1 through the Melbourne Shores housing development and ending at Mark's Landing and a beer stop. Phase 2 from Mark's Landing into the South entrance of a Nature Trail (This is where late comers, Barely Cums and Just Summer joined the pack). Mid-way on the Nature Trail, at a little look out area, there was an E.C. (extra credit). It was a cooler full of tequila shots, complete with salt and fresh limes, that was being minded by the Tequila-Gator. The trail went on through the Nature Trail and was supposed to have a turkey/eagle split that would take the more ambitious runners through the wetter part of the trail. Somehow this part of the trail disappeared before most of the pack got there (Do tell Yanksit). The Phase 2 trail finished at the North entrance to the Nature Trail with another beer stop. At this point it was still raining and I, in very un-hash like fashion, did not want to lay the last "Beach" phase of the trail (I voted for sending the pack straight back down A1A to the end). The last section of the trail was supposed to be run across A1A to the beach, through a wide beach access, then down the beach to a Pizza Restaurant’s beach access, back across A1A and then down to N.E. Eatery and the end. Cum Chum was the first FRB out of the Nature Trail and said we should run the beach, and that he would be happy to lay it. He grabbed the flour and was On-Out. Most of the pack was stopped prematurely at the Melbourne Shores Private beach access but eventually made it back to the end, via car and vanpool, and the circle was formed. The ice had to be moved a few times as the fire ants were not being very gracious about sharing their space.
The hares did their Down-Downs. There were hash announcements including information on the BVD Hash article that has started to appear in the local papers. FRB and DFL trophy's were giving out to Cum Chum and Just Sonja respectively. Mistress Stumbilina has (temporarily?) misplaced the DFL trophy and Cum Chum wanted to know how he could be Co-Hare and FRB at the same time (a BVD first?). There were many accusations put forward including some reference to a couple of hashers doing their "From here to Eternity" rendition on the beach"? Without Socks added the Tequila-Gator (Found on trail at the E.C.) to the HUYA and presented it to Butt Wrangler for being a true hasher, he got in an accident and wrecked his jeep on the way to the hash but still showed up! We were soon asked to come into the bar or leave N.E. Eatery, I guess I did not tell them we would have our own beer (although I am pretty sure I did). I did say we would be singing vulgar songs but I guess an hour's worth was too much for some patrons as they complained. The RA/GM said a prayer and dismissed the circle. Oh well! Everybody seemed to have a good time and really liked the Nature Trail and Beach portions of the run.
Slow Poker
Buttt, there are a couple more things....
Sox was iced for having an erection which wouldn't work. Kojak told him it is because he has not ball(s) and then presented him with a nice shiny big bowling ball which put his ass a bit more on the ice. Fortunately, Kojak took the ball back otherwise it would have ended up on the HUYA as well. (Hey Socks, I'll be gone for two weeks. Have your bowling outing and have fun.)
(s)Tumbalina was iced. First let me explain. The Founders of this Hash decided from the git go that we would not change anyone’s Hash name except in very very unusual circumstances. However, that does not mean we cannot add something. So, our very own dominatrix was iced and newly named Mistress/Madam (your choice) (s)Tumbalina. (Biko Sykos please note).
Cum Chum informed the group that a collection was being taken to send Kojak to Thailand - one way.
Kojak passed a mug and the only thing put into it was some suds. (Hey, if y'all are so damned cheap
how about pooling some air miles which you don't have enough of to get your butt to anywhere, and I'll be gone.)
Kojak attempted to teach the group the fine are of ice spinning.   Believe the record at the Pattaya H3 is five complete turns on the ice.   Unfortunately, it appears our block of ice is a bit small, or maybe it was just too slick from all the rain. Y'all practice this at home and we'll have a contest in the future.
Finally, this was the second Hash in a row where the rain gods really smiled on us. Should this nonsense continue Mismanagement may consider changing the name to The Drowned Mutts H3.
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01 Sep 01
Hare: Just Puke
Location: Poolies Biliards Palm Bay
The pack met at Poolies for the start of Saturdays hash. We had 4 or 5 virgins show up. Just Judi, Just Richard, Just Jim, Just ????
Potty Flavor, Gym-Nasty, & Short Straw were at Poolies but opted not to hash for different
lame ass excuses.
Saturdays hash was a very short one, 2 miles?? (or so it seemed). The trail was pre-laid and after the chalk talk the pack was On-Out.
From Poolies we ran back through an apartment complex and then it was into the shiggy, out of the shiggy, and across Palm Bay Rd. We proceeded to trek through a little more shiggy (by Puke's standards anyway) and emerged behind a shopping center just in time to find a special "star check" where the pack gladly did shots of Jim Beam.
From the "Star Check" is was On-Out and On-Into the first EC at Tapps where Virgin Just Richard picked up the tab for everyone!!  (Tapps: Nice Bar, lots of different brews).
From Tapps it was On-Out and shortly On-Into our second EC at Beef O'Grady's where Just Shoe was good enought to pick up the tab. (This is starting to sound like a pub crawl but you have got to love J.R. & J.S.).
At this point Just Richard could not contain himself any longer and he had to give thanks for finding BVD by bowing to the hounds and giving praise. (You just can't make this stuff up).
From Beef's we were On-Out and then On-On a short distance to the end and the circle behind an abandoned drive thru next to the Poolies strip mall.
Just Puke decided to be the acting R/A and did a great job of taking care of business and closing the circle.
It was short but fun, and everyone had a good time.
Slow Poker
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Hear ye, hear ye;
Gather round you fellow hasing wankers it’s story-telling time.
As some of you may know there was a F.Y. Non- Austin Hash this past Saturday. I your humble scribe, Short Straw, was able to attend the pre-lubing and the very late On-After (2nd location). I could not hash do to prior plans to go do something. " That’s so gay", I was kindly informed by a fellow hasher, Shoot Her or Salad Shooter (who will hence forth be called by her Non-Austin hash name "DANCES WITH SKANK" for the telling of this tale).
At the pre-lube virgins galore seemed to be the theme. I believe they outnumbered the wankers. Many a frosty brew was enjoyed. As I made my way to the Bar Wench (tender) and ordered another copious amount of ale, all the hashing wankers went out to start the chalk talk. Woe was I all this ale and only myself there to consume, Oh well I made do. I went out and caught the tale end of the chalk talk and saw many a confused/amused faces about HASH MARKS. A few pictures were taken to show our fellow brethren just exactly how we felt about them being in Austin. You were dearly missed (yeah, right). After they departed on trail I reentered the fine Tavern (Poolies) and sat quietly consuming my ale (the bar wench was well endowed (of good spirit that is). At the appointed hour I went to my before mentioned "Gay event". After completing my obligations (@9:30) I returned to Casa Carlos were in route it seemed that the local constables might be performing a sobriety check. I was fully prepared to take such test but it so happened that I noticed the back road to my humble house and decided to shortcut. The BMW does great 4 wheeling. Upon reaching the mansion, proceeded to call fellow wankers as to where on going festivities might be happening. I reached Hashers extraordinaire "Slow Poker and Snatch Wax"; they were south of us preparing for an early morning dive, after they had made it half way to their destination only to be beckoned back by "DANCES WITH SKANK". Missing keys were again the issue. If memory serves me right this is the 3rd time keys have been suspect with this individual. Back to the story. S.P and S.W. did not know were the festivities had moved to.
Ok after that brief intro let the meat of the tale begin:
I promptly called "DANCES WITH SKANK", amazingly I actually reached her on the magic talking box called a cell. With dogs barking and bouncing all around her she informed me (slight slurring) that the On-After-After was at the magnificent "Purple Porpoise". I informed/warned that that was perfect, since I could stroll there. I said my farewells and proceeded to PP. Upon entering I searched hi and low for fellow wankers. I should have just listened for the loudest group. In the back were, if memory serves me correctly, Edgar Allen HO and nephew (virgin) or as they will be referred to as stated by a bar wench "Drunk Bastard and Leave Me Alone", the fair maiden "Dick Sniffer" (Enabler) (burn the white overall shorts, nuff said) Just Richard and Just Julie (??). More drinking ensued and then "DANCES WITH SKANK" makes her appearance known. After watching some collegiate athletics on the television. The management cleared some tables and a dance floor appeared. It’s about to get good. A D.J. started weaving his magic on the crowd and got a fine young brunette maiden (SKANK) to start gyrating on stage. The Skank was wearing a long black dress, slit to the waist, plunging neckline and some small shorts underneath for modesty. Oh and lets not forget the black leather boots. Moves that I had never seen without the assistance of a Brass pole were performed. The masses were greatly amused and astonished. This went on for @ 30 minutes. Have I mentioned that copious amounts of the finest Ale was being drunk. I have now. At this "DANCES WITH SKANK" and "Enabler" meet on the dance floor and start dancing with some flirtatious grinding against each other. Drunk Bastard and Just Richard join them, have they not heard white men can’t dance. "DANCES WITH SKANK" did her best to instruct them in the fine art of dancing (she was a dance major after all). I especially enjoyed the IN-OUT motion. Alas it did not take very well with these 2 jesters. A brief interlude for more beverages and some food. Stuffed Clams for "Enabler" the wings of a fine fowl (more on these in a minute) for Just Richard and the side of a ground cow between bread for "Leave Me Alone". The food was consumed and dancing returned with SKANK holding court center stage. I, your humble scribe, suggested that "DANCES WITH SKANK" go join her. Initially I was told to go do an impossible act (at least by me it’s impossible being called Short Straw). Then with the minor prodding "DANCES WITH SKANK" WAS PULLED OUT OF THE CROWD BY "SKANK". Not much resistance I dare say. There was much applause and good cheer. Bodies were rubbing against each other going up and down, side to say front to back. Hands were moving quicker than the eye could keep track of. This went on for a while when "Enabler" also joined the fun and more of the same was done. "Leave me alone" tried to entice "SKANK" to a solo show with him where he was told to "LEAVE ME ALONE". SKANK went back to "DANCES WITH SKANK" and proceed to gyrate all around her then while lying on the floor used "DANCES WITH SKANK" as a human LIMBO STICK. I’m told the important parts were covered or I would have tried to Limbo myself. Needless to say I slept good that night with wonderful dreams dancing in my head. As the bewitching hour had come and gone the festivities were coming to an end. SKANK danced with others (did Dances with Skank Feel jilted?) and was instructed to tone her act down a little. Much rejoicing was done at our corner but no monetary reward was doled out for the "SHOW" as it was stipulated the bare skin was req’d. And as we all know "DANCES WITH SKANK" don’t sit on no ice bare assed much less do a hash flash in a bar. Other minor players were involved "Mistress Stumbelina" and friend participated briefly (she has her own tale to tell, with enough encouragement). DRUNK BASTARD AND Bar Wench had an on going cordial exchange all night long (YO bitch how about more beer, F.U. Bastard) it seems they knew each other. Some how during all the festivities one of the wings of fine fowl made it into "DANCES WITH SKANK"’s purse and I am told to this day it still smells of ginger spice. I take full responsibility for this heinous act, as I have no other choice. "DANCES WITH SKANK" was to walk home after the copious amounts of ale she consumed but her rational won out that she lived so close so who’d it hurt. As visions of Bad Puke danced thru her head she evaded all constables and safely made it home to Mommy. I proceed to walk back to Casa Carlos. When lo and behold "SKANK" is crossing A1A behind me to get to her car when a passing car goes by and yells something. She promptly gets in the middle of the street and starts to yell, "Y’all want some of this? Well get your punk assess back here then". The car was not seen again.
I hope you wankers enjoyed this tale
Your humble Scribe
Short Straw
P.S. This is entirely from my viewpoint as close to the truth as I could be any exaggerations, embellishments or out right lies are purely intentional for the betterment of the tale.
Now go forth and do good.
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15 Sep 01
Hares: Yanksit & Without Socks
Location: Charlie and Jake’s
Ok here it goes let’s see what myself and I.F.H. can remember from yesterday’s hash.
The hash started at 3:30 for the hares because it was the first time Yanksit actually showed me the trail. So after a really quick drive through of the "trail" I assured Yanksit that I was totally clueless and he of course came back with a resounding, "Me too," and then we realized that the trail was going to be great. So we proceeded to go to the start at Charlie and Jake’s.
There were a lot of hashers: Yanksit & Without Socks (hares), Fireindahole, I.F.H., Erectorpad, Potty Flavor, Just Puke, Short Straw, Edgar Allen Ho, Just Jay, Delta Dildo, Gym Nasty, Just Duane, Just Shoe, Just Richard, Kojak, another old guy (older than Kojak), some new tall guy maybe his name was Just Gary???, Just Gabe, Trot Twat (formerly Just Sonya {we’ll talk about that naming later}) sorry if I forgot anyone.
So after having a few pints, a quick chalk talk, a group grope…the hares were off PROMPTLY at 4:00… well more like 4:45ish.  The hashers went back into the bar and emerged about 20 minutes later to start the trail. Just Gabe and Just Duane led the pack around the bar and they soon began spreading the sound of on-on through the streets of Melbourne. Just Shoe was getting honks about his DON’T TREAD ON ME flag from the lower income people and the rich snobs were not honking. After a quick jaunt down Wickham road, the pack then entered the shiggy. Soon the pack came to the first of many water ‘areas.’
I.F.H. recollects that the pack stood motion-less looking for a place to cross so their shoes and socks would not get wet.  Finally, I.F.H. knew who the hares were and realized that water was a must on a Yanksit and Without Socks trail so she went through the water slowly cautious of Florida gators. Once she went through, the pack realized that I.F.H. went the wrong way, so they then went on true trail and I.F.H. followed. Then they came to the construction site, and by this time everyone was wet. Edgar and Just Jay went to the right and came to a false trail, so they returned and told everyone the trail went to the left, but Fire said, "That can’t be right."  She went ranging into the woods while Just Duane pulled I.F.H. out of quicksand. Fire found trail and the pack followed.
One quick note…this spot on trail is where Without Socks tried to make a water crossing and the water came up to his neck. So after a few checks and about 2 miles, the pack eventually began to say, "Where’s the beer check?". But there was no beer check because the hares never put one on trail because they were so unorganized. After a trail through the golf course, and a crossing of Wickham road, the pack then began falling apart. Short Straw thought he knew a short cut and Delta Dildo and Fire followed him. The others were smarter and followed the marks. Short Straw needs to pay attention at the next chalk talk.
Edgar and Just Jay were FRBing and went up the stairs at the Imperial Plaza, and no one followed because they were lazy and smart. Potty and Puke contemplated getting a steak at Durango’s and eventually everyone, except Short Straw, Delta Dildo, and Fire, followed trail back out to Wickham road. By this time, the tall guy Just Gary???, had told the same lame joke for the 4th time on trail. The joke was - A man with 10 kids goes to his doctor, and says, "Doctor how do I keep the stork from flying over?" The Doctor says, "Shoot it in the air…get it? Shoot IT in the air." That is the cum - that was for Slow Poker, because he is a little ‘slow’
Finally the pack saw the BN and after one last water crossing they found the hares sitting on the cooler with the beer. After everyone arrived, and yes everyone means Short Straw, Delta Dildo, and Fire the circle began. Kojak first put the hares, Yanksit and Without Socks, on ice and everyone told them the trail sucked. Then Yanksit took the circle and we did a toast for America.
Just Richard gave the FRB trophy to Edgar and Erector and Trot Twat were proclaimed the DFLs. Trying not to break their hips, Kojak (62) and The other old guy (68), carefully got on the ice and did a down-down. The other old guy was drinking wine; he must have grown out of beer. The tall guy, sat on the ice and Kojak told a story about some guy named Saliva and Atodd. The Austin wankers did a down-down, and told some of their stories from Austin. The pack especially loved the one about Fire and I.F.H. clogging the toilet because of their laxative sundaes. The pack then began protesting calling Just Sonya… Just Sonya anymore. So Yanksit knew the only thing to do was have a naming. Hear we must remember that as Just Puke said, "IT’S SAFE TO SAY…"many names were shot around. Horse Fingerer, Mrs. Ed, Trigger Frigger, Punky Brewster, Short Bus Window Licker, but eventually TROT TWAT won. Thank Fire and I.F.H. for that one. After a 50/50 and a swing low the circle ended and the pack was juiced to go to Salt Water Jacks to sing kareoke.
After reading the karaoke rules, the singers were given a number. After waiting for an hour I.F.H. sang and she was followed by Fire. Delta Dildo and Without Socks sang and then we all realized that this place sucked for karaoke. Just Duane got the waitress’s number and Short Straw got denied by Mickey or was it Vicki? Just Richard bought a round of Jagermeister shots, and then everyone made their way to the cars and anxiously began looking forward to the next hash. Without Socks, I.F.H., Yanksit, Fire, and Just Puke did an on-after on-after and sang some more karaoke at The Poor house lounge. Finally we found a place that you could sing more than one song in an hour time span, plus there were no RULES!!!!! This may be a new hash bar for us.
Hope everyone liked the HASH TRASH. If we forgot some things or added some not correct things sorry. F-you I don’t see you typing at the computer on a Sunday morning hung over like us!!!
Yours Truly, Dr. Without Socks and I’d Fuck Her
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13 Oct 01
VENUE: Melbourne Beach
HARES: Slow Poker and Sex Wax
THEME: Sex Wax's baby shower, blue or pink
It was a bright, clear and glorious day for a change as we gathered at the Mel Beach Pubelix. About 30 hardy souls appeared dressed appropriately to help with the celebration. Well, almost. One Harrier who "has no blue or pink" chose to put some kinda pinkish colored stuff on his hair. Looked to me like a big bird that had been feeding in a blackberry patch took a dump on his goldilocks.
Hash Standard Start time turned into let's wait another five minutes for Sir Flatulot from Daytona, he said he'd be here. Five more and five more and....the bastard finally appeared, there was chalk talk and the pack was off.
Now, when trail is in Mel. Beach you know you're gonna go north or south cause there ain't much east/west. So, after running around the big parking lot for a bit the trail was finally found to go north on A1A.  Finally it turned east down onto the beach. Ahhh, visions of a day of dry feet for a change suddenly disappeared as the tide was high and the waves booming up to the dunes. The going was tough in the wet deep sand and some runners not experienced with timing the waves found out what it's like to get slammed and drenched against the steep dunes. Right GM? Our southerly course just kept going and going like that other bunny until the FRB's were beginning to mentally practice their Spanish. South Beach had to be close, but the BN appeared for the halfway stop to everyone's joy. The run then continued back across the highway into the park. Now there's basically only one trail in that park but the Hares laid some pretty tricky checks that did keep the pack guessing and pretty much together. Then back across the highway and BN appeared again. It looked suspiciously like the first spot (it was) and we gathered for a few brews before the GM called the circle in a gorgeous space above the pounding surf surrounded by sea grapes, blue sky and the setting sun to the west. Awesome spot!
A toast to G and our 50th (hey, that's great gang) started the festivities. Much butt kissed the ice so I'll try to keep to the highlights. Gas Ass from Pikes Peak H3 and Garfield from Austin H3 spent a long time sitting. I'm sure they got to phase 4. Gas Ass was released but Garfield was asked to remain to have a brew with those who attended Interam. As the down-down commenced the four Hashers in the circle with him poured their beers all over him. RA announced that this was our little way of getting even with Austin for the absolutely ghastly St. Arnold's Lawnmower lager PISS they foisted on the masses who visited Austin. Poor Garfield wasn't even at that event - too bad.  (Hey Flatch I knew you were at Austin, I was just kiddin.)
Ass Gas commented to me that this was the first time he had seen the ice thing. Well, yeah, if your from Colorado it would be like bringing an ice cube to a snow making party. Several visitors were called in. Two from the Spaced Coast Biko Sykos who had been invited by Surf and Sky Box. Guess who didn't appear.  We'll get ya next time guys.
And then there were three namings. Just Gabe was baptized ASS SQUEALER. The main event (well not quite), Just Shoe, after much deliberation and far too much anticipation beforehand, was baptized BIKE BITCH.
(Authors note: perhaps members of Mismanagement should treat namings in the future kinda like our Pres., secret, need-to-know basis. WS please pay attention.)
And then there was Jean-Ann or "Star" as she WAS fondly known. She told me beforehand that Orlando (don't know which one) tried to name her last week but she refused cause she wanted BVD to name her. Thank you ya bunch a wimps it was our PLEASURE. Star came to us some time ago and I think the reaction was pretty general among the Harriers. Good lookin, outgoing, cocky, fun, great buns. But, something was missing. Oh, I guess it was that two raisins on a bread board look below her chin.  Well, thanks to the science of saline and the skill of the surgeon all has been made well. And she showed them to the boys proudly. WOW. And people ask this old fart why he keeps hashing, HA. And so after a great deal of thinking by the group "Star" was baptized SALT LICK TITTY.
A hearty welcome to the Hash you three.
As the sun was setting visitor Sir Flatulot was invited to lead us in Swing Low. Thanks Flatch, good
job. (is he really a visitor, he's here almost as much as he is in Daytona.)
And thanks to the Hares, well done and good luck with the pregnancy.
And then we were off to Bike Bitch's place for the ON AFTER. Potty and Trott Twat took a shower that lasted about an hour. And later they apparently gave the springs in the guest room a workout. What's with those two? And there were others. Must have been the sesame seeds in the pizza.
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#51 - Hashoween

27 Oct 01
HARES: IFH & Dr. Without Socks
About 25 or so appropriately dressed Hashers met at the Pour House on S. Patrick Drive. Costumes were everything from Little Red Riding Hood to Hagar with a disproportionate number of Hashers in drag (what's with that anyway).
THE RUN: (yeah, right)!!!
THE ON AFTER: (or, before on after), it seems that the largest portion of the well dressed group either had a clue or just decided "fuck it" and returned to the Pour House to sit with that skinny littly smug faced bastard and drink beer. Those few of us who fell for the "TRICK" returned a bit later and had to wait an unbelievable amount of time for a sip of the brew. Talk about a piece of crap from the gitgo. And there he sat with his shit eatin little grin "I got you guys". We'll see who has the last laugh.
THE CIRCLE: The "Hares" (what Hares) were called in and the crowd let them know what they thought of this abomination. Co-Hare, IFH, immediately begged off, in her cute l'il Carolina draaaawwwwl, "it was his idea"!
There was a best costume contest and all I remember is there was a tie.  Why Edwina Alaine Ho didn't win hands down is beyond your humble scribe. She looked HOT. (and thank 'G' I'll be seeing Lollipop at Gobble gobble).
And there were condoms everywhere. From a six foot one to a whole condom Salad.
NAMINGS: just Brian will forever more be known as VAGINA.
Just Richard, who damned near got in bed with Martha ended up with SUCK-U-LATER.
Just Duane who came as Huck Finn is now know as FUCKLEBERRY.  (Yes, with a 'C'. Despite Huck's trying to convince your correspondent otherwise, a mini MsMgmt. meeting was called all agreed, WITH A 'C'. Your humble reporter learned his fuCking lesson last time (Bike Bitch, you sneaky bastard).
And then we Swang Low and the fun continued into the wee witching hours.
ICE: Yes Dr. WS there will be ice waiting for your butt.
On Out,
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10 Nov 01
Port St. John, where the **** is that?
HARES: Just Puke and Yanksit.
Twenty plus idiots braved the Florida highways and Interstates to venture north to a place called Port St. John. Since most were regular BVD'ers we had to pass thru customs at the Cocoa area. At least going thru all those damned lights at SR528 seemed like it.
So we gathered at Patrick's Pub which was a hell of a lot easier to find with the second group of instructions. Most Hashers outside of Patricks were complaining about how chilly it was up in the north.
It took more than the usual amount of time to get organized(?)for chalk talk cause we had to wait - and wait - and wait for Just Puke to arrive. Seems he got a bit under the weather at the Friday night Street Fest in Melbourne.
So, at about the time that the BBQ behind Patrick's was smellin real, real good our dear Hares decided to have chalk talk and they were off. Now folks, I have seen some funny shit on Hashes in my experience, but this was one for the books. Just Puke took off down US 1 with his bag of tinted flour bouncing on his rather large butt and it was a sight from Anthrax heaven. Clouds of blueish smoke were following him and we were taking bets as to how far he would get before the fuzz got his ass. Oh well, I guess PSt.J doesn't have a police force and the damned Sheriff was elsewhere - too bad, that would have been a hoot.
And so we did a little urban wandering until someone hollered "Beer Near". Ah, yes, those magic words. And suddenly your faithful reporter realized he had been there before - it was Crotch Duster and Cockpit's place. Very fitting, as Butt Wrangler, possessor of the HUYA for the past several months, finally returned it. Anyone who was on run #3 (I think) will recall the night we lined CD & C's garage with blocks of ice and sat all those nice people from Orlando until one of them finally admitted stealing our brand new HUYA from run #2 in Cocoa. Thank you Crotch and C'pit, your house will never be the same. Photos follow.
And then we moved on to - guess what - YAYYYY, shiggy. Some damned good shiggy too. Beer stop #2 was in the shiggy, well, there were a few of the usual "Cracker" houses nearby with lots of dead vehicles and junk in the yard. The shiggy was so thick and slow going in spots that the pack was pretty much together.
And then we took off for the ON IN. A rather long straight-away (you expected something else from Yanksit?), and suddenly we were there.  Well, almost. It seems that our usual troop of FRB's got a bit disoriented or something (Edgar Allen Ho, Potty Flavor and visiting Daytona RA No Blow (hope that's spelled correctly), just kinda disappeared. They finally showed up and I believe I heard Ho saying something about it must be the altitude cause he was f%ckin plumb wore out. Yeah, that altitude up there will get ya if you're not careful.
THE CIRCLE: We toasted the usual things but this week was a bit special as we were celebrating USMC birthday and Veterans Day weekend so all the vets got a bunch of down downs. Yours truly got a bit more than usual being the only Jarhead present. There was one Virgin courtesy of Butt Wrangler who somehow got away with smoking a butt while his butt was on the ice. Many butts kissed the orange block (left over from Hashoween cause we were in some upscale bar in IHB and couldn't have ice). The best was saved for nearly last when Dr. Without Socks (he was wearing some) and IFH kissed the orangeness and sat there while yours truly read them the 226th Birthday message from the Commandant of the USMC. However, they did teach us the proper way to do a Chinese Fire Drill.  If only we all could have such small and cute (IFH) butts.
Butt Wrangler presented the HUYA to Bike Bitch for all of the beautiful photos he took at the Hashoween???? Bitch says he will have copies for all soon.
And what's a circle without a naming? Just Judy, who has now been with us four or five weekends will forever more be known as - Taa Daa - BLOODY HO. Welcome Bloody Ho to our crazy, fun lovin group.
And then we Swung Low and moved onward to the On-After. Well, I think some people did. I kept seeing folk peel off heading toward the base, toward Cocoa, toward a pee stop (Fire and Yanksit), that I decided to hell with it and headed home for a shower and a nice dinner at Matt's.
Good Run - Great Day, the way it is supposed to be.
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#53 – Turkey Hash

24 Nov 01
Hares: Short Straw, Suck-U-Later, Bike Bitch, & Dick Sniffer
Location: Ichabod's Beachside – Indialantic
Hares & Hounds: 37
Weather: 69ºF + 9ºF Overcast
The group met at Ichabod's Beachside at 2:00 for the start of Saturday's hash. We had 15 BVD virgins, and 4 out-of-towners showed up. Just Kim, Just Amy, Just Robin, Just Francesca, Just Marilyn, Just Anne, Just Ronin, Just Brett, Just Mareva, Just Anthony, and Just Josh Watch'em Wiggle came from the Tampa area, Down Boy came from TBH3, Tooth Fairy was down from the Savannah H3, and Just Greg who is stationed at Patrick but has been hashing with Orlando came to join us.
Saturdays hash was a long one @ about 5 miles (or so it seemed). The trail was a combination of live and pre-laid. After the chalk talk, three of the hares went off in different directions. 20 minutes, and a round of Father Abraham later, and the pack was On-Out. I can't recall a Hash in recent memory where the pack was so fired up about catching the hares. Hmmm... ...maybe it was the three virgin hares.
The trail immediately started with a YBF that caught a few Hashers and then proceeded west behind Eckerd's and down Paradise Blvd. When the trail back markers, Slow Poker, S-Wax, Just Robin, Just Amy, and Just Marilyn got to the first EC I figured we would find nothing but a dead carcass. But low and behold, the pack, in their zeal to catch the hares had passed the well-marked EC... ...without even touching the bottle. The back markers enjoyed a shot of Jim Bean, grabbed the bottle, and ran! (o.k., stumbled would be more appropriate!)
There appeared to be an YBF to the left on Riverside as the pack was soon On-Right and heading North on Riverside Blvd. The trail went straight for quite a ways before we found a C.B. 2 (Only 2?, that was a surprise). We found the trail again which sent us heading East down a utility easement. Finally we ran into some other hashers. It was Erector Pad and Just Cindy playing with themselves (and some bottle rockets) on trail. I guess they wanted to make sure we found the second EC which was now a mostly empty bottle of tequila with the obligatory limes and salt. After we all partook in the EC we were On-Out again.
This part of the trail was heavily laden with Checks, Circle Jerks, and hash marks everywhere. After a short while of walking around in circles we heard a familiar call, it was our impromptu Trailmiester, Just Puke. He led us out of our hilly hell and pointed us in the direction of the beer check. The trail proceeded through a trailer court and into the parking lot behind the Fire Department to the beer check.
Earlier, the three running Hares had converged on the agreed upon location for the beer check only to find no beer! As the Hares looked back to the trail in horror, Tooth Fairy came running out of the trailer park. The Hares, not realizing Dick Sniffer was out somewhere brewing up the beer, stood by at the missing check for the imminent snare and got a good grip on their shorts just in case.
(Just a little additional note about the "Snaring" at the beer check. I was called the morning of the Hash and was informed by Salad Shooter that she would also be helping Hare due to the fact that she was cooking Tooth Fairy a breakfast of monumental proportions. I suggested that she also try and wear his ass out before the start. Obviously her definition and my definition of wearing somebody out differ a little. That dude was fresh as a daisy rounding the corner to catch up to the 3 Fat Guys, who were looking for the beer at the supposed beer check - Short Straw).
After snaring the three Hares, Tooth went on to tackle Sniffer's car as she rounded the corner to drop off the beer.
Thank you to Tooth Fairy for catching the Hares at the beer check and letting them continue with their pants still on (No really, THANKS Tooth)!!!!
(So excellent Hounding by tooth (or poor haring by us). Cudos. I will have to discuss with Shooter her methods for wearing a person out the next time I'm haring. Obviously something is lacking - Short Straw).
From there the trail went to a crossover and onto the beach, North for a ways then back over another crossover to A1A uneventfully. (Did the hares even see the beach? The only marks we on the crossovers!)
(As for Hares touching beach, the only sand I saw was before the trailer park so the answer would be no. The co-hares handled that section. Yep tide tables were consulted and high tide it was - Short Straw).
Most of us who were at the beer check decided to just head North on A1A. Soon we were back on
trail and heading suspiciously towards Short Straws pad. To my surprise we ran past his place and
following the True Trail marks ended up back near Riverside Blvd. at Lake Oceanside Village (Construction site).
After a bit of scouting for some lost virgins everyone was at the huge circle. The circle and namings were pretty standard, with Just John becoming Dr. Anus and Just Don becoming Ass Packet, with one notable exception. Ass Packet's virgin, Just Kim, immediately started going down on Ass Packet as he sat on the ice for his naming. Needless to say, BVD had one more naming this hash, Just Kim became Circle Blow. We had a visit from a local constable who had a report of a bunch of kids drinking. Once he realized we weren't kids but just moral degenerates, he let us finish our ritual. We invited the nice officer to join us for a down-down of water, but he was afraid he would not be able to chug fast enough and didn't want to embarass himself! The Songmiester led us in a round of Swing Low and the Circle was closed.
Most of the group then headed to Short Straw's to chow down on some more turkey and fixens. Once again...Slow Poker's ride broke down and under the direction of Edgar Allen Ho, Just Puke, Ass Packet and S-Wax changed a tire that was until Just Puke and S-Wax threatened Edgar with bodily harm if he didn't leave! Oops, forgot the best part...the tire was put on the car wrong so Down Boy helped change the tire again...thanks to all that helped S-Wax (that does not include Edgar)!!!
Slow Poker
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#54 – Pearl Harbor Hash

08 Dec 01
Hares: Suck-U-Later & Bloody Ho
Location: Grill's Tiki Bar - Port Canaveral
For the second time in a very short time span our illustrious group of Hashers had to brave the Central Florida highways and find their way to the northeastern extremes of the county. What's next, Titusville?
The usual group of 25 - 30 runners(?) met at Grills Seafood and Tiki Bar located right in the port. A nice spot where our Hawaiian shirts stood out prominently among the usual cracker crowd and touristas. Hey, we were celebrating "remember Pearl Harbor". 
The Hares dragged everyone out thru the huge parking lot to do chalk talk and then sent everyone back to the bar for the start. There surely was a good reason for that but since I wasn't feeling up to par it escaped me. Then the pack went off down toward the main drag where it appeared nobody could quite figure out where the hell to go. They went right, some went left. The ones who went left came back and so did the ones who went right. When they thought they had it all sorted out they went bum f**k all wrong. This might be a good little lesson for you shortcutters cause I think you are what caused virtually everyone to run a good deal of the run ass backwards (we used to have a Hasher by that name). Most Hashers and Harriettes got to the end before they had hardly begun. As I was driving the beer truck, accompanied by Sniffa, we laughed our butts off cause though they found the end they still had 5 miles or so to go before they were going to see any ON IN beer. Well that didn't bother folk too much because there was a beer stop less than halfway where our Hares spent a small fortune in providing free beer (nice gesture guys).
So Sniffa and I thought this was so much fun we would go to the halfway in the park near the beach to see what was going to happen next. A real nice spot.  A few runners started showing up and then Sniffa felt sorry for Sex Wax and went to fetch her by auto. Oh yeah, there was a hell of a lot of auto hashing before the day was over. In the interim Bloody Ho was setting out some nice Jell-O shots (recipe: coconut flavored rum and pineapple Jell-O) with cute little umbrellas in them. S/Wax got into those and just about sucked up the entire lot, well no, that's not quite true, as I did get one, mmmmm good.
And now our illustrious GM and his RUNNING partner Tooth Fairy show up and they have cum from the beach. Huh? S-U-L looked a bit bewildered and then realized they had run the whole damned thing backwards to that point. It was worth it though as they were the only ones (I think) to see the photo shoot of the latest in bikini fashions out on the beach.
So, I decided I had better get the beer to the end as there was no telling where in hell anybody was at that point. No sooner got the keg tapped and mugs started appearing. And everyone did manage to find the ON IN - again.
CIRCLE THE: no that's not a typo. Since everything had gone tits up to this point our GM/RA decided to do the circle backwards too. We toasted "may the Hash go in peace". Then we Swung Low. Down downs were done before the "drink it down down". Butts got chilled. Fuckleberry was honored with the Hash Shit from Bike Bitch as he was the only one present not wearing the appropriate uniform.
And then we had what has to be one of the fastest naming in BVD history. Our poet laureate's nephew, whose wanker name escapes me, was quickly baptized CUMIKAZE. Note: spelling differs from the one on the web site, but I checked my dictionary (here we go again!!).
We were then welcomed to BVD Run #54 and we were ON OUT to the ON AFTER which was back at the Tiki Bar. 
Despite the fact that the trail was run a bit differently everyone had a blast. Good job Hares.
Hope everyone got home safely, these long drives are a bitch.
Until next time, yes, I think I get one more next time.
-December 22, 2:00 PM HST. HARE: Yanksit. Jingle Balls Run, place to be announced, dig out those festive Christmas costumes.
-January 5, 2:00 PM HST. HARES: Salad Shooter, Sniffa and Kojak (maybe), It's a Capricorn
Birthday Run. Guess that means ya'll can cum in your birthday suit. More info later.
HOT TIP: If you don't own any Kimberly-Clark Corp. stock get some now. They make KLEENEX, and at the rate I am going thru this stuff the stock is gonna go like a rocket.
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#55 – Jingle Balls

22 Dec 01
Hares: Yanksit & Fireindahole
Location: Murdock's Bistro & Char Bar - Cocoa Village
On Dec 22nd the troops gathered at Murdock’s Bistro in Cocoa Village for the 55th BVDH3 Hash. We were a bit shy of folk as many had escaped the sands of Brevard county to visit family in far away places. Those that remained arrived in appropriate Santa caps, lights, beads, bells, horns and bangles (Secret Santa gifts tucked away under their arms).
At the time of arrival, we were met on the street by our GM Emeritus Kojak making the deliveries of our new BVD shirts and tanks. They look good and are a heavy weight made to last!
After a few rounds and holiday chatter, our hares Yanksit and Fireindahole offered an abbreviated chalk talk (chalk is over there, give us 5 minutes) and they were on out - BVD 2nd Analversary Jingle Balls had begun.
The hounds were split south and east following trail that all led to El Charro Mexican restaurant for our first beer stop. (Hell we should have had dinner, the joint smelled great). Fifteen minutes later the troops were on-out again this time through the village and onto Brevard Avenue to the Paradise Café. More beer and gawks from passers by at the 15-20 odd Santa’s swilling beer on the street. (Hide your eyes kids).
It is worthy of mention that just Marilyn entertained the hash with "Mini-Bike Bitch" to hash along as (Bike Bitch in Absentia). The poor fool was poked, iced, fed beer and sodomized sufficiently to do Bike Bitch proud. MBB is now part of the Huya (don’t touch it - those stains aren’t pretty).  Fu*kleberry retains the Huya until another hash.
The trail ended where it had begun back at Murdock’s back deck.  Bloody Ho ending up as FRB (yes, you heard it right). The circle gathered and down downs, drink, laughter, libation and much song compliments of The Original Ho.. Edgar Allen Ho himself. We had three virgins whose names escaped me and we welcomed visitors 9 Year Hard On and Chaps My Ass from Savannah.
When the accusations were complete, we welcomed the new mis-management to town, bid hashwell and thanks to the outgoing positions and our new Song Mistress I.F.H. led us in Swing Low.
Number 55 was a most excellent hash (thank you hares). We all drank, ate, sang and did the things that liberty and our American way of life afford us. As this year fades from sight and 2002 comes in like a lion, may you all have a safe and loving holiday!
"May the hash -and 2001- go in peace".
Suckulater (On-Sec)


"If You Have Half A Mind To Hash, That's All You Need!"